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Millennials nearing 40 are sharing their biggest mistakes so everyone can learn from them

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses.

millennials, regrets, millennial life lessons

via Pexels

Millennials are now old enough to seriously reflect on life.

It seems like only yesterday a millennial was a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, have hit their 40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves. The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 “what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?” and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.

They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It's tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

1.

"Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf." — Kusanagi8811

2.

"Not getting healthy earlier." — zombiearchivist

3.

"Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost." — Hrekires

4.

"Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else." — lenalilly227

5.

"Smoking and not dealing with my shit the right way." — Allenrw3

6.

"Pining after the wrong person." — runikepisteme

7.

"I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?" — guscallee

8.

"Take care of your fucking back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week." — GuyTallman

9.

"I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance." — CharlieChooper

10.

"I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30's. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess." — dartastic

11.

"I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action." — tomwaste

12.

"Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice." — MrDundee666

13.

"I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture." — Arkie_MTB

14.

"If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got." — PutAForkInHim

15.

"Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them." — ezZiioFTW

16.

"Not wearing sunscreen." — blueboxreddress

17.

"Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20's, and early 30's were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.

1.) Putting work first for too long. Work is my #1 priority during work hours now. After quitting time, I don't think about it (much) anymore. I don't vent to my wife or friends about it anymore either.

2.) Investing more into fast cars than solid long-term investments. Sure, it was fun, but I could have made bookoos more had I put that towards less-fun investments.

3.) Not using PTO and just waiting for the payout. All those years, missed. I'm in my mid 30's and I didn't actually have a real vacation until 3 years ago.

4.) Not realizing that "the good guy" often loses. Just because you're morally justified doesn't mean you're going to win. Just because there's a number to call doesn't mean anyone will actually help you. Just because "law" exists, doesn't mean people follow it, enforce it, or create justice. The world is dog eat dog and cynicism can be healthy in moderate doses." — [Deleted]

18.

"When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them." — mpssss22

19.

"I imagine these are kinda universal:

Not getting fit and healthy
Assuming I'd be offered proper guidance on how to achieve my goals
Assuming higher education would help me achieve my goals
Spending far too long caring what people think
Not taking risks that might better my life when I was younger and had nothing to lose
Staying in relationships too long after they were clearly done." — katapultperson

20.

"Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money." — SensibleReply

21.

"Spending too much time in front of a screen and not enough enjoying life." — BellaPadella

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Education

How to keep your mouth shut in conversations when you know you should really stay quiet

Most people never regret just staying silent.

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via Canva/Photos

A woman with her finger over her mouth.

It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.

argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

What is the WAIT method?

One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

How much should I talk in a meeting?

So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

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Education

Real people share 17 red flags that expose someone trying to appear wiser than they actually are

"Actually referring to oneself as 'smart' in general is often a good indicator too."

low intelligence, low iq, iq lower, signs of low intelligence, not smart, not very smart

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A man looks confused.

People who struggle with intellectual functioning, often described as having a low IQ, may also be considered to have low intelligence. Determining low intelligence is not always easy or obvious, so people on Reddit shared their thoughts on the signs that can indicate it.

One observant Redditor shared their insight, writing that a sign of low intelligence is "actually referring to oneself as 'smart' in general is often a good indicator too." The comment is an example of the Dunning–Kruger effect, first described in 1999 by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger, which found that people with lower IQs tend to overestimate their intelligence, while those with higher IQs often underestimate it.

"Those with limited knowledge in a domain suffer a dual burden: Not only do they reach mistaken conclusions and make regrettable errors, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it," the psychologists wrote, according to Psychology Today.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

17 signs of low intelligence, according to Redditors

"When presented with an statement that generalizes something, they will use an anecdote as a counterexample and think that it completely refutes the statement. Example: travelling in an airplane is generally safer than in a car. 'Actually that's not true, I know someone who died in an airplane crash.'" - Traditional_Rub_9828

"Refusal to learn, grow and change your views from evidence provided." - Userdataunavailable

"Confusing 'being loud' with 'being right.' The loudest person in the room is rarely the smartest." - Kernel_Slasher

"Actually referring to oneself as 'smart' in a general is often a good indicator too." - loku_gem

"Believing anything they see on social media." - Fabulous_Ady

"Lack of curiosity. Thinking they know it all." - Disastrous-Sky-8484

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Further than a lack of curiosity is never asking questions. It was something I heard about gorilla researchers who taught them sign language that in the years of gorilla sign language communications they never had a gorilla ask a question of a human. That simple process of recognizing you don't know/have something you want, understanding someone else likely does know what you want, and asking them actually takes a lot of brain power. Some parrots and exceptionally smart dogs can hit that threshold... And some very cognitively limited humans do not." - MildGenevaSuggestion

"They get annoyed by people who act curious, too. About anything. 'Why do you care?' 'Who cares?' Idk man, it's just interesting. Why shouldn't I care?" - Belle_Juive

"Not realizing that everything has nuances." - SecretHuckleberry720

"Refusing to consider they might be wrong." - Marry_Ennaria

"Not being able to understand or engage with hypotheticals. It is a meme online but that is actually a sign of low intelligence. Individuals with IQs under 90 often struggle with conditional hypotheticals—such as 'How would you feel if you hadn't eaten dinner?'—responding with factual rebuttals like 'But I did eat dinner.'" - Emergency-Resist-730

@baxate_carter
Even more low IQ traits from a year ago

"Severe impairment in metacognition - that is, a persistent inability to recognize one's own errors in thinking, monitor one's own reasoning, or adjust beliefs/behavior even when presented with clear contradictory evidence." - DiamondCalvesFan

"Ironically, Always having an answer. There is a lot of power in saying 'I don't know'." - Loose-Cicada5473, mattacular2001

"People who mock others instead of trying to understand them. Curiosity is usually a sign of intelligence." - cutiepie_00me

"Repeating the same mistakes and blaming everyone else." - Luckypiniece

"Bragging that you haven't read a book since high school." - tiger0204

"One move chess player. This is like an analogy to how some people think and act and vote. A good chess player is thinking 3 or more moves ahead. a bad one is playing one move ahead only. When people say things like 'Why should I pay school taxes if I don't have any kids!?' they are playing one move without thinking ahead. Better schools means a more educated populace means less crimes and more economic opportunity for your area, thus it benefits everyone whether they have kids or not." - ChickenMarsala4500

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Mental Health

Happiness researcher explains how making a 'reverse bucket list' can change your life

Counterintuitive in our culture, but effective.

arthur c. brooks, harvard, psychology, happiness research, bucket list

Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.

We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.

But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.

bucket list, wants, desires, goals, detachment Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy

Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."

As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.

"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."

Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.

"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."

The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).

"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."

What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Family

Dad makes painful but oh-so-relatable 'realization' about his toddler's first puddle splash

"You're officially a kid. You're no longer a baby."

parenting, toddlers, bittersweet , nostalgia, kids, viral tiktok, parenting content, raising kids

via @nickgorman0/TikTok, used with permission

A lighthearted moment turns bittersweet with a painful realization.

Parenting is full of bittersweet moments. Every milestone toward independence—walking, talking, the first day of school—marks the end of something precious and fleeting, a time when parents are their children's entire world. So while these firsts are, of course, joyful, it's completely natural for parents to feel a sense of grief.

One such moment happened recently for Nick Gorman while he was filming his daughter playing in a puddle for the first time.

The now-viral clip, posted to TikTok, seems lighthearted enough. Gorman encourages his little one to splash in the water, and when she does, he gushes, "You know what this means? You're officially a kid. You're no longer a baby."

The phrase clearly hit harder than Gorman thought it would, because in the caption he wrote, "Well that realization hurt."

@nick.gorman8 Didn’t realize what I’d said until I watched the video later on…woof! #kiddos #toddlersoftiktok #aww #kidsoftiktok #dad ♬ These Memories - Hollow Coves

It's a realization that's pretty darn universal, as indicated by the thousands of other parents who chimed in on the TikTok video with their own similarly wistful stories:

"Today I heard my daughter getting into the Pop-Tarts while I was doing the dishes and dried my hands waiting for the inevitable 'daddy will you open this?' And then minutes went by, and silence. Curious, I poked my head around the corner and saw her eating them happily. She saw me and announced that she did it herself. I was so proud. But I still move the box up another shelf because I am not ready to stop helping her."

"My daughter used to call ketchup 'dip dip.' One day I asked if she wanted dip dip and she said 'it's ketchup mom.' My heart broke."

See on Instagram

"My daughter used to hide from me when I'd get home from work. Came home expecting some elaborate hiding spot but she was just watching tv."

"One day I realized my babies quit calling me dada, and started saying daddy, and that was hard, but when I realized they had switched from daddy to dad that one had me in tears."

Experts seem to agree that when it comes to navigating these closing chapters, parents should permit themselves to feel whatever conflicting emotions arise and remember that it's a natural part of the process.

It's also important to remember that good things are still on the horizon. Every season brings its own special gifts and cherished memories. Even when kids finally leave the house to start their own adult lives, arguably the most bittersweet transition of all, parents are given the chance to explore other aspects of their identity that may have gone dormant during the more active days of parenthood.

Even Gorman seems to have recognized that his realization isn't entirely painful. In an interview with Newsweek, he shared, "While it's sad she's growing up, and we're already seeing our time with her pass, it's exciting at the same time to see her grow and experience new things—which is why I wanted to become a parent in the first place."

@nick.gorman8 Not ready for that…#dadsoftiktok #sad #notready #ironic #kids ♬ snowfall - Øneheart & reidenshi

Nobody becomes a parent expecting things to become simpler. But most would argue that the trade-off is beyond worth it. And stories like these can remind parents that they're not alone in whatever feelings they're experiencing.

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Health

Researchers tested 6 brands of bottled water against tap water, and there was a clear winner

New technology allowed them to analyze the water in ways they never could before.

water, workout, sweat, towell, woman at gym, bottled water, thirst

via Canva/Photos

A woman drinking bottled water after a workout.

Ever since bottled water became popular in the 1990s, there has been a vigorous debate over whether it's healthier to drink bottled water or tap water. Bottled-water aficionados often claim it's purer than tap water because it's traditionally marketed as being "from the source" or having come from an untouched stream. That has to be cleaner than water that reaches your home after traveling from God-knows-where through city pipes, right?

What many people don't realize is that bottled water isn't regulated as stringently as tap water. Tap water is overseen by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), which requires more frequent testing and stricter disinfection standards. Bottled water is regulated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) as a food product.

Tap water found to have fewer microplastics than bottled water

A recent study from The Ohio State University (OSU) delivered another big victory for Team Tap, finding that after testing six brands of bottled water against tap water from four water treatment plants, bottled water contained more than three times as many microplastics as tap water. The big problem is that plastic bottles can shed tiny plastic particles, smaller than a speck of dust, into the water when temperatures change, the cap is removed, or the bottle tumbles around in a purse or the back seat of a car.

tap water, kitchen water, boy drinking, thirsty boy, kitchen sink A boy drinking from the kitchen sink.via Canva/Photos

The tests revealed that the amount of microplastics in bottled water ranged from 2.6 to 11.5 million particles per liter, while tap water ranged from 1.6 to 2.6 million particles per liter. In the best-case scenario, tap water contains similar levels of microplastics, but in the worst-case scenario, bottled water contains more than seven times as many.

The researchers were surprised by their findings because nanoplastics are so small that they've been hard to quantify in the past.

"This lack of knowledge primarily reflects limitations in the methods to isolate and analyze the nanoplastics," said Megan Jamison Hart, a PhD candidate at OSU and the study's lead researcher. "In this study, we developed and validated a novel method for isolating MNPs [micro- and nanoplastics], allowing for the determination of their concentrations using scanning electron microscopy and identification using optical photothermal infrared spectroscopy (OPTIR)."

Are microplastics harmful to humans?

Much more research on microplastics is needed to determine their potential harm to humans. Studies have linked microplastics to impaired immune function, increased inflammation, and cellular damage in animals. Researchers believe that larger nanoplastics pass through the digestive tract and are eventually excreted. Smaller nanoplastics, however, may move into human tissues and even enter the brain.

"While we don't really fully understand the human health risks associated with nanoplastic exposure, it's still better to try and mitigate that risk because evidence indicates that they do cause problems, even if we're not fully aware of what those are yet," said Hart.

water bottle, plastic, thirsday woman, woman workout, workout clothes, A woman drinking out of a plastic water bottle. via Canva/Photos

Given that scientists have yet to determine the harm that micro- and nanoplastics can cause in our bodies, they believe it's best to avoid them as much as possible.

"We can make educated choices to try and reduce our daily exposure to these harmful chemicals," said Hart. "For the average person who is thirsty and wants a drink, the best way to do that would be drinking it straight out of the tap rather than grabbing pre-bottled water."

Hart told StudyFinds that the best thing to do is ditch bottled water and instead drink filtered tap water from a reusable metal bottle.

"This has definitely changed my own drinking habits," she said. "I was primarily a tap water drinker before, knowing that disposable bottles were bad for the environment, but this is something I am even more adamant about now, and I swapped my reusable plastic bottle for a reusable metal one."

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