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It's really difficult for him to blend in, so he doesn't anymore.

Here's what it looks like when you truly embrace who you are.

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The Atlantic Philanthropies

Dipped in white paint, Umlilo is wearing a long, flowered skirt.

His hair is swept up by bandages covering his face, accented by blue and green makeup.


"How I dress and how I like to do my hair — a lot of things seem to not reflect exactly what everybody else expects."

The musician makes no apologies for his unconventional appearance in his music video "Magic Man."

He describes the song as "a personal story of me traveling through life and trying to figure out where I fit in. ... I'm constantly aware of being this young, queer, black South African." His lyrics dive deeper into his message:

“Live in a world where you're either man or woman,

black or white, Christian or heathen.

The roadway you're supposed to walk morally,

how bright with your beliefs intact.

Then comes the oppressor with his artifacts,

when someone who's never fitted in.

I always look beyond that road.

It ain't easy being him."

In a place where being openly gay and/or transgender is considered "un-African" and could possibly get you killed, despite protection from the South African constitution, Umlilo uses music as a personal tool for freedom. He enjoys playing with the strict perceptions people have around gender roles and bending them until they break.


So he doesn't.

Umlilo stands out and stands up for LGBTQQ rights through his music. Once people are drawn in by his striking appearance, he talks to them about what really matters.

"People's lives are at stake. I think we're finding ourselves in the same conundrum as we did with fighting for black pride. Now, it's who you love and your sexuality. ... If people make that connection, they can see the humanity in it."

Because of Umlilo's bold voice, some media outlets are already calling him a brand ambassador for South African LGBTQQ youth.

Vice's Noisey says:

Umlilo "is a shining queer voice from a continent often mired in homophobia. ... He's a singer whose art is activism, without getting in your face about it."

Africa is a Country adds:

"His presence is demonstrating that there can be space in urban South African youth culture for an open embrace of queer/trans aesthetics, despite the challenges that those communities face in daily life."

While these words are undoubtedly cool, Umlilo says that he's not necessarily the mouthpiece for all LGBTQQ youth of color. He's just sharing his story, hoping to incite change.

"I've been brave enough with this one to be able to write about me and turn the focus onto the personal rather than any kind of larger scale."

By sharing his perspective, he hopes to raise more awareness about the need for equal treatment for LGBTQQ people globally.

To hear more from Umlilo, check out this clip from "Magic Man."

Bri James and her messy (not dirty) home.

It’s hard to keep your home clean when you have a child, but when you have four, unless you have a live-in maid, it’s completely impossible. There is no dishwasher fast enough to keep up with the dishes in the sink and no magical point where all four children have it together enough to put their toys away.

The problem is that if you take your eyes off the prize and let a day go by without cleaning up, you’re practically drowning in chaos.

TikTok user and stay-at-home mom Bri James (aka @themessymama4) did the unthinkable and let her home go four days without tidying up and shared the incredible mess with everyone on TikTok.


"I know I'm going to get roasted," she says in the clip, "but ... this is what happens when two really lazy adults have four kids and don't clean up after themselves."

The clip shows cutlery on the floor, empty packets everywhere, dishes piled a mile-high in the sink, and clothes and toys strewn everywhere. The house looks like the parents went away on a permanent vacation and left their kids to fend for themselves.

The video was praised by a lot of parents who are tired of seeing mommy influencers with spotless homes and children in matching linen outfits. Finally, there was a mom on TikTok they could relate to.

"I'd MUCH rather see you clean your realistic house than watch another blonde clean an already clean countertop," Meghan Sanders wrote.

TikTokker Its_not_that_serious put things in perfect perspective. "Dude, at the end of the day all of their fingers and toes are attached and feeling safe and loved you’re doing fine. Someday the house will be clean," they wrote.

"Having children is mentally and physically exhausting and you don’t always have the energy to clean every day," Rose added.

But not everyone appreciated Bri's slice of reality. Some people thought that her messiness was borderline neglectful and that she was setting a terrible example for her children.

"Set a good example for your kids. Make them help," carleebocciaa wrote.

"Without children = fine, your choice. With children (especially small ones) = completely unacceptable," ACZOgirly wrote.

Shortly after posting her first video, Bri got to work on the impossible task of cleaning up the entire house. Noticeably absent from the job were her spouse and four children. She appears to clean the entire place by herself.

She showed her cleaning prowess through a series of fast-motion videos.

@themessymama4

my butt does not look flattering in these Walmart lounge pants 🤦🏼‍♀️😅

Finally, at 9:30 p.m., Bri was done with most of the job, although she still had a bit of vacuuming to do and there were still some dishes in the sink. At the end of the job, she was exhausted. But she got the job done and that’s all that matters. It’s OK to let your house fall into disarray from time to time but eventually, you have to take care of business.

@themessymama4

I'm going to bed now. 🤣🥱😴

We’ll give TikTokker Sannon Martin the final word on this story because she hits the nail on the head. “Your home is exactly like mine,” she wrote. “Some days it’s a wreck and some days it looks amazing. That’s life. You’re doing great!”


This article originally appeared on 03.05.22

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