I didn't respect my dad's job as a janitor. This is what I would tell him now.
Today she's proud to be a janitor's daughter, but she didn't always feel that way.
Argelia is a 39-year-old Mexican-American mom of two. She works as a training coordinator in Los Angeles, has a great family, and is known to wake up with a smile every day.
She gives a lot of credit to her late dad, Angel, though, who taught her the value of hard work and sacrifice. Her only regret is it took her a while to realize what he provided for his family. This is her story as told to Upworthy.
All photos provided by Argelia, used with permission.
Dear Dad,
Parents often say to their children, "You'll understand when you have kids." I never got that before, but now, in my case, I feel like that's very true.
Only a parent can understand the sacrifice you made to leave my mom, me sister, and me in Mexico to come work in the United States. As a 2-year-old, I didn't understand why you weren't with us. You were that faraway mystery — "my dad" — the wonderfully sweet man who would call me before bedtime to say, "good night."
I remember standing in my mom's room around all of your clothes asking: "Do you think he misses me? Do you think he likes me?" I thought about you all the time. You were a larger-than-life hero in my mind.
Two years later, when we finally moved to the United States to be with you, I found out that you were everything I had imagined, and many things I had not.
A young Argelia spending some quality time with her dad.
I didn't understand why you were always working. You left for work every day as soon as I got home from school and returned after I was already asleep. You even worked on weekends. To me, you were still the mystery that I thought about so often while in Mexico.
But instead of trying to figure you out, I just went with the flow. Being from another country, I focused on fitting in with everyone else instead, and that went on for a few years. But things got real once my classmates started sharing what their parents did for a living.
"My dad is a doctor," one said.
"My parents own a business," another said.
That's when I went home and asked you what you did for a living, and you told me that you were a janitor at a hospital. I was devastated.
Angel enjoying some rare downtime at work.
I heard how the kids joked with each other at my school by saying, "You're going to grow up and be a janitor."
As if that was the worst thing a person could become.
At that point, I realized there was absolutely no way I was going to tell my friends that my dad was a janitor. I avoided the subject for as long as I could before I finally created the lie that you were a scientist. My friends were impressed, but they had no idea how empty I felt inside.
It wasn't until high school that I started caring less about the opinions of others and more about the great man you were.
Finally Argelia learned to understand her dad.
I learned that many of the same classmates, with dads who were doctors and lawyers, told stories of how these men verbally and physically abused them, abandoned them, and ignored them.
What is a parent's love, anyway? In my heart, I learned that it meant sacrifice, hard work, patience, and knowing that you would do anything for our family.
For so long, I didn't give you credit for being the man you were and for all of the things you did for us — without fanfare, without complaint, and without rest. You did these things to establish yourself in this country, to find a home in a nice neighborhood so that my sister and I could have a good education and pursue our own dreams.
But by the time I realized all of this, you were gone.
Three months before I turned 18 and one year before I became an American citizen, you died after a tragic accident. You weren't there to witness everything you had hoped for me coming to fruition.
Now, I work in the same hospital that you worked in so tirelessly for all those years.
I walk the halls and wonder if some of the faces I see were faces you saw. Because of that, I always make sure to smile and say hello to everyone — from the friendly people to the ones who just walk by without giving me a second glance. I do it because I know that's what you would've wanted.
I've never forgotten the lessons you taught me — lessons you probably had no idea you were teaching me.
Those lessons changed my life.
Argelia with her two kids, Natalia and Sebastian.
When I became a mom, I promised myself that I would pass on those lessons to my kids.
Hard work, humility, and most importantly, to place more value on a person's heart instead of their clothes, their houses, their cars, or their job titles.
Speaking of job titles, todayI am proud to say that I'm the daughter of a janitor because you embodied everything that I know to be good in this world.
When my daughter graduates from high school this June, Dad, you will be in my heart, and I will take immense pride in knowing that the lessons you taught me are alive in a new generation.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.