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I asked 2 experts what I should know about money and happiness. This is what they said.

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TD Ameritrade

It has long been said that "money doesn't buy happiness."

Then again, it's also been said that money does buy a WaveRunner, and it's impossible to be sad while on a WaveRunner.

GIF via "The Meredith Vieira Show."

But figuratively speaking, could buying a WaveRunner possibly result in happiness?

No one denies that buying things can feel good. But is there a difference between buying things that make us happy and actually buying happiness?

What are the most important things we should know about the relationship between the things we buy and our emotional well-being?

Hoping to get some answers, I spoke with two experts: Gretchen Rubin, author of the New York Times bestseller "The Happiness Project" and host of the podcast "Happier With Gretchen Rubin,"and Jean Chatzky, author of "The 10 Commandments of Financial Happiness," financial editor of NBC's "Today" show, and host of the podcast "HerMoney."

1. Correlation isn't causation.

Image via iStock.


An influx of cash may alleviate some of your worries in the short term (mainly because it frees you from having to worry about money), but it won't do much to improve your general state of happiness in the long term unless you are doing the right things with it.

"If you're trying to decide whether or not to spend your money, anything that deepens or broadens relationships is probably a good idea," says Rubin.

"Should you go to your college reunion or spend that money going to a friend's wedding? Yes, because that's going to make you happier than a new pair of boots."

2. There is a ceiling.

Image via iStock.

"Once you have enough money to live comfortably, to get yourself a place to live, a car to take you back and forth to work, and enjoy yourself once in a while, more money beyond that isn't shown to measurably increase happiness," says Chatsky.

Is that really true? According to a Nobel Prize-winning study by Princeton University, the answer is yes!

Princeton's research team polled nearly a half-million Americans about their daily mood and income and found that lower income is associated with lower emotional well-being. They also found that the ceiling tends to top out at around an annual household income of $75,000 in most parts of the world. The researchers hypothesized that threshold could be the level at which people have enough money to spend time with people they like, keep themselves healthy, and enjoy leisure time.

3. It's all relative.

Image via iStock.

According to the UN's annual World Happiness Report, the happiest country in the world last year was Denmark, which somehow achieved this despite not even landing in the top 10 countries with the highest per-capita GDP or annual income.

This might be due to the fact that the reference point for what exactly is considered "wealthy" in countries like Denmark tends to be lower across the board than here in America, according to Chatzky.

Isn't it true that when we see the new car in our neighbor's driveway or the photos of our coworker's vacation in Bali, the inherently competitive part of our personalities comes out? It seems to place that desire for more above the things we as individuals actually require to be happy.

"You can't just assume that this experience or this project will increase my happiness because everybody talks about how great it is. You have to think about what's true for you."

"What tends to matter more than the actual numbers are whether you tend to have more or less than the person in the next office or the family down the block," says Chatzky.

"It's very easy to just go along with what 'everybody says,'" echoes Rubin.

"Everybody says it's fun to go out drinking. Everybody says it's fun to go skiing, but do you really enjoy that? I've heard from so many people who were like, 'You know, when I really stopped and thought about it, I realized I was doing all this stuff because I was just going along.' You can't just assume that this experience or this project will increase my happiness because everybody talks about how great it is. You have to think about what's true for you."

4. Control is key.

Image via iStock.

"What I learned from years of research is that what you have is not nearly as important as how much control you have over the money you have," says Chatzky.

Some of us can do more to achieve happiness with $30 than others can with $3,000, and it all relates back to the ways in which we are spending it.

"Money is like health. When we don't have it, it really affects us in the negative, but when we do have it, it's easy to take it for granted."

With today's technology, it's become more complex than ever. One-click shopping sites that automatically store your credit card information may be convenient, but they have also fueled our tendencies to spend money on "impulse buys" that we later regret.

"Money is like health. When we don't have it, it really affects us in the negative, but when we do have it, it's easy to take it for granted," says Rubin.

Indeed, the effect that poor money management can have on our happiness is similar to the effects a poor diet can have on our health. We know that a direct correlation between the two exists, but we often avoid it because we are convinced it's too late to change our ways.

Speaking of which...

5. Developing habits is also key.

Image via iStock.

Human beings have always been creatures of habit, yet we usually only tend to acknowledge this phenomenon when discussing the habits that negatively influence our lives. The truth, however, is that it's just as possible for us to develop positive spending habits in order to better our emotional well-being.

There are many attainable goals that will directly influence your levels of happiness, according to both Chatzky and Grubin. They suggest small things like regularly monitoring your spending habits, automatically deducting 5% of your paycheck into a savings account, or paying your bills as they come in instead of all at once.

"Anything that's convenient, you're more likely to do," mentions Grubin. "Automatic savings requires no effort. If you're shopping, shop with a basket, not with a cart. The more inconvenient it is to carry that stuff around, the less likely you are to buy it."

You see, laziness can be used for good after all! (*turns on television*) (*binge-watches 10 straight "30 Rock" episodes*)

6. Know yourself.

Image via iStock.

Are you more likely to spend money with a credit card or with cash? Do you really need that expensive coffee on the way to work each day, or the biweekly trips to the tanning booth?

"Getting on a path so that you know where you want to go, and that there are benchmarks between you and that goal for you to knock down ... to know that you're making progress is one of the easiest ways to make yourself happy."

You are the only person who can make the changes necessary to ensure your happiness, and the first step in doing so is acknowledging the impact that money has on it and taking the correct measures to improve the relationship between the two.

"Getting on a path so that you know where you want to go, and that there are benchmarks between you and that goal for you to knock down ... to know that you're making progress is one of the easiest ways to make yourself happy," says Chatzky.

"The thing about money is that it really pulls us down more than it lifts us up," adds Rubin. "It's important to cultivate a gratitude for when you do have enough money, because if you're not worrying about it, you don't realize what a huge role it plays."

It all boils down to making sure you are truly investing in your happiness, not just trying to buy it.

It's all about balance. So, whether it's that new pair of boots, that definitive collection of Biggie's greatest hits, or that annual ski trip in Aspen — if it's serving you, then it's good to spend! But before you do, just make sure you can still afford the mortgage payment or that unexpected blown tire when you get back.

Money may never be able to buy happiness in and of itself, but it can help provide you with the stability that makes happiness a much more attainable goal.

Maybe not a "bulldog in sunglasses riding a WaveRunner" level of happiness, but happiness nonetheless.

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Community

An entrepreneurial Ph.D candidate sheds light on how technology helps her grow her small business

https://www.pitasplanters.com

Pita and David in front of their mobile plant shop

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If there is a positive connection between mental health and caring for plants, Lupita Ríos is determined to make it her life’s work to share it with the world.

Ríos owns Dallas-based Pita’s Planters, a small business offering handmade planters, vases, art, bouquet preservation. Her love of vegetation can be traced back to where she spent her childhood—in the jungles of Guatemala—but it wasn’t until Ríos began struggling with panic attacks after college that she realized how healing plants can be.

During a particularly anxious period in her life, the only thing that brought her comfort was a plant she’d inherited from a co-worker. “Every day I would come into work and see some new growth or a new little leaf, and I would just feel so excited … it was like this little seed of light for me during a time when I was not feeling much joy,” said Ríos.

Pita in her plant shop https://www.pitasplanters.com

So she did what made sense: she kept growing plants, eventually learning how to create pots from recycled materials. During the pandemic, she and her husband opened a mobile plant store, which allowed her to share her passion with people in the community. What began as a meditative hobby quickly turned into a booming business, and Ríos, who is also working towards a Ph.D in Neuroscience, found herself overwhelmed with the things that come with being a small business owner (like keeping up with voice messages!).

“I learn as I go,” said Ríos, mentioning that one of the rookie decisions she made as a first-time business owner was to list her cell phone number under the business as the official contact number. “I quickly learned that was not a good idea! I got calls from customers left and right because the business grew so quickly.”

A friend suggested leveraging technology to keep Ríos’ sanity intact. She enrolled in Verizon Small Business Digital Ready, a free online program that offers small businesses nationwide access to over 50 expert courses and grant funding opportunities. The program includes resources created by small business owners for small business owners, covering topics such as marketing, financial planning, social media management, and more. For Ríos, this was the answer to juggling school and business without dropping any balls while the business continues to grow.

Taking control of her mobile plan was the first step in streamlining—and leveling up!—the business. Verizon’s My Biz Plan allowed her select and pay for only what she needed the One Talk App allowed her to reclaim her cell phone for personal use, and Verizon Business Assistant, a GenAI-powered text messaging solution , has been an enormous time-saver. Verizon Business’ 2025 State of Small Business Survey revealed 38% of SMBs are currently using AI–Lupita is one of many using it to help. Instead of spending precious time replying to every DM inquiring about the hours of her shop or troubleshooting a repotted plant’s wilting leaves, business owners like Ríos can set up, customize, and train a virtual assistant to field these questions.

“I didn't even realize I needed this in my life, but Verizon was like, we work with a lot of small businesses and we have a lot of tools that help set your business up so that I can focus on the products, on the marketing, on everything else. And I know that Verizon's got me covered in other ways where I don't have to think about it so much. It is so nice to have someone looking out for you and saying, ‘Yeah, you're busy. We got you covered here. We can take care of this."’

Verizon is committed to reaching one million small businesses with the resources they need to be successful by 2030—with over 450,000 small businesses like Pita’s Planters already using Digital Ready to help their businesses thrive.

Pita and David at their brick and mortar shophttps://www.pitasplanters.com

As for Ríos’ plans for after she receives her doctorate in Neuroscience? She wants to become a professor and continue growing her plant business.“Honestly, there’s nothing quite like having someone walk in who says they’ve never owned a plant before,” said Ríos. “Let me start your plant journey…within a few weeks, you’ll have a jungle in your house.”

Do you own a small business? Verizon offers over $1M in small business grants every year! Complete an application for the Verizon Small Business Digital Readyportal between May 1, 2025, and 11:59 pm PT on June 30, 2025, to be eligible for the application process for a $10,000 grant consideration.

Education

Simple '30-second rule' can help you win every conversation, even if you're a little awkward

You only have to remember one thing.

via Canva/Photos

A man and two women having a fun conversation.

Babbel's Biggest Sale of the Year: Get 65% off for Memorial Day!


There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.

conversation, fun office, men and woman, funny conversation, jokes, levityA group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

date, conversation, laughs, jokes, salads, dinner, restaurant, cafeA man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

encouragement, poeple in blue shirts, luaghs, my bad, smiles, supportive peopleA man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

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Pets

This couple has the clingiest cat on Earth and people can't get enough of his cute demands

There are clingy cats—and then there's Chase.

@dontstopmeowing/TikTok

Chase might just be the clingiest cat ever.

Cats are quirky. We all know this.

Those of us who have had multiple cats throughout our lives know that some cats are quirkier than others. Maybe they like to sleep with their face in a shoe (true story). Maybe they won't stop tearing into bags of Styrofoam packing peanuts and eating them, necessitating a shipping business to switch to cornstarch-based packaging (also true story). Maybe they can catch a crumpled-up piece of paper you toss into the air with their paws and bring it to you in their mouth like a dog playing fetch (awww, I miss that cat).

Or maybe their unique quirk is that they have to be Velcroed to someone's body every minute of every day. That's Chase the cat in a nutshell—super sweet, but super clingy.

Chase belongs to Kareem and Fifi of the TikTok channel @dontstopmeowing. The couple have become Internet famous for their three very chill cats. Their "spaw day" videos showing how their cats—Chase, Skye, and Millie—get pampered went viral in 2021, and they've gained a huge following sharing life with their cats.

All three are adorable, but Chase—oh, Chase is a special one. I've seen some clingy cats before, but nothing like this.

Watch:

@dontstopmeowing

Same Cat, Diff Day #fyp #foryou #foryoupage


Literally clingy, as in "won't stop clinging to the human." How many cats like to be carried around like a baby? Not many, I'd guess.

@dontstopmeowing

Not exactly your average kitty #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

When Chase wants Mommy, Chase wants Mommy.


@dontstopmeowing

Where did he learn to be so clingy? 😭 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage


Of course, Chase doesn't always want Mommy. Sometimes it's Daddy's turn for all the lovin'.


@dontstopmeowing

😔💔 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage


Fifi shares videos of her attempting to train the clinginess out of Chase, which are hilarious. This one has been viewed 57 million times.


@dontstopmeowing

This is why he rips my clothes 😭 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage


She even dubbed the viral audio of a toddler video—"I just a baby!"—that fits perfectly with Chase's hug-happy antics.

@dontstopmeowing

He really thinks he’s a baby #fyp #foryou #foryoupage


Oh, Chase. You're just too much.

@dontstopmeowing

I can’t stop laughing 😭 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage


And just because it's so dang cute, check out this video of Chase meeting a baby for the first time. (Warning: Wicked adorable baby giggles incoming. Hold onto your ovaries if you have 'em.)

@dontstopmeowing

Who’s reaction was your favorite? #fyp #foryou #foryoupage


It's a good thing Chase got on with the baby so well, because the couple welcomed their first (human) baby, Taj, in January 2024 and Chase certainly had a hard time adjusting.


@dontstopmeowing

That guilty face at the end..#fyp #forypu #foryoupage


But today, it looks like Kareem, Fifi, Taj, Chase, Skye, and Millie are all one big happy family.


@dontstopmeowing

Not him parking his car 😭 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage


Keep up with the family on their TikTok and YouTube.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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Family

People applaud brother for 'blowing up at sister' over the name she chose for her baby

"I told her that the name was completely unacceptable, and I was shocked that she chose it."

via Canva/Photos

A brother and sister in a disagreement.

The name your parents choose for you can significantly impact your life. Whether it’s how you’re treated in school and by peers, your professional prospects, or how well you do in the dating arena. A name is nothing to joke about. That’s why an uncle-to-be is mad at his sister. He thinks she isn’t taking naming her unborn daughter seriously and fears it will have dire consequences for the girl in the future.

What started as a funny joke between the brother (a biology student) and his sister (a nurse) has become a bone of contention between the siblings. It all started when the brother sent his sister a humorous list of potential names for his niece based on medical terms.

“I knew she was struggling, so in addition to the $900 wooden crib on her list that I got for her, I gave her a list of (obviously) joke baby names. We have a really close relationship, and it was in line with both our senses of humor,” the brother wrote on Reddit's AITA forum.

“She's a nurse, and I'm a biology student, so all the names were medications, infections, unpleasant animals, etc., that all sound like lovely girls' names out of context,” he continued. “Some of them were a little bit obscure, sure, but I included some obvious ones like ‘Viagra’ and ‘Hernia’ for good measure.

baby, newborn, baby name, baby crib, sleeping baby, birth, A newborn baby sleeping.via Canva/Photos

The problem was that the sister liked one of the names and plans on giving it to her daughter. “Malassezia. The baby's name is Malassezia. One of the names on my joke list. Outside of the immediate issues (nearly impossible to pronounce on the first try, the ‘ass’ smack dab it the middle of it, the first syllable being mal-, literally meaning bad or evil), it's also the name of a very common fungal infection,” he wrote. “One that my sister and I are both genetically predisposed to. One that we've both had multiple times throughout our lives. Her daughter will almost certainly catch it at some time!” The brother told his sister that the name is “completely unacceptable.”

What is Malassezia?

According to the Cleveland Clinic, Malassezia occurs when “yeast that occurs as part of your skin’s natural flora multiplies and infects the hair follicles,” the website reads. “The condition causes itchy pimples to form on your face, scalp and upper body. Healthcare providers treat this fungal infection with topical and systemic antifungal medications.”

The mother completely understands the downside of the name but insists that “it's so obscure that no one will ever think twice about it.” The mother-to-be simply likes the sound of the name. Unsure of what to do, the brother posted the story on Reddit to see if he was in the wrong.

birth certificate, baby name, baby footprint, baby hospital, doctorA doctor taking the baby's footprint.via Canva/Photos

The vast majority of the commenters thought he was totally right to demand the baby’s name be changed.

"I share your frustration, and you're looking out for your niece. While your sis is right that it's her parental right, you're not stepping out of line -- you're family and you're cautioning her,” one commenter wrote. "Tell [the father] so he can veto it,” another commenter added. “Also, how is your sister not thinking about the embarrassment that is going to come with this name? The doctors at every baby appointment will know. I wouldn't be surprised if doctors and nurses giggle when they see her chart. And when she's in school, kids will likely find out what her name means and bully her. Tell your sister to think about her daughter's future. She's thinking too much about her feelings and not thinking about her daughter who would have to live with that name."

One commenter broke the name into chunks and found it has multiple meanings. “Mal = bad + ass = bad ass. So we have the nickname. Now Ezia - Hebrew for elegance? e-Zia as in electronic aunt (Italian?) or electric cottage/home/campervan (Pueblo?),” they wrote.

The only people who thought the brother was wrong were those who believed his sister was pulling a fast one on him. “You gave a joke name list and seem unable to tell she's joking back,” they wrote.

Ultimately, just about everyone agrees that the brother was right to speak up. Names matter, and kids have to live with them their entire lives. Hopefully, his sister takes the hint before her daughter has a name better suited to a microscope slide than a birth certificate.

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Joy

Woman befriends spider living in her mobile home and even builds it a tiny house

It became an eight-legged member of the family 🕷️💗

Photo credit: Canva

Hard to be scared of little ol' Sprout.

Charlotte’s Web did a lot for giving humanity more compassion towards our arachnid companions, but let’s face it—many, if not most people would still shy away from a spider if it was spotted in their own home. Maybe the better among us would do the whole catch and release bit, but a rare few would go so far as to actually befriend them.

But Allison Bracken is one of those rare few. In a video shared by The Dodo, Bracken— who used to be afraid of spiders, no less—recalled how a bold jumping spider named Sprout became an eighth-legged member of the family.

Sprout ventured into Bracken’s home (a refurbished school bus) one day, and over the course of several months, their relationship grew. Her routine normally consists of watching Bracken mist the plants in the morning, hunting for bugs, then climbing up onto the ceiling and disappearing for the rest of the day, always to be found the following day in the garden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

To make Sprout feel even more at home, Bracken and her husband created a tiny, spider-sized home from Sprout to stay warm in the winter, including miniature replicas of the books that she loves cozying up to to sleep.

However, there was a scary period where Sprout went missing for weeks. This was especially worrying since the Bracken family had grown so attached. But thankfully Little Miss Disappearing Spider did, in fact, come back to enjoy her tiny nook.

This disappearing act was likely linked to molting, which occurs between six and nine times throughout a jumping spider’s lifespan. Shedding is gradual and usually occurs in three main stages: pre-shedding, the molting itself, and post-shedding. Even after the old exoskeleton is discarded, it takes about a week for the new skin to become a hard armor once again. So it makes sense that Sprout would want to be extra isolated while so vulnerable. Still, she knew a safe home was waiting for her.

“I actually cried when I saw her,” Bracken told the Dodo. “I never thought we’d grow so attached to such a tiny creature. She’s brought us so much joy and has truly helped us to understand and appreciate spiders.”

While jumping spiders aren’t the most traditional choice of pet, they are fairly predisposed for it, given their high intelligence (they even enter REM dream-like states when they sleep!) and love for interaction. Plus, jumping spiders can bite, but their bites are generally mild and not considered dangerous to humans, and usually only bite when they feel threatened or in danger of being squashed. Which, I mean, same.

They do not need exercise, however, as well as adequate space with plenty of nooks and crannies to nestle themselves in, though a handmade miniature bookshelf like the one Bracken made isn’t necessary.

This story is not only a testament to just how loveable spiders can be, but how the human heart has an astounding ability to form bonds with creatures of all shapes and sizes, especially when we move past our inherent fears. Certainly this isn’t a call to instantly make the next spider you see a pet, but it is an invitation to reexamine what’s possible.

Follow along on more of Bracken and Sprout’s adventures over on Instagram.





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Mental Health

The art of the mature break-up: Best and worst practices for ending a relationship

How you tell someone it's over makes a huge difference.

Photo credit: Canva

It's rarely easy to end a relationship.

Every romantic relationship starts with hope and promise, but the reality is most relationships don't work out in the long run. Breaking up is hard to do, no matter who you are or how long you've been with a partner, but there are better and worse ways to go about letting someone go.

If a relationship ends dramatically because of some kind of abuse or betrayal, that's one thing. Ending things because they're just not working out or you're just not feeling it is another. And in some ways, the latter is harder because you probably genuinely care about the person and don't have the extreme negative emotions of the former situation to help you make a clean break.

breaking up, ending a relationship, how to leave someone Breaking up is rarely easy, but there are methods that make it harder.Photo credit: Canva

On the flip side, being dumped really sucks. But how you get dumped can have a huge impact on your life, from the pain you carry to the way you see yourself to your readiness to take a chance on love again.

A video from The School of Life shares some best and worst practices for breaking up with someone and it's something everyone should learn. It begins with a profoundly true statement.

"The intensity and suffering exacted by a heartbreak depends not only on the core fact that we’ve been left. It also decisively depends on how we’ve been left. Our hurt can be hugely intensified when we’ve been left badly, just as it may be rendered a great deal more bearable when we are fortunate enough to have landed on a lover who has learned the psychologically-rich art of mature break-ups."

What does that "psychologically-rich art" entail? It might help to start with what it shouldn't entail. Here are four things that make a break-up harder than it needs to be:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

1. Lingering

Life is too short to stay in a relationship that isn't working and you're not doing your soon-to-be-ex any favors by waiting to end it. "As soon as the decision is taken, a courageous lover will not dither out of a misplaced desire not to upset pre-existing plans," the video states. "They know they must leave. They are ruining things, of course, but they can see that the holiday or restaurant meal would in any case be doomed – and they are kind enough to know not to waste any more of our precious time." Don't wait and don't linger.

2. Collateral Accusations

"A wise departing lover knows not to accuse the other of more sins than they are guilty of," the video continues. That means keeping the voicing of your partner's faults narrowed down to what's necessary for the break-up and nothing more. Listing everything wrong with the other person or blaming them for your discontent in other areas of life isn't necessary. They're already going to feel bad; no need to pile on.

breaking up, ending a relationship, telling someone it's overDon't be overly nice, but don't give them a list of all their faults, either. Photo credit: Canva

3. Deceptive Niceness

It's hard for nice people who don't want to hurt others to break up with a partner, but being too nice isn't actually kind, it's confusing. "The most harmful lovers are those who labor under a misplaced impression that they need to be nice, even when they are firing us," says the video. "But there is, in fact, no need for honeyed words. We simply require the basic information and then some privacy to put ourselves back together again."

4. Evasiveness

Ever seen a person suddenly start displaying unhealthy behaviors in a relationship—drinking too much, neglecting their partner, speaking strangely about relationships—because they actually want out? "Clumsy lovers are so scared of the news they have to share with us, they can't bear to come out with – and therefore let it seep out in odd, symptomatic ways," the video states. The goal is to get the other person to break it off rather than initiating it themselves. Not cool.

drinking, bar, drunk, evasivenessEvading your partner by becoming someone they don't want to be with is not the way to end things.Photo credit: Canva

Those are some things to avoid when breaking up with someone. On the other hand, here are some do's to balance out the don'ts.

1. Directness

"Kind departing lovers make a sharp break," the video declares. "Once they’ve decided, they move swiftly to letting us know." There's no lingering. No hints or hopes of reconciliation. It probably feels brutal in the moment, but in the long run, the direct approach is the kindest.

2. Reasons

Without dragging out every complaint about the other person, it's important to give them solid reasons you're ending the relationship. This can be done without directly blaming them, such as explaining ways that your personalities don't make a good fit for a long-term partnership or how you have divergent values that aren't conducive to a peaceful future. Just don't leave them wondering why you left.

breaking up, ending a relationship, being honestThere are ways to break up with someone that makes things easier for them in the long run.Photo credit: Canva

3. Self-honesty

"Nice departing lovers let us see and actively remind us of what’s not so nice or good about them," the video explains. "They admit that they brought a lot of difficult things into the relationship." Maybe you admit to the person that you're too focused on work and didn't put enough energy into the relationship. Maybe you tend to be controlling or dismissive. Let the person know that life with you wasn't going to be ideal so they can look forward to something better.

4. Being hated

"Good departing lovers know that the news they are breaking will, inevitably, lead to them being hated for a time," the video says. "They are brave in the face of this. They don’t suffer from the fateful and sentimental desire to be loved by people they no longer love." You have to be okay with being hated by a person you probably like and care for. That's not easy, but eventually it will help the person separate out the pain of being dumped from the pain of being dumped badly or in a way that leaves a lot of ambiguity and unresolved feelings.

breaking up, ending a relationship, being honestYour ex might hate you for a while.Photo credit: Canva

As the video concludes, "We may not be able to escape the agony of broken hearts but we can always strive to keep it to a very basic minimum."

People in the comments shared their breakup experiences that illustrate the importance of breaking up thoughtfully:

"I remember being so angry and hateful towards my ex, but honestly, watching this video shows me that she handled it really well. She invited me over, gave it to me straight, told me she cares about me as a person, and said we shouldn't contact each other ever again except in case of emergency. At the time it seemed extremely cold hearted and I was immensely bitter towards her (esp. cuz I wasn't expecting it) but looking back she handled it so much better than most people would (ghosting, cheating, 'it's your fault!!!' etc). We're still in no contact, but if I could, I'd at least thank her for being a good person about it. I took it EXTREMELY BADLY at the time lmao but now I know I was kind of a baby. lol."

breaking up, time healsTime really does heal a lot of pain.Giphy GIF by Bounce


"I wish I had understood this fifty years ago. All the heartbreak and pain I could have saved by simply having courage, and choosing not to be a coward, to call myself liar for my "kind" evasions. What a good and humane lesson!"

"My ex dumped me in the most respectful way possible, and basically did everything in this video. She was my first serious girlfriend, the first person I said 'I love you' to. The pain is still there, however I feel no hate, I am just grateful to have experienced such a lovely time with her when the relationship worked. I learned my lessons. I really hope she is doing well, however I told her I wanted no contact at all... to help me move on. I have never felt such an ambiguous feeling before."

"My partner broke up with me out of the blue(he had not once expressed that he wasn't happy). He let me think he was coming over to surprise me, as we live far away from each other. But when I opened the door he said it. I didn't think it would, but it gave me issues with my mental health. My psychologist says I have suffered some type of 'shock-trauma' - the shock of a trauma happening when I thought something joyful was about to happen had fucked up my brain. It quite literally was in alert-mode which caused night terrors etc. several months following the breakup, even though I was fine emotionally! Please think very carefully about how you handle another person's heart."

"I thought I was at least a kind person in break-ups... damn the truth hurts. I really struggle maintaining my position in break-ups, when the person you love most is in pain and you can fix it by not leaving. I hope I can be stronger in the future for them. I’ve so much to learn. Thank you."

Hopefully these tips will help save some broken hearts from prolonged pain.

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