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Pop Culture

What is 'body grief'? Women share what it's like to mourn their former selves.

Watching our bodies change is a natural part of life. But we rarely talk about the complicated feelings that come from that.

body grief
@aleahelizabeth/TikTok,@sami.rose/TikTok

We've all been through it.

It was only yesterday when a friend and I (two women in the 30-to-40-year-old range) were having a conversation, and this friend made more than one wistful comment about being “skinny and sexy” once upon a time.

Her self deprecating jokes were so casual and nonchalant that actual sadness underneath was almost unnoticeable. Almost.

Except I did notice it, because I have it too. That same sense of unease at being a different size that my former younger self. I have it, my friend has it, and nearly every adult woman has it to some degree.

Now we even have a name for it—”body grief.”

Author Jayne Mattingly, who first coined the term, defines body grief as “the universal experience of disillusionment, sorrow, and loss that comes with simply existing in a body.”

Body grief basically sums up all the anger, loss, frustration, sorrow, and general sense of mourning that so many women feel from the “loss” of their former body, and the former self it represents.

@jayneimattingly Replying to @olivepfox i am so happy you are here!!! #bodygrief #disabledtiktok #bodygriever #disabledhumour ♬ original sound - Jayne Mattingly

Body grief can manifest in a myriad of ways—growing older, having children, chronic illness or injury, disability, reactions to medications, huge life changes, trauma, stress. And while it often denotes weight gain, plenty of women who lose a lot of weight can feel body grief too.

Sami Rose, an Australian-based counselor and body image coach, spoke about her own challenges with body grief, especially after reaching her goal weight, then gaining the weight back.

“I’d spent all of my teens and all of my 20s having this number in my head, and this body in my head, that I thought was gonna solve all of my problems,” she said.

@sami.rose_ Replying to @eneesece letting go of the thin ideal can be really difficult, and its okay to miss your old body or old life, but i hope this strategy helps shift your perspective 💖 #bodyacceptance #bodygrief #bodyimagecounsellor #counsellor #bodyimagecoach ♬ original sound - Sami Rose • Counsellor + Coach

After losing about 55 pounds, getting all the compliments from her friends, even being told that her abs were “goals,” Rose was still left with the same insecurities. For her, body grief meant “letting go of the thin ideal” and “griev[ing] the notion of what a good body meant to me.”

Rose’s experience is not uncommon. Countless women are sharing their stories of body grief in a new TikTok trend titled #bodygrief, which has reached nearly 880,000 views.

Women like Aleah Elizabeth, who went from being “super skinny” most of her life to gaining 60-70 pounds after taking birth control.

@aleahhelizabeth Its hard ass thing to go through #gainingweight #beingskinny #fy ♬ original sound - aleahelizabeth💗

“I thought I was gonna be a happy girl because the boys like girls who are thick,” she said. “But as I kept gaining the weight, I literally hated my body more and more and more…And then you gain so much weight and everybody around you notices it and talks about it, and then starts to make you feel bad about it. It is the worst thing I think I ever went through in my life.”

Or Eliana Hope, who, two months into postpartum, cried in an REI store after realizing “the body that used to take me up mountain trails is now stretched and loose in all the places it used to be strong.”

@thesamfamm 2 months PP and feeling like it today… Outdoorsy moms, tell me it gets better? #outdoorsymom #nationalparks #rei #parksproject #newmom #youngmoms #bodygrief #postpartumbody #bodyimagestruggles #bodyafterbabies #hikinggirl #girlswhohike @rei @thesamfamm ♬ Into the wild - Cartwright

Honestly, the list goes on and on.

@stancedexcoaching How body grief came up on vacation. Please please check out @Jayne Mattingly for more on Body Grief! #bodygrief #perceptionvsreality #bodieschange #bodieschangeworthdoesnt #bodygriefwithjaynemattingly #vacation #familyvacation #hardtime ♬ original sound - Stance Dex Dreyfus
@madialysefitness you have to remember there is a happier and fuller life out there. #bodygrief #weightgainjourney #bodyacceptance #setpointweight #harecovery #hormoneimbalance #edrecoceey ♬ The Journey - Sol Rising
@olivepfox Some thoughts on body grief and reconciling disability #crps #crpsawareness #complexregionalpainsyndrome #crpswarrior #chronicpain #disabled ♬ original sound - olive fox

And just what are we supposed to do about this body grief? For starters, Rose suggests writing down a list of all the things you appreciate about yourself that are completely unrelated to your body.

“I think that can be really special in just rebuilding your identity and proving to yourself that you’re more than just a body,” she says. “That your appearance is a part of you, but it’s not the most important part of you.”

But also, like with all forms of grief, sometimes sharing what you’re going through in a safe space with other people who have been through it, or are going through it too, really helps you process those difficult feelings. And that’s why this TikTok movement is so important. No one should have to go through it alone.

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Internet

A nail salon made an ad so funny that people are taking road trips just for a manicure

Nailed it.

Representative photos by Wonderlane|Flickr and Aris Leoven|Canva

This Canadian nail salon has people packing their bags for a manicure

There are a lot of nail salons out there and, without word of mouth recommendations from people you trust, it can be impossible to know which salon to visit. Thanks to social media, though, many businesses have pages where they can advertise their services without having to spend a lot of money on traditional marketing practices like television, billboards, and radio. Doing their marketing using pictures and videos of their amazing work can help keep a steady flow of customers coming—but one Canadian nail salon is going with a slightly different approach.

Henry Pro Nails in Toronto, Canada is leaving the Internet in stitches after creating a viral ad for his nail salon. The video takes the beginnings of several viral video clips but instead of the expected ending, Henry pops in completing the viral moment in hilarious different ways.

It opens with a familiar viral video of a man on a stretcher being pulled by EMS when the stretcher overturns, flopping the man onto the ground. But instead of it ending with the injured man on the ground, Henry seamlessly appears laid out on the floor of his salon and delivers his first line, "Come to my nail salon. Your nails will look beautiful."

nails, nail salon, manicure, henry's pro nails, adsRihanna Nails GIFGiphy

In another clip, a man holds his leg straight up and somehow flips himself into a split. When the camera cuts back to Henry, he's in the splits on the floor of his nail salon promoting loyalty discounts. The ad is insanely creative and people in the comments can't get enough. Some are even planning a trip to Toronto just to get their nails done by the now Internet famous top nail artist in Canada. This isn't Henry's first rodeo making creative ads, but this is one is without a doubt his most popular—and effective.

"I will fly to Canada to get my nails done here just because of this hilarious video. You win this trend for sure," one woman says.

"Get yourself a passport and make a road trip! My bf and I are legit getting ours and its only a 4 hr drive from where we are in Pennsylvania. Their prices are a lot better than other places I've been too," another person says while convincing a fellow American citizen to make the trip.

"Omg, where are you located? I would fly to get my nails done by you," one person writes.

"The pedicure I had at Henry’s was the best I have ever had. Unfortunately made all other places disappointing and I don’t live close enough for Henry’s to be my regular spot," someone else shares.

To keep up with demand, in late October 2024 Henry's announced another location was coming soon in Vaughan, Ontario. Though there's no word on when the new "more spacious and professional facility" is opening just yet, customers can keep an eye out for Henry's next ad on social media.

It just goes to show that creative advertising can get people to go just about anywhere, but great service is what gets them to come back. If you're ever in Toronto (or Vaughan!) and find yourself needing an emergency manicure, Henry's Pro Nails is apparently the place to be.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Parenting

Dad reveals how he uses brilliant HALT addiction technique to avoid lashing out at his kids

It was pioneered to help recovering addicts.

Images via Canva

Dad uses HALT method from addiction recovery for better parenting.

Disciplining kids is a bona fide part of parenting. Redirecting kids when they are misbehaving takes tact and patience.

TikToker Justin (@abetterdad), a dad of three boys, shared in a new video how a slogan from Alcoholics Anonymous has helped him be more patient and understanding with his kids when they're acting out of line. By taking stock of his kids by using the acronym HALT (which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), he shares that parents can better assess the 'why' behind a child's misbehavior, which in turn can lead to more patient and understanding reaction in parenting.

"When my kids act out, I challenge myself to ask what I missed instead of blaming them and getting frustrated at their behavior," he wrote in the video's caption. "I use the HALT method (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) to assess what's wrong."

@abetterdad

#creatorsearchinsights

In the video, his three sons can be seen playing on a playground and Justin continues to explain why the HALT method works to prevent him from lashing out at his kids when they are misbehaving. "Most are obvious, but Lonely sneaks up on you. Kids crave connection and often act out when they don't get it."

HALT is an acronym created by Alcoholics Anonymous that is meant to help those in recovery learn to address their most basic needs in order for them to live a healthy and balanced life with the goal of maintaining sobriety. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), HALT should be used "when feeling stressed and then take appropriate action before the impulse to use or reengage in risk behaviors becomes overwhelming." HALT can be defined as:

  • Don't get too Hungry can include an awareness—not only of avoiding being too hungry, but also focusing on healthy eating.
  • Don't get too Angry is a reminder to understand the causes of your anger and find healthy ways to feel and express that anger.
  • Don't get too Lonely is a reminder to connect with safe people, engage in social and recreational activities with others, and attend recovery support groups.
  • Don't get too Tired is a reminder to get enough sleep and rest when fatigued.

HALT, halt method, mental health, AA, mindfulness Stop Right There The End GIF by FreeformGiphy

Psychiatrist and addiction specialist David Streem, MD, with Cleveland Clinic, also adds, “HALT has two physical states — hunger and tired — and two emotional states — anger and lonely. It’s a good balance because you’re taking care of yourself physically and emotionally."

In parenting, Justin encourages parents to implement the slogan in a similar way to better understand why kids may be behaving the way they are, and to address any unmet needs they have before reacting.

@abetterdad

#creatorsearchinsights #parentingtips #momlife #dadlife #toddlertips #childhood

Fellow parents are loving his use of the HALT method to become better parents.

"Is their cup filled? Did they have enough time with you today? That's what I ask myself. They need their cups filled with mom and dad time. Going through the checklist is the best way to go!" one viewer commented.

Another added, "This is going to be of tremendous help. From one dad (whose dad was emotionally distant/abusive/neglectful/etc.) to another, thank you."

Another commented, "What a beautiful time to raise children - we love them so fiercely we find a special determination to HELP rather than push perfection."

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Animals & Wildlife

Why have we domesticated some animals but not others? It comes down to four F's.

An entertaining video explains why we can't ride zebras or breed "war bears."

Photo credit: Canva

Horses were domesticated over 5,000 years ago. Zebras, never.

Humans have domesticated several kinds of animals over the millennia, from trusty horses and mules to livestock for milk and meat to our favorite furry companions. But why those specific animals and not others? What is it that led us to those particular choices? Why can we ride horses but not zebras? Why don't we purposefully breed "war bears" to fight for us?

That last question comes straight from the always-interesting and often-hilarious CGP Grey, whose YouTube videos explore all kinds of things we wonder about but don't necessarily take the time to research. In the video "Why Some Animals Can't Be Domesticated," Grey explains the four main elements that make an animal a good candidate for domestication, which excludes bears (and many others) from the list.

Grey alliterated the four elements to make them easier to remember: Friendly, Feedable, Fecund, and Family-Friendly. Let's dig into what those mean.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Domestication requirement #1: Friendly

This one is fairly self-explanatory, but basically an animal has to not post an inherent, immediate threat. We have to be able to catch them if we're going to domesticate them, so that eliminates all of the "carnivores whose day job is murder" as Grey puts it, as well as the large, nervous prey animals that are too afraid of us to let us get anywhere near them.

wild animals, domesticated animals, gazelleGood luck trying to catch a gazelle.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #2: Feedable

Every animals is feedable, of course, but that doesn't mean it's easy or cheap to feed them, especially in large numbers. This category pretty much eliminates pure carnivores and some omnivores, leaving mostly herbivores (and some unpicky omnivores) that are easy and cheap to feed. And that aren't dangerous (see #1).

wild animals, domesticated animals, chickens, chicken feedChickens will eat just about anything.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #3: Fecund

This requirement is all about breeding and babies. Some animals are extremely slow to breed, like pandas and elephants, making them undesirable candidates for domestication. Animals that have mate frequently and have relatively short gestation times and/or large litters are more suited to domesticated life. They also need to grow up quickly, which also takes elephants out of the pool.

However, as Grey points out, humans can still tame other animals like elephants. But taming is not the same as domesticating. The basic rule is: If it's on a farm, it's domesticated. If it's in a circus, it's tamed.

Domestication requirement #4: Family-friendly

This is where the horses and zebras question comes in. Horses were domesticated in Eurasia, but if humans started in Africa, why weren't zebras domesticated first? Grey explains that while horses tend to live in hierarchical herds, zebra are more independent with no family structure. Humans can capture the lead male horse and get the rest of the herd to fall in line. Zebra herds are more of a free-for-all and they're kind of jerks to even one another.

horses, zebras, domesticated animals, wild animalsThere's actually a big difference between horses and zebras besides just the stripes.Photo credit: Canva

Barnyard animals have inherent family structures that humans have figured out how to fit into. These animals learn to see the humans who own them as a lead cow or top chicken or whatever.

Way back in the hunter-gatherer age, when humans were just figuring out animal domestication, animals had to have all four of these requirements. Today, we have the ability and technology to domesticate more animals if we want to, but we also have less of a need to. Some breeds of foxes have recently been domesticated, bred to be friendly with humans. How fun would it be to have a pet fox?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Technically, a lot more animals could be domesticated if people really wanted to put in multiple human lifetimes of time and effort, but why?

You can follow CGP Grey on YouTube for more fun and informative videos.

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Humor

People trying not to laugh at the worst times is possibly the funniest thing you'll see all day

Laughter is contagious, even when it's so very wrong.

Photo by BĀBI on Unsplash

Sometimes you just can't hold it in.

The year was 1975. The TV sitcom was The Mary Tyler Moore Show. The episode was quite simply titled, "Chuckles Bites the Dust." It won an Emmy and is considered by many to be one of the funniest and most relatable moments to ever grace our televisions.

Chuckles was a clown who happened to have a segment at the news station where Mary (and her coworkers Ted, Lou, Sue and others) worked. His unfortunate death was so deeply absurd that people couldn't help but make jokes, which Mary thought was in extremely poor taste. But when the funeral came around, it hits her like a ton of bricks and what rolled out was unstoppable, uncontrollable laughter.

A reviewer on the "Chuckles Bites the Dust" IMDb page simply writes, "Besides being the funniest episode in this series, it's quite possibly the single funniest episode of any series, period. It's about as close to perfection as you can get."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

There is something about stifling a laugh that seems to make OTHER people laugh, and it usually seems to be all in good fun. However, some doctors and researchers claim it's often not about something being "funny." On the Bright Side YouTube page (@Brightsideofficial), they share, "Researchers found that only 10 to 20% of laughter is a genuine response to a shared joke. So, that 80-90% of unaccounted-for laughter is when people are laughing because something isn’t funny. We get scared when things don’t go as we expect them to. In an extreme sense, we could actually be laughing because we’re in physical shock and are in denial about the situation we’re witnessing. It’s a way to mentally run away from our fear and literally 'laugh it off.' It’s a comforting mechanism to calm down our mind in a high-stress situation."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

On a slightly brighter side (no pun intended), they also share, "Laughter has also been known to up our tolerance for pain. This means that laughter really is the best medicine!"

Over on TikTok, Comedy Hub is bringing the laughter with their clip, "Ranking the worst-timed laughs." This has garnered nearly 400,000 likes and tons of comments, mostly of people sharing their own rankings.

It begins with a poor guy discussing a serious matter with an unfortunately high voice on a Belgian talk show (some say this was a set-up for comedy; others disagree). What they can agree on, however, is that he gives "serious Michael Scott vibes." Watching the interviewer try not to laugh elicits pure joy from a lot of us.

There are six clips in total in the montage. Another is American Idol’s Simon Cowell—alongside Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul—desperately attempting to stop laughing at a sweet contestant with a less-than-sweet voice. In the top ranking, comedian Ricky Gervais bursts into hysterics on a morning news show where they seem to be discussing a heavy matter (in Ricky’s case, he defends his laughter: “Hairy bikers. What? I’m not allowed to laugh at that?”).

@thec0medyhub

Worst Timed Laughs 🤣 #tryingnottolaugh #trynottolaughtiktoktv #laughing #laughinginserioussituations #funnyclips #memes #funnyclips #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

And when Ricky laughs, it’s hard not to. It’s absolutely contagious.

An all-time favorite of many is singer Fergie singing the national anthem at the NBA All-Star Game. The players couldn’t contain their smirks, and when one started, the others followed. To be clear, it's not mean-spirited and she's clearly talented. She was just a bit, according to comments, "extra" on this day and it was tough not to notice. Even Jimmy Kimmel up in the stands gets the "laughter bug"—and it’s downhill from there. But also so very, very funny.

@betr

Iconic from Fergie 🙏 #allstar #fergie #anthem #nba

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Art

A mechanic found hundreds of canvases in a dumpster. Now, they're worth millions.

One man's trash is literally another man's treasure.

Photo by Alfonso Navarro on Unsplash

When dumpsters become gold mines.

An odd trinket bought at a thrift shop turns out to be a bona fide antique. A small fortune is found stashed inside a piece of furniture on the side of the road. These are the magical jackpot moments that seem almost too good to be true, and yet, real stories like these keep the hope alive in our hearts.

In September 2017, auto mechanic Jared Whipple received a call from a friend about an abandoned barn house in Watertown, Connecticut, filled with several large canvases, each with bold, colorful displays of car parts. Considering Whipple’s line of work and his general love for vintage items, the friend thought the artwork would be of interest to him.

By the time Whipple arrived on the site, all the pieces had been disposed of into a dumpster (next stop: landfill) and were covered in debris and mold. Luckily, each was individually wrapped in plastic.


Curious, Whipple began to unwrap a few of the canvases to get a better look.

Not only were they in good condition, but the quality of art was impeccable. Whipple immediately wanted to know more about the creator of these lovely works, but the answers didn’t come easy. In fact, the research ended up taking Whipple four years, but here’s what he found:


The works were created by Francis Mattson Hines—and he wasn’t exactly a no name. According to the Mattatuck Museum, Hines’ big claim to fame was weaving giant pieces of diaphanous fabrics around the Washington Square Arch in geometric patterns back in 1980. Though his story was publicly recognized in books and documentaries, much of Hines’ fame had diminished by the time of his death in 2016, hence the less-than-fruitful Google search.

“Not only was this artist a ‘someone,’ but he was even more well known in the New York art world than we could ever have imagined,” said Whipple.


In 2022, Whipple collaborated with art gallery Hollis Taggart to give Hines’ work the proper respect and celebration it deserves. According to CT Insider, the gallery and Whipple set up a large exhibit in both Southport, Connecticut, and New York City that ran from May 5-June 11, 2022. Each one showcased 35 to 40 pieces, which were all available for sale.

And just how much did a Francis Hines piece go for? CT Insider also spoke with art curator and historian Peter Hastings Falk, who estimated that his drawings could go for $4,500, and wrapped paintings around $22,000. This makes the entire collection—comprised of hundreds of pieces—worth millions of dollars.

That’s right. What nearly went into a trash heap is now valued as a mega fortune.

Go ahead. Pick up your jaw from the floor and read that again.

Of course, selling the art isn’t Whipple’s main focus. In addition to keeping some pieces for himself that he fell in love with, Whipple aims to work with major galleries in New York to establish Francis Hines as “a significant artist of the 20th and 21st century.”

The mechanic-turned-art-dealer told CT Insider his new purpose "is to get Hines into the history books.”

Since the exhibitions have been over, images of the art pieces are now housed on Hollis Taggart's website where viewers can check them out and even inquire about pieces that are still available. If you want a one-of-a-kind piece of art from a significant artist, now is the time to buy!

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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