Billions of pounds of cheese are about to go to waste. Clearly America needs your help.

Why we need to end the current cheese surplus for the sake of America's economic future.

Stop the presses. We need to eat cheese. Like, all of it. Now.

In case you haven't heard, America is in the middle of a pretty major cheese surplus.

American cheese inventories (not to be confused with "American Cheese") have reached a 30-year high, with more than 1 billion pounds of the stuff sitting uneaten on shelves across the country. Put another way: That's a lot of freaking cheese.


Clearly it is our shared duty as responsible U.S. citizens to step up our cheese consumption for the sake of this great nation we call home.

Make America grate again. GIF from Mike Bekos/Vimeo.

You're probably wondering how something as wonderful as cheese could have excess — especially since you're already eating around 34 pounds per year all by yourself. (Don't worry. So are the rest of us.)

Let's start here: cheese consumption in America has been on the rise for years. Meanwhile, global dairy production is also skyrocketing.

So if there's high demand and plentiful supplies, why did the price of cheddar just hit a five-year low?

GIF from Channel Cheese/YouTube. Yes, that's a real thing.

It turns out that since cheese takes a while to make — thanks to the aging process that makes it so delicious — the cheese industry has to try to predict demand for the future, years ahead of time, in hopes that the prices all balance out in the end.

But there was one thing they couldn't anticipate.

GIF from "Ratatouille."

You see, all that cheese we're munching on? More than half of it is locally sourced, while another major chunk is shipping in from overseas.

Thanks in part to the lousy value of the euro (and the aforementioned milk abundance), European cheeses are cheaper than ever — so we're buying a whole lot more. After all, why would someone buy a familiar domestic brand like Kraft when they can buy a fancy French thing?

And those who don't want to splurge on the surprisingly affordable foreign options? They're showing a surprisingly serious preference for sustainable local options.

This is all great for the cheese consumer and the local economy. But not so much for the large U.S. cheese-makers.

Which is why they're now saddled with warehouses full of curds they produced based on previously predicted market trends.

Sorry, Velveeta. GIF from Attmay/YouTube.

So for the sake of delicious string cheese, we all need to step up our game.

I know it might be challenging to do — if for no other reason than that I am definitely one of those self-centered jerks who prefers their cheese (and everything else) to be as locally-sourced as possible — much to the chagrin of those major manufacturers who bear that great burden of abundant cheesery.

But even if you don't feel bad for Big Cheese, just think of all the food that's going to waste. For that reason, I implore you to secede to the depravity of your selfless, cheese-eating impulses and eat it to your heart's content.

GIF from "Wallace and Gromit."

Feel free to buy up that cheese in every form you can find it! Add it to your toast, and your eggs, and your smoothies! Everything!

Douse your dinner in delightful dairy delicacies! Let that lovely Lünenberg linger lightly on your lips as you lap up your lunch! Boost your breakfast with blobs of blue cheese!

Make the mozzarella mingle with your sides of meat or taint your tofu with a tantalizing taleggio!

Paint your pasta with provolone and carelessly cover your cereal in cheddar!

Feed on feta as your fork fumbles with those flavorful figs!

Glob your gluten-free grains with gouda!

Have a happy heaping of havarti!

You get the idea.

GIF from "Cinderella."

Do it for the economy. Do it for your country. Or just do it for the taste. Because cheese is delicious.

More

Abigail Disney is the granddaughter of the late Roy Disney, the co-founder of the Walt Disney Co. Abigail herself does not have a job within the company, but she has made some public complaints about the way things are being run and how it is effecting the employees of the company.

Disney recently spoke on the Yahoo News show "Through Her Eyes," and shared a story of how a Magic Kingdom employee reached out to her about the poor working conditions at the theme park. So, Disney went to see for herself, and she did not like what she found.

Keep Reading Show less
popular
Wellington District Police

Some animals have no respect for authority. Rogue penguins are disobeying the police in New Zealand, and they can't stop, won't stop.

Two little blue penguins were spotted at Sushi Bi near the Wellington railway station, allegedly trying to nest. The penguins had to cross through busy lanes of traffic running between the harbor and the sushi bar.

The dangerous duo was detained by the police, then released back into Wellington Harbour.

Keep Reading Show less
Nature

Netflix

How much of what we do is influenced by what we see on TV? When it comes to risky behavior, Netflix isn't taking any chances.

After receiving a lot of heat, the streaming platform is finally removing a controversial scenedepicting teen suicide in season one of "13 Reasons Why. The decision comes two years after the show's release after statistics reveal an uptick in teen suicide.

"As we prepare to launch season three later this summer, we've been mindful about the ongoing debate around the show. So on the advice of medical experts, including Dr. Christine Moutier, Chief Medical Officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, we've decided with creator Brian Yorkey and the producers to edit the scene in which Hannah takes her own life from season one," Netflix said in a statement, per The Hollywood Reporter.

Keep Reading Show less
Culture
Magnific Eye / Unsplash

Los Angeles is experiencing a homeless epidemic that was years in the making.

Over the past six years, the unhoused population in the city has risen 75 percent. The city's lack of homeless shelters and affordable housing has forced many who can't afford L.A.'s sky-high rents to live on the streets.

According to LAist, since 2000, renter incomes have decreased by 3 percent while rents have gone up 32 percent.

While the city has launched a $100 million-per-year program to help the problem, rapper, entrepreneur, and actor Jaden Smith has found his own way of responding to the crisis: love.

Keep Reading Show less
Communities