A wife is upset that her husband didn't defend her during an armed robbery.
One thing humans are really good at is hearing about a tragic situation and telling others how they would've handled it differently, which presumably would've resulted in a better outcome. But the thing is, no one actually knows how they'll respond to a terrifying situation until they go through it. Even those with specialized training don't know how they'll respond until the thing they've been training for is unfolding in front of them.
This is why we see stories of police officers mistaking a cell phone for a gun or not immediately entering a building to stop a gunman. So it's interesting that people think they'll make just the right decision in a traumatic situation as an everyday citizen. Trauma does weird things to your brain in the moment, and oftentimes we aren't in control of what our brains decide to do.
But one man on Reddit says his wife believes he should've been able to override his trauma response to "defend" her during an armed robbery. Overwhelmingly, his AITA thread is proving that he is indeed not the bad guy in this situation.
The anonymous poster explained that after a date night, he and his wife decided to cut through the park for a romantic walk home. That's when things quickly took a turn.
"Well shortly after we get approached by two guys who present, what we believe, are guns demanding our phone/wallets. We are totally caught by surprise and freaked out so we hand everything over," the man wrote. "They get more elevated and tell us to 'take off your sh*t'. Now I’m starting to panic, obviously, but what the h*ll am I going to do against a gun."
Silhouette of person holding a gun
Photo by Maxim Hopman on UnsplashEventually, the husband and wife found themselves standing in their underwear when the men finally took off running. The couple flagged down a driver who called the police and gave them something to cover themselves while they waited for law enforcement to arrive.
The entire event was traumatic, to say the least, but a few days later, his wife angrily confronted him about his failure to protect her during the robbery. And while they both experienced the same traumatic event, their responses afterward were different. Because again, trauma does weird things to your brain. This includes feeling irrationally angry and blaming others for what may have felt like inaction on their part, when logically, you know they couldn't have done anything differently.
In this situation, you had men who were armed with guns and who were becoming more hostile. Had the original poster attempted to become an Avenger in that moment, it's a good guess that neither he nor his wife would be here to seek advice from strangers on the internet.
"You both probably would have been shot and killed if you fought back. It happened to a family member of mine. You did the right thing," one commenter wrote. "Trauma gives people weird feelings and reactions. I hope you guys talk to a therapist to process it."
"This is absolutely a trauma response. Not a doubt in my mind. Trauma affects everyone differently. Hell, it even affects the same person differently at different times," someone who works in the mental health field said in part. "It's really important to find some therapy help soon though. The longer you wait, the worst it can get. And try not to take what your wife said personally. There's a whole lot to unpack after something like this, and right now, you're the closest one, and thus the easiest to lash out at."
The internet isn't all bad. Many commenters reassured the husband that he did nothing wrong and explained that his wife's response is also likely related to the trauma. Hopefully, they both come to realize there's no wrong or right response when it comes to surviving a traumatic event and seek out a qualified trauma therapist to help them overcome that night.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."