A message to my fellow Christians: I hope you’re having a super uncomfortable Pride month

I know from painful, hard-earned experience what discomfort can do to change minds.

Two people smiling together wearing Pride gear
Photo credit: Photo credits: Mary Katherine Backstrom, Steve Johnson/PexelsNobody should live in fear.

This post was originally published on Substack. You can find it here.

I was a small town, conservative girl when my husband and I relocated to Orlando, Florida. I spent my time going from work to the barn, work to the barn, crying as I brushed my horse’s mane.

“I’ll never make friends in this town,” I sobbed over the phone with my mom one night.

The next day at work, I met Matt.

He had a brilliant smile and a southern drawl and he sounded like home. He loved horses, too, having spent years doing rodeo. Our friendship was instant and easy.

He visited the barn and taught me how to lasso. I picked up his favorite latte on the way to work. And on our lunch breaks, he would gush all about the love of his life, Jesse. I assumed Jesse was a girl, but that assumption turned out to be wrong. When we all met for lunch one day, I couldn’t conceal my shock.

“Oh my GOSH, Matt! You’re gay?”


“Um, DUH.” He laughed. “Did the cowboy hat throw you off?”

I then remembered he had recently pointed out a bar a few blocks from my house. He mentioned that it was a fun place to go, and I replied that one day we should….but I hadn’t noticed the rainbow details.

“MK, your gay-dar isn’t malfunctioning. It’s completely nonexistent.”

Matt and Jesse told me funny stories about drag contests and bouncers who wore shorty shorts. They insisted I would love Thursday night karaokes, but I assured them it wasn’t my scene.

I blushed and giggled a little at the idea. It sounded fun, if not a bit scandalous.

Two people smiling together wearing Pride gear
Pride is not just some party. Mary Katherine Backstrom

A week or so after that hilarious lunch date, I was driving home from a friend’s house, when I witnessed a young lady get struck by a car. I swerved to the side of the road and jumped out of my vehicle, screaming.

In an instant, people poured out of the bar to assist in the emergency. I barely registered that they were dressed flamboyantly. Their make up didn’t strike me as strange. In that moment, we were all scared human beings. Their hearts were racing just like mine.

A drag queen cradled the woman’s head in his hands as I called the police.

“Don’t move, baby girl,” he comforted the woman. “Don’t mess up these pretty braids.”

It was a fraction of a moment that felt like forever. I can still hear her crying for Momma. Thankfully, the club was a block from the hospital. The ambulance arrived in an instant.

When the lights and sirens finally faded, my adrenaline couldn’t handle silence. It was like every one of us had been shaken like soft drinks, and in that moment, we had all cracked open. There were hugs and prayers exchanged between strangers. I remember someone humming a hymn.

Then slowly, one by one, the crowd dispersed. We had to go back to our lives. But not before exchanging a couple of phone numbers, promising to disperse any updates.

I called my friends, Matt and Jesse. I knew the gay community was a close one and I wondered if they had heard any news.

Matt asked around, but didn’t hear much.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “We will know more tomorrow.”

I decided to stay up until then.

The next morning, we all went to breakfast with the drag queens who had started a text thread for updates. We bonded over hash browns and our collective trauma—and after coffee, just some regular life stories.

The woman, we learned, was in critical condition. Two broken legs and a fractured spine. James, who had cradled her head so gently, had probably saved her life. Turns out, he had done so with great intention because not only was he a drag queen, but once a month he returned to his rural hometown to serve as a medic for the volunteer fire department.

A hero. An absolute gem of a human.

Two years later, those same gentle heroes were working their jobs at Pulse when a hate-crazed terrorist made his way through the doors with a semi-automatic rifle. When he first started shooting, some patrons kept dancing.

They thought it was part of the music.

That detail never fails wreck my heart.

They kept dancing.

They just wanted to dance.

I’ll never forget the pit in my stomach as I stared at my phone through the night. Praying each name in that years-long text thread was sleeping at home in their beds. After four sleepless nights, we received confirmation—two of the group had been working. Both had escaped and survived the massacre.

But it wasn’t a happy ending.

An act of hate forever changed their lives, and they were deeply, irreversibly altered. One turned to drugs and the other disappeared. I pray he is still alive, somewhere.

But, yes. They survived. Thank God, I should say.

In an act of terror that killed 49 and hurt scores more, they were the lucky ones.

But when I think of that word…”lucky”.

God, it honestly pisses me off.

That’s how low the bar is, y’all. That’s where we are as a society.

Our gay friends are sometimes just lucky to survive.

How can this be who we are?

If you talk to the LGBTQ community, and I mean really get to know them, you will hear a whole lot of heart breaking versions of what they consider to be “lucky.”

Their parents didn’t disown them. They are lucky.

They haven’t been physically assaulted. Lucky.

They survived a terrorist attack.

Lucky.

I am so deeply over this shit.

Nobody, nobody should live in fear. Nobody should feel lucky that they’ve avoided physical abuse, or emotional abuse, or my Lord, mass murder.

Six short years after the Pulse shooting, what is it going to take?

Look how broken America is. Look what this hate has cost us.

And look at the religious mouthpieces for hate who are becoming more and more emboldened.

Just last week, I posted a meme celebrating the beginning of Pride. It said:

Wishing all the homophobes a SUPER uncomfortable month!

I post it every year and I usually laugh my butt off. It’s too easy to predict all the comments. It’s the same old crap, different mouths, every year.

“Well, that’s not very Christlike.”

“I don’t hate anyone! I hate the sin, but I don’t hate the sinner.”

“Ohhhhhh, well who is intolerant now?”

This year, I am truly done laughing. I used to abide this shit, but to be honest, I really can’t do it, anymore. I’ve read and I’ve lived through enough horrible history to understand this terrible truth: Polite hate is the most dangerous kind of hate. It loads the gun, then just backs away quietly.

Christians, please, open your eyes. It’s two thousand and freaking twenty four. I know that you know exactly how this works. You don’t get a pass for good manners.

I won’t let you hide behind pat platitudes when your beliefs give motive to terrorists.

You don’t get to say “it’s the sin that I hate” when that mantra makes bullets for terrorists.

And yah, I guess you could call me intolerant. Smack that sticker on my forehead, I don’t care. For years, I have tolerated far too much from the bigoted backrow Baptists. But the paradox of tolerance states that if a society’s practice of tolerance is inclusive of the intolerant…in the end, intolerance will win the day.

And that’s exactly how people die dancing.

So yah, not only do I wish the homophobes reading an incredibly uncomfortable month—I hope this discomfort convicts your soul, and makes you question EVERYTHING. I hope the itch in your spirit spreads to places you can’t bend over to scratch.

I hope enough people walk away from your screeching that you are left alone with your hate. And I hope that hate makes you sick to your stomach when you realize the harm it has caused.

Being gay is not a sin. And Pride is not some party.

It’s a courageous protest that weak minded fearful bigots just can’t comprehend.

It’s authenticity in the face of oppression. Vulnerability in the face of violence.

Pride is the spirit of millions of people who have chosen to dance in the crosshairs.

Growing up in the church, I was frequently told that there are evil forces at work. That these forces were fighting against God’s will, and causing harm to His people. Now, I can see that the threat was true, but it was coming from inside the house.

There are evil, hateful forces at work right now…against the LGBTQ community. Some of those forces look like Saints when they’re hiding behind stained glass.

It’s gonna take a force, equal and opposite in power and passion, to turn the church around. So, if you’re a Christian who has been fence-sitting this issue, it’s time to get off the damn fence.

This June, I beg you to look past the prejudice and the preaching you’ve had crammed down your throat your whole life. Look past your anger, and your pastor’s fear. Look at these beautiful humans. Trying with all their hearts to claim the dignity and love and safety that they, as humans, deserve.

This?

THIS is what you are scared of?

These are the forces of evil?

If that’s what you think then, my friend, you’ve been brainwashed.

I get it. I was brainwashed, too.

But all along, I deep down in my heart, I knew there was something amiss. I couldn’t quite rationalize what I knew of God’s love with the hate I saw coming from church.

For twenty years, I was too afraid to challenge my faith. I thought that it might fall apart.

But that is EXACTLY why I wish all the homophobes a SUPER uncomfortable month. Because I know from painful, hard-earned experience what discomfort can do to change minds.

So, instead of doubling down on your hateful theology…I ask you, non-affirming Christians, in the name of our faith. In the name of God’s love.

Will you please put your weapons down?

Will you consider the lesson that I learned on the street in front of Pulse so many years ago?

Will you feel the heartbeats of your fellow humans, and for once SEE YOURSELF IN THEM?

I beg you to try.

I beg you to grow.

It’s already been far too late.

You can follow Mary Katherine Backstrom on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

  • Fascinating study reveals the beginnings of an Antarctic accent
    Photo credit: CanvaTwo researchers looking at an iceberg.
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    Fascinating study reveals the beginnings of an Antarctic accent

    The findings provided greater insight into how dialects form in the first place.

    Antarctica has no permanent residents or Indigenous populations. The only people who live there do so temporarily, either to conduct research or to serve as support staff. And yet, even in the most isolated place in the world, an accent could be forming.

    At least, that was the conclusion of a 2019 study in which 11 participants, known as “the winterers,” were recorded saying common, everyday words every few weeks. The group consisted of eight Brits, one American, one German, and one Icelandic participant. Most of the words were ones they used regularly in daily life and contained vowel sounds known to vary across English accents, including “food,” “coffee,” “hid,” and “airflow.”

    The researchers found that, over their six-month stay, the winterers began shifting their vowel pronunciations, gradually sounding more similar to one another.

    How the Antarctic accent came to be

    Part of this phenomenon has to do with accommodation, a linguistic term describing how we adjust our speech to be as clear as possible to the person we are speaking to, often adopting their pronunciation. That person, in turn, instinctively does the same, and a new dialect can begin to take shape, often through what’s known as a vowel merger. Vowel mergers occur when two distinct vowel sounds merge into one, causing words that historically sounded different to be pronounced identically (think: “Mary,” “marry,” and “merry”—which once had slightly different pronunciations).

    The study’s researchers also found that the “ou” vowel sound (as in “sew,” “flow,” and “code”) began “fronting,” meaning it was pronounced farther forward in the mouth. This finding was particularly interesting because none of the speakers’ native accents featured this trait, suggesting it did not arise from accommodation. In other words, they developed it spontaneously.

    Scientists call this linguistic innovation, the process by which social interaction, technology, and cultural shifts create new language patterns. Slang falls into this category.

    language, antarctic slang, science
    Man looking at “hello” in different languages. Photo credit: Canva

    Why you won’t be seeing an Antarctic accent anytime soon

    There are, however, a few caveats. For one, Jonathan Harrington, a professor of phonetics and speech and an author of the study, told the BBC that the accent shift was “very subtle” and couldn’t technically be heard. Instead, researchers observed the change in recorded acoustic waves.

    Second, Harrington noted that “for accents to develop to the point where they are noticeable, it really takes a generational change.” Considering that people stay in Antarctica for only six months at most, any accent that forms is likely short-lived.

    The bigger takeaway

    Still, this experiment provides larger insight into how new accents, dialects, and even languages develop when communities grow in isolation. It also helps explain why American English has diverged so much from British English.

    And if you really want to sound Antarctic, it’s all in the slang, apparently. Here are a few examples of words known among those who live on “the ice” (as dwellers call it, rather than Antarctica), courtesy of Bernadette Hince’s The Antarctic Dictionary and the Cool Antarctica website:

    science, language, linguistics
    Researcher photographing a penguin. Photo credit: Canva

    Dingle

    A sunny, bright, and clear day.

    Fod Plod

    Picking up rubbish or debris to keep the airfield and base safe.

    Big Eye

    Insomnia caused by a lack of sunlight disrupting one’s circadian rhythms.

    Toasty

    Brain fog caused by perpetual darkness, as well as low temperatures and discombobulating altitudes. The term can also be used for other general misdemeanors committed around camp.

    Ice Shock

    As one Antarctica-based blogger put it, this is what happens when “you get back to the rest of the world and realize that no matter how insane Antarctica is, the real world is FAR nuttier, and that you can no longer function in it.”

    Greenout

    A riff on “whiteout.” As The Antarctic Dictionary defines it, “greenout” is “the overwhelming sensation induced by seeing and smelling trees and other plants after spending time in Antarctic regions.”

    Beaker

    Scientist. There are also nicknames for specialists, including “fuelies” (in charge of fueling equipment) and “wasties” (who deal with, well, waste).

    City Mice/Country Mice

    Personnel who work at main research stations, as opposed to crews who move among different camps across the continent.

    Freshies

    Shipments of fresh fruits and vegetables that provide a welcome culinary respite for those on the ice.

    Poppy

    Alcohol served over Antarctic ice, which makes a satisfying popping sound as it releases long-pressurized gas.

    All of this goes to show that even at the very edges of the world, humans will continue to reshape the way they connect with one another.

  • Royal Navy marine shares 8 unbelievable things about daily life on a submarine
    Photo credit: Timothy Hawkins via WikiMedia CommonsLife on a submarine can be odder than you'd think.

    Life can feel confining at times. With every freedom to enjoy there seems to be a limitation. However, after watching a submariner’s TikTok, many people are grateful for the life they have. They were also amazed at how a person lives on a nuclear submarine.

    Former U.K. Royal Navy submariner Paul McNally shared what life was like for him during a seven-month long patrol inside a submarine. He introduced the video with, “Everything I’m about to say sounds fake, but it’s completely normal underwater.”

    @paul_mcnally_

    We also supplement vitamin D due to not seeing sunlight for months.

    ♬ original sound – roknardin

    People sounded off in the comments remarking about the day-to-day reality of being underwater in a metal tube:

    “I panicked and realized I don’t ever have to do this.”

    “This sounds absolutely miserable, thank you for your service.”

    “Wow, this just made me really grateful for my silly little life.”

    Here are some of the odd realities McNally shared about living in a submarine for an extended period of time:

    ‘Fresh air smells disgusting when you’re back on land’

    McNally shared that, over time, many submariners get so used to the purified recycled air within a sub that “regular” air stinks when they return to the surface. This is because the air within submarines is made through a reverse osmosis process and electrolysis. Reverse osmosis removes salt from ocean water surrounding the vessel to create pure water. Electrolysis turns that pure water into breathable hydrogen and oxygen. This air is free of the usual air pollution and scents that typically exist outdoors. The air is also recycled and filters out any contaminants throughout the voyage.

    They drink ‘demin’ water

    “Demin water” is shorthand for “demineralized water.” Like how a submarine gets its air, it also gets its water through reverse osmosis. While pure water does sound clean, it’s not necessarily good on its own. Much of our drinking water contains healthy, helpful minerals whether you drink it from the tap or a purchased bottle through a store. This means that submariners are encouraged to take extra supplements and vitamins to make up for it.

    ‘No contact with the outside world for seven months straight’

    In the TikTok, McNally mentions the long span of time without contact with the outside world, limiting communication between sailors and family members to one email per week, printed. Patrols and mission protocols can vary, but for most submariners email is the primary way to communicate with the outside. This can be due to technological limitations or mission priorities that call for limited communication between the vessel and other areas. 

    There may even be protocols that prohibit certain messages, such as the death of a family member, be withheld until the submariner is back on shore. This can be due to mental health and morale reasons, along with the reality that the person usually cannot leave mid-patrol to address their loss.

    ‘Daytime and nighttime don’t exist’

    Since sunlight cannot peek into submerged submarines and there needs to be 24/7 alertness to keep the vessel moving safely, there is no “day” or “night.” McNally shared that he worked two six hour shifts per day on his vessel. Since submarines only have artificial light, submariners have to take vitamin D supplements to help offset the lack of sun exposure.

    Many submariners have ‘coffin dreams’

    Due to living in such cramped quarters, many submariners have “coffin dreams,” nightmares in which the submariner believes they’re being buried alive, even after they wake. This is due to the confined coffin-like bunks and the reality that they’re technically buried underwater.

    ‘Showers are limited to 16 seconds’

    While the reverse-osmosis of seawater helps create breathable air and drinking water for the submarine, it also is the water supply for other needs on the vessel. This includes cooking and showering. It’s also very limited in supply.

    Because of the greater need for air and drinkable water, showering is less of a priority. This means shower time is extremely limited in order to save clean water. Most showers allow a person to spray water on themselves to get wet, turn off the water to lather up their body with soap, and then spray the lather off quickly. 

    It can ‘rain’ inside a sub

    It’s not that rain clouds form inside of a submarine, but it’s not far off either. The interior of the sub is impacted by the water temperature of the ocean outside of it. If the temperature outside of the sub causes the temperature inside to drop, it can lower to the dewpoint. This creates condensation “sweat” that could “rain” in parts of the sub.

    They entertain themselves the best way they can

    Recreation is necessary when living in a tube with 130 people, but the options are limited compared to on land. Movie night and video games help pass the time between shifts. Card games, especially cribbage, are considered the traditional and time-honored way people on the submarine bond. 

    Different submariner vessels also have various playful “rites of passage” not unlike fraternities and sororities. On “Halfway Night,” for example, the submariners celebrate the halfway point of their deployment. This can include various activities including throwing cream pies at their ranking officers. Some vessels allow submariners to receive “halfway box” care packages from loved ones to celebrate being halfway done with their tour.

    @._.its._.emma

    Hopefully, this can help someone who has no clue what snacks to include, because that was me at one time #foryoupage #milso #milspo #navy #submarinefamily #halfwaybox #navywife #submariner

    ♬ original sound – noahksticks

    Based on McNally’s video and other submariners’ experience, living on a submarine isn’t easy, but it sure is interesting.

  • A pageant winner boldly calls out her abuser in the audience during her final interview
    Photo credit: Miss Kansas/FacebookAlexis Smith being crowned crowned Miss Kansas in June 2024.
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    A pageant winner boldly calls out her abuser in the audience during her final interview

    “I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening.”

    Domestic violence survivors cheered on the winner of the 2024 Miss Kansas competition after she stood on stage and called out her abuser who showed up to the pageant. Before Alexis Smith was chosen from 26 participants in the state competition on June 8, 2024 to represent Kansas in the 2025 Miss America contest, she was asked to speak on stage about her Reclaimed Respect initiative.

    “My vision as the next Miss Kansas is to eliminate unhealthy and abusive relationships,” Smith said. “Matter of fact, some of you out in this audience saw me very emotional because my abuser is here today. But that’s not going to stop me from being on this Miss Kansas stage and from representing as the next Miss Kansas. Because I, and my community, deserve healthy relationships. We deserve a domestic [violence] free life.”

    Watch:

    @lexlex_smith

    Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening. This isn’t about shunning others; it’s about turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts. I’m ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms. My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way. I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same. #fyp #abuse #miss #misskansas #missamerica #pageant #awareness #me #relationship #respect #tiktok

    ♬ original sound – Alexis Smith

    In the video shared on TikTok, the freshly-crowned Miss Kansas wrote, “Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening.”

    She wrote that it wasn’t about shunning anyone, but about “turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts.”

    “I’m ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms,” she wrote. “My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way.

    I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same.”

    People who have experienced abuse themselves applauded her advocacy.

    “As a victim of domestic violence I applaud you for speaking out!! I watched this 10 times!! I’m still getting bullied by his parents even with a no contact order. I plan on helping women like us as well.”

    “WHAT A WOMAN. This is absolutely incredible. From one survivor to another, I am SO SO proud of you for reclaiming this moment for yourself. You will do amazing things “

    “Incredibly brave of you. You just made a statement for all women. I appreciate you so much.”

    domestic violence, Miss Kansas, pageant, abuse survivors, women
    A woman holds a sign that reads: “Love shouldn’t hurt.” Photo credit: Canva

    “As an old survivor…I’m so damn PROUD OF YOU!! Love, A Stranger “

    “We got to see you ACTIVELY showcasing your platform LIVE IN PERSON! My utmost respect to you Miss Alexis. This is beyond any crown, I cannot wait to watch your journey. As someone who grew up around domestic violence, I have chills watching you. You will always have a supporter in me. You absolutely ate that. “

    “YAS GIRL! As a fellow survivor, you are an inspiration and I’m so proud of you for using your voice and showing your strength.”

    “”I experienced emotional and psychological abuse for a very long time,” Smith shared with KMUW, “and it was recognizing that I was losing control over my own personal emotions, trying to save the emotions of someone else, and so to be able to save myself. I recognize that we don’t want to both go down together. I need to be able to leave this relationship. That way, I’m able to pursue a future, because you just never know what can happen to your partner or happen to yourself when you’re in those relationships.”

    According to The Wichita Eagle, Smith uses her 19 years of experience as a ventriloquist to teach kids about healthy relationships with puppets as part of her Reclaimed Respect initiative. She also works full-time as a cardiothoracic ICU nurse. And she went on to compete at Miss America 2025 in Orlando in January, where Miss Alabama Abbie Stockard was crowned.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Grocery store’s produce section concerts give indie musicians a live venue. People want more.
    Photo credit: Fiesta Fresh Market/YouTubeA band plays in the produce section of Fiesta Fresh Market.
    ,

    Grocery store’s produce section concerts give indie musicians a live venue. People want more.

    “We need this right now in the world…Real humans doing real human things.”

    On the outside, Fiesta Fresh Market looks like just another neighborhood grocery store in New Castle, Delaware. Inside the produce section, however, customers can listen to local bands perform their latest songs live and in person. These “Mercadito Sessions” have since evolved from a simple community offering into a full-fledged live music event.

    While grocery stores and live music don’t typically mix, at Fiesta Fresh Market, it’s part of the family. The Aguilar Garcia family, who run the store, have music in their roots—especially co-owner José Luis Aguilar Garcia, who works in the music industry.

    In the hope of helping Mexican American bands gain more exposure, José and his family offered their produce section as a space for Latin musicians to perform for customers. They were inspired by National Public Radio’s “Tiny Desk Concerts,” which feature artists performing live in a confined space.

    These produce section mini-concerts, dubbed “The Mercadito Sessions,” initially puzzled customers. Over time, however, shoppers came to welcome and enjoy the live music, with some even visiting just for the performances. Then, posts on the store’s social media featuring the bands began to go viral.

    “The idea is to highlight independent artists from the area,” José told CBS Philadelphia. “Because it’s getting more attention online, people are excited. They’ll ask when we’re doing the next one.”

    Commenters on the store’s Instagram celebrated the market’s concert concept:

    “This is so cool. Not everyone wants to go to bars and/or have to stay up late to hear live music. I love this so much.”

    “Honestly this is the absolute coolest thing ever.”

    “Amazing music scenes going on everywhere, love the magic being shared.”

    “We need this right now in the world…Real humans doing real human things.”

    “Such an innovative and creative idea! 🥹💫”

    @fiestafreshmarket

    Just put the bananas in the bag bro @erre6ixx

    ♬ original sound – Fiesta Fresh Market

    While the Mercadito Sessions showcase Mexican regional music, they are open to any genre. As the series gained attention online, many bands reached out to Fiesta Fresh Market to get booked. Several acts have come to perform and record as customers pick out fresh fruits and vegetables.

    Concerts for the community, by the community

    Musicians and customers alike say these concerts provide a sense of community among Latin Americans living in Delaware. They not only celebrate their culture, but also showcase it to others in New Castle.

    “It gives us a platform to portray who we really are,” musician Jesús Beltran Méndez told CBS Philadelphia. “There’s a lot of misconceptions about who we are. There are bad people. There are good people. We are just human.”

    @fiestafreshmarket

    @Los K-Bros “Ya No Me Llames” (Unreleased) live desde Fiesta Fresh Market

    ♬ original sound – Fiesta Fresh Market

    Demand for the music has grown so much that the grocery store is now hosting and promoting a full-fledged concert event. What was once a place to buy groceries has become a spotlight for the community—all by offering a small space in an aisle.

  • A neighbor complained that her rooftop yoga was “inappropriate for children” and promoted “Eastern religion.” She made them regret it.
    Photo credit: CanvaA woman does yoga outside by the water

    Getting a formal notice from your HOA is rarely a good way to start the morning. For one homeowner (u/clammyanton on Reddit) who shared her story on social media, the letter arrived after months of peaceful sunrise yoga on her rooftop terrace, a routine she’d built around the views and the quiet of early morning.

    The notice informed her that a neighbor had filed a complaint about her “inappropriate public displays” and “disturbance of community aesthetics.” She was baffled. She practiced at 6 AM when almost no one else was awake, wore standard workout clothes, and made no noise.

    Then it got stranger. When she followed up with the HOA manager for specifics, she learned the neighbor had gone further than a written complaint. They had been photographing her in various poses and submitted the photos as evidence, arguing they were “inappropriate for children to potentially see” and were “promoting Eastern religious practices in a family community.”

    A woman meditates in a garden setting.
    A woman meditates while doing yoga. Photo credit: Canva

    “I’m literally just doing basic vinyasa flow!” she wrote.

    The detail about Eastern religious practices caught significant attention when the post went viral on Reddit, and for good reason. Legal experts and housing advocates are clear on this point: the Fair Housing Act prohibits HOAs from restricting a homeowner’s use of their property based on religion. As one legal resource explains it plainly, an HOA can ban exercise broadly, but it cannot single out yoga specifically because of its perceived religious associations. The same logic applies to holiday decorations — an HOA that bans string lights for Diwali but allows Christmas lights is on legally shaky ground.

    Commenters on the post were quick to flag this. “If that whole promoting Eastern religion thing is an exact quote, I feel like that right there is your ticket to fight,” wrote  u/cheybananas. “They can’t just outlaw religious practices.”

    Others were more focused on the neighbor’s surveillance. Several urged her to file a counter-complaint about someone photographing her on her own private terrace at dawn. “Taking photos of someone on their private residence without their knowledge or consent?” u/ok-pomegranate-6479  wrote. “Involve authorities if you have to, that’s creepy.”

    A woman performs an advanced yoga pose while on the beach in front of the ocean.
    A woman executes an advanced yoga pose on the beach. Photo credit: Canva

    The homeowner had already come to the same conclusion on her own. After reviewing her HOA’s bylaws, she found nothing prohibiting yoga or exercise on private terraces, only a vague clause about maintaining community standards. She drafted a formal email to the HOA board requesting the specific bylaw citation they were relying on, along with copies of all photos collected of her. She also made clear she was considering a counter-complaint about the neighbor’s behavior.

    “The irony is that yoga is supposed to reduce stress,” she wrote, “but this whole situation is doing the opposite.”

    Her experience isn’t unusual. A Rocket Mortgage survey of more than 1,000 HOA homeowners found that more than 3 in 10 feel their HOA has too much power, and 10% have considered selling their home because of it.

    This article originally appeared earlier this year.

  • ‘Are you serious?’ Man tries on women’s jeans to see if the pockets are ‘really that bad’
    Photo credit: CanvaMen's jeans and women's jeans have very different pockets.

    It’s hard to say what makes every woman happy or what every woman wants, and as a woman myself, I’m not a fan of sweeping generalizations based on gender. However, there are certain elements of walking through the world as a woman that are fairly universal, which makes me feel confident in saying this:

    If you ever want to see pure, spontaneous joy, watch a woman put on a dress and suddenly realize it has pockets!

    fashion, clothing, women, pockets, dress with pockets
    Happy Fashion GIF by Rosanna Pansino Giphy

    Women’s clothes are notorious for having either no pockets (most dresses) or pockets that are barely usable (most jeans and dress pants). And this isn’t just a perception—a 2018 study by The Pudding found that, on average, the front pockets on women’s jeans are 48% shorter and 6.5% narrower than they are on men’s jeans. I have pants in my wardrobe that look like they have both front and back pockets, but they don’t; where the pocket opening would be is sewn shut. Faux pockets may sound dumb—because they are—but they’re not uncommon. And some pockets are so small you can’t even fit a ChapStick into them.

    To test whether women’s pockets really are as bad as they (we) say they are, popular vlogger Nick Wilkins tried on a pair of women’s jeans. The fit was great and they looked fine. But the moment he held up the items he usually puts in his own pockets, women collectively let out a loud “HA!” Sure enough, when he tried to put his phone and wallet in the pockets, his reaction reflected what women have said countless times ourselves: “Are you serious? That’s all it does?”

    Yep, that’s really all they do, and yes, they really are that bad.

    “Now I know why you guys wear purses,” Wilkins said before having an epiphany. “You guys don’t have pockets with dresses, too!”

    Exactly. Hence the “It has pockets!” elation described above.

    “Um, people who make women pants,” Wilkins said, “let’s start putting some depth in there, why don’t we.”

    Seriously, though, why don’t we? What’s up with women’s clothing and the dearth of pockets?

    As it turns out, the history of women’s clothing and pockets goes way back, and, of course, there have been various trends and shifts over time. Some people have posited that companies don’t put usable pockets into women’s clothing so that they can sell more purses and handbags. However, according to a deep dive in FASHION Magazine, that’s not quite the whole story. Believe it or not, we’re still living with leftover, outdated notions of men being active and women being passive, with men’s clothing needing to be functional and women’s clothing desiring form over function.

    “Essentially: Men are required to act and therefore need practical clothing,” writes Annika Lautens. Women are expected to simply appear and be watched—their beauty prioritized above all else. And these outdated gender ideals are still being sewn directly into our clothing.”

    The irony, of course, is that women tend to carry more things than men. Sure, sometimes that necessitates a purse, but sometimes you don’t want to carry something extra. Pockets are nice. They’re convenient, helpful, and functional. We want them. We need them. What in the name of patriarchy is the problem here?

    It can’t be that hard to make normal pants for women with decent pockets. Jeans with decent pockets. Dress pants with decent pockets. And yes, dresses with pockets, too. We are seeing more independent and female-led clothing makers providing pockets, and clearly the awareness about it is finally kicking in pretty universally. But as most women can attest, it remains an issue.

    Maybe women would simply be too powerful if we all had pockets. Maybe this will be our ultimate last stand. Pockets or bust, ladies. Pockets or bust.

    This article originally appeared [time-difference] ago. It has been updated.

  • Stylist has liberating response to ‘mid-forties ugly’ comment, and women are applauding
    Photo credit: @jennine.jacob/InstagramStylist Jennine Jacob shares the liberation that comes from "aging out of the patriarchy."
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    Stylist has liberating response to ‘mid-forties ugly’ comment, and women are applauding

    “Nobody prepared me for how comfortable I would feel about my looks at this age.”

    Gen X stylist Jennine Jacob posts a lot of content encouraging women not to fall victim to ageism and instead find confidence in their self-expression. But in a recent video, she got candid about how freeing it’s been to reject society’s norms in her own life.

    In the clip, Jacob referenced a woman on Instagram who shared that “no one prepares you for mid-forties ugly.” The video appears to come from content creator Susie Trigg Tucker, who got candid about the natural “grieving process” that comes with “your physical beauty changing.”

    Addressing her own gray hair and textured skin, Tucker urged other women to “lean into acceptance” and “work on redefining what makes us beautiful.” 

    But for Jacob, the experience hasn’t been quite so painful. In fact, it’s been rather liberating.

    “No one prepared me for how little I would care about what people think about my looks,” she said. “Nobody prepared me for how comfortable I would feel about my looks at this age.”

    “And yes, I have wrinkles, I have thinning hair, I have gray hair…I have all of the things that are like conventionally bad, but I literally could not care less,” she added. 

    Her reason for this laissez-faire attitude is simple. “I did my time in the patriarchy, and my time is done,” she shared.

    “I have never felt more free being so ‘ugly’…I am so grateful for it,” Jacob concluded.

    Judging by the comments, she’s not the only one who has felt this way. 

    “100000000000%!!!! I feel the best ever!!!!❤️”

    “I couldn’t agree more! Aging out of the male gaze is the best part! Now there’s an inner peace like I have never known. I wish this gift for all women.”

    Granted, it seems that Jacob did spend some time, as Tucker put it, “redefining what beauty looks like.” In previous videos, she shared that when she first turned 40, she used Botox, face tape, and filters in hopes of looking younger. Now she doesn’t use any of those things and says she feels “1,000x better.”

    Really, these two women aren’t arguing two different points of view. It’s perfectly natural for women (or anyone, really) to grieve a physical way of being that no longer exists one moment, and the next appreciate the wisdom and confidence that come with growing older. That’s pretty much adult life in a nutshell.

    Their conversation arrives at a moment when aging, beauty standards, and cosmetic procedures are being talked about more openly than ever. Social media feeds are filled with discussions about Botox, fillers, preventative treatments, and whether embracing natural aging is empowering or simply another unrealistic expectation placed on women.

    For some people, cosmetic procedures feel like a form of self-expression and autonomy. For others, rejecting those options can feel equally empowering. Increasingly, women are speaking honestly about the complicated emotions that come with getting older in a culture that has long prioritized youth.

    What voices like Tucker’s and Jacob’s show is that there isn’t just one correct way to navigate that experience. Some people grieve the changes that come with age. Others feel an unexpected sense of freedom when they realize they no longer feel pressured to perform beauty for anyone else.

    And, sometimes, those two feelings can exist at the very same time.

    What matters most, as both women suggest in their own ways, is giving people the space to define beauty and self-worth on their own terms. For many women entering their 40s and beyond, that definition is finally becoming something they get to write themselves.

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