9 things this adoptive mom would like everyone to know.

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The adoptions of my two children are, quite literally, the two best things that have happened to me.

Ever. In my whole life. Nothing has altered the course of my life or meant more to me than becoming a mom to my kids.

My son, Mattix, and me when we met in December 2007.

Before them, I didn’t really understand what unconditional love was, nor did I have a clue how it felt. Now I know — twice over.

My daughter, Molley, and me, when we met in April 2009.

Adoption is amazing. And it’s complicated. It can bring great joy. And it can bring great pain.

Adoption is nuanced. And like anything else, it can be hard to see those nuances when it's not part of your life. That's particularly true when the media is so good at circulating adoption narratives that are a little problematic — like the baby left under the Christmas tree for his siblings to discover.

Photo by Clayton Shonkwiler/Flickr.

I get why people thought it was sweet: A precious new life was placed into an obviously loving family. But I still cringed. Partly because it felt uncomfortably similar to buying the kids a puppy for Christmas. And partly because it made me think of the commodification and trafficking of humans, which unfortunately happens sometimes in the world of adoption.

Thankfully, there are some really great adoption stories that circulate, too — like the one where a grandma lost her mind with excitement when she met her granddaughter for the first time. Beautiful! Most loving grandmas tend to experience unadulterated joy when they first lay eyes on their grandkids.

GIF via Laura Dell/YouTube.

As with most of the important things in life, talking about adoption is complicated.

But at the heart of it is something really simple: More than anything, we want our kids to grow into adults who are respected as the complex and unique individuals they are. Not just representatives of the "adopted kid" stories we see all the time.

There are many, many things I’d love for everyone to know about adoption. Here are nine of them, from an adoptive parent's perspective.

1. My kids are "my own."

"But are you going to, you know, have any kids of your own?”

Most people who ask this question have good intentions. They want to know if my husband and I are planning on having any biological kids. It’s a wording issue for most adults, but for kids who are struggling with attachment or working to feel secure in their families, those words matter.

When you ask this in front of kids who were adopted, you might be shaking an already unstable foundation the family has worked hard to build.

Adopting our kids was our "Plan A." We didn't want to have biological kids.

For other families, adoption may have followed a long struggle with infertility and it can be a painful question for them, especially coming from a stranger or casual acquaintance.

That said, know that...

2. Adoptive parents are approachable!

It's true that we don't appreciate being asked super-personal questions about adoption, especially in front of our kids. But that’s pretty much like most personal topics in life, right? Asking random questions — especially of a stranger — to satisfy your curiosity probably isn’t cool.

For instance, please don’t ask how much our kids "cost" or where we "got" them. A two-second google search for "how much does adoption cost," for example, will provide the info you need. I promise.

Asking respectfully because you really want to learn or have an interest in adopting yourself? That’s a different story.

I’m not an unapproachable lady (I'm even fun at parties!). I’ve been a resource for many people wanting to learn about adoption. I've given my phone number to complete strangers who want to adopt and would like to learn more. The best questions begin with, "Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about adoption?"

That gives me a chance to say "no" if my kids are there or if it doesn’t feel like a good time for me. That also lets me know that if you ask something I don’t feel comfortable sharing, I can say, "I’d rather not talk about that" — and you’ll understand.

3. Yep, we’re all real.

“Do you know who your kids’ real parents are?”

I know what you mean — you’re asking if I know who my kids’ birth parents are. It’s not that I’m offended by the question, thinking that you’re implying I’m not real. My kids’ birth parents most certainly are real.

But the last time someone asked that in front of my sweet then-7-year-old son, he looked at me, the usually bright smile fading from his face, and asked in a quiet voice, "What does she mean? You’re my real mom too. Nobody can take me from you…" — long pause — "... right, Mommy?"

Of course, he knows the answer to that. We’ve been talking about adoption since, well, since the day he came home at 10 and a half months old. Back then, it was me talking about adoption to a baby that didn’t understand. I figured I’d start then to ensure we never stopped talking. And we haven’t.

But a child’s feelings about adoption change over time. So can their sense of security. And having their place in their family questioned at the wrong time can feel pretty unsettling to child who’s in the process of making sense of some of those feelings.

4. My kids' histories belong to them.

Sometimes the details of a child's history are simple. Sometimes they're pretty complicated. And, quite frankly, they're private.

Some birth parents place their children for adoption because they’re not ready for a baby. Some place because they’ve been coerced or pressured into it. Some place because of medical issues — either theirs or the child's. Some place because they don't know how they can afford a baby and there aren't enough services in place to assist them. Some place against their will because they're incarcerated. Occasionally, some truly don't want their kids.

Sometimes we have no idea who our kids' birth parents are or why they placed them for adoption. Sometimes our kids were abandoned. Sometimes our kids came from the foster care system and their family histories are very complicated.

Whatever the reason, it's not something we want to go around chitchatting about with anyone who's curious.

5. We might parent quite differently than you do.

It doesn't mean we're weird. Or coddling. Or over-parenting. Or trying to prove anything.

We’re just trying to give our kids what they need and deserve.

Adoptive parents have to learn about a bunch of things their children could face, and we have to learn how to best parent our kids. Attachment parenting, healing from trauma, sensory processing disorder, and many other phrases become more than just words for a lot of us. When we decide to adopt our kids, most of us put our hearts and souls into doing what's best for them. Sometimes what's best isn't necessarily what most other parents do. That’s OK.

I got up every half-hour all night long with both of my kids for at least six months after we adopted each one. I didn’t do it because I loved being a sleep-deprived zombie that would have traded a kidney for a solid week of sleep. I did it because in my son’s 10 months of life before us, nobody ever got up for him at night. He had learned, rightfully so, never to believe someone would. And when we were finally there to do it, he didn’t trust us. We had to work hard to earn that trust.

I went to my daughter all night long because she desperately wanted me to, but was terrified that I wouldn’t. The people who looked at me, exhausted beyond words, and told me I should just let my kids cry it out had no idea how hard we were working to build a foundation of trust. Ultimately, we were doing it so our kids could grow into adults capable of having healthy friendships and relationships with others.

Plus, isn’t that kind of a cardinal rule of parenting: Don’t offer advice unless it’s solicited?!

6. Those of us who have adopted transracially aren’t suddenly "super sensitive about race."

For 26 years, I lived in a blissfully comfortable color-blind bubble of ignorance. When I decided to adopt children transracially, I began educating myself and came to understand the world doesn’t work for people of color the way it works for me. Now that I’m a mom to two kids of color, I’m committed to being their advocate. I’m committed to being the person they know will always stand up for them when someone at school hurls a racial slur. I’m committed to calling out friends and family members for jokes they might think are harmless.

It’s not about being politically correct or raining on people’s fun parades. It’s about making sure that the world around our kids is as supportive as it possibly can be.

7. It's complicated.

There are three people (or groups of people) who are part of adoption: those who are adopted, those who place their children for adoption, and those who do the adopting. All of those people have feelings and experiences, and they might conflict. That’s OK!

My kids missing their birth parents and wishing they hadn’t lost their cultures, for example, doesn’t mean they love my husband and me any less. My wishing that my kids didn’t have to deal with the pain of loss doesn’t diminish the feelings of pure gratitude and joy I experience over getting to be their mom.

8. One of us doesn’t speak for all of us.

While some things in adoption are pretty universal, one adoptive parent doesn’t speak for them all. Which means that I’m well aware that not every adoptive parent will agree with everything I’ve written here.

And not a single one of us can speak for birth parents or adoptees. We can do our best to lend our voices to our kids as we’re raising them, but when it comes to sharing life from birth parents’ or our kids’ perspectives, that’s not our place.

9. We’re like any other parent in most ways.

I’m pretty normal (whatever that means). I have good days and bad days — days where I think, "Oh my gawd, if my child talks back one more time, I’m going to lose my mind!" And days where I think, "I couldn’t possibly be happier. This is everything."

Like every good parent out there, at the end of the day, we just want the best for our kids. And we’re doing everything we can to make it happen.

My totally adorable kids. And yep, I'm biased! ;)

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Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption

Family

Joe grew up without stability. Now, he’s giving 10 adopted sons the home he never had.

“I want my boys to know that no matter what, they have a place to belong.”

True

Like many children who are placed in foster care across the United States, Joe’s childhood was marked by chaos and a struggle to survive.

Joe still remembers neglect and abuse being part of his daily reality. Often left to care for his younger siblings alone, Joe grew up far too quickly.

He and his brothers were placed in the New York foster care system at an early age. And when he aged out of foster care at 21, he had no family to turn to for support.

“Statistically, I should be in jail, or I could be dead,” Joe said. “But that’s not my destiny.”

Today, Joe is determined to change the trajectory for young people lingering in foster care … as an adoptive parent and as an advocate, raising awareness along with organizations like the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

A complex problem with an evidence-based solution

More than 100,000 children in the U.S. foster care system are waiting for a safe, permanent home. But the sad reality is that thousands will “age out” of the system between 18 and 21, stepping into adulthood without support, guidance or a safety net.

The consequences of this can be devastating. Youth who leave foster care without the support of a forever family are much more likely to experience negative outcomes, including homelessness, unemployment, substance abuse and early, unplanned parenthood.

Through its signature program, Wendy’s Wonderful Kids®, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is working to be a part of the solution across the U.S. and Canada. Through this program, the Foundation supports the hiring of adoption professionals — known as recruiters — who serve children most at risk of aging out of foster care, including older children, children with special needs and siblings.

Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiters use an evidence-based, child-focused model, identifying trusted adults in the child’s network who may be open to adoption — and research shows that it works. A five-year, national evaluation showed that children referred to the program are up to three times more likely to be adopted.

Changing the journey for a new generation

Xavier was 18 and at risk of aging out of foster care without family support when he met Joe.

“My biggest fear was that I was going to age out and not know how to be sufficient on my own,” Xavier said. But Joe adopted Xavier just weeks before he was set to age out of the system. In the years that followed, Joe adopted from foster care again. And again.

Today, Joe is a father to 10 sons, seven of whom were adopted with help from the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

“Meeting my boys has put them on a different path,” Joe said. “Wendy’s Wonderful Kids was a real support and guide to being able to do what I try to do: making sure they have the tools to survive.”

“For me, it’s been beautiful to see that [my brothers are] spreading out to go live their own lives,” Xavier said. “It’s something [Joe] has prepared us for. He gave us the mentality that we could do whatever we want.”

Writing a new ending

After aging out of foster care, Joe managed to defy the odds, graduating from college and becoming a school counselor. Still, despite his own success story, he knows that many children who spend time in foster care aren’t as fortunate.

Joe hopes providing a “home base” for his sons means a brighter future for them.

“Here, we have people you can call your family — your brothers, your father,” Joe said. “Everybody, no matter where they are, knows that they can come home.”

Learn more about the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and how you can help find forever families for more children lingering in foster care right now.

Modern Families

51-year-old empty nester who struggled to declutter her house shares 8 tips that finally worked

"Shoes are put away immediately upon walking in the house."

empty nester, empty nesters, declutter, decluttering, decluttering tips

Photo credit: Canva

Mom and empty nester shares her tips for decluttering her home.

Deep cleaning and decluttering a home is a daunting task—especially for empty nesters. After spending a lifetime creating memories and living together under one roof, doing a big declutter can take an emotional toll.

It's a milestone that many empty nesters know the sting of. And in an cleaning community on Reddit, a 51-year-old mom and recent empty nester shared her experience cleaning and decluttering her home after entering this new phase of life.

"In my entire life, my house has always been messy. I mean, I didn’t have a disaster-level situation going on, but if someone dropped by unannounced, it would’ve been super embarrassing," she shared. "When my kids were younger, we had a housekeeper because I just couldn’t keep up. Now that we’re empty nesters, I realized I never really learned how to keep house."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She explained that the book Unf*ck Your Habitat: You're Better Than Your Mess played an integral part in helping her declutter—and offered eight helpful tips to fellow empty nesters looking to organize their new lives.

1. Put stuff away, not down.

Her first tip is the key to decluttering.

"Whatever you have goes right back where it’s supposed to go when I’m done with it," she notes.

2. Do laundry every day.

And she doesn't just wash and dry her laundry when doing it.

"Just one load, start to finish. Wash, dry, fold, and put away," she shares. "Also, no chair or floor laundry. It gets put in the hamper or hung back up. No clothes are ever out."

3. I make the bed every day.

The benefits keep on giving by doing this, she notes.

"It just makes my bedroom look cleaner and I smile every time I come in my room," she writes. "Plus we aren’t fighting over the covers when we get in because the bed is straightened out."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

4. Do a quick daily clean-up of commonly used spaces.

She cleans the places that she and her husband use frequently.

"I keep a stack of cleaning rags in my master bath because it’s the only bathroom that’s used every single day. Every night, I spray the counter, wipe everything down, put everything back (that my husband leaves out), and wipe the mirror," she explains. "I also wipe down the toilet. I find that I don’t need a huge, big cleaning of this space because I’m keeping it up daily. Same goes for the kitchen."

5. Dishes are always put away, cabinet or dishwasher.

No dishes in the sink or stuck in the dishwasher.

"Dishes are finished in the dishwasher? It’s emptied and dirty ones are placed inside while waiting for the dishwasher to get full," she notes.

@brunchwithbabs
Life Changing Dishwasher Hack #tutorials #kitchenhacks #parentsoftiktok #dishwasherhack

6. Don't neglect your shoes.

When she takes them off, they get put away.

"Shoes are put away immediately upon walking in the house," she shares.

7. Knock out small tasks.

There is no time to waste.

"If it takes less than 5 minutes clean it while you’re waiting for something else to get done," she writes.

8. Take no days off.

Rather than assign certain days for cleaning, she is constantly doing it throughout the week.

"Lastly, I do not have scheduled cleaning days. I just do something all the time," she explains. "My life is kind of unpredictable, we love traveling or going out for the day so my so called cleaning schedule would be shot to hell every time. It’s better this way, because now I never feel behind."

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Education

The most likable people share a trait that is nearly impossible to fake

It's not about impressing people.

work, coworkers, laughing, computer, people having fun, coffee

via Canva/Photos

Coworkers laughing around the computer.

On Upworthy, we do a lot of stories on people skills to help people feel comfortable in social situations and make new friends. Across all our articles, we’ve found that people tend to like those who are interested in them, not those who go out of their way to impress. We’ve found that those who make a great first impression listen more than they talk and ask a lot of questions. We’ve also found that the kids who had the most friends in high school all have one thing in common: they like a lot of people back.

When you boil it all down, it comes to one big idea: People with excellent communication skills and who are well-liked make others feel seen. Having great people skills means being able to focus on others rather than ourselves, giving them our undivided attention, and showing genuine interest. When likable people talk to others, they make them feel like the only person in the room.

Likable people make others feel seen

“Whether it's a colleague, client, barista, or neighbor, highly likable people consistently show genuine interest and curiosity in other people. They don't throw around big gestures or declarations—they do it through small, everyday habits that signal warmth, attentiveness, and respect,” Lorraine K. Lee, an award-winning keynote speaker and best-selling author of Unforgettable Presence: Get Seen, Gain Influence, and Catapult Your Career, tells CNBC Make It.

5 ways to make other people feel seen

work, coworkers, laughing, people having fun, coffee Coworkers laughing in the hallway. via Canva/Photos

1. Match their emotional tone

One of the hallmarks of emotional intelligence is the ability to match others' emotional tone, which shows you are connected to them. If they’re smiling, you should be smiling; if they are feeling down, you don’t necessarily have to share the same emotions, but you should reflect their energy. Laughter matters, too. If they have a big laugh, then you should have one, too. In fact, matching laughter is such a strong indicator of emotional intelligence that NASA uses it to choose its astronauts.

2. Remember the small stuff

If you’re talking to someone at a party who you haven’t seen in a while, bring up something from the last time you spoke to show them you recall your last conversation. “How did that job interview go? I know you were up for a promotion,” or “I know you were planning on going to Europe, did you visit France?” This is also great in a professional setting when you remember your coworkers' children's names or ask how their mother is doing after surgery.

date, first date, man and woman, drinks, great tonversation, communications tips A man and woman enjoying a conversation.via Canva/Photos

3. Be a receptive listener

People who make others feel seen practice active listening so the person they're talking to knows they have their full attention. Active listeners don’t wait for their time to jump in and say something; they often reflect what the person is saying to show they understand them and are making a connection. Reflective listening involves two important techniques: mirroring and paraphrasing. “Mirroring involves repeating key phrases back to the speaker (‘I'm really upset that I missed my bus this morning.’ ‘You missed your bus.’) Paraphrasing involves repeating a rephrased version of what they've said (‘I'm really upset I missed my bus this morning.’ ‘You were upset about being late.’),” the University of New South Wales writes.

4. See them beyond their role

“People want to be recognized as whole humans—not just 'coworker,’ ‘parent,’ or ‘barista.’ Use their name, ask about their life outside their label, and notice who they are beyond what they do,” Lee writes. This way of seeing things also opens us up to better conversations. You don’t have to talk to the accountant at work about finances or another parent at the soccer game about the school your kids attend. By opening up the conversation to something more personal, people will feel seen.

5. Give credit to others

Whenever you have a moment in the spotlight, whether it’s receiving praise for a great campaign you just ran at work, or talking to your family at Christmas about how wonderful dinner was, spread the love around. When discussing your achievements, give others some credit. “Thanks for loving the turkey, you know, Grace made the stuffing,” or “The Target campaign did really well, it was Will who thought of the tagline.” Giving credit builds trust in others and makes them want to work with you.

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Popular

15 old-school casserole recipes that feel like home for boomers and Gen Xers

Tried-and-true one-pan dinners from back in the day.

casserole, casseroles, casserole recipe, casserole recipes, gen x, boomers

Image via Reddit/MyDogGoldi

Vintage casserole recipes from Gen X and boomer childhoods.

Childhood dishes can take you straight back to your seat at the family dinner table. Comfort meals that were served there are uber nostalgic. And there is one dish represents the epitome of Gen X and baby boomer childhoods: casseroles.

These one-dish wonders were loaded with flavor and baked to perfection. Pulled straight from the oven to the dinner table, casseroles filled the house with the smell of unique home-cooked recipes.

And while most of us are eating casseroles today at Thanksgiving, Gen Xers and boomers grew up eating casseroles on the reg.

Here are 15 old-school casserole recipes that Redditors grew up eating, which are just as yummy today:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Chicken casseroles

Fancy Fast Chicken casserole

"Fancy Fast Chicken is delicious and so simple. Line up chicken breasts in a casserole dish. Dump uncooked stuffing over top the chicken breasts. Pour Cream of Mushroom (Onion or chicken works too) and incorporate it into the stuffing. Top with cheese of your choice, and fried onions if you're inclined. Bake at 350 for 45min or until chicken is thoroughly cooked." - Applepoisoneer

Chicken Curry Divan casserole

"My favorite is Chicken Curry Divan. A friend made it for me in college 40 years ago and it is a favorite to this day. Never disappoints. Many people have asked me for the recipe over the years. My best friends kids now that they are grown have each approached me for it.

1 1/2 lbs chicken breast tenders cooked and cut into bite sized pieces
3 cups broccoli in bite sized pieces
2 cans Cream of Chicken soup
1 cup mayonnaise (must be Mayo)
2 tsp curry
Juice of 1 lemon
Shredded sharp cheddar (use the amount you like o like a nice even cover of the top)
3/4 cup crushed Ritz crackers
3 tbsp melted butter
In 9x13” baking pan layer chicken then broccoli.

Mix the soup, Mayo, lemon juice and curry together well, pour over chicken broccoli mixture evenly and smooth out. Sprinkle cheese over top evenly. Crush crackers fine, mix in melted butter well and sprinkle evenly over top. Cook at 375° for 25-30 minutes until bubbly and top brown. Serve with rice." - karinchup

Chicken and Rice casserole

"This baked rice & cheese casserole has become a staple in our house! It’s great as a side dish, or I’ll add rotisserie chicken and serve it as a main dish." - anchovypepperonitoni

Chicken & Dumplings casserole

"The secret of this is not to stir anything. That's what makes your dumplings. When you dish it out, you have your dumplings on top.
2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded; 2 cups chicken broth; 1/2 stick of butter; 2 cups Bisquick mix; 2 cups whole milk; 1 can cream of chicken soup; 1/2 medium onion, minced; 1 cup frozen peas; 3 tsp chicken Better Than Bouillon; 1/2 tsp dried sage; 1 tsp black pepper; 1/2 tsp salt.

(1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees
(2) Layer 1 - In 9x13 casserole dish, melt 1/2 stick of butter. Spread shredded chicken over butter. Sprinkle black pepper and dried sage over this layer. Do not stir.
(3) Layer 2 - Sprinkle minced onions and peas over chicken
(4) Layer 3 - In small bowl, mix milk and Bisquick. Slowly pour all over chicken. Do not stir.
(5) Layer 4 - In medium bowl, whisk together 2 cups of chicken broth, chicken bouillon, and soup. Once blended, slowly pour over the Bisquick layer. Do not stir.
(6) Bake casserole for 30-40 minutes, or until the top is golden brown." - Superb_Yak7074

Chicken broccoli casserole

"I made chicken broccoli casserole last week and that's a favorite here. This is pretty close to how I do it." - gimmethelulz

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Potato casseroles

Funeral Potatoes

"The unfortunately named, funeral potatoes!" - IRLperson

Tater Tot casserole

"Tater tot casserole. My mom made this at least once a week when I was growing up, but she added a quart of green beans to make it a meal. If you brown your ground beef in a good size cast iron skillet, you only dirty up one pan to make it!" - hcynthia1234, upperwareParTAY

Breakfast casserole

"I’m making a breakfast casserole this morning for brunch later—a bag of frozen hash brown potatoes thawed, a pound of sausage sauteed with peppers and onions, a brick of cheese grated, eight eggs beaten with a bit of milk and cream and some salt and pepper. Layer in a casserole, ending with cheese. Bake around an hour at 375." - CWrend

Hamburger pie casserole

"One of my childhood favorites. Did not add vegetables or cheese though. This was an end of the month struggle meal that everyone loved." - DarnHeather

Shepherd's pie casserole

"Shepherd's pie : brown 1.5 lbs ground beef with half a chopped onion, salt and pepper, drain it and then spread into a 13x9 and stir a can of cream of mushroom soup into it. Spread a drained family size can of corn on top, use a container of prepared mashed potatoes for the top layer. Bake for a half hour at 350." - ExplanationLucky1143

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Noodle casseroles

Tuna casserole

"Love my mom's tuna noodle casserole: 1 bag broad egg noodles, 1 can cream of mushroom soup, 2 cans tuna, 1 cup frozen corn or 1 can kernel corn, 2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese, 1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs, 1 tbsp celery salt
Cook noodles per package directions, drain, then place in a 13x9 casserole dish. Mix in cream of mushroom soup, tuna, corn, 1 cup of the cheddar cheese, and celery salt. Top the casserole with the remaining cheese and bread crumbs. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until done enough for you." - Pinkleton

Mock Stroganoff casserole

"Mock stroganoff - brown 1lb ground chuck. Mix in 8 oz sour cream and 1 can cream of mushroom. Add to 1 lb of cooked egg noodles. Season with black pepper. Extras - fresh mushrooms and/or onion cooked with the beef. Any precooked veggies of your choice, peas or broccoli work well. Splash of Worcestershire, soy sauce, or fish sauce. Garlic or onion powder. Parsley, thyme, or cilantro." - Nathan_Saul

Cabbage noodle casserole

"I have a quick cabbage and noodles that uses bagged cole slaw. Cook a bag of noodles. Put aside. Cut up a lb of bacon and a med onion. Cook in pan until bacon is slightly fried and onions are clear. Add cabbage(without carrots) let sit 10 min or so. Add to noodles. It's so easy." - conjas11

@allrecipes
Thanksgiving prep class is now in session! 🍂🧑‍🏫 If there's one thing you need to nail on the big day (other than the turkey, of course), it's Green Bean Casserole. This recipe tastes just like the one your grandmother used to make, if not even better! 😋 Continue reading or click the link in the @allrecipes bio to get the full recipe. Ingredients: 2 (15-ounce) cans cut green beans, drained 1 (10.5-ounce) can condensed cream of mushroom soup ¾ cup milk 1 (2.8-ounce) can French fried onions salt and ground black pepper to taste Directions: Gather all ingredients. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Mix green beans, condensed cream of mushroom soup, milk, and 1/2 of the fried onions in a 1.5-quart casserole dish. Bake in the preheated oven until heated through and bubbly, about 25 minutes. Sprinkle remaining onions on top and return to the oven for 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Let rest for a few minutes before serving. 🧑‍🍳: Nicole #thanksgiving #greenbeancasserole #greenbeans #thanksgivingsides

Vegetable casseroles

Green bean casserole

"This is the best green bean casserole recipe, it does use the canned onions but you make your own cream of mushroom and it's soooo good. I've made it on random weekends, it's not just a Thanksgiving food. I don't know much about older foods, I just really wanted to share that recipe."

Corn casserole

"Our family Corn custard doesn't have crackers but we double the recipe and there's never any left over. 2 eggs, 1 cup of sweetened condensed milk, 1/2 flour, 2 T soft butter, 1 tsp sugar, 1 can of creamed corn, 1 can of whole corn. Mix all together and bake in a 8x8 about 45 min at 350. Gotta have that!" - Psychological_Bat890

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Mental Health

22-year-old's blunt thoughts on grief after losing her younger brother provide comfort

"I don't feel like I see a ton of young people talking about grief. It's isolating."

grief, loss, sibling loss, losing a loved ones, death

Photo credit: Canva

Grief isn't linear and it isn't neat and tidy.

Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one knows that grief is weird. It's not linear. It's not simple or straightforward. It's doesn't fit neatly into a box or align with tidy definitions.

Grief is all the more complicated when you lose someone who, by the natural order of things, shouldn't have died. Some deaths are difficult but expected—we know at some point we will lose our grandparents, our parents, and others who are generations older than we are. But when a younger loved one dies, especially when we ourselves are young, there are loads of complex feelings to grapple with.

As 22-year-old TikToker Clara Rose Bell says, "I don't see a lot of young people talking about grief. It's isolating." Bell's younger brother died in June, and she shared some honest musings on her grief journey in a video that's since gone viral. So many people relate to her thoughts, and her articulation of some of the harder parts of grief to put into words is giving comfort.

@notclarabell

Bell begins by saying that she feels like she's supposed to say she "lost" her brother, like she's not supposed to say "he died," but that's what happened.

"Grief is so confusing," Bell says. "I never thought I'd be walking through heavy grief like sibling grief at 22. It's so devastating, honestly. I know you're supposed to like package it up and give people a version of your grief that's like, 'Hard, but getting through it!' you know, 'Hard, but purpose!' Sometimes I don't feel like that. Sometimes I just to be like, 'No, actually, this freaking sucks. This is horrible.'"

But, she says, the first thing people learn about grief is to try to not make people uncomfortable with it. People don't want to be around people who are sad or depressed all the time—it's draining.

"I get that," Bell says. "But that's also kind of grief, though. I spend a lot of time sad. And I hate that that makes me a depressing person to other people."

She says it feels like you're not supposed to talk about grief that much, like you're just supposed to walk through it alone. And a lot of people won't say a word about your loved one's death, perhaps because they don't know what to say and they hope that you'll just process it and move on.

"I'm never going to move on," Bell says. "I will talk about it for the rest of my life. I will grieve it for the rest of my life…there will never be a day that comes when I don't grieve him and don't wish that he were here."

@notclarabell
missing you every second of everyday 💙 my beautiful little brother patrick. The world is cold without you. But I know we’ll see each other again 💙🪽 To know him was to love him, a soul like no other.

She shared that one interesting thing about grief is that it has made her fear death less—not seeking it out, but not being afraid of it, either.

"I'm not afraid of dying," she says. "Sometimes I am afraid of living. Sometimes I'm afraid of living in a world without him, celebrating holidays without him."

And then there's the fact that she's a mom of young children, so she's trying to create beautiful, magical holiday memories for them while at the same time struggling through the "crushingly hard" grief of the first Christmas without her little brother. She knows that every holiday will be "quietly sad."

"I don't feel like I see a ton of young people talking about grief," Bell says. "It's isolating, and it's really isolating to go through at a young age, so I'm going to talk about it."

Bell acknowledges that there are so many people who are grieving and most people wouldn't know.

"Sometimes when I'm at the grocery store and I'm in line, I almost think to myself, 'I wonder if anyone in this line is grieving,' because it feels like a whole other universe that you can't fully understand until you go through it. What it's like to live in devastating grief, to feel like you can't get up, and yet get up."

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Bell shared that the "time heals all wounds" saying doesn't ring true at this point for her. "This is something that feels like it hurts more with time," she says. She takes it day by day, but there's a looming question of how it's going to feel, this missing her brother, years from now if it hurts this much after months.

She says that people's kind words have been "monumental" and "so impactful," even when it's from perfect strangers on the Internet. Seeing that people she doesn't even know, who have no obligation to care about her and her tragedy, will go out of their way to provide thoughtful words of comfort and kindness has her feeling hopeful for the world at large.

"One of my hard grief points is hopelessness for the world," Bell says. "So many bad things are happening. So many people are sad. It's just hard to feel hopeful sometimes. Like, is the world all bad? But it's the little things. How can the world be all bad when people exist that are caring with no obligation to?

Bell says she'll cycle through multiple emotions every hour. "I don't know if I believe so much in the steps of grief as much as it's like a circle of anger, denial, sadness, acceptance, kind of over and over. At least that's how it feels for me a lot of the time."

She also described the pressure she feels to "get over" her grief or to "handle" it, but she's realized that grief is proof of love, or "love with nowhere to go." Sometimes she just wants to be left alone in her sadness, to feel it all because, as she says, "Missing him is the closest I have to having him right now."

Bell does say that getting up to face the day has gotten a little bit easier than it was in the beginning, but some days and moments still feel impossible. "Mostly, I just miss him," she says.

@notclarabell
For me, grief changed the way I live. As hard as it is sometimes, I try to give life my all — to slow down and appreciate things and people in a deeper way. I’m hyper aware of the experiences and opportunities he’ll never get to have, and that hurts more than words can say. Every sunset, every beautiful day, I think of him first — how he would’ve loved it, and how he doesn’t get that chance. Because of that, I live for him. I try to notice every small moment, every person, every gift in my life. To live in the present and remember that our time here is fragile. And to keep finding purpose and meaning, while I have the opportunity to. 🖤

So many people commented with appreciation for Bell putting words to feelings they themselves have gone through in their own grief journeys, especially those who have experienced sibling loss:

"Let me tell you, I’m going on 3 years in December without my little brother. And I cried while watching your video. You never get over it. I miss him so much. I hate that we are able to relate but like you said at least we aren’t going through it alone. Sending love!"

"I lost my brother over 10 years ago who was my best friend💔 & everything you said is true. It never goes away & you just learn to cope better. I miss him everyday. Sometimes I talk about him without crying & other times I barely can get the words out without nearly sobbing. The milestones and holidays are always hard. Sending big hugs and love. 🤍🤍"

"I lost my brother 3 years ago, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s scary and weird and it won’t feel real for a while, the first set of holidays are the hardest and it never really feels right again, but please don’t lose the will to celebrate holidays, birthdays, milestones, etc."

"I lost my sister when she was 18 and I was 20. 10 years later and I’m still not over it. It was right before the holidays too. I remember my mom calling us saying she was at the store and she forgot what she buys for thanksgiving dinner. My brothers and I laughed but looking back I think it was a huge moment of grief for her and I still think about that so much."

"Sibling loss is one of the worst and hardest thing i’ve ever had to go through, it’s confusing and so so unfair. everything you said is so completely valid."

When we share our experiences and put them into words, it helps others find expression for their own feelings. That's extra important for grief, which is particularly complicated. It's also important to know that we're never alone in our grief—sometimes we just need a reminder.

You can follow Clara Rose Bell on TikTok.

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Parenting

Parents share the 'one simple habit' that made their lives run so much smoother

Parenting is hard work, but these tiny tweaks can make all the difference.

parents, parenting tips, parenting advice, parenting hacks, life hacks, kids, routines, self improvement

Photo credit: Canva

Family sharing a joyful conversation on the couch.

When parents are pushed to the limit (which, let’s face it, is pretty much all the time) the last thing they need is some newfangled, overly complicated way of doing things, no matter how life changing others claim it is.

Luckily, making our lives a little smoother isn’t contingent on a complete overhaul of our current routines. In truth, it’s the smallest, simplest tweaks that often have the biggest impact. Just ask the parents who implemented them.

Over on Reddit’s parenting forum, a mom going through what she called her “simplify everything” era shared how just doing a little breakfast prep the night before and switching up screen-time rules made the “whole week feel lighter.”

It made her curious about what was working similarly well for other families, so she posed the question: “What’s a small change that’s made a big difference for you as a parent lately?” and the answers did not disappoint.

From scheduling tweaks to go-to bedtime practices to helpful pieces of self-talk (not to mention a whoooooole lotta laundry hacks) it’s easy to see how these tweaks could add back some much needed peace in the day. And when parents are often just trying to get through the day, any bit helps.

Check out the answers below:

“Shared family calendar app. This helps eliminate some of the mental load it takes with planning appointments, family plans, etc. My husband sees when I schedule things in real time and vice versa, which helps reduce the “what are we doing today” type of questions. 😅We also divide and conquer during morning and evening routines. For example, one of us will help get the kids ready while the other sets up breakfast, coffee and whatever else is needed to get us out of the house on time.”

“Replaced all the kids socks with plain white whites so I don’t have to worry when one goes missing (bc we seem to lose a sock a week!) and keep them in a bin next to our shoe bin downstairs. Super simple to do and somehow has saved my sanity.”

parents, parenting tips, parenting advice, parenting hacks, life hacks, kids, routines, self improvement Colorful knitted socks hanging on display.Photo credit: Canva

“I’m a therapist and there’s a motto in the field — ‘the slower you go, the faster you get there.’ I’ve been applying this to my time with my two year old. Any hurrying, frenetic energy just ultimately slows down the process. Slowing down and prioritizing connection makes a world of difference.”

“I have stopped folding her clothes because she digs through the drawers and destroys the folds anyway.”

“Setting alarms for EVERYTHING.”

“My elementary kids are in a bunch of after school activities. I basically have a big kid diaper bag in the car - snacks, extra water bottles, first aid kid, headphones, coloring books, hair ties, etc. I try to replenish the night before and it makes 2-5pm go much smoother.”

“We try to always have a container of chopped veggies in the fridge. Sometimes with hummus sometimes a favorite dressing sometimes nothing additional. When they ask to have something to eat, they go there first. If I’m prepping dinner I pull that out and put it on the table. They don’t pester me about when time dinner will be ready. If I’m making something my son doesn’t like as much, he fills up mostly on raw veggies and only has a little bit of dinner. It’s so easy to do and it’s is awesome I can’t complain that they’re eating veg.”

parents, parenting tips, parenting advice, parenting hacks, life hacks, kids, routines, self improvement Little one enjoying a crunchy carrot snack! 🥕Photo credit: Canva

“We keep our home simple and minimalist, it gives the kids more space to play and fewer things to break or turn into hazards.”

“Squatting/sitting on the floor with my almost 2yo twins instead of picking them up when they want me.”

“This might be controversial but we don't do pajamas. Meaning we have no distinction between daytime and night time clothing. Kids are 4 and 1. Before bed, I change them into clean clothes and those are the clothes they wear the next day. They don't have any clothes that would be uncomfortable to sleep in. Poor kids have a whole life ahead of them to wear hard pants, why introduce it now.”

“I just started making my bed everyday after purchasing a nice comforter to make my bed look nice and it really helps me feel like I’m having a productive start to the day!”

“Cutting my hair short.”

parents, parenting tips, parenting advice, parenting hacks, life hacks, kids, routines, self improvement Fresh haircut underway in the salon.Photo credit: Canva

“Setting up an activity for my 3 year old at night, so it's ready when he wakes up. It gives him something to play with when he's awake but still a little cranky, and it's usually an independent activity he can do while we get breakfast ready.”

“One thing that I find helpful both at home and work is to say either out loud to a coworker or my partner or other parent, or inside my head, is ‘the noise is better than quiet, this is part of development.’"

“Trying to leave 10 minutes before we actually need to.”

“I ask myself, ‘is it dangerous or inconvenient?’ before answering a question. I find myself saying no because I don’t want to deal with the mess, which is still totally valid sometimes but not all the time. I want to say yes when it’s possible so that my no holds more value.”

“Honestly? Lightening the f**k up. I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old, it's easy to get wrapped up in sticking to a schedule I've made up. Lately though I've been reminding myself to lighten the f**k up. My 4YO wants to dress herself? Fine. She wants to ‘wash dishes’ after taking her breakfast bowl to the sink? Whatever. I've worked more time into our routines so that I don't feel so rushed.”

parents, parenting tips, parenting advice, parenting hacks, life hacks, kids, routines, self improvement Joyful laughter under the sun.Photo credit: Canva

“Honestly I just say out loud to my kids ‘today is going to be a great day!!!’ as we’re getting ready in the morning chaos and somehow that seems to help keep my brain on track and positive, something I struggle with.”

It should go without saying that none of these hacks would work for every single family. But a major common denominator among all of them is that they began from a mindset shift of working within certain limitations rather than forcing things to be drastically different. Which is a great lesson for parents and non-parents alike, honestly.

Perhaps the biggest takeaway of all, even if you do none of these things, is to find what simple change is doable for your family, right here, right now. What you can do in between the soccer drop-offs and that 47th load of dishes…that sort of thing. Even incorporating a different motto can reclaim a sense of peace.

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