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17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.

Pro tip: Don't ask newlyweds about babies.

17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.


If you just got married, chances are lots of people think they know what your life is like.

These people are totally well-meaning! And also, mostly wrong.

Being married isn't exactly like it used to be. Which is great, as there are so many different, amazing ways to be newlyweds than ever before. But it's also occasionally frustrating, as we newlyweds are frequently forced to dispel a lot of myths about our relationships.

So let's get them out of the way in one fell swoop.

Here are the most common (but mistaken) assumptions strangers make when you're a newlywed couple, and what our lives are really like.

Assumption #1: We went on our honeymoon already, and we left right after the wedding.

Just like we imagined it. Because we did imagine it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: In our dreams, we definitely did — and we had a great time!

In real life, however, most of us can't just take a week (or more) off work at will. The office is hella busy, and on top of that, we live in the only wealthy country in the world that doesn't mandate any paid vacation. Many of us were barely able to get the day of our actual wedding off (ultimately, we compromised with our manager and took a half-day).

We're planning to get to it ... eventually. But it might be a while. We promise we'll send pictures!

Assumption #2: We're going to have babies ASAP.

Yay?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We love being married! But, you know, we actually haven't decided? About babies? We're just enjoying being married right now. But we'll let you know when it happens. We promise.

Assumption #3: We're going to move out of "the city" one day.

So many cheap noodles, so little time.

Photo by Anthony Quintano/Flickr.

Reality: It makes sense to assume that, like so many newly married couples in generations past, we're already planning our escape from our local metropolis to a less population-dense area TBD. But many of us who live in the city really, really like it! The city is great. There are good schools here. We can get nachos delivered at 3 a.m.! From either the good nacho place or the OK-but-cheap nacho place.

Sure, some of us are planning to one day move to the 'burbs for more space (and many already are), but many of us aren't. And still others of us who already live in the suburbs are making the suburbs more like the city.

Having a yard is really nice, but so is not having car insurance payments.

Assumption #4: We feel superior to our second-cousin Frieda whose boyfriend of 19 years still hasn't proposed.

Look! They seem happy!

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Even though we're feeling pretty good about being married, Frieda and Richard are adults and get to make their own decisions — no matter what Aunt Cindy thinks. Maybe they have financial reasons. Maybe they decided a long time ago they don't want to be married. Maybe they believe marriage is an oppressive, archaic, patriarchal institution that they don't want to participate in, and also they're vegan now.

In any case, leave Frieda and Richard alone.

Assumption #5: We're going to have babies soonish.

Aw?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So, yeah. Like I said. Really haven't decided about babies. Keeping our options open. But probably not soon? You know?

Assumption #6: One of us changed our last name.

Uncanny, really.

Image by Mary Rose Pickett/Sketchport.


Reality: There's totally nothing wrong with couples who decide that one partner will take the other's last name, of course. But not all of us do. At least 1 in every 5 women decide to keep their maiden names, according to a New York Times survey. And if you haven't taken your partner's last name, it's kind of frustrating to constantly hear yourself referred to as Mr./Mrs. Someone Else (for opposite-gender couples, this pretty much applies exclusively to women).

If you're not sure what last name to use, just ask! We'll tell you what the deal is.

Assumption #7: We're having Guinness Book of World Records amounts of sex.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: For those of us who waited to have sex until marriage — which is, of course, totally cool — you might need a supercomputer to tabulate. But lots of us have been together for a long time already and may even have been living together already, so we're probably having whatever amount of sex is normal for us. It's just a regular part of our lives that throwing a wedding doesn't really have a magical impact on.

After many years in a relationship, most of us take "Netflix and chill" quite literally. And seriously.

Assumption #8: We've finished all our thank-you notes.

It. Just. Doesn't. Get. Easier.

Photo by happy_serendipity/Flickr.

Reality: Never. We'll be writing these until the end of time.

Assumption #9: Hanging out with one of us means hanging out with both of us.

You will listen to us talk about our trip to Block Island and you will enjoy it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We're still different people. Each of us is a self-sufficient being with free will. And we're probably totally down to hang out with you, even if our spouse isn't available.

Except you, Greg. We're totally avoiding you.

Assumption #10: We're going to have babies ever.

Bujjy bujjy boo?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So um, like I said, there's actually a chance we might never have babies? We might decide we don't want them after all. We might find out we can't — in which case, these questions might become extremely invasive and painful. We might adopt a child ... who's not a baby. We haven't figured it out yet.

At the end of the day, It's kinda up to us, you know?

Assumption #11: We never use the garlic press you got us.

Such a great gift.

Photo by Lee Kindness/Wikimedia Commons.

Reality: We use it all the time! Thank you so much!

Assumption #12: One of us is going to stay home and take care of the house from here on in.

We will still make the hell out of some lemonade, though.

Photo via iStock.


Reality: Some of us might want to be a housewife or husband. Others of us shudder at the thought of giving up our careers, or urging our spouse to give up theirs. Still others of us might want to, but might not be able to forfeit the second income. There's really no right — or standard — way to do it anymore.

Assumption #13: We both have all the same likes, dislikes, preferences, outlooks, and opinions now.

Missy and I have been getting really into '80s ice dancing.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: My wife will never convince me to like jazz. And I will probably never convince her to like "Captain Phillips" fan fiction. And you know what? We're OK with that.

For the things that matter, we're committed to presenting a united front. But we're still individuals with different thoughts, feelings, and opinions about what Tom Hanks was up to two weeks before the Somali pirates attacked, 'cause honestly, that's where the real drama of the story probably is.

Assumption #14: We wear wedding rings.

Help. Someone glued our hands together. Please call the cops.

Photo by TanyaVdB/Pixabay.

Reality: Some of us like wearing a physical symbol of our connection and duty to our spouse. Some of us don't as much. So we don't wear them. But don't worry! We're still extreme double married 5000.

Assumption #15: Making us a pink cake that says "baby" on it is going to change our mind about babies.

Mmmmmmmm. Nope.

Photo by Frosted with Emotion/Flickr.

Reality: It won't. But we will definitely eat that cake.

Assumption #16: Our lives are a lot different now.

Married or not, we still have three more seasons of "Justified" to get through.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Beginning roughly seven seconds after we say, "I do," lots and lots and lots of well-intentioned people ask: "How does it feel?!" seemingly expecting to hear: "So much has changed! We got matching ponies! Being married really is a whole new world!" It feels like we're disappointing them when we answer, "Pretty much the way we did the day before the wedding." Which is silly, since there's no shame in that.

For some couples, life is a lot different after marriage, and that's great. But if stuff is kinda sorta the same, that's OK too! Life was great before. That's why we decided to get married.

Assumption #17: If we're not going to lay out a precise plan for having babies, at least we'll probably get a pet.

Blah.

Photo by Madalena Provo, used with permission.


Reality: OK. This one is true.


This article originally appeared on 11.06.15









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Movies

A mom showed her Gen Z kids 'Ferris Bueller' and was surprised who they think the real hero is

Gen X and Gen Z apparently see the hero's journey very differently.

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A photo collage from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

It's really interesting what nearly 35 years does to the lens of perspective. When my friend invited me to join her family for their once-a-month movie night, she asked which John Hughes movie she should show her 14-year-old twins. The answer was obvious. It had to be something fun, school-related, and iconic. Ferris Bueller's Day Off seemed to be the perfect choice as we Gen X-ers loved it when we were exactly their age in 1986.

The fraternal twins (one boy, one girl) sat down on a rare early Saturday evening when neither had dance practice or a sleepover. We gathered in our comfy clothes, popped some popcorn, and hit "rent now."

They were excited by the opening scene, where an adorable Matthew Broderick (doesn't matter what generation one is, he transcends them all) is pretending to be sick in bed with worrying parents. His sister Jeanie is suspicious and exhausted by his antics, but Ferris prevails. He then proceeds to give a brilliant monologue about eating life up and living in the moment. His now-famous line, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it,” is still plastered in quote books and on Bumble profiles.

The twins seemed inspired, and one of them actually teared up in the first five minutes.

The opening scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, Film Studies Fundamntals

Spoilers ahead: the movie is pretty simple. Ferris is a super cool high school kid with a beautiful girlfriend, Sloane, played by Mia Sara. His best friend is a depressed hypochondriac named Cameron, who is played to perfection by Alan Ruck. Ferris skips school a lot (nine times!) and grabs each day by the neck. There are themes of Hedonism, Nihilism, and Taoism, but neither of the twins mentioned that.

The first thing both kids DID bring up (after being delighted by the shower monologue) was how privileged the characters were. Affluent Chicago suburbs, after all, was the setting John Hughes knew best. They also noted, as many have over the years, that Ferris seemed rather selfish and insensitive to what others in his life wanted and needed.

Ferris Bueller, 80s movies, Gen X, Gen ZA Ferris Buellers Day Off Film GIFGiphy Paramount Pictures

There have been many conversations over the years about Cameron being the true hero of the film. He has a story arc, unlike Ferris, that is unwavering. He's sad, but pushes through it and even gets the guts up to stand up to his father after a Ferrari incident.

In fact, there was a theory that Ferris was a figment of Cameron's imagination—a Fight Club scenario, if you will. Robert Vaux writes on CBR, "The theory holds that the entire day is a fantasy taking place in Cameron's head while he lies sick in bed. His sickness actually supports the theory: once Ferris comes over, it vanishes, and Cameron plunges energetically, if reluctantly, into the events of the day. According to the theory, it's because there are no events of the day. He's still sick at home, and the whole thing is a daydream."

cameron, ferris bueller's day off, 80s movies, john hughes, gen x, gen zCameron GIF in Ferris Buellers Day Off 80SGiphy, Paramount Pictures

I fully expected the twins to have similar thoughts. If not the Fight Club part, at least the idea that Cameron was the true protagonist. But what they (both of them) said instead was shocking. "No," the daughter told me. "I mean, I liked Ferris and I loved Cameron. But it's Jeanie who's the hero here."

Jeanie, the sister mentioned earlier, was played with pure rage by Jennifer Grey. She spends most of the movie attempting to narc on Ferris rather than enjoying her own beautiful day. She is angry and determined until…she meets a "bad boy" at the county jail, played complete with bloodshot eyes by Charlie Sheen.

Taken aback, their mom pushed back. "Jeanie, the sister? Why?"

The son answers, "She just changes the most. She starts out, like, having it in for Ferris. Really, having it in for EVERYONE. And then she just like figures it out." The daughter adds, "Yeah, in the end she was rooting for Ferris. She came the farthest from where she started and she's the one who kinda saved him."

Jennifer Grey meets Charlie Sheen in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, Tvoldy23

Gobsmacked, I turned to Reddit for more answers. In the subreddit r/movies, someone recently posted, "Something I noticed about Ferris Bueller's Day Off." They then proceed to drive the Cameron theory forward. "At the start of the film, Cameron is in bed sickly and not really confident in himself, but as the movie progresses, he starts to get more confidence, and by the end, he gains the courage to stand up to his father."

A Redditor replies with this thoughtful answer: "I've heard it called a flat character arc when the protagonist doesn't change but is instead the catalyst for those around them to change. It's hard to pull off but is often the most satisfying kind of character. Ted Lasso (especially in season one) is a good example."

Others echo that idea, offering up characters like Forrest Gump and The Dude from The Big Lebowski. They stayed exactly the same while the world or others in their lives changed around them. It's described on a YouTube clip as "The moment you realize the main character is not actually the main character."

The movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off is dissected. www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, CinemaStix

This would give credence to the twins' opinion. But I'd never heard anyone choose Jeanie before, and they weren't swayed by Grey's performance in Dirty Dancing because they haven't seen it yet. When pressed one more time, their answer didn't change. "No doubt, it's the sister. She should have a spinoff." Their mom was so proud and we all totally agree.

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Pets

Experts share the three ways you can usually tell someone is a 'cat person'

"Dog people wish their dogs were people. Cat people wish THEY were cats."

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A person lovingly holds a cat.

Cats vs. dogs, a duel as old as time. The truth is it’s perfectly okay to love both furry four-legged creatures, as they each bring their own quirky, lovable eccentricities to this world. (It’s like having to choose between cake or pie. Delicious either way, so choose both!) Dogs’ and cats’ personalities and traits vary by breed, of course, and no two animals are alike. But our love for them and who we’re drawn to can often say a lot about us.

dogs, cats, animals, pets, companionsA cat and dog cuddle on the floor. Photo by Louis-Philippe Poitras on Unsplash

As a dog person, I’ve always been curious as to what traits “dog moms” often have. Many over the years have concluded that the pet you love having in your home tends to fit who you are. Dogs are usually loyal, eager, and like structure, just like their people. Cats, the conventional wisdom goes, are more independent, mysterious, and introverted—often like cat owners. (Of course this is a broad assessment, and plenty of dog owners want to be left alone, while cat peeps dance on tabletops. At least one!)

But more interestingly, a recent article suggests that the animal you pick can say a lot about your attachment style. To understand the context, Attachment Theory was coined by psychiatrist John Bowlby, who noted that our early caregivers often shape how we attach to each other throughout our lives. The bond between ourselves and our primary caregiver (often our moms) in the first two years of life can deeply affect how we interact and develop social bonds as adults.

Psychologist Mary Ainsworth took this research even further. In what’s called the Strange Situation, she actually studied children and their interaction with their caregivers and noted the difference between secure and insecure attachment styles.

- Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation experiment.www.youtube.com

Though many researchers studied the concept, years later, psychiatrist Amir Levine and his colleague, psychologist Rachel Heller, helped build the popular notion that our attachment styles greatly affect our romantic relationships in adulthood. In their book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find—and Keep Love , they explore this theory thoroughly.

Columbia Psychiatry states, “The authors popularized attachment theory—the idea that early emotional bonds with our caregivers impacts our future relationships—exploring three distinct attachment styles that affect the way we deal with relationship conflicts, our feelings toward sex, and our expectations of romantic intimacy.”

They go on to explain, in short, “People with anxious attachment styles tend to be insecure about their relationships, fear abandonment, and often seek validation. Those with avoidant styles have a prevailing need to feel loved but are largely emotionally unavailable in their relationships. And a securely attached person is comfortable giving and receiving love, can trust others and be trusted, and gets close to others with relative ease.”

- Animated video about attachment theorywww.youtube.com

Which brings us back to cats. In the article “Are You a Cat Person or a Dog Person? Here’s What Psychology Has to Say” for VeryWell Mind by journalist Wendy Rose Gould, she notes that “rather than our fave pet simply mirroring our personality, these preferences and relationships can give us insight into who we are, how we operate, and how we interact with the world. For example, it might tell us something about our attachment styles, whether we’re outgoing or introverted, or even how we handle independence and companionship.”

She cites psychologist Michael Kane, PsyD, who shares, “Cat enthusiasts [may] appreciate the less demanding and more autonomous companionship offered by cats. Feline indulgers enjoy the companionship of cats as they prefer connections that are meaningful but not as demanding.” (Dog lovers, on the other hand, [may] enjoy close and reciprocal relationships with dogs as they resemble secure, dependent bonds that provide emotional comfort, stability, and security.)

cat, pets, solitude, introvert, felinesA bored cat files its nails.Giphy

(To put this in Attachment Theory terms, cat people might lean avoidant, while dog people a tad more anxious in their relationship styles.)

Gould goes on to describe two other cat people "tells." One is their (possible) preference for introversion, which is really just how we give and receive energy. Again quoting Dr. Kane, “Cat people have shown to be more open to experience and scored higher on introversion, which suggests that they appreciate more solitude and less social interaction.”

Lastly, Gould shares that cat owners tend to be more spontaneous than their structured dog-loving counterparts. “Cat owners may be more adaptable and comfortable with a looser, go-with-the-flow approach, as felines tend to be more independent and require less regimented care. This could reflect a person’s comfort level with spontaneity, flexibility, and self-guided motivation in their daily life.”

Best to let this Reddit comment from the thread "What is the difference between a cat person and a dog person?" sum it up: " Dog people wish their dogs were people. Cat people wish they were cats."

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Culture

Psychology reveals surprising personality traits of people who still write grocery lists by hand

Could this really be relevant? Yes.

Photo credit: Canva

Phone or handwritten? The great debate ensues.

Are you the type of person who always writes grocery lists by hand? Perhaps on the back of a receipt, in a special notebook, or on an index card? Do you insist on this method, even though you’re the only one in the store unfurling paper like an ancient scroll while everyone has their heads down, tapping away at their phones?

Lists are undoubtedly important. In a recent poll, research revealed that the average British adult writes an average of three to-do lists a week—which, in some cases, can add up to 9,766 lists in a lifetime. “Evidently, we all rely on lists for one aspect of life or another,” commented Shahbaz Khan from STABILO, a high-quality pen and pencil company.

But when it comes to the actual list-making, does the method in which you create it really matter? Apparently, yes. And your choice, handwritten or digital, can say a lot about your personality.


grocery list, grocery, lists, handwritten, handwritingPeople who write their lists by hand might be able to remember them better.Photo credit: Canva

If you prefer handwriting, you’re likely…

To have a mind that operates like a filing cabinet.

In 2024, two professors at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, Dr. Audrey L.H. Van der Meer and F.R. (Ruud) Van der Weel, found that handwriting activates more elaborate and widespread brain connectivity patterns compared to typing. They suggest that the physical act of moving your hand while writing creates spatial and temporal patterns in the brain that promote learning.

In a similar study, Japanese researchers found that participants who wrote calendar events by hand on paper showed increased brain activity—particularly in memory regions—compared to those who recorded the same information on smartphones. The hand writers also recalled the information 25% faster than those who typed. Writing by hand triggers extra neural activity in regions tied to learning and memory. So, no matter how messy your handwriting might be, that grocery list might also be giving your memory a little work-out.

via GIPHY

To be naturally conscientious and understand the secret to success.

Conscientiousness isn't the same as self-control or self-restraint—rather, it refers to a person's tendency to be organized, reliable, goal-directed, and self-disciplined. It's no surprise, then, that those who score highly in conscientiousness tend to be successful: they aim for high-profile outcomes and have the ability to develop well-thought-out plans to accomplish their goals.

Comfortable getting tactile.

Nothing quite compares to writing with your perfect pen. (By the way, what's yours? A Pilot G2-2? Uni-ball Vision Elite? Or perhaps something fancy, like the Squire Classic Pen from Baronfig?) It's a complete sensory experience as your pen glides across paper. This physical connection helps create a deeper engagement with the task at hand.

woman, child, grocery, shopping, listWriting your list by hand could curb impulse shopping. Photo credit: Canva

To not buy on impulse.

Yanliu Huang and Zhen Yang from the LeBow College of Business at Drexel University examined how handwritten shopping lists differ from digital ones. Their research showed that people who write lists on paper tend to make more planned purchases and fewer impulse buys.

However, there are a few downsides to a handwritten grocery list…

Let's face it: sometimes you can't read your own handwriting. When rushing, you might scribble illegibly, forget items, or leave the paper at home entirely. (Pro tip for forgetful hand-writers: snap a photo of your list before heading out, just in case.)

Paper lists are also cumbersome to update on the go. Picture this—you've just remembered you need onions while backing out of the driveway, but now you're scrambling for a pen. Don't do this. Plus, paper lists make it difficult to coordinate shopping with other people.


via GIPHY

If you’re #DigitalForever, you’re likely…

In a poll of 2,000 people in the United Kingdom, researchers found that when it comes to list-making, only 40% use their phones, while 63% write on notepads and 24% use sticky notes. So congrats—you're right in the middle!

Extremely efficient and organized.

Your phone is a miracle list-maker: people who use digital lists value practicality over sentimentality—they appreciate the power of automatic sorting, expense tracking, and integrated coupon features. These lists can be updated instantly and accessed from almost any device, making them the most efficient, streamlined option.

Someone who uses data to make decisions.

Beyond expense tracking, many apps provide nutritional data, meal planning suggestions, and inventory management—helping you make smarter, healthier food choices. You're not just shopping anymore; you're strategically planning your nutrition.

groceries, grocery shopping, produce, lists, shopping, nutritionDigital lists are perfect for collaborations. Photo credit: Canva

Collaborating with someone in the kitchen.

The beauty of a digital list is that it can be shared with others in real time, allowing multiple people to add items seamlessly. This eliminates miscommunications and duplicate purchases while reducing paper waste and promoting environmentally friendly habits.

The digital life has its downsides, too…

Taking a break from your phone can be refreshing, but keeping your grocery list there means more screen time—potentially leading to digital fatigue or distractions from notifications and other apps. There's also the practical concern: what if your phone dies, you lose Internet connection, or your service drops out while shopping?

Grocery shopping can be such a treat. Whether you use digital lists, handwritten scribbles, or memory tricks to track what you need, there's no wrong approach. The “best” way to write a grocery list depends on you: your personal preferences, your lifestyle, and what works for your routine. Ask yourself, “What will make me feel the most organized and calm?” Then let your grocery list lead the way.


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Parenting

Parenting experts share 8 toxic phrases to never use with kids

They instantly make kids not want to listen.

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Parenting experts explain why parents should avoid saying these toxic phrases.

There is no such thing as the "perfect parent." Since people aren't perfect, their parenting can't be either. In fact, there are a number of things that can cause parents to unintentionally hurt their kids--from generational trauma to stress and frustration. Sometimes the most loving parents can spew out toxic words and phrases to their kids.

Not only can this lead to further behavioral issues, but it can instill in them toxic messages they will carry into future relationships--and as parents themselves one day. Being aware of toxic parenting phrases before they are used is a positive first step, followed by understanding why and how they can impact kids.

These are eight of the most common toxic phrases parents should avoid saying to their kids, according to parenting experts.

1. Never say: 'You look terrible.'

Sure, it may be coming from an honest place, but parents who use this phrase may be unknowingly image shaming their kids, causing insecurities to "skyrocket," according to the experts at Psych2Go. It could also possibly lead to body issues in the future.

2. Never say: 'You're a freak.'

By saying this to your child, you may be imprinting the message that they are "ill-fitting to the world," and also implying "there is something wrong with them as a person," notes Pysch2Go.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

3. Never say: 'You know better than that.'

According to parenting coach Reem Raouda, parents should say instead: "Something's getting in the way of your best self right now. Let's talk about it."

She explains that this avoids shaming your child, and reframes the scenario from punishment to partnership. "It assumes the best in your child and encourages self-reflection instead of defensiveness. It sends the message: 'I believe in you, and I'm here to help'," says Raouda.

4. Never say: 'You're so immature.'

Emotions like disgust, ridicule, and shame may be triggered if you say this to your child, notes Psych2Go.

5. Never say: 'Because I said so.'

Raouda shares that saying this to your child not only shuts down communication, but it also teaches blind obedience.

Instead, you can try saying: "I know you don't like this decision. I'll explain, and then we're moving forward." "You're not debating or negotiating—you're modeling respectful leadership. This phrasing acknowledges their feelings and reinforces that you're in charge in a calm, grounded way," she says.

6. Never say: 'This is your fault.'

This phrase is manipulative, according to Psych2Go. "A parent placing blame on their child and acting victimized causes the child to feel like a burden or even a curse. This can lead to them going to great lengths to avoid being a so-called problem, maybe even enslaving themselves to maintain acceptance."

7. Never say: 'Show me some respect.'

Of course, respect should be given when it is properly due. But parents who command this of their kids can not only be confusing, but also stunt your child's critical thinking and questioning, shares Psych2Go.

8. Never say: 'Do what I say or else.'

Saying this to your child is "an outright threat," which totally dismisses your child's needs and desires. In turn, this can lead to your child feeling unworthy of anything but your whims as a parent, says Psych2Go.

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Cop pulls over a man for speeding, finds out he's going to a funeral, and helps him tie his tie

"𝙍𝙀𝙈𝙄𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍: compassion still exists, even on the side of the road."

St. Tammany Parish Sheriff’s Office/Facebook

Good things are still happening in the world. Here's proof.

Louisiana-based Deputy Dustin Byers was just doing his job when he stopped a man for speeding on the highway. But when he found out the man was actually on his way to a funeral, it became anything but a routine work day.

As the St. Tammany Parish Sheriff’s Office wrote in a Facebook post titled “A Traffic Stop Comes With a Side of Compassion,” which has been shared more than 2,000 times, “The man explained he was on his way to a funeral and was having a tough day. To top it off, he couldn’t get his tie right.”

Without skipping a beat, Byers, who did know how to properly tie a tie, offered his assistance. In the shared photo, we see the man’s bright blue tie getting fixed.

“REMINDER: compassion still exists, even on the side of the road,” the sheriff’s office added.

Though PEOPLE confirmed that Byers did, in fact, still issue a citation, countless people commended him for showing empathy even while fulfilling his duty.

“This right here is a powerful reminder that kindness knows no uniform, no badge, and no boundaries,” one person said. “In a moment that could have simply been about a traffic stop, Deputy Byers chose compassion — turning frustration into dignity and stress into support.”

They continued, “It’s the small gestures that leave the biggest impact…May we all strive to lead with empathy, no matter the circumstance.”

Here’s a sampling of more lovely comments:

“This is what is listening to each other turns out to be like. Both walked away a better man ❤️❤️”

“That little bit of kindness will stay with him for a lifetime and I am sure it made his day a little easier to deal with. 💙”

“This is what it means to serve and protect. Great job officer.”

“An easy act of kindness and compassion is always remembered. I’m sure this helped this young man with the struggles he was facing. Great job by this Officer.”

Indeed, there are moments like this that happen all the time. Acts of kindness from strangers, officers, elders, kids, animals, you name it. Yes, there are bad apples out there, but as often as possible, let’s remember—and celebrate—the ones doing good in the world. Now more than ever.

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