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fathers

It's the rehabilitation center's very first Parenting Prom.

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon in April 2025, something extraordinary happened at California's most famous prison, San Quentin Rehabilitation Center (SQRC). The prison's chapel was transformed into a gorgeous ballroom: music filled the air, an illuminated dance floor beckoned, the scent of fresh flowers wafted through the room, and twinkling lights sparkled overhead. Outside, guests arrived on a ruby red carpet. Girls wore beautiful gowns and dresses; their fathers, in sharp tuxedos, held corsages ready to be tied onto their daughters' wrists. This wasn't a prom in the usual high school Never Been Kissed sense. Instead, it was a magical evening where 17 incarcerated fathers got the chance to do something many of us take for granted: simply dance with their daughters and make them feel special.

Twenty-five daughters, ages 7 to 27, walked down that red carpet to reunite with their beloved fathers—some hadn't seen each other in years, others in over a decade. On the sidelines, “correctional officers, guardians, mothers, and volunteers cheered as each reunion took place. Some people were in tears, writes,” Localnewsmatters. SQRC's “Parenting Prom” was planned and hosted by The People in Blue (TPIB), a coalition of innovative incarcerated individuals working to reimagine California's prisons from the inside. This night in April was never meant to be a singular, one-off event—this is what rehabilitation can look like at its best: healing families and individuals, rather than warehousing people who have made mistakes.



 
@drumarjojodinero

16 incarcerated fathers got to reunite with their daughters for a Daddy Daughter Dance in San Quentin Prison. They have waited years for this moment. Some have waited decades. These kind of moments are sacred to many parents who deeply appreciate, care about, and love their children. Most men are incarcerated don’t even get this opportunity. Let alone get a phone call/a visit/even a letter.. This is what rehabilitation should look like. This what restoration should look like ‼️🥹 Such a beautiful event. For just a few hours, these men got to experience something different. For just a few hours, this didn’t feel like prison. #healing #happyfathersday #fatherdaughter #sanquentin #fyp #daddydaugtherdance #massincarceration

 

If you think prison is just about punishment, you’re missing the bigger picture

 

This is what healing looks like in action.

“We want to promote healing,” said Arthur Jackson, The People in Blue’s president. “We want to promote healing for everybody, victims of crime, families, communities, and incarcerated individuals. We believe families are critical to rehabilitation and healing, and we want to normalize these reunions as much as possible.”

Members of TPIB worked as ushers and servers, ensuring everyone in attendance—mothers, guardians, daughters, and fathers—were well cared for and enjoying themselves. The idea for the Parenting Prom began in 2023, when someone noticed Louis Sale (a TPIB member and the night's emcee) dancing with his daughter, Matalena, at the SQRC Hawaiian Makahiki celebration. The inspiration grew when residents at SQRC watched the documentary Daughters in 2024, which showcases a similar father-daughter dance in a Washington, D.C. jail. It resonated deeply. “We knew we had to make it happen,” says Sale.


 father, daughter, dance, hugging, reuniting "We knew we needed to make it happen," said the emcee, Louis Sale. Credit: @drumarjojodinero (TikTok)

San Quentin, California's oldest and most well-known prison, is undergoing a major transformation into a rehabilitation-focused facility. Inspired by Scandinavian models, the new San Quentin Rehabilitation Center prioritizes education, therapy, job training, and family connection while moving away from traditional punishment approaches. The goal? To reduce recidivism—the relapse into criminal behavior after release—and prepare incarcerated individuals for successful reentry into society. This revolutionary change has the prison now housing approximately 3,900 individuals, with a focus on lower-risk individuals who can benefit most from rehabilitation programs.


“I can't stop crying”

Each incarcerated father was required to complete and graduate from an eight-week family communication workshop. The workshop was created by Tam Nguyen, a TPIB member who has been incarcerated for 22 years and has prior training from the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation's Offender Mentor Certification Program and the Youthful Offender Program.

“I started this workshop to help bring families closer together,” said Nguyen. “If we don’t have strong family ties when we go back to our communities, it increases the recidivism rate.”

One of those graduates was Steven Embrey, who danced with his three daughters, Ase (7), Anna (9), and Tiara (28). “This workshop helped me be more understanding. I listen more, and we talk about reasonable and unreasonable expectations,” he said.


 father, daughter, dance, hugging, reuniting Some of the fathers hadn't seen their daughters in years. Credit: @drumarjojodinero (TikTok)

The emotional impact of the night was immediate and profound. Carrington Russelle, another incarcerated father who graduated from the class, reunited with his 12- and 14-year-old daughters, Jazlyn and Jayla, who had traveled all the way from Georgia to see him.

“It's the first time I saw them in person in more than a decade,” said Russelle. “I can't stop crying.”

One of the most powerful moments came during the slow dance to Luther Vandross' “Dance with My Father.” There wasn't a dry eye in the room as correctional officers, volunteers, and family members watched fathers—some who hadn't seen their daughters in decades—embrace and share that special song together.

“I have been at San Quentin over 20 years. I have probably witnessed hundreds of events, but nothing like this,” said acting chief deputy warden Eric Patao. “I have three daughters. I understand a father's love. We have a common bond today.”


 father, daughter, dance, hugging, reuniting The Parenting Prom was a community event, cultivated with love. Credit: @drumarjojodinero (TikTok)

Another beautiful aspect? The evening was truly a community effort: some daughters received free flights and hotel accommodations to see their fathers, thanks to God Behind Bars. Other organizations and individuals provided a DJ, decorations, and food. At the end of the night, daughters received flowers, goodie bags, and t-shirts reading “I Danced with My Father.”

The Parenting Prom at San Quentin represents something much bigger than one beautiful evening. It's a glimpse into what our justice system could look like if we prioritized healing over punishment, connection over isolation, and hope over despair. Steven Warren, who danced with his 8-year-old daughter Wynter, captured this perfectly: “We did this to build long-lasting healthy relationships with our daughters. This is a memory that will last a lifetime.”

Parenting

Psychologist shares the 3 things to say first when your child is upset about something

Dr. Becky says every parent needs to have these 3 lines in their toolbox.

It can be hard to know how to help a child who's upset about something

One of the unfortunate realities of parenting is that kids don't come with a manual. Sure, there are a bajillion parenting books out there, but anyone with more than one child knows that every kid is different, what works with one won't necessarily work with another, and parents frequently find themselves at a loss for how to handle the thousands of scenarios that pop up as you go through your parenting journey.

However, that doesn't mean expertise doesn't exist. Psychologists that specialize in children and families do have some insights into healthy child development and relationship dynamics, so it's worth taking advice from them when you feel completely at a loss. Like, for instance, when your child comes to you upset about something.

parenting, motherhood, fathernood, when your child is upset, dr. becky kennedyHelping kids become resilient is an ongoing process.Photo credit: Canva

As an adult, you may have more wisdom and perspective than your child. You might feel like they are overreacting or that they don't really have a good reason to be upset. Or, your kiddo may express their emotions with much more intensity than you do and you aren't sure how to navigate that. You worry you might say something that makes the situation worse.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, better known as "Dr. Becky," is a clinical psychologist and parenting coach who has become a popular voice of reason for today's generation of young parents. As a mom of three kids herself, she has not only the academic knowledge to back up her advice, but also the boots-on-the-ground experience that gives her credibility beyond just the letters behind her name and book titles under her belt.

In an interview with author and podcaster Lewis Howes, Dr. Becky shared the three lines she says every parent needs to have in their tool belt for when their child is upset.

#1. "I'm so glad you're talking to me about this."

"If I were to put this in an adult context, if I was like, 'I'm so mad at my husband, he never, whatever, he never is home for bedtime, and he forgot the one thing I said," said Dr. Becky. "And if I was like, 'Hey, you're never doing anything around the house, and I am really frustrated.' If he said to me, 'You know, Becky, you're upset but I'm so glad you're telling me about this,' I'd be like, 'I think we're good now. Like I don't even know—What was I upset about?' Because what someone's really saying to you when they says that is, 'This feeling in you that you're feeling is real, and I still want to be in a relationship with you when you're feeling that way.'"

In other words, they get the message that they are loved and accepted even when they're expressing upset or anger or hurt.

"Our kids need to absorb from us, from a resilience perspective, 'My parent can tolerate this part of me before I learn to tolerate this part of me.'"

#2. "I believe you."

Dr. Becky says this is the one line that's probably the most healing in people's childhoods and the most confidence-building.

She clarifies that it doesn't mean you believe everything a child says in their upset state. If they say, "It's so embarrassing, I'm never going to school again," it doesn't mean you believe they're really never going to go back to school. It means you believe that's how they feel. You're saying, "I believe it feels that bad."

"We actually say to our kids all the time, which terrifies me, 'I don't believe you,'" Dr. Becky said. "And if we wonder why people don't trust their emotions, it's because when they felt emotions that were strong, they received—not one time but over and over—a message of 'I know your feelings better than you know your feelings.'"

parenting, motherhood, fathernood, when your child is upset, dr. becky kennedy"I believe you" is a simple but powerful phrase.Photo credit: Canva

She explained that trusting your feelings becomes important in situations like when someone's pressuring you to do something you don't really want to do, giving a hypothetical example of her own daughter being in college and not wanting to go home with someone.

#3. "Tell me more."

Drawing out the full story, acknowledging and empathizing with the details that led your child to feel the way they do is important. Dr. Becky demonstrated how she would repeat back each detail as her child told a story, expressing hurt or embarrassment along with them as the story went on.

"And now, in all these moments that my kid was in pain—which, by the way, part of the pain is probably that they were alone—I'm kind of infusing myself in every moment," she explained. "I'm adding connection. I'm adding believing."

When you talk through an upsetting incident with a child this way, they're often ready to move on before you are, she said. They know that when they need you, they can always come back, and that's really what every parent wants—for our kids to know they can come to us when they need us, but for them to go out and live and learn on their own until they do.

You can follow Dr. Becky for more parenting wisdom on Instagram and TikTok.

Family

A 7-year-old asked to do more chores for the most adorable and heartbreaking reason

Dad figured "he wanted more Lego or something." Dad was wrong.

Canva Photos

Kids will act out in interesting ways when they want more attention.

Humans rarely say exactly what they mean or feel. With kids it's even moreso. They don't have the words and wisdom and experience to express the complicated emotions they might be feeling. So they reach out, or sometimes act out, in other ways.

Getting in trouble at school, not eating enough, throwing tantrums. Those are the tried-and-true classics. But sometimes kids show other, more unusual signs that they want or need something.

That might be what happened to one dad, who said his 7-year-old son recently came to him with a strange request: He wanted to do more chores.


kids, chores, cleaning, household, hygiene, parenting, dads, fatherhoodWhat kid would sign up for more chores?!Canva Photos

Yes, that's right, more chores. What kind of kid asks for more chores? The dad took his story to social media in a post on r/Daddit:

"I work a lot, and don't see my 3 kids that much during the week. I usually take them on fun amazing adventures on weekends in order to make up for it.

"Today my son said he wanted to do [chores[ to earn some money. I figured he wanted more Lego or something. He was talking to me more and he said he wanted to give me all the money he earns so I don't have to go to work anymore.

"It's really cute and heart melting, and also makes me feel like I'm a bad dad because him and his sisters don't get to spend enough time with me. Also I'm having trouble making him realize that all the money he gets from 'chores' comes out of what I make at work, so no matter how hard he works it would just make me go back to where I was beforehand."

It's so innocent and hilarious that the kid doesn't realize when he gets paid for doing chores, it comes from his dad's wallet, thus defeating the entire purpose. But it's a beautiful sentiment and the kind of thing that wrecks parents emotionally, both positively and negatively.

Fellow dads had a mixed, but emotional, response.

parenting, dads, fatherhood, men, mens health, mental health, kidsHow it feels to be a working parentGiphy

Some urged the original poster that his son was crying out for more attention, and that he'd regret not heeding the call:

"Id rather live just getting by and spending a ton of time with my toddlers, than working 60+ hours a week and never seeing them. Time is fleeting ... Take those 10 years and work a little less, come home early a couple days a week. Use your PTO. you'll regret missing their childhood."

"Obligatory Daddit-PSA: 'The only people who will remember you worked late are your children'"

"Here’s some tough love for you ... I don’t know your financial situation or occupation or even how many hours you work. Your kiddos basically throwing out a plead to spend more time with him, and probably the other 2 as well."

"Your son misses you. Hang out with him and your other kids, even if you're all doing chores together."

Others offered a supportive pat on the back for working hard to provide:

"That’s a punch in the gut. You’re not a bad dad just because you are working. (Unless you’re not spending time with them when you’re not working). Make sure he knows you love him and be grateful for his wanting to give you a gift. Then make some special time for him and try to give him regular, predictable amounts of your time."

"OP: You’re doing great - this means your kids want to spend time with you. My oldest had a sentiment like this after my wife was forced to stop working - she wanted to help."

"Hot take - but I think you’re killing it. He’ll see this very differently when he’s older, retrospectively. You’re doing what dads gotta do sometimes and getting bread. He’ll respect you for it."

There's a running theme of frustration among modern dads. We're trying to fill multiple roles, both the classic provider/protector role that our fathers and grandfathers played, but also a more nurturing and involved role in our children's lives.


fatherhood, men, dads, parenting, parenthood, children, kids, familyUnfortunately, modern fatherhood isn't all frolicking on the beach Photo by lauren lulu taylor on Unsplash

Dads are spending more time with their kids than ever, not content to sit on the sidelines for doctor's visits and playdates and day-to-day care. They're also working more than ever. Yes, technically working hours have been on a downward trend since the industrial revolution, but the data fails to account for lengthy commutes and the "always on" nature of many modern jobs. I don't know many parents who don't frequently catch up on work at night or respond to emails during family dinner time.

You don't have to have a Phd to see that the math doesn't math — there just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all.

For what it's worth, moms are facing a similar but even more extreme struggle. It's why parents are in big trouble according to the Surgeon General. Unfortunately, there's no easy answer. Dads like the original poster of this thread need to earn money and hold onto benefits like healthcare for their families. But their kids need them, too. For now, we're all just doing our best to try to do it all.

Motherhood

Single dad gets suspicious letter from his late wife and rushes to get a DNA test

"She told me how sorry she was that she didn’t have the guts to tell me this to my face when she was alive.”

A devastated man sitting by the ocean.

Ten months after a man’s wife passed away, he finally got the courage to read a letter she left him, which contained a devastating admission. The 4-year-old son they had together may not be his.

“My ‘darling’ wife passed away 10 months ago,” the man wrote on Reddit’s Off My Chest forum. “She wrote a letter for me before she died, but I couldn’t bring myself to read it until now. She told me how sorry she was that she didn’t have the guts to tell me this to my face when she was alive.”

In the letter, the wife revealed that there was a “good chance” that the son he thought was his wasn’t his biological child. A few weeks before their wedding day, the wife got drunk at her bachelorette party and had a one-night stand with another man. Soon after that night, she became pregnant but was unsure who the father was.

DNA, DNA test, paternity test, letter from deceased spouse, Reddit, family, parentingA man reads a lettterImage via Canva


The man was torn whether or not to have the paternity test done. The child had only one parent in this world, and he would have to take care of him regardless. He also thought it was cowardly that his former wife would wait until she was no longer around to share the truth with him.

“So she thought she’d rather drop this bomb on my life when I could no longer confront her about it,” the man wrote. “Now that my son would only have one parent looking out for him, and she’d have no idea how I would even react. Maybe I should not have got the paternity test done. Maybe it might be better to live in ignorance. But I just had to know.”

The man took the paternity test and learned he wasn’t the child’s biological father.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“I’m devastated. This doesn’t change how I feel about my son,” he wrote. “He’s my whole world and he’s innocent. But boy, does it hurt. There’s so much going on in my head right now. I haven’t stopped crying. Thank god my son is at my parents' place for the day. I’d hate for him to see me like this.”

Facing a pain nearly too much for him to bear, the only outlet he had at the moment was reaching out to Reddit to find some solace. “I just needed to let this all out. Don’t have it in me to tell anyone in my life about this right now,” he wrote.

DNA, DNA test, paternity test, fatherhood, parenting, life advice, RedditA man holds his head in his handsImage via Canva

The commenters send him hundreds of messages of support to get him through the shock of first learning the truth about his family.

The most popular message was straightforward and honest.

"All your feelings are valid, a lot of people will react with some kind of toxic positivity to things like these. Your feelings are valid. Each and everyone," femunndsmarka wrote.

Another commenter added that someday, his son will appreciate how he stepped up and did what was right in a very trying circumstance.

“He is going to find out the truth one day. Imagine how much more he will love you knowing you didn’t leave him, even though he wasn’t yours,” ImNotGoodatThis6969.

Another commenter provided valuable insight from the son’s perspective.

"As an adopted child, I just want to thank you on behalf of your son. I deeply believe it changes nothing, family is not about blood, its about who you love, want to have by your side, and care for the most. Sending hugs, strength and gratitude," Mariuuq wrote.

The father at the heart of this story is understandably devastated because his life was upended almost overnight. But the hope in the story is that his trials also taught him a powerful truth—his love for his son goes much deeper than blood.

This article originally three years ago.