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Woman who moved to Italy lists the most basic human needs Americans now have to pay for

Remember when these things used to be free? They still are in some places.

@cioaamberc/TikTok, Canva

"As Americans we've removed everything we actually need in daily life."

How many times have you, or someone in your circle, made this joke:

“I can’t seem to go outside without spending money!”

But, as with many jokes, there’s some dark truth layered in. Life just feels a little hard right now for many of us when it comes to finances. And one person has hit the nail on the head as to why. Spoiler alert: it probably has nothing to do with anyone being lazy.

Amber Cimiotti, a mom of two and expat living in Italy, begins her video by noting how America has removed naturally occurring activities like “exercise, talking to friends, connecting with people, spending time with our kids,” from everyday life. And so now, Americans only have access to these very necessary things if they are able to pay for them.

For example—let’s talk about exercise. Cimiotti notes how "there's not many places, neighborhoods, and cities where it's super easy to walk everywhere, where you can get a lot of natural exercise, whether it's walking to and from your house or to the grocery stores. This just doesn't exist for most people now, so you have to wake up earlier on your lunch break or after work; you have to go to the gym so you can get in your exercise." Which means someone has to have anywhere between $40 to upwards of $300+ a month to invest in their physical health in this way.

Next up—mental health resources, primarily in the form of real conversations in a supportive community. Cimiotti says “people are meant to share their struggles, their stories, everyday, constantly. And we’re not doing that. And what do you see happening? Nowadays, everybody needs a therapist. Yes, therapy is needed for some things but most people just need to be talking to people way more. And I don’t mean like trolling on the internet.”

Also—child care. "There used to be kids running around neighborhoods all the time. Parents didn't have to pay all this extra money to do activities so their kids can be involved in things; parents didn't have to drive all over the place... But now that doesn't exist. So we do need to pay for activities,” Cimiotti says.

Lastly—food. “Eating healthy food in America is a part-time job, if not a full-time job…it would all be so much easier if we just had healthy food in general.” I don’t think Cimiotti needs to convince anyone here that quality food (food in general, really) is definitely not accessible for many folks, and high prices are at least partially to blame.

“The point is when things don’t happen naturally in your day and you need to take extra energy to achieve basic things like healthy food, exercise, talking to friends, which helps regulate emotions and things like that…when you have to build those into therapy sessions, exercise sessions, hobbies, reading 17 books…of course you’ll be tired,” Cimiotti concludes with a big sigh.

@ciaoamberc #america #culture #family #friends #parenting #society ♬ original sound - Ciao AmberC

Down in the comments, people seemed to really resonate with what Cimiotti had to say.

One reader commented, “I’m totally convinced that a lot of therapy effects could be achieved by processing time with an array of friends in different stages of life. Which isn’t possible to mutually schedule like therapy.”


And while Cimiotti’s video might be sobering, she tells Buzzfeed that her hope is it can lead to more conversations that “help lead to a change.”

Judging by some of the viewer reactions, it seems she’s succeeded, at least in helping people not blame themselves for their challenges. One person shared, “It’s so validating to hear cause I feel like I never have enough time to just live well and not be completely exhausted and have space left to do fun stuff!”

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Culture

Woman's viral TikTok thanks a man at the gym for NOT staring at her while she did squats

Libby Christensen/TikTok

A guy was caught not being a creep in the gym, prompting praise and discussion over gym etiquette.

Videos of creepy guys staring at or harassing women at the gym are plentiful, and their virality underscores how common such experiences are. However, we don't often see the opposite go viral—the guys at the gym who aren't creepy, who are aware of how their behavior is perceived and who do what they can to make women feel comfortable while they're working out.

Now a video of one of those guys has gone viral.

TikTok user @libbychristensen shared a video she took of herself doing squats on a machine at the gym, which happened to catch a man who was working out directly behind her. (If you're wondering why she was filming herself, some people record their workouts to check their form. Christensen said in the comments that she films each set from a different angle—it wasn't about catching someone else on film.)

The video shows the guy directly facing her from behind (nice choice of set-up, gym) but looking down at the floor before lying back onto the bench press.

Watch:

@libbychristensen

ty for your service kind sir #gymtok #girlwholift #YerAWizard

The video includes "The Golden Girls" theme song, "Thank You for Being a Friend." Christensen wrote that she'd been feeling uncomfortable while doing her hack squats, thinking someone was staring her down. She was thankful to see that the man behind her was looking at the floor and said watching the video back made her "at ease."

"[Thank you] for your service kind sir," she wrote in the caption.

The video has been viewed 4.5 million times and has garnered thousands of comments.

"That's called the 'ah yes the floor is made of floor,'" wrote one commenter.

"I think there’s more guys doing everything they can to make sure it’s very clear they’re not staring at women in the gym," wrote another.

"Most dudes are like this," added another. "This is our special moment to appreciate the nice flooring."

"This is gym code 101 for any decent guy. Head stays looking at the ground or your phone till you're done with the set 😂," wrote another.

Some commenters criticized Christensen's clothing, suggesting she shouldn't wear tight clothing if she's uncomfortable with people looking at her. "Wear baggy clothing if you're uncomfy," wrote one person. However, others were quick to point out that clothing choice isn't an invitation to be a creep.

“Why are we focusing on her clothing," wrote one person. "People still get harrassed or assaulted in things other than ‘skin tight’ attire.”

“I feel like some of y’all won’t be satisfied till females are wearing sweats & a turtle neck to the gym,” wrote another commenter.

"WERE ALLOWED TO WEAR WHAT WE WANT. I wear a huge T-shirt and baggy shorts and still get stared at goodbye," wrote one person.

"These comments… wearing cute gym outfits literally improves my workouts," wrote another gym-goer. "Yes it’s okay for people to look! But to stare and be a creep is not okay!"

Most women know there's a difference between someone taking a quick look at a person and staring creepily at them. It's the latter that needs to stop. And women pointed out that they notice and appreciate the guys who are clearly trying to be gentlemen and not even come close to gawking.

"I always appreciate when they do this. I always notice too like thx for not making me uncomfortable lol," wrote one commenter.

"Anytime I'm in this situation I always try to start my set the same time he does so I don't make him uncomfortable" wrote another. Several commenters pointed out that he was likely uncomfortable in the situation as well, and Christensen wrote "I think he and I were trying to do the exact same thing which is how we got this result 🤝😅"

"Some are so nice and ask if it’s okay to workout on the machine behind me," wrote another. "A lot of the regular creeps at the gym I’ve learned to ignore."

Bottom line: It's really not that hard to not be creepy. 

As this guy shows, it's not that hard to avoid being or appearing to be a creepy ogler. Most people aren't going to be bothered if you just look at them briefly, but staring really is uncomfortable. Women are going to wear gym clothes at the gym, and gym clothes are often fitted and minimal for freedom of movement, reduced chafing and ability to see muscle engagement. Gym attire isn't an excuse to stare at someone while they're working out.

Thanks for being a good example, random gym guy.

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Culture

A note to the gym owner offering free memberships to people who refuse to get the vaccine

Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

Dear Ian Smith, owner of The Atilis Gym in Bellmawr, New Jersey:

I see that you are offering free memberships to your gym for anyone who refuses to get a COVID vaccine. In a Twitter post, you wrote, "In light of Krispy Kreme giving free donuts for receiving the CVD shot, here at The Atilis Gym we are giving out free memberships to all who don't get vaccinated. We believe in health — the real way — exercise, good diet, plenty of Vitamin D, Zinc, and an environment to destress."

First of all, I'm totally with you on the "believing in health" front. I eat well, focusing on a good balance of fruits and vegetables, healthy carbs and protein. I buy collagen powder sourced from grass-fed cows and eat as much organic produce as we can afford. I exercise six days a week, a mix of HIIT and pilates and strength training and yoga. I take vitamins, including a focus on Vitamin D and Zinc during the pandemic. I'm conscious of my stress levels, which is part of why I exercise. I also practice meditation and make sure I get outdoors for sunshine and fresh air.

I believe in a natural, holistic approach to health. I believe in keeping my body's systems and functions in tip-top shape.

I also believe that in no way conflicts with getting the COVID vaccine.

Keeping our immune systems strong is important. But even a robust immune system isn't foolproof. That's why we see a small but real percentage of young and healthy people die from the flu every year, and why we've seen young and healthy people die from COVID. While rare, having a strong immune system can actually backfire on a healthy person, revving up so much that it creates a "cytokine storm" where the immune system starts attacking things it shouldn't.

And this particular coronavirus appears quite adept at deranging people's immune systems. It's not as simple as "strong immune system = successfully fighting off the virus." Maintaining our body systems is important, but COVID infection isn't a result of weakened bodily systems. It's a foreign invader.

Part of a holistic approach to health is utilizing modern medicine when it makes sense. We've seen 545,000 Americans die from COVID and millions more sickened by it. Some have ongoing health problems from the infection. These are known risks, and there's still a lot that we don't know about the long-term effects. While COVID vaccines are new, the risks are statistically far, far lower than with the virus.

Think of it this way: The COVID vaccine is like a personal trainer for your immune system, prepping it for a specific event. If you're preparing to compete in a decathlon, you could exercise and eat well and hope your general being-in-shape will suffice, but you probably won't do all that well. You might be incredibly strong or have great endurance, but to actually be competitive in a decathlon, you need to prepare and train and hone your strength and skills for those 10 specific events. That's what the vaccine does. It trains and preps your immune system specifically for a COVID competition.

Therefore, I see no conflict whatsoever between keeping your body healthy and getting the COVID vaccine.

If you disagree, that's your prerogative, but what you're doing isn't just about you. I'm all for people having the autonomy to make their own choices, but encouraging people not to get the vaccine is a ludicrous move. Not only does it not make sense on a personal level for the reasons I just laid out, but it's grossly irresponsible on a societal level. (Especially considering the hotbeds of infection gyms and fitness classes can be.)

Vaccinations aren't just about an individual's protection, but about stopping the spread so the virus won't keep mutating in deadlier ways and keep infecting people who are genuinely at high risk. A pandemic is a group event, literally. Imagine being on a sports team and deciding that you don't need to train with your teammates because you feel like you've already got your position covered. Only in this case, the team sport has long-term disease and death as potential consequences of losing. Doesn't that seem like a terrible attitude?

One last point: If optimal health is as important to you as it is to me, I question why you would risk it on a virus that we know can result in ongoing health problems, even for people with mild symptoms. More and more evidence shows that long-haul COVID patients often have initially mild cases of the disease, but are still dealing with various symptoms months after their infection. Two common long-haul symptoms are breathlessness and fatigue—which would certainly make trying to work out a real drag, if not impossible. Doctors still don't know why that's happening, but even if you survive and don't get severely ill, you still could be impacting your health by catching the virus.

It seems pretty clear that being a model of health would include getting the vaccine that trains your body to fight the virus that could damage your health. Yes, absolutely keep those bodily systems in good shape and take care of your overall health, but to rely on that to fight the virus is like heading into a decathlon with no training. It simply doesn't make sense.

Sincerely,

Someone who eats well, exercises, takes my vitamins, and thinks you're dead wrong
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Family

She couldn't tell what was wrong with her son. She never suspected it was anxiety.

True
BOKS

About a year ago, Amanda Ponzar’s son stopped being able to fall asleep.

"He would look at the clock, and it would get later and later," she says, but the boy absolutely would not nod off. At first, she and her husband chalked it up to standard kid stuff, a fear of the dark or bumps in the night. But as the problem persisted, they were baffled.

[rebelmouse-image 19533037 dam="1" original_size="500x375" caption="Photo via Ben Francis/Flickr." expand=1]Photo via Ben Francis/Flickr.

"We didn’t know what was going on. We didn’t have words for it," Amanda says. Sniffles, coughs, a temperature — those were the symptoms they were used to dealing with. Chronic insomnia in a 9-year-old? This was new territory.

"We were absolutely clueless until we took him in to talk to his neurodevelopmental pediatrician,” Amanda says. The doctor ran some tests and finally put a name to what they had been observing. The boy had anxiety.

Once the Ponzars figured out what was wrong, they could confront the issue head-on.

They started seeing a therapist regularly and found, collectively, that exercise was an effective way of helping their son cope with his anxiety.

"We had him out running laps some nights," Amanda says. "It would be 11, 11:30 at night, and he was out just running back and forth in a field."

[rebelmouse-image 19533038 dam="1" original_size="640x418" caption="Photo via John D./Flickr." expand=1]Photo via John D./Flickr.

But as they learned more about their son's condition, they realized they could prevent those late night insomnia sessions altogether by making sure he got physical activity during the day. It was time for a lifestyle change.

"We just started to build it into our family’s routine — playing basketball as much as possible, bike rides, the playground, being outside as much as possible," she says.

"We know that’s really going help, so why would we not just do it all the time?"

[rebelmouse-image 19533039 dam="1" original_size="1640x1108" caption="Photo by Albert Herring/Virginia State Parks/Wikimedia Commons." expand=1]Photo by Albert Herring/Virginia State Parks/Wikimedia Commons.

It’s easy to forget kids can struggle from mental health issues, but they can — and it’s important to recognize the signs.

It had never occurred to the Ponzars that their son could be suffering from an anxiety disorder. "We don’t make that connection," Amanda says. "What does a child have to be anxious about, right?"

But just like adults, kids can struggle with neurochemical imbalances that range from slight to serious. Parents need to be aware of the issue so they can look for the appropriate treatment.

[rebelmouse-image 19533040 dam="1" original_size="500x332" caption="Photo via jenny818/Flickr." expand=1]Photo via jenny818/Flickr.

"Once you realize that's what it is, then you can start doing research and looking into different strategies," Amanda says.

Working with their doctor, they've developed a management plan that works for them. If their son should need it, they're open to the possibility of medication, but since a combination of therapy and exercise has been effective so far, the Ponzars have decided to stick with that for now.

Research also shows that kids who establish a routine of physical activity are at less risk of developing mental health issues to begin with.

Even for kids as young as 6 and 8, studies show that increased physical activity can predict lower levels of depression up to two years later in life. The takeaway? If they're able to, everyone should be getting active to improve their mental health.

[rebelmouse-image 19533041 dam="1" original_size="500x333" caption="Photo via susieq3c/Flickr." expand=1]Photo via susieq3c/Flickr.

"It’s not just kids, it’s all of us," Amanda says. "And I think that’s how our kids learn to build it into their routine, by seeing us do it too."

For the Ponzars, what started as a scary health mystery has turned into a healthier lifestyle for the whole family.

"I am not an athlete. Let’s be clear here," Amanda laughs. "But I’m gonna go out there because it’s good for all of us. It’s modeling the behavior. And I feel better about myself and I’m healthier as well, mentally and physically."

After all, it's difficult to get her kids active if Amanda isn't willing to get active herself.

"What about you, mom and dad? Are you sitting in a chair all day? When you get home are you watching TV all night?" she says. "Kids see that. So I think we have to get our butt out of the chair somehow."

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