Kids join David Letterman to tell jokes.
In 1992, David Letterman invited some kids from P.S. 144 in Queens to tell jokes on his show. Adorably, the children lined up on the stage next to him while he began his introduction. "You know, ladies and gentlemen. It always gives us a great deal of pleasure…"
As seen in a clip remaking the rounds on social media, he is quickly sidetracked by a bouncing boy with a bowl cut pointing and yelling. Letterman asks, "How would you like a sedative?" The boy jumps even higher, starts clapping, and says something unintelligible. Letterman replies, "Alright. One second here, son. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the new Howie Mandel."
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Now the boy is super-charged. Not unlike Animal from The Muppets (the red fiery drummer), he begins flopping his hair around, pointing to himself and grunting. He gives him the old Three Stooges "Why I oughta" fists. To which Letterman says dryly, "Bless your heart."
Letterman begins again. "It always gives us great pleasure to introduce our audience to new comedic talent." The boy keeps jumping as Letterman continues. "Tonight is no exception. Here they are, from the neighboring borough of Queens, New York, it's the kids of…" The boy now slaps his knees while bouncing, once again distracting Letterman from his introduction.
Animal drums on The Muppet Show. Giphy
The young boy next to him advises him to "calm down." This prompts Letterman to ask, "Is mom tired all the time?" This is met with huge laughter, while the boy seems to look for his mother off stage. Letterman turns back and jokes, "I can see where she might need the occasional nap."
"Here they are," he continues, "the kids of P.S. 144, ladies and gentlemen." The boy bounces and settles into a Hulk pose, reminiscent of Chris Farley in his SNL days. "Okay," says Letterman. "Is there a Peter Howard in this group?" And wouldn't you know, that's our bouncing dude who exclaims, "Yes," now reaching new heights with his bounce. "What a stroke of luck right off the bat!"
chris farley strikes a pose. Giphy
The boy, whose name we now know is Peter, can barely contain himself. "Peter, what grade are you in?" He screams "6!" which Letterman is able to understand as first grade. He's asked if he goes to school with the other kids and he looks down the line and says, "I recognize Alana and Charlie."
Things now take a turn. Letterman then clarifies Peter's age, which he screams "Six and a half! Dummy!" Thems fightin’ words. Letterman continues, "Peter, I understand you have a little…" Peter starts to literally wiggle. "Who gave you money for the candy machine?" Everyone, including the other kids, laugh uproariously.
Finally. "Peter, we understand you're gonna tell us a joke." He screams, "Two of them and they're knock knocks!" He begins, "Knock knock." Letterman answers, "Who's there?" And it would appear Peter has forgotten who, in fact, is there. So, he says it again: "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Atch." "Atch who?" For a moment, Peter has forgotten again, but recovers like any well-seasoned comedian. "God bless you!"
"Very nice, Peter," Letterman replies, as Peter now seems to be playing air guitar. "We don't have time for the second joke." Again, Letterman gets the fists. Before he can even say "Okay," Peter has yelled, "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Madame." "Madame who?" And here's where Peter brings it home. "My damn foot is stuck in the damn door."
Letterman then moves Peter over so the other (extremely patient) children can get their moment in the sun. "Lock up the equipment, boys," Letterman says as Peter inches over closer to the crew.
Next up is Charlie, who has a much calmer disposition. His joke? "What do you get when you cross a dentist in a boat? The tooth fairy." Anton gives him a much-deserved drum rim shot. "Thank you very much," Letterman says as he shakes Charlie's hand. "You have to stand next to Peter now." We hear Peter off screen screaming as Letterman moves on.
Katie is up next, and she tells Letterman she's ten and a half. After he compliments her earrings, it's time for the joke: "What do you get with a thousand bunnies in a line jumping backwards?" It's low-hanging fruit, but Letterman takes it. Pointing to Peter, he says, "That guy over there?" Peter laughs and screams, to which Letterman replies, "Okay. We'll talk about your diet later." Katie repeats the premise. The punchline? "A receding 'hare' line." The crowd goes wild.
Hopping white rabbits. Giphy Spacehead
Next, we have Alana, who appears to be the youngest of the group. She's six and in kindergarten, which she says she enjoys. Her big blue eyes widen as it's time for her joke: "There's a little man in my hands. Will you please hold his jacket?" Letterman asks, "Where's his jacket?" She mimes handing him the little man, which he pretends to hold. "What do you want him to do? Sing, act or dance?" "Sing," Letterman answers. She replies, deadpan, "You want him to sing? I'll ask him." She pretends to hold the little man up to her ear. "He doesn't want to sing." Letterman leans in and says, "I'll give him $100 if he sings."
She tries to steer him in the right direction. "You want him to act?" Letterman agrees and again, she says, "I'll ask him." She does. "He doesn't want to act." He turns to the audience and says, "This is like every meeting I've ever had with NBC programming." She asks, "Do you want him to dance? I'll ask him." She does. "He doesn't want to dance." Letterman asks her, "What should we do?" To which she responds, "Do you really believe there's a little man in my hand?" "With all my heart," he replies. She stares at him for a long beat in which Letterman realizes he has responded incorrectly. "No, I don’t believe there's a man in your hand." Here we go. "Then why are you holding his jacket?"
This is a long-game joke, perhaps influenced by the likes of an absurdist like Norm Macdonald.
Last in line is Leonard Davis. "So it's come down to this. Leonard, how old a person are you?" He answers, "Thirteen," which he explains puts him in sixth grade. "What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?" Letterman repeats the question and adds, "I have no idea." Leonard brings it home. "Snowballs!" This gets a giant applause break, to which Letterman says, "There are kids here!"
A snow man spreads out his arms. Giphy Chippy the Dog
He looks down the line and, referencing Peter who has never stopped jumping, says, "I want to thank most of you for being here tonight." An absolute classic and the crowd goes wild.
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