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27 Martin Luther King Jr. quotes to remember under the new president.

Five days after Americans celebrate and honor Martin Luther King Jr., Donald Trump will be inaugurated as our 45th president.

It's been nearly 50 years since King was assassinated for his role as a leader in the fight for civil rights and racial equality. As we enter this new era — one in which, for many, it feels like King's dream of America is far out of reach — it's more important than ever to reflect on what King truly stood for.

Here are 27 quotes from the man himself that show us his actual ideal vision of America — and how far we still have to go before we get there.


Martin Luther King Jr. during the March on Washington, D.C. Photo by AFP/Getty Images.

1. King reminded us to stand up and speak out against the injustices we see in our world.

"To accept passively an unjust system is to cooperate with that system; thereby the oppressed become as evil as the oppressor," King wrote in his essay "Three Ways of Meeting Oppression."

"Noncooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good. ... To accept injustice or segregation passively is to say to the oppressor that his actions are morally right."

2. It's better to be frustrated with an unjust world than to just accept it.

In his sermon at Temple Israel of Hollywood, King said, "There are some things in our nation to which I’m proud to be maladjusted, to which I call upon all men of goodwill to be maladjusted until the good society is realized. ... I never intend to adjust myself to segregation and discrimination. I never intend to become adjusted to religious bigotry. I never intend to adjust myself to economic conditions that will take necessities from the many to give luxuries to the few. I never intend to adjust myself to the madness of militarism and the self-defeating effects of physical violence."

3. Just because something is legal, that doesn't make it right, and not everything that is illegal is wrong.

"One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws," King said in "Letter From a Birmingham Jail."

4. How do you tell the difference between right and wrong? It's easy.

King explained this simply, again in "Letter From a Birmingham Jail": "Any law that uplifts the human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust."

He expanded on this idea in his "Rediscovering Lost Values" sermon: "Some things are right and some things are wrong. Eternally so, absolutely so. It's wrong to hate. It always has been wrong, and it always will be wrong. It's wrong in America, it's wrong in Germany, it's wrong in Russia, it's wrong in China. It was wrong in 2000 B.C., and it's wrong in 1954 A.D. It always has been wrong, and it always will be wrong."

5. Everyone deserves access to health care.

"Of all the forms of inequality, injustice in health care is the most shocking and inhumane," King said at the Second National Convention of the Medical Committee for Human Rights in 1966.

6. Everyone also deserves to earn a living wage, have a safe work environment, and not be exploited by their bosses.

"The labor movement did not diminish the strength of the nation but enlarged it," King said in a 1961 address to the AFL-CIO, "by raising the living standards of millions, labor miraculously created a market for industry and lifted the whole nation to undreamed-of levels of production. Those who attack labor forget these simple truths, but history remembers them."

7. King believed every person has a right to food and shelter.

"Why should there be hunger and privation in any land, in any city, at any table when man has the resources and the scientific know-how to provide all mankind with the basic necessities of life?" King said in his 1964 Nobel lecture, "The Quest for Peace and Justice."

8. King wanted people to know there are fair ways to distribute wealth within the framework of democracy.

"You can use your powerful economic resources to wipe poverty from the face of the Earth," King said in "Paul's Letter to American Christians."

"God never intended for one group of people to live in superfluous inordinate wealth while others live in abject deadening poverty. God intends for all of his children to have the basic necessities of life, and He has left in this universe 'enough and to spare' for that purpose. So I call upon you to bridge the gulf between abject poverty and superfluous wealth."

9. Money is not a measurement of virtue, righteousness, or meaning.

"I am afraid that many among you are more concerned about making a living than making a life," King also said in "Paul's Letter to American Christians."

10. People have a right to vote. Period.

"All types of conniving methods are still being used to prevent Negroes from becoming registered voters. The denial of this sacred right is a tragic betrayal of the highest mandates of our democratic tradition," King said in his "Give Us the Ballot" speechand it's still true.

"... Give us the ballot, and we will no longer have to worry the federal government about our basic rights."

11. From employment to marriage to education to health care and beyond, civil and social rights matter for all people.

"If America is to remain a first-class nation, it cannot have second-class citizens," King preached in "The Rising Tide of Racial Consciousness."

12. We can't pass laws to make people get along with or accept people, but we can and should pass laws to protect the oppressed from harm.

(Lookin' at you, HB2 and First Amendment Defense Act.)

"It may be true that morality can't be legislated, but behavior can be regulated. It may be that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can restrain him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important also," King said in a 1966 speech at Southern Methodist University.

13. The most morally bankrupt people are the ones concerned more about getting caught than about doing something wrong in the first place.

"In a sense, we are no longer concerned about the Ten Commandments. ... Everybody is busy, as I have said so often, trying to obey the eleventh commandment: 'Thou shalt not get caught,'" King said in "Keep Moving From This Mountain."

14. King understood the U.S. is not a Christian nation.

Yes, he was a minister, but King was also a firm believer in separation of church and state.

"I endorse it [the Supreme Court's decision to outlaw prayer in school]," King explained in a 1965 interview with Playboy. "I think it was correct. Contrary to what many have said, it sought to outlaw neither prayer nor belief in God. In a pluralistic society such as ours, who is to determine what prayer shall be spoken and by whom? Legally, constitutionally or otherwise, the state certainly has no such right."

15. King also wanted people to know religion is no excuse for scientific ignorance.

"Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge which is power; religion gives man wisdom which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals. They are complementary," he wrote in his book "Strength to Love."

"Science keeps religion from sinking into the valley of crippling irrationalism and paralyzing obscurantism. Religion prevents science from falling into the marsh of obsolete materialism and moral nihilism."

16. King was pro-choice and valued the many good things Planned Parenthood contributes to the world.

"Family planning, to relate population to world resources, is possible, practical, and necessary," he said in his acceptance speech for the Margaret Sanger Award from Planned Parenthood.

17. King spoke passionately about our economic struggles being largely the same, regardless of skin color.

"All too often when there is mass unemployment in the black community, it's referred to as a social problem, and when there is mass unemployment in the white community, it's referred to as a depression. But there is no basic difference," he said in his "Other America" speech from 1968.

"Most of the poverty stricken people of America," he said later in the speech, "are persons who are working every day, and they end up getting part-time wages for full-time work. ... This has caused a great deal of bitterness. It has caused a great deal of agony. It has caused ache and anguish. It has caused great despair, and we have seen the angered expressions of this despair and this bitterness in the violent rebellions that have taken place in cities all over our country."

18. This is why King believed that white laborers and black civil rights activists should work together toward their shared goals.

"Our needs are identical with labor's needs: decent wages, fair working conditions, livable housing, old-age security, health, and welfare measures, conditions in which families can grow, have education for their children and respect in the community," he said in a speech to the AFL-CIO.

19. Protests and riots aren't a problem. They're symptoms of bigger, systemic issues.

"A riot is the language of the unheard," King said in "The Other America." "And what is it America has failed to hear? It has failed to hear that the plight of the Negro poor has worsened over the last twelve or fifteen years. It has failed to hear that the promises of freedom and justice have not been met. And it has failed to hear that large segments of white society are more concerned about tranquility and the status quo than about justice and humanity."

20. There's never a correct "time" or "way" to achieve justice and change.

"I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was 'well timed' in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation," King said in "Letter From a Birmingham Jail." "For years now I have heard the word 'wait!' It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This 'wait' has almost always meant 'never.' We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that 'justice too long delayed is justice denied.'"

21. Michelle Obama may have perfected the catchphrase "When they go low, we go high," but it was central to King's beliefs as well.

"We must not seek to defeat or humiliate the enemy but to win his friendship and understanding," he said in "Loving Your Enemies," urging us all to resist our natural instincts toward pettiness and spite. "At times we are able to humiliate our worst enemy. Inevitably, his weak moments come and we are able to thrust in his side the spear of defeat. But this we must not do. Every word and deed must contribute to an understanding with the enemy and release those vast reservoirs of goodwill which have been blocked by impenetrable walls of hate."

22. Everyone deserves empathy and compassion.

From "Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break the Silence":

23. Although he was committed to nonviolence, King also made it clear: You cannot be moderate in the face of oppression and hate.

"The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be," King said in "Letter From a Birmingham Jail." "Will we be extremists for hate or for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice or for the extension of justice?"

24. King warned of the dangers of giving power to thin-skinned egomaniacs, too.

"The individual who is self-centered, the individual who is egocentric ends up being very sensitive, a very touchy person," King said in "Conquering Self-Centeredness." "And that is one of the tragic effects of a self-centered attitude, that it leads to a very sensitive and touchy response toward the universe. These are the people you have to handle with kid gloves because they are touchy, they are sensitive. And they are sensitive because they are self-centered. They are too absorbed in self and anything gets them off, anything makes them angry."

25. The U.S. president should be held to a higher standard of diplomacy, humility, and temperament.

As he said in his Emancipation Proclamation Centennial Address, "No president can be great, or even fit for office, if he attempts to accommodate to injustice to maintain his political balance."

26. A society is built up by people working together.

"No matter where you stand, no matter how much popularity you have, no matter how much education you have, no matter how much money you have, you have it because in this universe helped you to get it," King said in his speech about self-centeredness.

"And when you see that, you can't be arrogant, you can't be supercilious. You discover that you have your position because of the events of history and because of individuals in the background making it possible for you to stand there."

27. "All we say to America is, 'Be true to what you said on paper.'"

As King said in "I’ve Been to the Mountaintop":

It's more important than ever that we honor King's legacy.

Maybe if we start to hold ourselves to that higher standard he believed in, we can finally turn his dreams into reality and make a better America for everyone.

Pets

Dogs really do have favorite people, and here's how they decide who it will be

Sometimes their favorite people don't live in their house.

Dogs really do have favorite people. Here's how they decide

When my sister's dog, Junior, was on this side of the Rainbow Bridge, I was one of his favorite people. This dog would get full body wags every time I came around, and we'd spend most of the day cuddled up with each other. Now my dog, Cocolina, behaves in the same way whenever my sister comes to visit. But what goes into a dog deciding who their favorite person is? Spoiler, it's not always the person they live with.

Like humans, animals have their own personalities. You might rescue a dog thinking it will be the perfect companion, only to have the furry adoptee spend every waking moment following your partner around. You could spend hundreds of dollars on vet checkups, new harnesses, treats, and all the squeaky dog toys you can find, but that still won't be enough to convince a dog to love you. Instead of showering the giver of treats with kisses, they make goo-goo eyes at the pet sitter. It turns out they have their reasons.


dogs; dogs favorite; dog's best friend; pets; people and pets; rescue animals Corgi cuddles spreading joy and smiles!Photo credit: Canva

Since our canine friends can't talk, we have to rely on the experts to explain what the deal is with how dogs pick their favorite human. Carol Erickson, a Pennsylvania SPCA animal advocate, gave a brief interview with CBS News Philadelphia to explain her take on how dogs determine their bestest, most favorite person.

"What it comes down to for all dogs is they decide their very favorite family member by who gives the most consistent, high-quality attention, play, and physical affection: ear rubs, scratches, that sort of thing. Dogs get positive associations from being around people who consistently provide positive experiences, including treats, meals, play that they enjoy, and remember also that early association in those first six months can influence who a dog may like better later on," she tells the outlet.

Rover backs up Erickson's claim that the first six months are crucial in determining who will become the dog's favorite person later in life. The website says, "Many dogs bond hardest to whoever cares for them during their key socialization period, which occurs between birth and six months." However, they later note that dogs can still be socialized appropriately even as adults.

The dog-sitting website also explains that it's not uncommon for people who are not the dog's primary caregiver to be their favorite person. Pointing out that physical affection is vital to dogs, if the mailman gives out head scratches daily but the owner doesn't, the mailman may become the dog's favorite person. While physical affection and treats go a long way for some pooches, those aren't the only things that get puppy eyes melting with love.

dogs; dogs favorite; dog's best friend; pets; people and pets; rescue animals Joyful moments with furry friends! 🐶❤️Photo credit: Canva

"While positive experiences play a big role, a dog’s favorite person isn’t always just the one holding the treat bag. Dogs also respond to emotional connection, tone of voice, and even body language. Their preferences are shaped by a mix of familiarity, trust, and how well a person understands their needs," explains Elle Vet Sciences. They later add, "Dogs also take emotional cues from us. If a person is stressed, loud, or inconsistent, a dog may be less likely to form a deep bond with them. On the other hand, someone who offers reassurance and stability often earns the title of 'favorite' without even realizing it."

In short, if you want to be your dog's bestie, being consistent with affection, actions, and even training and grooming will get you there a lot faster than treats alone. Dogs aren't trying to be persnickety; just like humans, they enjoy being around people who show them that they enjoy their company—and maybe some treats.

Images via Canva/martin-dm, Daniel Torobekov

Dolphin parenting is a firm yet flexible parenting style.

People are choosing a number of different parenting styles to raise their kids today. From gentle parenting to FAFO parenting, there are seemingly endless options to choose from.

One parenting style that is geared to instill creativity and independence in kids is called "dolphin parenting." Coined by Harvard-trained psychiatrist Dr. Shimi Kang, the term describes parents who have a more authoritative parenting style.


"Like the body of the dolphin, these parents are firm yet flexible," she writes in Psychology Today. "Dolphin parents have rules and expectations but also value creativity and independence. They are collaborative and use guiding and role modeling to raise their kids."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Dolphin parents are "adaptable, community-minded and valuing play, a sense of social connection, and the daily tasks of downtime, routine, regular sleep, exercise," says Kang, the author of The Dolphin Parent: A Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Self-Motivated Kids.

She adds that this parenting style benefits kids long into their young adulthood. "When we parent that way, when we bring in that collaborative guiding, firm and flexible dolphin approach, we see young people with better physical/mental health, better self-motivation, better sense of creativity, innovation and problem solving," she says.

As a mother of three, Kang shares that she was raised by a "Dolphin Mom" and became one herself. "She had rules and expectations, including expecting us to do well in academics and be disciplined. But she also valued our autonomy, individual passions and independent choices," she explains in TIME.

According to Kang, there are six pillars of Dolphin Moms:

- Are balanced and collaborative
- Do not overschedule
- Do not over instruct
- Do not over protect
- Create a pod of support
- Adapt

There are two other styles of parenting that Kang has identified: tiger parenting (authoritarian parenting) and jellyfish parenting (permissive parenting). Dolphin parenting falls between these two.

Dolphin parenting's authoritative focus does not shut kids down, though. "With authoritative parenting, the doors of communications are open on either side, giving kids the space to make mistakes and express themselves in a respectful manner," Kang writes in Psychology Today.

dolphin, dolphin parent, dolphin parenting, parenting, parenting style A mother helps her daughter with the computer. Credit: August de Richelieu/Pexels

Kang cites research from the Harvard-based Grant Study of Adult Development to support dolphin parenting.

"It showed that the ability to adapt creatively and 'make lemonade out of lemons' was a key determinant of success," she explains in a post on her website. "In addition, individuals who displayed altruism and a sense of humor during conflict and stress were more likely to be in the top quarter of the 'happy-well' group, and those who scored highest on measurements of 'warm relationships' in childhood earned an average of $141,000 a year more at their peak salaries (usually between ages 55 and 60) than those who scored lowest."

Kang also notes that "other important predictors of being 'happy-well' were important lifestyle factors such as not smoking, little use of alcohol, regular exercise, and maintenance of normal weight."

Simply put, dolphin parenting is another parenting style that just might be the best for raising kids to be healthy, happy, and independent.

Credit: Canva

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.


conversation, friends, small talk, chatting Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:

"It reminds me of…”

A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


- YouTube www.youtube.com

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

conversation, small talk, chatting, cafe Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.


Pets

Veterinarian shares 7 signs a cat loves you, even if it seems like they couldn't care less

What looks like aloof behavior in cats is often a sign of love.

Cats don't always show their affection in the way we expect.

One of the reasons so many people love dogs is that they usually make their bond with their favorite humans quite clear. Dogs wear their loyalty and affinity on their sleeve, whereas cats are a bit more...aloof.

Sure, some cats are affectionate little cuddle bugs, but many cats seem as if they couldn't care less about anyone, and even the snuggly ones can't be coaxed into affection if they're not into it at the moment. That doesn't mean they aren't feeling or expressing love, though. Some of the behaviors that make cats appear bored or disinterested are actually signs that they like you.


Dr. Sarah Wooten, a small animal veterinarian, shared a list of 7 signs that a cat loves you with Cats.com, and it might make cat owners feel better about their feline friendships.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

1. Slow Blinking

When a cat sits across from you and stares at you with sleepy-looking eyes, blinking slowly, it might seem like they're bored or tired. But those slow blinks are actually how they communicate peace and connection. "If you're seeing that with your cat, they love you," says Dr. Wooten.

2. Lap Sitting

One of our cats loves to sit in our laps, but only with her head facing away from us, which feels a bit impersonal. We'll take it, though, since sitting in our laps is apparently a sign of love.

"Not all cats love a large amount of body contact, petting, and things like that with humans," says Dr. Wooten. "Remember every cat is individual…but if your cat is a touchy-feely cat and loves to be touched by humans, then sitting in your lap for an extended period of time is definitely a sign that your cat loves and trusts you."

cats, pets, signs a cat loves you, kitties, animal behavior Cat sitting in a woman's lapPhoto credit: Canva

3. Present Dropping

If you've never had a cat bring you a dead mouse or the head of a bird or some other disgusting offering, consider yourself lucky. However, if you have, you should also consider yourself lucky, as it means your cat loves you. "Even though to us humans it seems pretty unsavory, to your cat it is a sign of love and dedication," says Wooten. Of course, it's not always dead animals—sometimes cats might bring you inanimate objects they've collected (which makes you doubly lucky).

4. Kneading Biscuits

The rhythmic kneading cats do on blankets, pillows, or their humans is a behavior that mimics what they did while nursing as kittens. "It's just a leftover instinctual thing that they do when they feel super happy and super connected," says Wooten. "So if your cat makes biscuits when they're near you, that is a sign of love and connection."

cats, pets, signs a cat loves you, kitties, animal behavior Cat making biscuitsPhoto credit: Canva

5. Purring

This one might seem like a no-brainer, but purring doesn't always mean affection. Cats purr for many reasons, including happiness or contentment, but also for pain or sickness.

"But if your cat's just hanging out at home and they're near you, and suddenly you hear the motor go on, that's a pretty good sign that they love you," says Wooten.

6. Rubbing or "Bunting"

If a cat comes up and rubs its face or body on you, that's a sign of love and connection. It's called bunting, and essentially, it's how the cat marks you as "theirs."

"Cats have scent markers in their paws, they have them on their face…and they also have them on the base of their tail," says Wooten. "So what cats will often do is they will rub their paws or their face or their tail on the people that they love and consider to be their property."

cats, pets, signs a cat loves you, kitties, animal behavior Who knew yawning and stretching could be a sign of love?Photo credit: Canva

7. Yawning and Stretching

Much like slow blinking, yawning, and stretching may easily be mistaken for sleepiness, but there's often more to it than that. It's a sign that they are comfy around you. "Especially if they're sleeping, if they see you [and] suddenly they get up, maybe they meow at you and then they yawn and they stretch, they get everything all good and feeling good, and then they come hang out with you, it's a sign of love," says Wooten. "That's a sign that they're very comfortable and that they're very happy to see you."

Cats may appear to be standoffish or only affectionate when they feel like it, but it could be that they are showing you they love you in ways that you might not recognize. Cats can be a lot harder to read than dogs, but they really do love us—just not always in the ways we expect.

Photo Credit: Canva

A person rushes through the airport. A man looks at a clock.

English writer and theologian William Penn once famously said, "Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." Most likely, he meant that most of us squander the time given to us, as though it’s an endless resource. But, for the sake of this topic, let's also apply it to those of us who simply can't manage time properly.

We all have those friends who are shockingly, chronically late to everything—and those who are always early. (I'm the latter, and it seems to be equally annoying to the people in my life.) The question is why are we this way and how can we learn to co-exist? There are many reasons that contribute to how we manage time, and they of course depend on a variety of individualized factors, but one theory floating around is actually how full or empty we see the proverbial cup.


From an article posted on University of Southern California's School of Psychology site, it all comes down to our bias toward optimism or pessimism. For the late arrivers, it's called the planning fallacy. "Psychologist Daniel Kahneman and colleague Amos Tversky introduced the concept in 1979, defining it as 'the tendency to underestimate the amount of time needed to complete a future task, due in part to the reliance on overly optimistic performance scenarios.'"

In other words, they might feel it will all "flow" as it's supposed to, so there's no need to plan ahead. "Psychologists call this mindset 'optimism bias.' While being optimistic has its benefits, such as an improved state of well-being, getting caught in the constant cycle of optimism bias can cause issues at work that impact productivity."

In a piece for The Decision Lab, author Kira Warje,further explains, "Whether it's building a house, launching a product, or studying for an exam, people tend to create overly optimistic timelines and budgets. This happens because we focus too much on the best-case scenario and ignore relevant historical data or potential setbacks."

She also explains the notion that an outsider would estimate time differently, writing, "Interestingly, the planning fallacy only affects estimations about one’s own task completion times. Outside observers tend to lean in the opposite direction, overestimating the time needed to complete a task."

As for the early-arrivers, we perhaps overestimate the amount of time something will take. Often this is driven by anxiety in general, but to couch it in similar terms, this would be a pessimism bias.

In her article for VegOut Magazine, culinary writer and chef Maya Flores she shares eight traits that people who often arrive early share. One is "They have a physical discomfort with rushing." This, at least for me, is so true. And although early-arrivers often tend to pessimistically assess a situation, we are actively trying to avoid feeling the discomfort that comes with rushing.

rushing, planning, being late, anxiety, travel A person drives frantically. Giphy GIF by HRejterzy

Another trait Flores shares is, "They have a complex relationship with control." This doesn't imply they're "control freaks." Flores writes, "They've identified what's actually within their power (when they leave, how they prepare) and released the rest. That need for control over their own state—their calmness, their preparation, their transition time—remains non-negotiable."

And if one digs even further, there may be deep-seated reasons for it. "Many early arrivers have a story: the time they were devastatingly late for something important, a chaotic childhood where nothing started on time, or a formative experience of keeping someone important waiting. They're not necessarily traumatized, but they've decided: never again."

In the Reddit post "Is anybody else chronically, pathologically EARLY?" there are well over 400 comments, many of whom back up the theory that this began in our formative years. One commenter writes, "My mom was 10 minutes late for everything my entire life, and I’ve been mortified by it for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t a crazy amount of time, but it was for things you just can’t be late to, weddings, doctor’s appointment, jury duty, that kinda thing. I’m always early because of her haha."

clock, time management, being late, being early, planning fallacy A clock does its thing. Giphy GIF by MOODMAN

Another shares, "Same here. I spent so much time experiencing consequences for other people’s lateness or waiting endlessly to be picked up as if the person responsible didn’t know what time things ended, so I have just chosen the opposite. I’m rarely dramatically early, but I can’t be late to things that have a firm start time."

Then there are those who have mastered the art of being "exactly on time." In an article for The Expert Editor, author Lachlan Brown, discusses these folks, who retain traits from both groups. "They possess a heightened sense of responsibility" and "they value structure and routine." If one has these characteristics, without the anxiety that often comes with them (at least for us early birds), they can land somewhere in the coveted middle.