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Here’s why you look better in mirrors than you do in pictures

A scientific breakdown that explains why it's so hard to take a good selfie.

Here’s why you look better in mirrors than you do in pictures
SOURCE: iSTOCK

Usually the greatest fear after a wild night of partying isn't what you said that you might regret, but how you'll look in your friends' tagged photos. Although you left the house looking like a 10, those awkward group selfies make you feel more like a 5, prompting you to wonder, "Why do I look different in pictures?"

It's a weird phenomenon that, thanks to selfies, is making people question their own mirrors. Are pictures the "real" you or is it your reflection? Have mirrors been lying to us this whole time??

The answer to that is a bit tricky. The good news is that there's a big chance that Quasimodo-looking creature that stares back at you in your selfies isn't an accurate depiction of the real you. But your mirror isn't completely truthful either.

Below, a scientific breakdown that might explain those embarrassing tagged photos of you:

The mirror is a reflection. It's not the real you.

Although we're the most comfortable and familiar with the face staring back at us while we brush our teeth in the morning, the mirror isn't really the real us. It's a reflection, so it shows how we look like in reverse. Because we're so used to seeing the reverse version of ourselves, seeing how we look in pictures can be jarring. And unless you're blessed with a perfectly symmetrical face, the photo version of yourself can be even more wonky.

"We see ourselves in the mirror all the time—you brush your teeth, you shave, you put on makeup," Pamela Rutledge, director of the Media Psychology Center, told The Atlantic. "Looking at yourself in the mirror becomes a firm impression. You have that familiarity. Familiarity breeds liking. You've established a preference for that look of your face."

Scientists call this the "mere-exposure" effect. Basically, it's a behavior concocted by psychologist Robert Zajonc that says people react favorably to things they're most familiar with. So, when you see a flipped version of yourself, you immediately hate it or even find it grotesque because it's the opposite of what you're used to.

So although we think we look better in a mirror, we're more psychologically inclined to feel that way even if we truthfully look better in photos. Weird, huh?

The camera lens also plays a part.

So if your reflection isn't the real you, does that mean your ugly selfies are your "true self"? Although mirrors show a flipped version of yourself that tones down the harshness of your asymmetries, the myth that "pictures never lie" isn't true either. After all, most people take more than one selfie before they find their most flattering one, and usually it takes a combination of angles, lighting, and duck lips before landing one that's Instagram-worthy.

But the problem might not be your angles, it could be lens distortion. Because of the proximity of your face to the camera, the lens can distort certain features, making them look larger than they are in real life. Pictures also only provide a 2-D version of ourselves. Depending on your features, if you have a soft, round face, photos can flatten your features and further distort the "real" you.

For example, just changing the focal length of a camera can even change the width of your head. As Gizmodo writer John Herrman pens, the fancier the camera, the better you'll look in the picture:

"Telephoto lenses are usually seen as more flattering, giving the impression that the subject is flattened, and slightly compressing the width of your foremost features, like your nose or breasts. So you might want to think twice before fleeing the pesky paparazzi and their fancy zoom lenses; it's the tourist with the pocket cam whose snaps will make you look fat on the Internet."

And because cameras don't show the 3-D version of you, it's easy to "trick" cameras to present a reality that's not even true. Professional models have perfected this, which is why people can do photo sorcery like this by merely tweaking their angles:

It's also the camera flash.

istock

Although good lighting is the key to all flattering photos, a harsh flash from your iPhone can actually make you look a lot worse, especially if it's taken in a dark room. In fact, according to OKCupid, harsh camera flashes add seven years to your face.

In addition to making you look shiny and greasy, cameras can't adjust to lightness and darkness the ways our eyes naturally can. Cameras can only focus on highlights or shadows, and sometimes that can result in lighting that can be less than flattering. A good rule of thumb is to stick to natural or outdoor lighting instead.

Your smile could also be the culprit.

iStock

Everyone knows what it's like to pose for an awkward photo, like a driver's license or a passport. The photos never turn out looking nice, and they hardly look like our natural smiles. When you're looking at yourself in the mirror, you're relaxed, confident, and more likely to smile and act naturally.

If someone shouting "Say cheese!" at you makes you feel self-conscious about your unphotogenic reputation, obviously you're going to tense up and have a photo that looks different and foreign from the version you see in the mirror. It's best to relax when taking pictures and try to focus on something else. That tense, forced awkwardness will always translate to a bad photo.

It's possible you're less attractive than you think.

assets.rebelmouse.io

But no matter how many factors you want to blame for your crappy pictures, it all boils down to psychology. Perhaps the reason you look different in pictures is because the version of yourself you like best is a figment of your imagination.

According to a 2008 study, people tend to think they're more attractive than they really are. In the experiment, researchers photoshopped pictures of participants to make them look more attractive and then mixed those with photos of strangers. Next, they asked the subjects to pick their picture out of a line-up. People were quicker at picking photos where they looked more attractive, concluding that "attractiveness" was the version of themselves they were most familiar with.

However, other experts have also said the opposite, that people tend to think they're less attractive than they really are. Whatever the case, if you're beating yourself up about why you look different in mirrors and pictures, there's a good chance that all your fear and anxiety is just in your head. It's sort of similar to how people hate the sound of their own voice. Perhaps the key to looking better in pictures is taking as many selfies as you can to help familiarize yourself with both the "mirror" and "camera" version of yourself.

"People who take a lot of selfies end up feeling a lot more comfortable in their own skin because they have a continuum of images of themselves, and they're more in control of the image," Pamela said. "Flipped or not flipped, the ability to see themselves in all these different ways will just make them generally more comfortable."

Or, you know, just download FaceTune. Might as well fight science with science.


This article originally appeared on 7.21.21


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Culture

People from other countries share 14 things that instantly tell them someone's American

Have you ever heard of the "American lean"?

via zoetnet/Flickr, Ewen Roberts/Flickr and Tom Hodgkinson/Flickr
Some American tourists enjoying the sights

Americans have a style and personality all their own, which isn’t a bad thing. It’s just noticeable when they travel aboard. Americans often stand out because of their outgoing personalities. They are friendly and enjoy having casual conversations with strangers.

This is an endearing trait to a lot of people in more reserved cultures, although it can also come off as a little brash.

An American characteristic that isn’t quite endearing to people in other countries is that they can be rather loud. In Europe, one can always notice the Americans in the restaurant because they can be heard from across the room.

One Reddit user wanted to know the specific ways that Americans stand out when traveling abroad, so they asked the AskReddit subreddit: “What’s an obvious sign that someone is an American?”


 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture It may not be quite this obvious, but Americans do stand out.  Giphy  

The post was popular, receiving nearly 6,000 responses in just 6 days. The most popular ones described how Americans' unique personalities, style of dress, dental hygiene and body language make them easy to spot.

Here are 14 “obvious” signs that someone is an American.

1. Posture

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans slouch and lean.  Giphy  

"Apparently, the CIA trains American agents to not lean on things if they go undercover in foreign countries because Americans lean on anything they can while standing around," one user wrote.

"I bet MI6 trains British agents to lean on everything if they go undercover in America because Americans lean on anything they can while standing around," joked another.

Shockingly, this is actually true. The "American lean" is well-documented and, yes, a former CIA chief has said publicly that it's something the agency addresses with its operatives to help them blend in.

2. The date

"MMDDYYYY," a user said.

The way Americans write the date seems normal and commonplace when you're in the US, but around the world, we're practically the only ones who do it that way. Similarly, only a small handful of countries outside of the US use the imperial system of measure.

Writing the date or using feet and inches are a dead giveaway!

3. Distances are different

"Anything under 4 hours is 'close by," someone suggested.

"Everything in Europe is around the corner if you're from the US. I can drive the whole day and not leave my state, but in Europe, I can pass through 4 countries in that same time frame," said another.

The massive geography of the United States has a big affect on how we see distance. It shows up when we travel to other countries that are more densely packed together.

4. They're polite to servers

"In the touristy cafe-restaurant I worked at:

If they asked me for the nicest spot we had

If they asked me my recommendation without seeing the menu first

I would walk to the table, and they would say right away ‘hey, how are you doing?’ This one threw me off a lot at first. Why is this person asking me how I'm doing?? I'm just there to take the order. I got used to it, and I think they found my awkwardness cute.

They would ask my name when I greeted them and took their order.

I'm Northern European.," explained one user.

"It’s under-appreciated just how polite, friendly, and sincere Americans are in general. It blew my mind the first time I came to the US, and I love that my children are growing up with those same values," said another.

You might expect to hear that Americans are rude and entitled when traveling, but that's not necessarily the case! In America, some friendly rapport with your waiter is expected, and Americans tend to be a more outgoing bunch that love to engage. That makes them stand out in European countries, in particular, where restaurant service is meant to be professional and efficient rather than charismatic.


5. The water bottles

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans love huge water bottles.  Giphy  

"I was told, 'Americans carry water bottles around like they're worried they'll never have access to clean water ever again," one user said.

"I don't care what anyone says. If you think carrying a water bottle when walking a lot is weird, you're probably slightly dehydrated all the time and are just desensitized to it. You seriously need to drink water frequently if you want to be ideally healthy," said another.

The water bottle fad is uniquely American, for better or worse. Whether it's a Yeti, a Stanley, an Owalla, or something else, you can bet if someone is swinging a massive water bottle wherever they walk, they're an American.

6. Smiling

"I was in Germany this past summer, and I realized smiling at everyone you make eye contact with is very American. When I went to London on the same trip, they seemed less weirded out by it but would awkwardly return the smile. I was taught to always start with a disarming smile. Never realized it was American," said one person.

7. "More ice, please."

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans love tons of ice in their drinks.  Giphy  

"I spent a year in Europe completely iceless to the point I forgot that was a thing. I stopped at a bar in Chicago fresh off the plane and not only did I get free tap water, but water with ice. I instantly felt at home," added one person.

There is a long and fascinating history involving someone called "The Ice King" behind why Americans, and so few other cultures, love to put tons of ice in our drinks. Needless to say, it makes us stand out like a sore thumb when traveling.

8. Personal space

"As an American man, I’ve been told repeatedly by European and Asian friends that we simply take up space (not by being fat) as though we’re entitled to it. Men in other countries apparently don’t claim the same personal space we do," one person offered.

You mean manspreading? Apparently, other cultures don't do that.

9. White teeth

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans value ultra-white teeth.  Giphy  

"It’s even more bizarre that they assume we have braces or bleach our teeth because they’re straight and white. I have naturally straight white teeth. I brush them twice a day so they stay white. I don’t do anything special to them, but I remember being in London and some similar-aged students literally making fun of me for my teeth… it’s true that they don’t naturally look like headstones in an ancient graveyard, but there’s no need to make fun," someone added.

Imagine getting made fun of for having white teeth! For one reason or another, American culture places high value on having extremely white teeth. We all know the old jokes about British teeth, but some findings show that while Americans' teeth may be whiter, Brits may be healthier overall. Something to think about.

10. Casual dress

"My friend went to Germany recently, and what people said about Americans is you can spot them a mile away because they’re the ones wearing pajamas in public. Apparently, in other countries, at least Germany, they dress a little more formally and in less baggy clothes than we do in America," someone added.

Activewear, sweatpants, pajamas — we love to be comfortable! But it does make us a bit obvious when we're out and about in other countries.

11. Baseball hats

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans wear hats... everywhere.  Giphy  

"Baseball cap... even on an infant riding in a pram," a user suggested.

Baseball hats are common in many countries around the world, but most people internationally only wear them outside. If someone's wearing a cap inside or at a restaurant, it's a safe bet that person is American.

12. Shoes

"Americans are shoe snobs (they don’t think they are, but they are). Setting aside wealthier business types, Americans generally wear more on-brand, on-trend, high-quality shoes than others," someone said.

13. They're loud

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans' default volume is loud.  Giphy  

"That was my first thought. Americans yell at each other in normal conversation in public. I noticed it years ago in Europe, and now I can’t stand it in the US," another user added.

Now there's an unsurprising revelation! Just like our tendency to take up space, Americans seem to have less awareness of those around them when it comes to conversation volume, as well.

14. Occupation matters

"Immediately asking someone what they do for a living when meeting them. Our jobs and work are our entire identity," one person said.

"I hate that about American culture. I'm an American and recently became a SAHM, so I don't have an answer to 'What do you do for a living?' Half the time, I add the caveat, ‘Oh, my last job was with Apple,’ so that I'm not written off as an unemployed ‘loser.’ But it really is dumb to determine a person's worth by what they do in order to afford food and shelter," added another.

There are huge differences in work culture between America and other countries. They're so big and pervasive that they show up not just while we're working, but in the way we interact with others. For example, in Europe it's far less common to be friends with your coworkers. People value the purpose they find in work and the results, but are happy to keep the majority of their life separate from their career.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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24 kids come to trash a birthday party that none of them RVSPd for. Dad was understandably PO'd.

On the bright side: other parents gave brilliant tips for tweaking invites so these catastrophes don't happen.

Photo credit: Canva

This is definitely some parenting nightmare fuel.

Kids birthday party culture is definitely having a moment in the public discourse. For one thing, parties have become outrageously expensive. Renting a lane at the bowling alley and getting some pizza for a dozen kids used to be the cheap party. Now that same experience will probably run $500 or more. If you tack on custom desserts (unless it's a Costco sheet cake), goodie bags, and a premium venue like a trampoline park or arcade, you could be looking at a bill of close to $1000! That's madness!

RSVP etiquette is in crisis, too. Social media is rife with stories of no one RSVPing, RSVPers no-showing on the day, and others sorts of rude or bizarre behavior from parents that turns parties sour and, sadly, ruin kids' birthdays.

One dad's story of a birthday party gone horribly wrong, though, definitely takes the cake.

 kids, parenting, kids birthday party, birthday party rsvp, birthday party ideas, kids birthday ideas, kids party ideas May this birthday party never find me.  media2.giphy.com  

"My son's birthday was recently and we decided to throw him a party at a local place that was kid focused and amazing," the dad writes in a Reddit post. Due to classroom rules and wanting to pass the invitations out through school, the family invited all 24 kids from their child's class.

"Not a single parent RSVP'ed. Not a single one. My name, my phone number, AND my spouse's phone number was on the card. I'm literally staring at one ... that I handwrote and this was included on the invite. I handwrote every card so I know for a fact what was on there," he says.

Not wanting to cancel the birthday party (and traumatize his son), the dad began inviting kids from other branches of his network. Friends' kids, coworkers kids. Basically anyone with a warm body so that they could throw a proper party. In the end, the family planned and paid for 15 kids to attend the party, including a resounding zero from class.

 kids, parenting, kids birthday party, birthday party rsvp, birthday party ideas, kids birthday ideas, kids party ideas "Not a single parent RSVP'ed. Not a single one." media2.giphy.com  

And then everything went haywire.

"Party was yesterday night. ... We get there, get settled in, and start seeing kids come in. A few of his classmates began showing up. I was fine with that and was excited kids started showing up for him. And then more kids started showing up. One family brought 7 kids total; 3 teens, 2 slightly older kids, a girl from his classmates, and their cousin. Another family brought their son AND one of his friends because 'they didn't know if their son would know anyone there so we wanted to make sure he had a friend to play with'. So many of them brought siblings."

The numbers quickly got way, way out of hand. Organizers at the venue told the dad he was going to have to pay for all the extra kids that showed up. So the OP unfortunately had to tell anyone who brought uninvited kids, or failed to RSVP, that they would have to pay their own way for all the crafts and activities available at the venue.

 kids, parenting, kids birthday party, birthday party rsvp, birthday party ideas, kids birthday ideas, kids party ideas "We get there, get settled in, and start seeing kids come in." media0.giphy.com  

A few families apologized and ponied up, but... "I had multiple parents tell me that they didn't know they couldn't bring their other kids and promised to pay before they left. Some asked for my Cashapp/Venmo/Zelle so they could reimburse me later since they couldn't afford it right now. Some just left, a few taking their presents with them."

With so many kids running amok, the party took an unfortunate turn. Kids started being mean to an animal that was brought out for entertainment and its handlers had to put it away. Trash went flying everywhere. Kids climbed on tables and got kicked out. It was pandemonium.

In the end, dad had to pay an extra cleaning fee, pay for damage done to the venue, and pay for all the extra kids who showed up whose parents left before chipping in. Worse yet, his son was devastated at how the party turned out.

"I was in tears. My son is really upset that there were so many mean kids. He said this was the worst party ever and asked to not have a party for next year."

 kids, parenting, kids birthday party, birthday party rsvp, birthday party ideas, kids birthday ideas, kids party ideas He said this was the worst party ever and asked to not have a party for next year." media1.giphy.com  

The obvious question coming out of this story: Why are people so awful?!

Stories like this one sadly aren't rare. The cynical take is that parents are ruder and more self-absorbed than ever, that our chronically disconnected society has diluted our sense of community and obligation to be kind to each other.

The (slightly) more optimistic and probably more accurate take is that today's parents are completely overwhelmed and have their hands full coordinating handfuls of events that are months away, responding to dozens of daily emails from school and teachers and daycares, being engaged and hands-on in every aspects of their kids lives, etc. So RSVPs sometimes slip to the bottom of the list and get forgotten. The behavior in this dad's story is appalling, but probably not intentionally malicious.

Still, social media users were furious on behalf of the child and his parents in the story.

"This is unacceptable behavior," wrote one commenter.

"People suck and kids parties bring out the worst in people!" added another.

Whatever the cause, there are a few ways you can protect yourself and your kids from birthday party catastrophes like this one.

Don't include the specific location on the invite. The best way to stop people who didn't RSVP from showing up unannounced is to stay vague about the party venue. Just put the day and time on the invitation so people can save the date, but make them text or call before you tell them where the party will be held. That way, you can secure a commitment beforehand.

Specify whether siblings are welcome. Unfortunately, some parents have been known to use other kids birthday parties as informal daycares, dropping all of their kids off at once and taking themselves a nice break! It's not all conniving, though. It is legitimately a lot easier on some families to bring everyone along to a party rather than dividing and conquering to entertain siblings who weren't invited. Just be clear on the invite or in RSVP discussions about who's allowed to come and whether parents are expected to stay (or if it's a "drop off party").

Understand classroom rules. A lot of schools now require that, if birthday party invitations get handed out in class, that everyone is invited. That rules comes from a great place of not wanting anyone to feel left out, but it also causes a lot of problems. The inclusivity is a positive but it also means you end up inviting a lot of kids and parents you don't know very well or at all. If you're up for this logistical challenge, go for it! But if not, consider a smaller party with just your child's good friends—and invite them privately outside of school.

Finally, for anyone on the receiving end of a birthday party invitation, don't be a jerk! RSVPing either way is a much appreciated gesture. On the chance that you do forget to RSVP (it happens), don't show up unannounced. It may not seem like a big deal, but when a couple dozen sets of parents all have the same thought, this dad's viral story shows exactly what can go wrong.

This article originally appeared in March.

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Dad shares the hilarious conversations he has with 5-year-old daughter and folks are cracking up

"Why do people congratulate you when Mom is making the baby?

via James Breakwell/X

All parents have had similar convos with thier kiddos.

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Especially when actual conversations start, as kids begin trying to make sense out of the world around them, ask questions, and test mommy and daddy's resolve.

Back in 2018, comedy writer and children's book author James Breakwell, with four daughters who were all under the age of eight at the time, shared their hilarious conversations on X. From these tweets, it looks like comedy runs in the family. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

While Breakwell's 7-year-old wasn't as heavily featured, when she was quoted, the sarcasm was palpable. Which makes sense, considering that kiddos begin understanding this mechanism around that age.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and we love them for it. It one of the many, many ways then bring so much joy to the world. It almost makes up for the headaches and sleepless nights, doesn't it.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Science

Weather reporter shares 'forced convection' hack that'll cool your hot car faster than A/C

You may look a little funny, but it beats sweating in your seat.

via Canva/Photos

A woman in a hot car.

It’s remarkable how, when it gets a little warm outside in the summer, the interior of your car can become a blazing inferno. A big reason for the discrepancy between the outside air temperature and the interior of your car is the same reason the planet is getting warmer: the greenhouse effect.

When you close your car windows and it's warm outside, the heat can’t escape because longwave radiation can’t pass through windows as easily as shortwave radiation. That’s why temperatures can go from comfortably cool when you get out of your car to blazing within minutes.

In fact, if it’s 80 degrees outside, it only takes 10 minutes for the car’s inside temperature to rise to 99 degrees and an additional hour to reach 137 degrees. That’s why it’s important never to leave your pet in the inside of your car, even when it feels cool outside.

 hot car, cool car, man with fan, summer car, summer heat, sweating, A man in a hot car.via Canva/Photos

How to cool a hot car in the summer

So, how do you cool your car down when it feels like a volcano inside in the middle of summer? Victoria Fenn Alvarado, a reporter with Canada’s The Weather Network, shared a science-based hack to cool your car even faster than blasting the air conditioner. First, you open the passenger-side window down. Then you open the driver's side door and step outside of the car. "Open and close the door paridly, about seven to 10 times. Once you complete his step, you can step inside your vehicle, and now you can drive away comfortably," Alvardo said.

It may look unusual to others in the parking lot to see you using your car door like a massive fan, but the hack is effective because it utilizes forced convection to replace the hot air with cool, fresh air. “Opening and closing the door acts as a pump, allowing warm air to exit rapidly. Paired with having the window open on the other side, this motion creates a pressure drop inside the vehicle, pulling in outside air, essentially replacing the warm air with fresh air,” Alvarado continues.

Hannah Fry further explained the phenomenon in a viral TikTok video. Fry is Professor of the Public Understanding of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge and the host of numerous popular podcasts and television shows.

How to cool your hot car using forced convection

@fryrsquared

That age-old dilemma of choosing between having a non-sweltering car or baffling a passerby because you look like a fool who doesn't know how to use a door


“The reason why it works is that when you open and close the door, especially if you do it quickly, the door, as it's moving outwards, it sweeps out all of the air that's in its way, creating this sort of area of low pressure that you get here,” Fry said. “And then that sets up something called bulk flow, which is where all of the hot, sweaty, horrible air inside the car is drawn outwards.”

The hack is one of the strange things that seems obvious, but most people probably haven’t considered. However, once you see it in action, it’s impossible not to think: Why didn’t I think of that? Here’s to enjoying the rest of your summers, knowing that even if it gets a bit warm outside, you always have a cool car to look forward to.

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Love Stories

Poet Andrea Gibson reads 'Love Letter From the Afterlife' to fiancée just months before dying

"Dying is the opposite of leaving."

en.m.wikipedia.org

A photo of poet Andrea Gibson.

For Andrea Gibson, life was a poem—a beautifully complex spectrum of gender, time, and life itself. Gibson (who used they/them pronouns) was a poet, an activist, a filmmaker, a friend—but most of all—an inspiration to anyone on this planet who dares to push back against the societal constructs which are woven into us at such an early age.

Comedian Tig Notaro sat down with them for Interview Magazine in which Gibson shone through as being equally thoughtful and hilarious. After describing themselves as "gender queer," they elaborated: "It just means that I don’t necessarily identify within a gender binary. I’ve never in my life really felt like a woman and I’ve certainly never felt like a man. I look at gender on a spectrum and I feel somewhere on that spectrum that’s not landing on either side of that."

Their work encouraged many, and in 2023, Colorado Governor Jared Polis awarded Gibson Colorado's Poet Laureate. That same year, Gibson shared the poem inspired by their grandmother, Love Letter from the Afterlife, which they had written to comfort those who were grieving. To try to find a semblance of beauty in the pain of loss and to reassure all of us facing mortality that there is… more.

For the past four years, Gibson has battled ovarian cancer, and much of that fight was captured in the upcoming documentary (co-produced by Notaro) Come See Me in the Good Light. Heartbreakingly, Gibson lost the battle just this week. Exemplifying the love that surrounded them, their death announcement read in part: “Andrea Gibson died in their home (in Boulder, Colorado) surrounded by their wife, Meg, four ex-girlfriends, their mother and father, dozens of friends, and their three beloved dogs.”

But Gibson, ever the romantic, wanted their beloved Megan Falley, to personally and intimately receive the words of the poem. And in a final television interview—just months before they passed—Gibson read it to her.

  Andrea Gibson reads their poem.   www.youtube.com  

 
“My love, I was so wrong. Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here. I am more here than I ever was before. I am more with you than I ever could have imagined. So close you look past me when wondering where I am.
 
 
It’s OK. I know that to be human is to be farsighted. But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living. Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive? Ask me the altitude of heaven, and I will answer, “How tall are you?” In my back pocket is a love note with every word you wish you’d said. At night I sit ecstatic at the loom weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets. All day I listen to the radio of your memories.
 
 
Yes, I know every secret you thought too dark to tell me, and love you more for everything you feared might make me love you less. When you cry, I guide your tears toward the garden of kisses I once planted on your cheek, so you know they are all perennials. Forgive me, for not being able to weep with you. One day you will understand. One day you will know why I read the poetry of your grief to those waiting to be born, and they are all the more excited.
 
 
There is nothing I want for now that we are so close I open the curtain of your eyelids with my own smile every morning. I wish you could see the beauty your spirit is right now making of your pain, your deep-seated fears playing musical chairs, laughing about how real they are not. My love, I want to sing it through the rafters of your bones, Dying is the opposite of leaving. I want to echo it through the corridor of your temples, I am more with you than I ever was before.
 
 
Do you understand? It was me who beckoned the stranger who caught you in her arms when you forgot not to order for two at the coffee shop. It was me who was up all night gathering sunflowers into your chest the last day you feared you would never again wake up feeling lighthearted. I know it’s hard to believe, but I promise it’s the truth. I promise one day you will say it too— I can’t believe I ever thought I could lose you.”

The comment section on YouTube reflects some of the better parts of humanity, which Gibson no doubt inspired. One person writes, "I see the news that someone I never met in person has died, and it knocks the breath out of me and leaves me weeping. Your light, your depth, your words have touched my soul. Your poetry has been the portal to a connection to you that makes our never having met in person meaningless. I love you, Andrea. Thank you for everything."

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