When all else fails, here's how we hope Trump conversations go at Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is almost here, and with it the prospect of having to chat with distant family about the elephant in the room. It's the worst part of an otherwise great day. Unfortunately, you can't control what people talk about, and no advice can save you. Sometimes the best you can do is pray it turns out like this...
[rebelmouse-image 19532912 dam="1" original_size="700x466" caption="Photo by Ruocaled/Flickr." expand=1]Photo by Ruocaled/Flickr.
1. Diversion
You:
Wow, these mashed potatoes are great.
Aunt Cindy: You wanna know what I hate about Donald Trump— [*a truck backfires super loudly outside*] ...What were we talking about again?
You: Definitely mashed potatoes.
2. Misdirection
You
: Looks like it's going to be another cold winter this year.
Uncle Todd: Ugh, that's the last thing I need after Donald Trump...
Aunt Cindy: FIRE!
You: Oh my God, is the house on fire?
Aunt Cindy: No, I'm just thrilled your sister pledged Phi Ur — the Greek-Babylonian sorority. I'm an alum!
You: That's weird!
3. Explosions
You:
Think the Cowboys will win this year?
Uncle Joe: Only thing I know is, none of those players better take a knee. You know, what I really respect about Donald Trump is—
[*a large boom sounds from the kitchen*]
You: Phew! The turkey exploded!
4. Avoidance
Brother-in-law: I'd like to talk about Donald Trump.
You: NO!
Brother-in-law: Not that Donald Trump. Donald Trump, my old coworker from Xerox.
You: Oh. Yeah. How are Donald and Susan?
5. The fallback
Mom:
Honey, can you explain why Donald Trump...
You:[*suddenly go deaf forever*]
6. What's that over there?
You:
Hey, Dan, how've you been!
Dan: Pretty good. Just got a new gig teaching World History up in Mount Pleasant. Did I tell you Lisa and I are pregnant?
You: No! That's so great. Congrats!
Dan: Thanks, man.
You: You know, it's really great to see you. I'm glad we're cousins.
Dan: Yeah, same!
You: I'm just glad we're not talking about Donald Trump.
Dan: Oh my God, don't get me started on— [*a motorcycle gang conducts a demolition derby on the front lawn*]
7. Bless dear grandpa
Grandpa: Did you know Donald Trump doesn't exist?
You: For real?
Grandpa: Yeah, I just heard that.
8. End of the world
You: Can you pass the salad dressing?
Dad: Huh?
You: The salad dressing?
Dad: I'm sorry, I was just thinking about how ridiculous it is that Donald Trump— [*armageddon happens; your grandma is raptured; a pit opens up in the Earth swallowing all of your cousins and the cornbread and the gluten-free stuffing (but not the regular stuffing); you are the only one left behind*]
You: Oddly, this is OK.
9. Here for the food
You: Can we not talk about Donald Trump this year?
Everyone: Oh my God, yes.
You: PASS THE DAMN GRAVY!
12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.