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Pop Culture

Trevor Noah makes an astute observation about men and the 'right to sex' conversation

It's not really about sex at all.

daily show trevor noah
cseeman licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

Trevor Noah talked sex versus intimacy in a "Daily Show Between the Scenes" segment.

It started with a 2019 statistic showing nearly a third of men under 30 had not had sex in the previous year, which spurred a strange discussion about "incels" and debates over whether or not people—and men in particular—have a "right to sex."

You can read the original (widely panned) Twitter thread from Alexandra Hunt here, and an op-ed response ("Involuntary celibacy is a genuine problem, but a ‘right to sex’ is not the answer") from Guardian columnist Zoe Williams here, but the crux of the discussion is that some people seem very concerned that men who want to have sex aren't having it and someone or something must be to blame.

It's the kind of social discourse that seems to mark our time, with ample opportunity to scratch our heads, roll our eyes and mutter "WTF" under our breath. But Trevor Noah, as he so often does, has come riding in like a knight during a "Daily Show Between the Scenes" segment, elevating the conversation above the fray and tapping into a broader issue.

Noah explained his perspective that the issue isn't really that men aren't having sex, but rather that men are missing out on intimacy. He began by pointing out that "the expectation of sex was often set by a society controlled by men, and women were just subject to it," and that has set up some weird dynamics with men when it comes to sex.

"‘Men aren’t having the sex that they want to have.' Like, how much sex do they think they’re supposed to have?" Noah asks. "Let’s start there.

"And secondly, do they think they’re entitled to the sex?"

Both excellent questions.

"And third and most importantly for me—and I really feel like we don’t speak about this enough—is people don’t realize how often men are experiencing a lack of intimacy," he continued. "And the only place that they can experience that intimacy is through sex.

"We’ve created a society where men are so afraid to be vulnerable with each other; to be sensitive with each other; to care for each other; to love each other. You know even saying that, as a guy … you can’t just say, ‘I love you,’ you have to say, ‘I love you, dawg.’"

Noah points out that this is something women have done a much better job at than men—"being there for each other intimately but not necessarily sexually."

"I think we take for granted how much in society men who say sex is the thing they're not getting are actually struggling with a lack of companionship, of intimacy, of being in a space with a person where they're sharing everything from serotonin to endorphins to what humans need to feel," he said. "And I hope we can change that conversation just a little bit more. I hope we get to the place where guys go 'Oh, I actually didn't need the sex. I needed to be held, and I live in a society where it's hard to be held unless I'm having sex because as guys you can't just go to a guy and be like, 'Just hold me.'"

It's five minutes worth watching:

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That’s where the Pear ring comes in. Self dubbed as the “world’s biggest social experiment,” this $25 brightly colored blue ring offers something classic, with a twist. Basically, folks wear it out to signal they’re single and ready to mingle. Almost like the opposite of an engagement ring, really.
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Wife cooks nachos for 'picky' husband who refused to eat her salmon. But she has a point.

Should she be cooking two meals?

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Brianna Greenfield makes nachos for her husband.

A viral video showing a woman preparing nachos for her "picky" spouse after he refused to eat the salmon dinner she cooked has sparked a contentious debate on TikTok. The video was shared on April 26 by Brianna Greenfield (@themamabrianna on TikTok) and has since earned over 2.5 million views.

Brianna is a mother of two who lives in Iowa.

The video starts with Brianna grating a massive hunk of cheese with a caption that reads: “My husband didn’t eat the dinner that I made…So let’s make him some nachos.”

“If I don’t feed him, he literally won’t eat,” she wrote. “This used to irritate me. Now I just blame his mother for never making him try salmon,” Greenfield wrote. The video features Meghan Trainor’s single “Mother” playing in the background.

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New study shows spanking hurts kids' mental health and is less effective at teaching lessons

Why is it wrong to hit an adult or an animal but OK to spank a child?

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Yet another study shows that spanking isn't good for kids.

Whether to spank your child or not is one of the oldest debates among parents. Many live by the age-old wisdom that to “spare the rod” is to “spoil the child,” while others believe it’s wrong to resort to violence to punish a child when so many alternatives exist.

It also begs the question: If it's wrong to hit your spouse or pet, why is it acceptable to hit a defenseless child?

The 2021 American Family Study found that support for spanking has declined in the U.S. over the past few years. In 2015, 54% either somewhat or strongly agreed with the practice, but that number dropped to 47% in 2021. Thirty-five percent of respondents disagree with the practice and 18% neither agree nor disagree.

A new research study from the Parent and Family Research Alliance in Australia led by Professor Sophie Havighurst and Professor Daryl Higgins from Australian Catholic University makes a strong case that people should stop using corporal punishment to discipline their kids. The study “Corporal punishment of children in Australia: The evidence-based case for legislative reform” analyzed countless studies on the topic and found spanking ineffective and harmful.

The study was published to urge lawmakers to make corporal punishment in Australia illegal. Sixty-five states across the world have made corporal punishment illegal, protecting 14% of the world’s children.

The study defined corporal punishment of children as using physical force to cause pain, but not injury, to correct or control a child’s behavior.

The most startling meta-analysis published in the study found that "only 1 out of 111 statistically significant effect sizes was associated with a link between 'spanking' and a positive child outcome," while 110 were found to be associated with adverse outcomes.

The one positive outcome was in a 1972 study of children of the U.S. military living in West Germany that found those spanked showed less amphetamine and opiate use as adults.

However, the remaining 110 significant results found that spanking had adverse effects, including: “reducing trust and connection with those they are closest to, lower self-esteem, more internalizing and externalizing behavior problems including aggression, mental health difficulties, and increased risk for later substance abuse, antisocial behavior, and violence.”

A meta-analysis found that when children are spanked, they are less likely to internalize the moral implications of the behaviors that led them to be disciplined. It also found that non-physical discipline was more effective at teaching “alternative behaviors,” “developing a child’s conscience,” and advancing their “emotional development.”

Another meta-analysis cited in the story found that corporal punishment in childhood was associated with mental health problems, low self-esteem and antisocial behavior.

In the end, the studies show that corporal punishment is counter-productive when it comes to raising healthy, happy children. But it will take much more than a study to get people to reconsider their views of corporal punishment because they are deeply rooted in many cultural traditions.

Looking for some non-physical alternatives to discipline your child? Here’s a great place to start from WebMD.

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That “object” was a 3-year-old boy.

Kennedy sent an emergency call out to all trains in the area, catching the attention of a northbound conductor, Shawn Loughran, and a trainee. Loughran slowed down his train as he approached the child, who was straddling the electrified third rail.

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