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What parents can do to prepare for if their teens express suicidal thoughts

Talking about suicide doesn’t cause suicidal thoughts.

teen suicide; teen mental health; sextortion; suicide rates; mental health crisis
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Preparing for if your child expresses suicidal thoughts

Editor's Note: This story discusses suicide. If you are having thoughts about taking your own life, or know of anyone who is in need of help, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 200+ crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 9-8-8. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.


A teen expressing suicidal thoughts can be terrifying as a parent. There's not really a handbook for it and sometimes you're not even the first to know. Teens are at a unique stage in their lives, stuck between adulthood and childhood. They're trying to figure out their place in the world while navigating massive hormonal changes, more challenging work at school, social group pressures, and adults constantly asking what their future plans are.

When you add in the extra layer of sexual orientation outside of heterosexual norms, teens can feel immense pressure they're not fully equipped to handle on their own. But because of their stage of development, secrecy is fairly common, even if you have a close relationship with your teens.

So this can sometimes mean that by the time they're coming to their parent with a problem, they've exhausted all of the resources they have. But there are things parents can do in an attempt to help their teens prepare for suicidal thoughts if they pop up.

Everything a parent can do essentially revolves around having open, honest conversations about suicidal thoughts. Parents often try to steer their kids clear of upsetting information or anything that may seem like it's encouraging an undesirable behavior. But kids are smart and we have to trust them to make the choices right for them based off of the information they have.

Normalizing suicidal ideation as something that some people have can help kids feel comfortable to open up with their parents when they experience them. Passive suicidal ideation is something that many people experience, which can be things like hoping you don't wake up in the morning or wanting a tragic accident to occur. But they can also look like someone saying they don't want to be here anymore or that life would be easier without them.

Parents should have a firm handle on when suicidal thoughts are passive and when they're active so they can impart that knowledge on their children. Passive suicidal thoughts doesn't mean hospitalization, in most cases it means the person would benefit from therapy as there is likely some underlying mental health condition.

Girl laying on couch sad

Statistics|UCLA Health - Image, Satrio Ramadham|Canva

Active suicidal ideation is when a plan is in place. This doesn't mean it's months out. A plan for suicide can come together quickly and impulsively, especially if there's a inciting event like failing an important test or someone threatening to send a teen's inappropriate pictures to everyone on Snapchat. Sextortion has claimed the lives of several teenage boys over the past few years, many of them popular, student athletes with good grades and a strong friend group.

Talking about suicidal thoughts and what to do in the event of having them can help save their lives. Parents can also reassure their children that there is nothing they can do that would make you stop loving them. Bring sexting out on the table to let them know people make mistakes and that you'll always be a safe person to come to if someone is threatening to expose inappropriate pictures. No judgement.

Does that mean you need to agree with them sending inappropriate photos? No. But when they're coming to you in a bind, judgement needs to sit in the backseat until your child is safe. The lesson is already learned and nothing you do or say will drive it home more.

Outside of talking about it openly, discussing the different types of ideation and reassurance that you're a safe person if something big happens-parents should make sure their kids store crisis numbers in their phones. Because they're teens, they don't always come to parents first, so parents making sure kids have crisis numbers stored is that extra layer of knowledge that it's okay to seek help.

Teen with rainbow hair with hands over face sad

Statistics|The Trevor Project - Image, ASphotofamily|Canva

Storing multiple options can be beneficial. 988 is great for crisis phone calls, 741741 is a crisis text line, 1-866-488-7386 is a crisis line for LGBTQ youth and 678-678 is their text option. Even if you don't think your child is a member of the LGBTQ community, it's still beneficial for them to have access to this number whether it benefits them directly one day or if they pass it along to a friend.

If there's ever a time when your child comes to you with an active plan for suicide, you can take them to the nearest emergency department or crisis center. Many psychiatric hospitals will assess people without them being assessed at the emergency department first if they have a bed available, which you can find out by calling ahead. If the crisis is acute and it's not safe to transport your child, you can call 988 and they will work with local emergency services to pick them up.

Woman in grey hoodie with runny mascara

Statistics|UCLA Health - Image, Cottonbro Studio|Canva

Talking to teens about suicide isn't a fun conversation but it has to be had. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among people 10-24 years olds, having the conversation and checking in frequently is imperative to ensure teens have the knowledge to keep them earth side as long as possible.

This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and practicing therapist.

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Yet another school district shifts to 4-day week and parents are sounding off

So...when are we getting the matching 4-day work week?

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Students working; an empty classroom.

When talking with other parents I know, it's hard not to sound like a grumpy old man when we get around to discussing school schedules: "Am I the only one who feels like kids have so many days off? I never got that many days off when I was a kid! And I had to go work in the coal mine after, too!" I know what I sound like, but I just can't help it.

In Georgia where I live, we have a shorter summer break than some other parts of the country. But my kids have the entire week of Thanksgiving off, a week in September, two whole weeks at Christmas, a whole week off in February, and a weeklong spring break. They have asynchronous days (during which they complete assignments at home, which usually takes about 30 minutes) about once a month, and they have two or three half-day weeks throughout the year. Quite honestly, it feels like they're never in school for very long before they get another break, which makes it tough to get in a rhythm with work and career goals. Plus, we're constantly arranging day camps and other childcare options for all the time off. After a quick search, I can confirm I'm not losing my mind: American kids have fewer school days than most other major countries.

 school's out, school days, school week, work week, schedules Schools Out Fun GIF by Pen Pals  Giphy  

So, it caught my attention in a major way when I read that Whitney Independent School District in Texas recently decided to enact a four-day week heading into the 2025 school year. That makes it one of dozens of school districts in Texas to make the change and over 900 nationally.

The thought of having the kids home from school EVERY Friday or Monday makes me want to break out in stress hives, but this four-day school week movement isn't designed to give parents a headache. It's meant to lure teachers back to work.

Yes, teachers are leaving the profession in droves and young graduates don't seem eager to replace them. Why? For starters, the pay is bad—but that's just the beginning. Teachers are burnt out, undermined and criticized relentlessly, held hostage by standardized testing, and more. It can be a grueling, demoralizing, and thankless job. The love and passion they have for shaping the youth of tomorrow can only take you so far when you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick.

School districts want to pay their teachers more, in theory, but their hands are often tied. So, they're getting creative to recruit the next generation of teachers into their schools—starting with an extra day off for planning, catch-up, or family time every week.

Teachers in four-day districts often love the new schedule. Kids love it (obviously). It's the parents who, as a whole, aren't super thrilled.

 school, kids, teachers, instruction time, classes, schedule Class in session Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash  

So far, the data shows that the truncated schedule perk is working. In these districts, job applications for teachers are up, retirements are down, and teachers are reporting better mental well-being. That's great news!

But these positive developments may be coming at the price of the working parents in the communities. Most early adopters of the four-day week have been rural communities with a high prevalence of stay-at-home parents. As the idea starts to take hold in other parts of the country, it's getting more pushback. Discussions on Reddit, Facebook, and other social media platforms are overrun with debate on how this is all going to shake up. Some parents, to be fair, like the idea! If they stay-at-home or have a lot of flexibility, they see it as an opportunity for more family time. But many are feeling anxious. Here's what's got those parents worried:

The effect on students' achievement is still unclear.

The execution of the four-day week varies from district to district. Some schools extend the length of each of the four days, making the total instructional time the same. That makes for a really long day, and some teachers say the students are tired and more unruly by the late afternoon. Some districts are just going with less instruction time overall, which has parents concerned that their kids might fall behind.

Four-day school weeks put parents in a childcare bind.

Having two working parents is becoming more common and necessary with the high cost of living. I know, I know—"school isn't daycare!" But it is the safe, reliable, and educational place we send our kids while we we work.

Families with money and resources may be able to enroll their kids in more academics, extracurriculars, sports, or childcare, but a lot of normal families won't be able to afford that cost. Some schools running a four-day week offer a paid childcare option for the day off, but that's an added expense and for families with multiple kids in the school system, it's just not possible.

This will inevitably end with some kids getting way more screentime.

With most parents still working five-day weeks, and the cost of extra activities or childcare too high, a lot of kids are going to end up sitting around on the couch with their iPad on those days off. I'm no expert, and I'm certainly not against screentime, but adding another several hours of it to a child's week seems less than ideal.

Of course there are other options other than paid childcare and iPads. There are play dates, there's getting help from family and friends. All of these options are an enormous amount of work to arrange for parents who are already at capacity.

Working four days is definitely a win for teachers that makes the job more appealing. But it doesn't address the systemic issues that are driving them to quit, retire early, or give up their dreams of teaching all together.

 teachers, stress, education, work, job Season 3 Running GIF by The Simpsons  Giphy  

A Commissioner of Education from Missouri calls truncated schedules a "band-aid solution with diminishing returns." Having an extra planning day won't stop teachers from getting scapegoated by politicians or held to impossible curriculum standards, it won't keep them from having to buy their own supplies or deal with ever-worsening student behavior.

Some teachers and other experts have suggested having a modified five-day school week, where one of the days gets set aside as a teacher planning day while students are still on-site participating in clubs, music, art—you know, all the stuff that's been getting cut in recent years. Something like that could work in some places.

As a dad, I don't mind the idea of my busy kids having an extra day off to unwind, pursue hobbies, see friends, catch up on projects, or spend time as a family. And I'm also very much in favor of anything that takes pressure off of overworked teachers. But until we adopt a four-day work week as the standard, the four-day school week is always going to feel a little out of place.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

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Job recruiter sings praises of candidate who put his 671-day Duolingo streak on his resume

It does make a statement.

@bllshfrv/Reddit, Wikipedia

Nearly two years of learning a language…something's had to have stuck.

In the age of algorithms and keywords and incredibly steep competition, people have to be more strategic and creative than ever to secure a good job. Especially when it comes to drafting a resume that stands out amongst hundreds of others.

Recently, one job recruiter was so impressed by one job seeker’s clever idea of listing their 671-day Duolingo streak—alongside a fluency in English and limited American Sign Language —under the "languages" section in their resume that he decided to share it online.

 duolingo, japanese, language learning, consistency Nearly two years of consistency says something, doesn't it?  Giphy GIF by Atrium 

According to Newsweek, the job recruiter, named Bilal Ashrafov, was pleasantly surprised, and had even considered including something similar on his own resume, “but wasn't sure if it would come across as professional.”

“Seeing someone take that first step made me reflect on its relevance,” he said, noting that “a long-standing Duolingo streak can demonstrate dedication and continuous learning,” even if the popular app only requires a minute of practice a day.

After sharing the resume onto Reddit, others seemed to agree, and commended the potential employee for their innovative approach.

from duolingo


"Imagine explaining that in an interview—'I'm not just consistent, I'm Duolingo consistent!'" one viewer quipped.

Another commented, "If I was hiring, I would definitely interview this person."

Still another said, "It got noticed, didn't it? Sounds like not too bad of an idea."

 japanese, japanese language, learning japanese, language learning Is foreign language learning on Duolingo a resume-building skill?

Considering that there are a few ways folks can keep their Duolingo streak intact without truly getting proficient in a language, like continuing to purchase streak freezes, this idea might never take on as the new resume must-have. But, on a much broader scale, this story highlights the need to bring a bit of ourselves to our resumes. As the concept of portfolio careers, or a career that includes multiple income streams, rather than a single job title, becomes more and more mainstream, we’ve seen people find great success in listing what they uniquely bring to the table, professional or otherwise.

When it comes to adding resume items that pop, and offer a true reflection for who you really are, think about including:

Soft skills:

These are personal qualities that describe how you work and interact with others, such as conflict resolution or time management, and they are not only gaining importance across the workforce, but are highly transferable across different types of work.

 soft skills, resume builders, what to put on a resume Soft skills like conflict resolution and bridge-building between people are valuable in a work environment.Photo credit: Canva

Personal projects:

Whether you got paid for these isn’t paramount here. If you led a community initiative your passionate about, or even have a long-standing blog about something that interests you, this could be included.

Technical skills beyond the job description:

Do you have a proficiency in certain programs, like coding languages, data visualization, project management, etc? Even if a job doesn’t specifically ask for these skills, they could be helpful additions.

 technical skills, computer coding, resume builders Always tout your tech know-how on your resume.Photo credit: Canva

Creative or unique hobbies:

You never know what interesting conversations your oddball pastime might inspire, if anything else. So don’t be embarrassed if you’re a wiz a Photoshopping old-timey puppy portraits or engage in recreating Scandinavian folk tunes with GarageBand.

Community involvement:

This can be your volunteering roles, and mentorship programs you might have participated in, or even charities you have close ties to.

 volunteer, charity work, community involvement Community service and charitable work helps to round out a resume.Photo credit: Canva

Academic achievements:

Include relevant published research papers or presentations, and awards or honors you received during your studies, or any significant contributions you might have made to a research project

These are just a few suggestions to get you started. Include a few, or perhaps your own impressive Duolingo streak, or something else. Just remember, sometimes it pays to think outside the box.

This article originally appeared in February

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Psychologist explains why everyone feels so exhausted these days and it makes a lot of sense

"A gentle reminder about why you are utterly exhausted…"

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

It seems like most people are feeling wiped out these days. There's a reason for that.

We're more than four years past the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, and it's been a weird ride, to say the least. These years have been hard, frustrating, confusing and tragic, and yet we keep on keeping on. Except the keeping on part isn't quite as simple as it sounds.

We've sort of collectively decided to move on, come what may. This year has been an experiment in normalcy, but one without a testable hypothesis or clear design. And it's taken a toll. So many people are feeling tired, exhausted, worn thin ("like butter scraped over too much bread," as Bilbo Baggins put it) these days.

But why?

Psychologist and speaker Naomi Holdt beautifully explained what's behind the overarching exhaustion people are feeling as we close out 2022, and it makes perfect sense. Holdt is a psychologist, author, and speaker with over two decades of experience, and specializes in the emotional well-being of children and young adults. She is also the author of "How to Raise Resilient Kids and Teens."

In a post on Facebook, she wrote:

"A gentle reminder about why you are utterly exhausted…

No one I know began this year on a full tank. Given the vicious onslaught of the previous two years (let’s just call it what it was) most of us dragged ourselves across the finish line of 2021… frazzled, spent, running on aged adrenaline fumes…

We crawled into 2022 still carrying shock, trauma, grief, heaviness, disbelief… The memories of a surreal existence…

And then it began… The fastest hurricane year we could ever have imagined. Whether we have consciously processed it or not, this has been a year of more pressure, more stress, and a race to 'catch up' in all departments… Every. Single. One. Work, school, sports, relationships, life…

Though not intentionally aware, perhaps hopeful that the busier we are, the more readily we will forget… the more easily we will undo the emotional tangle… the more permanently we will wipe away the scarring wounds…

We can’t.

And attempts to re-create some semblance of 'normal' on steroids while disregarding that for almost two years our sympathetic nervous systems were on full alert, has left our collective mental health in tatters. Our children and teens are not exempt. The natural byproduct of fighting a hurricane is complete and utter exhaustion…

So before you begin questioning the absolutely depleted and wrung-dry state you are in- Pause. Breathe. Remind yourself of who you are and what you have endured. And then remind yourself of what you have overcome.

Despite it all, you’re still going. (Even on the days you stumble and find yourself face down in a pile of dirt).


 tired, exhausted, wicker chair, psychology, tired woman,  A tired woman relaxing in a chair.via Canva/Photos

Understanding brings compassion… Most of the world’s citizens are in need of a little extra TLC at the moment. Most are donning invisible 'Handle with care' posters around their necks and 'Fragile' tattoos on their bodies…

Instead of racing to the finish line of this year, tread gently.

Go slowly. Amidst the chaos, find small pockets of silence. Find compassion. Allow the healing. And most of all… Be kind. There’s no human being on earth who couldn’t use just a little bit more of the healing salve of kindness."

Putting it like that, of course, we're exhausted. We're like a person who thinks they're feeling better at the end of an illness, so they dive fully back into life, only to crash midday because their body didn't actually have as much energy as their brain thought it did. We tried to fling ourselves into life, desperate to feel normal and make up for lost time, without taking the time to fully acknowledge the impact of the past two years or to fully recover and heal from it.


 tired, exhausted, wicker chair, psychology, tired woman,  A tired woman laying on the couch.via Canva/Photos

Of course, life can't just stop, but we do need to allow some time for our bodies, minds, and spirits to heal from what they've been through. The uncertainty, the precariousness of "normal," the after-effects of everything that upended life as we knew it are real. The grief and trauma of those who have experienced the worst of the pandemic are real. The overwhelm of our brains and hearts as we try to process it all is real.

So let's be gentle with one another and ourselves as we roll our harried selves into another new year. We could all use that little extra measure of grace as we strive to figure out what a true and healthy "normal" feels like.

You can follow Naomi Holdt on Facebook.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Sandra Bullock is brutally honest with her kids about race, because she has to be

“I don't care if it scares them because it’s my job to let them know that outside of these safe walls, things are different."

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Sandra Bullock on 'Red Table Talks.'

Sometimes the best protection a parent can offer is presenting the world exactly as it is. In 2021, Sandra Bullock appeared on an episode of Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk, where she discussed the realities of being a white mom to two Black children.

Bullock adopted her son Louis and her daughter Laila between 2010 and 2015. Since then, Bullock has been praised not only for being so open with her children about race, but for approaching it through their perspective, versus one of privilege. “To say that I wished our skins matched…sometimes I do. Because then it would be easier on how people approached us,” she admitted. It might make things easier, but for Bullock and her children, that is simply not the reality.

No parent wants to tell their child that the world can often be a scary and unfair place, but not having the difficult conversation is, as Bullock told BET in 2015, a “disservice."
 
 

She added:

“I can't ride in a bubble with him. I want him to know the truth…that you’ll be judged by the color of your skin rather than the content of your character. But it exists, and I want him to be safe and I want him to be aware. Once he leaves that house and I’m not with him, it’s his life and how he approaches it is his decision…I want to know that I did the best I could as his mom to educate him on the ugliness in the world, and also the beauty.”

 
 

In an interview with theGrio, Bullock reflected on a heartbreaking experience after seeing son Louis wearing a hoodie. It’s crazy to think that something as innocent as this could be life-threatening, but as the countless stories of racial profiling continue to make headlines, it is a consistently relevant and crucial conversation to have.

She asked her then six-year-old, “What does it look like you’re doing with the hoodie?”

Louis’ response: “Well, I look like I’m hiding.”

Bullock told theGrio that Louis is well aware that he would be treated differently as a white boy. She reiterated that she “doesn’t care” if that fact scares her children, because it is her “job to let them know that outside of these safe walls, that things are different.”

The responsibility of a parent is to make the children aware of potential dangers they are likely to face, to fully equip and prepare them. For parents with children of color, this includes the added weight of discussing the prejudice waiting for them outside the safety of home.

 

Though Sandra Bullock is well aware of the hardships her children face, she still says, “Maybe one day we’ll be able to see with different eyes.”

For a change like that to happen, we will need to see through the eyes of empathy and compassion. This is something Bullock embodies every day that she chooses to have transparent conversations with her children, to “protect them, enlighten them, and show them their power.”

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Toddler learning to do the Māori haka dance of his ancestors is filling people with so much joy

"The world has never needed the haka more than it does now."

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A toddler learning to haka dance is melting hearts everywhere

At Upworthy, we've covered a lot of stories centered around the traditional Māori war dance known as the haka. In recent years, people around the world have come to know and be enchanted by the passion, rhythm, and raw emotion that comes from these powerful performances. Many viewers are even brought to tears simply by watching.

Having a window into such a rich culture can make people curious on how cultural traditions like the haka are passed down. Surely Māori babies aren't born knowing this dance instinctively, nor is there a magic switch that flips when they reach a certain age. One family gave a little glimpse into how the culture is passed down from one generation to the next and it's beyond adorable.

In late 2024, New Zealand wife and mum Hope Lawrence uploaded a video of her 18-month-old practicing the haka with his dad in the dining room, and the little guy is surprisingly good. In the video, the baby starts off with a stomp and grunt as his dad shows him the wero, which is the trembling hand often seen in the dance. As the dad walks back and forth starting the chant along with wero, the little one tries his best to mimic his dad.

Before too long the toddler is chanting along and copying the dad's moves almost exactly, even if you can't quite make out what the little guy is saying, his haka is still powerful. This isn't the first time the baby has been caught doing the haka. Just a month before the adorable video, he was caught practicing his haka along with the New Zealand rugby team All Blacks on the family television. His tiny haka moves have taken social media by storm with over 53 million views, 7.1 million likes, and more than 53K comments.

 
 @hopeylawrence Teach them the way young 😍 Keep our culture going #haka #maoritok #fyp #hakawithdad #maori #aotearoa #newzealand #maoritiktok #culture #pukana #kamate #parliament #toitutetiriti #dad #standtall #tamariki ♬ original sound - Hope Lawrence 
 
 

People cannot get enough of his powerful little dance, with one person writing, "The Haka is so powerful but seeing this father teaching his baby is so much powerful. I am deeply moved."

Another person thinks the dance is just the light people need to see right now, saying, "The world has never needed the haka more than it does now."

Someone else noticed the confidence exuding from the toddler, noting, "The way y'all were in complete cadence together with the leg slap... he came in with confidence because of you, and y'all nailed it perfectly together."

 
 @hopeylawrence Our little haka obsessed boy practicing his Kia Rite 😍 😍 #pov #hakapractice #haka #nzhaka #fyp #pukana #viral #kiarite #maori #NZ #nztiktok #aus #nzmaori #allblacks #newzealandallblacks #haka #hakaleader ♬ original sound - Hope Lawrence 
 
 

One viewer appreciates the peek into another culture, saying, "I LOVE THIS!!! if it wasn't for tik tok I would've never been exposed to Māori culture. can't tell you how many Haka performances I've watched. they make me feel so empowered."

Appreciation of culture being passed down is a common theme among commenters with one saying, "This is truly beautiful to watch, not just because the father is keeping interaction and culture with child, but it's keeping a beautiful culture present... some other cultures didn't have this."

 
 @hopeylawrence The haka is on repeatt😅 #haka #babyhaka #maoritok #maori #culture #hakatime #fyp #toitutetiriti #aotearoa #pukana #viral 📸 credit:@Zealan_lawrence ♬ Ngā iwi E - Live - Creative Nātives 
 
 

Many people who watch the haka have a deeply emotional reaction they can't explain even though they have no personal connection to the culture. The dance seems to speak to a part of humans that may be missing their ancestral connections, possibly awakening some dormant longing. There's no real way to know for sure, but the amount of people who report being brought to tears every time the dance is performed is significant. This baby will surely keep his culture alive as he grows into adulthood, likely teaching his own child as his father taught him.

And by the looks of it, the haka isn't the only piece of his heritage that this little guy is learning. Below, we see dad teaching him Mau rākau, an ancient Māori marital art that incorporates staffs.

 
 @hopeylawrence Learning Mau Rākau with dad 😍 Another awesome way to learn our culture and bond with our tamariki We were gifted these beautiful Rākau from @tekotiri who make these Rākau and have heaps of educational resources available on their youtube channel, instagram and Tik tok for those wanting to learn and dive more into their Te Reo Māori. Please go check them out and give them a follow- IG Tekotiri Follow our journey as we learn more #dadsoftiktok #hakababy #tereomaōri #viral #haka #hakadad #dadandson #maoritiktok #maurakau #maori #fyp #foryoupage #pov #dads #newzealand #trending #dads ♬ original sound - Hope Lawrence 
 
 

Learning about ourselves, where we come from, and the world around us is indeed a never-ending adventure.

This article originally appeared last year.

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