'Sextortion' is a disturbing trend taking the lives of teens, and parents are speaking out
These teens are seeing no way out and parents may want to take heed.
The disturbing trend of sextortion is taking the lives of teens.
Editor's Note: This story discusses suicide. If you are having thoughts about taking your own life or know of anyone who is in need of help, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 200+ crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 9-8-8. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.
There has been a quiet trend going on among teens that has recently started to get more attention. It's not something silly or some made-up social media trend; it's a serious issue that has caused teenagers to choose to die by suicide after they fall victim. Sextortion has been running rampant over the past year, and teenagers, especially teen boys between the ages of 14-17 are the target.
Someone pretends to be a teenage girl who is interested in the boy after connecting via SnapChat, Instagram, or some other social media site. Once they gain the boys' trust, they convince them to send inappropriate pictures, which many of them do. Yes, they know they shouldn't, but teens are impulsive and this person has won their trust. As soon as the pictures are sent, the "girl" then asks for money in exchange to keep the photos private.
By this time, the impersonator has already taken screenshots of the boy's social media accounts, including friends lists and people they tag in posts. If the teens send money, the perpetrator will only ask for more while continuing to hang those inappropriate pictures over their heads. This has proven to be dangerous.
The teens panic once they find out the person is really going to send the photos to their family and friends, which has resulted in some teens choosing suicide.
One family has taken to the media to warn of the dangers of sextortion and encourage parents to talk to their children. John DeMay and Jennifer Buta lost their son Jordan after he was a victim of sextortion during his senior year of high school.
"He was handsome, he was popular, he was the prom king," DeMay told Good Morning America.
The person Jordan was communicating with was an adult man from Nigeria according to court documents.
"He drained his bank accounts as much as he could," DeMay said. "He's [Jordan] believing that all these images are going to his friends' mothers and his friends, and it just threw him into a tailspin."
The responses to the teen when he expressed to the scammer that he was going to end his life were particularly cruel, and within a few minutes, the teen completed suicide. His parents have since been on a mission to help other teens and parents.
"Have an open conversation about the dangers of social media in general and specifically sextortion. Let your kids know, if it does happen, go to a trusted adult and let them know this is happening and get their help," Buta told GMA.
Sextortion preys on teens knowing they have less impulse control and more likely to not only send them pictures if they believe they're talking to another teen, but send them money. This results are heartbreaking but hopefully with more parents speaking out, other teens' lives will be saved. You can watch their whole interview below.
- It's getting harder to deny the damage that social media is doing to teenage girls ›
- If your nude photos are posted online without your permission, Microsoft and Google want to know. ›
- 5 real talk ways to teach your teens about safe sexting. ›
- Preparing for if your child expresses suicidal thoughts - Upworthy ›
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.