When Lily Evans set out to walk her dog, she had no idea the story of that walk would later go viral on the internet.
When she took to Twitter to recount her experience, she opened with a simple question, one that many men have probably wondered for a long time — though women already know the answer.
(Before you click through to the thread itself, note that Lily's Twitter account is expressly for adults and may be NSFW.)
All Twitter images from Lily Evans/Twitter, used with permission. A transcript of the excerpted tweets is available at the end of the story.
The walk started off normal enough. Until she ran into a seemingly friendly stranger.
A man eating on a nearby bench offered her dog, Echo, a treat.
He eventually asked her if she lived in the area — which could be considered slightly intrusive — but all in all, it was just small talk.
But then she ran into him again shortly after.
Evans says his friendly banter — maybe innocent, but more likely not — was making her incredibly uncomfortable.
And yet he continued to linger.
Then he invaded her physical space with an out-of-nowhere hug.
"I was terrified," she wrote.
Evans hurried home, petrified the man would follow her.
He didn't. But the experience left her shaken and upset. Worst of all, she says, she has been through this many, many times before.
Her story went viral in a hurry, with over 44,000 retweets, 68,000 likes, and thousands of comments.
"The response from other women has been pretty heartbreaking," Evans writes in a Twitter exchange with Upworthy. "Many, many women have used this as an opportunity to share their stories of harassment, assault, or even just being very frightened."
The replies to Evans' tweet thread is littered with similar stories — seemingly "nice" guys on the street or public transportation who push small talk far past its acceptable boundaries.
Though she's glad her story made other women feel more comfortable coming forward with their own experiences, Evans hopes it also leaves an impression on men who read it.
"I had several guys ask me how they can be more non-threatening, and that's exactly what I was aiming for."
"I got a lot of replies from men saying, 'Oh, I'm so sorry that happened, but we aren't all like that! Some of us are nice guys,'" she says. "And while that's true, my point was that strangers cannot know what your intentions are until it's too late.
She hits on an important point: It's not inherently wrong or creepy to strike up a conversation with a stranger, but women truly never know when a simple "hi" is going to turn into them being followed and harassed.
"I had several guys ask me how they can be more non-threatening, and that's exactly what I was aiming for," she says. "I just want men to be more self-aware and understand that when a woman they don't know is skittish, it's nothing personal. We're just trying to be safe."
This article originally appeared on 07.18.19
12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on 3.25.19