upworthy

oprah winfrey

Joy

19 brutally honest pieces of advice that 'everyone should know'

"When someone shows you who they are believe them."

A woman coming to grips with a harsh truth about life.

Life is filled with lessons; unfortunately, there are some we must learn the hard way, whether it’s how the real world works when you start your career or the first time someone breaks your heart. These lessons are essential to learn so that you don’t have to go through the same pain again, but don’t you wish you learned them the easy way — by hearing the harsh truth from others — rather than going through the pain yourself?

Wouldn’t it be great if you could download all of these harsh truths into your brain to learn them the easy way? Some folks online got together and did just that. And, for those who pay attention, it can save them a lot of grief in the future. Many touched upon the thornier issues in life, love, family, friendships, the transitory nature of relationships, and how you can do everything right and still lose.


We chose the top 19 “brutally honest” pieces of advice that were the most important so you don’t have to learn them the tough way.

1. Take care of yourself

"If you have poor hygiene, you will be treated poorly."

"People can and will judge by appearances, so don’t make it any easier for them to do so."

2. Don't ever expect the world to be fair.

"But work to make the parts of the world you influence as fair as possible."

"The concept of fairness is a human invention, which implies that fairness only exists in reality when humans put it there. That's the only way it exists. Do your part."

3. Your job doesn't care about you

"Your company doesn’t give a sh*t about you. If you die, your job will be posted within the week to replace you. You might get a bouquet of flowers on the break room table, but once those die, so will your presence at the job."

"A coworker of mine passed away from cancer a few years back. I think about her sometimes, though we never worked closely, but they sent out an email, and that was that."



4. No one has to forgive you

"Just because you apologize to someone doesn't mean they have to forgive and forget what you did to them."

"The reverse is also true, you don't have to forgive someone just because they apologized to you."

Even though we are conditioned to say "it's okay" when someone apologizes to us, we don't have to condone their actions. Karina Schumann, a psychology professor who studies conflict resolution, apologies, and forgiveness at the University of Pittsburgh, says we only owe them a genuine response. “It’s important to be genuine without being hostile,” says Schumann. “Research shows that using a ‘constructive voice’ — where you voice your concerns in a positive, calm way — is the most effective way to invite behavioral changes and better relationships. Sweeping things under the rug and pretending to forgive when you’re not ready is not going to fix the problem.”

5. 'Brutal opinions aren't always true

"People who describe themselves as brutally honest are usually more interested in the brutality than the honesty."

6. Not all friends are forever

"Friends come and go and some were never really friends."

"And some that ran their course years later start again and it’s like a totally new relationship since you’re in a completely different phase of your life!"

"Can I add that just because you may have had good times with people, that does not make them good friends."



7. Some people shouldn't have kids

"People who are dumb, trashy, or otherwise not great will lack the critical thinking skills to realize they won’t be great parents, or maybe that they won’t have the money to raise a child well. People who are smarter, or have better jobs and lives, will be more likely to not have kids so they can preserve their good life, or will maybe think “maybe I won’t be a good parent” and will not have kids, these people are infinitely better equipped to have kids. This means that a majority of people having kids will not raise them well, a majority of kids will be raised poorly, and a majority of kids will display the same poor personality traits as their parents."

8. No one else’s life revolves around you

"Yep, we all suffer from Main Character Syndrome, but we’re all just extras in someone else’s world."

9. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

"I kind of guess it means. Don’t let yourself be fooled and do not gaslight yourself. Don’t excuse bad behavior; say sorry that’s not acceptable, and I’m no longer going to tolerate it. Bye bye, Felicia."

This quote is believed to have been first written by writer Maya Angelou, and Orpah Winfrey would later expand on it to share how it applies to our daily lives. "Remember this because it will happen many times in your life," Winfrey said. "When people show you who they are the first time believe them. Not the 29th. time. When a man doesn't call you back the first time, when you are mistreated the first time, when someone shows you a lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many, many other times, and that will some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you. Live your life in truth. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You will survive anything if you live your life from the point of view of truth.”



10. Sometimes you lose

"'It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.' Jean-Luc Picard."

"Another from sports: The best team doesn't always win; the team that plays the best does."

11. Some bridges are worth burning

"Don't hang on to toxic people, INCLUDING FAMILY. Don't fall for the 'But they are your family...'"

12. If it’s not yes, it’s a no

"Particularly helpful dating advice."

"If they like you, you’ll know it. If they don’t, you’ll feel confused."

"Also add, stop saying no when you mean yes. People can’t read minds."



13. Learn to deal with yourself

"The person who you spend the most time with is yourself. Literally, 24/7 til you die. Learn to deal/exist with that person."

"If you can’t like yourself, why would anyone else? Instead of complaining that no one likes you, work on making yourself into someone likable."

14. Use protection

"Wear a condom. Especially if she tells you you don’t have to and you don’t know her very well."

"In general, when anyone tells you that you don't need something that is for your protection/safety/peace-of-mind, YOU NEED IT."

15. Simple isn't always right

"We live in a complex world, and you should be wary of simplistic explanations."



16. Don't be afraid to fail

"Doing nothing is often worse then doing something wrong. Go make mistakes. Live your life and collect memories and wisdom. If you are in the box. Be there cause you chose to, not because someone told you to be there."

17. Maybe you just don't want it

"If you keep making excuses as to why you aren’t meeting some goal, maybe you just don’t actually want to achieve said goal. And if you just accept this, then you can spend your time focusing on a goal you actually want to achieve."

"You make time for the things you care about and excuses for the things you don't."

18. Be wary of critics

"Only accept criticism from someone you’d take advice from."

"And only take advice from someone successful in the topic at hand."

19. Be pleasant

"Once you reach adulthood, being an a**hole is going to close a lot of doors for you: at school, at work, with friends, and with family. Some of those doors don’t open again. Adults don’t go out of their way to help unpleasant people."

"Similarly, way too many people focus entirely on 'I don't owe anyone anything' and don't focus enough on common courtesy and basic respect. If you refuse to ever help someone else unless you're strictly obligated to, don't be surprised when nobody opts to help you when you need it."

via Entertainment Tonight / YouTube

There must be a hundred different ways to determine if someone is healthy. A general practitioner will check your lung capacity, blood pressure, heart rate, BMI, skin color, hair, eyes, and nails to see if you're healthy.

A psychiatrist will examine your mental and emotional states to see if you are healthy.

Our personal health is a complex thing, but many of us simply rely on a number on the scale to see if we're physically fit.

However, being thin doesn't necessarily mean someone is healthy.


While maintaining a healthy weight is important, when we don't hit our numbers on the scale it can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self- esteem — issues that can create serious health issues.

Oprah Winfrey knows a lot about the power the scale can hold over people. She has been candid about her weight throughout her career and, over the years, we've seen her body go through drastic changes.

while on her quest to find her ideal weight, it has fluctuated between 145 and 237 pounds.

RELATED: Reese Witherspoon had to 'prove' she was sexy enough to play Elle Woods in Legally Blonde

In a powerful interview with "Entertainment Tonight," Oprah admits that she's taken a more holistic view of her health and stopped worrying about the number on the scale.

"I'm really over the scale. I don't even use a scale anymore. I just use 'do I feel well and does this fit?'" she told the reporter.

"Because I now fully have come to understand — I'm about to turn 66 — I know having been on every diet in the world that now WW has allowed me to stabilize and to feel healthy inside and out with all the numbers that matter. Not just your weight but your blood pressure, your blood sugars and all of that.

"I'm healthier than I've ever been," she continued. "I do believe that healthy is actually the new skinny, Rachel. That is what I'm saying."

Oprah's words are important because of the tremendous influence she has over her fans. Oprah is letting them know that health is what's truly important and that's much more than the number on a scale.

RELATED: A teacher is going viral for giving a biology lesson wearing an anatomically correct suit

Later in the interview, she was asked what she's proud to have overcome.

"I'm especially proud of myself for not living in the world of comparisons," she admitted. "Years ago when I pulled out that wagon of fat, I was actually comparing myself to everybody else. Now I've reached the point where I'm really okay exactly where I am. It's taken me a lifetime, practically, to figure that out."

Imagine if everyone, Oprah included, learned at an early age that the only person we need to compare ourselves to is ourselves. It's not about trying to be like a celebrity on TV or our friends and family.

A truly happy life comes from trying to be a slightly better version of ourselves each and every day. That goes for our health, our careers, hobbies, and how we treat the people we love.





There’s a new memorial and museum in Montgomery, Alabama, that Oprah Winfrey wants the world to see.

The Legacy Museum and The National Memorial for Peace and Justice open on April 26.  

In a segment on “60 Minutes” that aired April 8, Oprah was given advance access to the museum and memorial, and in her report, she identified the “reckoning taking place in America over how we remember our history.”  


Photo by John Phillips/Getty Images.

It’s one of the first museums in the history of the United States to memorialize black lynching victims in our country.

The museum and memorial are a product of the Equal Justice Initiative (EJI), an organization that works to end mass incarceration and excessive punishment in the U.S., challenge racial and economic injustice, and protect the basic human rights of our country’s most vulnerable individuals.  

EJI is led by Bryan Stevenson, a historian, public speaker, and lawyer who has dedicated his career to advocating for the poor, incarcerated, and otherwise condemned in America.

Bryan Stevenson. Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images.

For years, our history books have ignored or downplayed the epidemic of lynching in the United States.

A multi-year investigation from the EJI helped change the false narrative. Researchers documented:

4,075 racial terror lynchings of African-Americans in Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, and Virginia between 1877 and 1950 — at least 800 more lynchings of black people in these states than previously reported.”

The National Memorial for Peace and Justice is showcasing the names of victims on the markers that hang from the ceiling.

The reality is harsh. But it’s important that we recognize our history so it doesn’t become our future.  

The memorial has 805 steel markers, one marker for each county where lynchings took place. The magnitude of it is staggering — during Winfrey’s tour with Stevenson, she was shocked to see just how many names there were.

“Every name has its own story,” Winfrey said.

“If they couldn’t find the man they were looking for, they would lynch that man’s wife or daughter or child,” Stevenson said, of the horrific lynchings.

Each marker lists the names of lynching victims. Image from “60 Minutes.”

As Stevenson has noted in a number of interviews, owning up to America’s history of racial injustice is a huge challenge, but one that is worth it. If we can actually accept our nation’s failures, we can move toward a place where we won’t let our worst moments define us.    

The United States can move beyond the horrors of our past — it’s happened elsewhere before.  

Despite hosting one of the most lethal genocides in the world’s history, Germany has largely managed to admit to and move forward from the Holocaust.

The nation hasn’t done this by hiding out from reality, though. Instead, German schools teach children about the Holocaust early on, and multiple museums there allow citizens and visitors to reflect on the horrific acts.  

Germany owns up to its inequity and has policies in place that criminalize anti-Semitic and white supremacist behavior.

Photo by Jerry Lampen/AFP/Getty Images.

America is a great nation, but for far too long, privileges have been granted to far too few.

We believe in freedom, democracy, and the rights to individual liberty and prosperity. But historically, those privileges existed only on the backs of people whose humanity was stripped from their lives. It’s tragic and horrific, but it does not have to be our story.

“There is a strength, a power even, in understanding brokenness, because embracing our brokenness creates a need and desire for mercy, and perhaps a corresponding need to show mercy,” Stevenson once wrote. “When you experience mercy, you learn things that are hard to learn otherwise. You see things you can’t otherwise see; you hear things you can’t otherwise hear. You begin to recognize the humanity that resides in each of us.”  

By amplifying the voices that were buried; recognizing their existence, their lives, and their pain; and ending similar behavior in our prisons, neighborhoods, and school systems, we can move toward a place where America’s promise becomes our central reality.

We can do better — and The Legacy Museum and The National Memorial for Peace and Justice are great ways to start.  

The museum and memorial open on April 26, 2018.

If you had President Donald Trump's ear, what would you say? Love him or hate him, it's likely a question some Americans have pondered. For Oprah Winfrey, however, the answer's a simple one: She wouldn't say a thing.

On CNN's "The Van Jones Show," Jones asked Winfrey what she'd say to Trump — "billionaire to billionaire, megastar to megastar, human being to human being" — if she had 10 minutes with him.

"I wouldn't," she answered quickly and calmly. "I would only speak if I felt that I could be heard."

Watch Winfrey and Jones' interaction (story continues below):


Her interview with Jones came amid yet another attack from Trump. At a rally in Pennsylvania on Saturday, March 10, Trump said he'd "love to beat Oprah" in a hypothetical 2020 presidential match-up, claiming he knows how to capitalize on her political "weakness."

She's not taking the bait though.

Winfrey is sticking to an admirable strategy: Trump attacks her, and she brushes him off, unfazed.

In February — after Winfrey gave a rousing speech about the #MeToo movement at the 2018 Golden Globes, raising speculation she may be eyeing a 2020 presidential run — Trump went on the offensive using his favorite social media platform. He slammed a "60 Minutes" panel she oversaw with voters in Michigan on Twitter, calling Winfrey "very insecure."

When Winfrey went on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" a few days later, she shrugged off the divisive tweet. "I don’t like giving negativity power," she noted to DeGeneres. "So I just thought ... what?"

Winfrey's latest comment to Jones, however, points to a larger criticism of Trump: He doesn't seem to listen.

Whether it be out of apathy or inability, Trump has lacked the eagerness to listen to (and learn from) others in helping his administration run smoothly and successfully.

"My primary consultant is myself and I have a good instinct for this stuff," Trump said in 2016 when asked who he turns to for foreign policy advice, raising eyebrows.

Trump's jarringly short attention span means officials need to shrink the amount of reading he sifts through and keep his meetings — even the most critical — as brief as possible. And daily intelligence briefings? He doesn't need them, he once claimed.  

Winfrey's comments, however, hint at a more alarming truth: Trump's dated attitudes — steeped in white resentment and old-school bigotry — appear to be stuck in the Dark Ages, where he's unwilling to budge. And no one, especially a woman of color, should feel obligated to spend the time or energy hopelessly trying to show him the light.