how to make friends

When people talk about those with excellent social skills, we often say they are charismatic, have a way with people, or were born with the gift of gab. They may have an “infectious energy” or be able to talk to anyone. It can often seem like these are innate qualities that someone is born with, but they are also skills most can learn.

One of the easiest ways to become more sociable is to improve your listening skills. Studies show that people who are great at listening ask genuine questions, are attentive, and pay attention to body language. Also, by presenting positive body language, you can give the impression to others that you are more approachable and are intently listening to what the other person is saying.

That being said, some barriers make it harder for some people to develop excellent social skills. A lot of it has to do with how they were raised. “Learning social skills can be difficult if you weren’t exposed to traditional group dynamics as a child, if you struggle with a mental illness like anxiety or depression, or even if you just didn’t have a lot of positive role models when you were growing up,” Eric Ravenscraft writes for The New York Times.

Two women having a great converation. via Canva/Photos

Another way to improve one’s social skills is to find what other people find attractive, not just in a romantic sense, but what makes them enjoyable to be around. A Redditor on the Social Skills subforum asked people what the “most attractive “social skill” and people sounded off the things that make people a pleasure to talk to and be around.

Here are 14 of the “most attractive” social skills.

1. Making everyone feel included

"Being able to make everyone feel included. I am a bit of an anxious mess sometimes, and I LOVE the type of person that just makes you feel accepted/included/ a part of the group."

2. Appropriate amount of eye contact

"Not afraid to break eye contact, but not too long enough to make the other person feel uncomfortable. Not being afraid to open up or tell something vulnerable."

"Knowing how to break away eye contact is never emphasized. Like, aren't people aware that intense eye contact looks psychopathic, creepy, or disturbing?"

3. They make people feel smart

"A very underrated one is being able to make the person you are talking to feel good/smart about themselves. I had a few mentors that did this. Anytime I’d say something, they would make me feel smart/good by responding, 'Yes, you are totally right,' or something along those lines. Of course, it needs to be genuine, but you can tell the difference in how people react. Also, if you know someone has knowledge about something, asking them questions about is great too."

A man and woman having a great conversaion.via Canva/Photos

4. Being a good listener

"Being a good listener. I don't mean by just nodding and agreeing with the person and forgetting what they've told you or submitting yourself to a ranter because you're a people pleaser. I mean when someone makes you feel comfortable speaking, they ask questions, they engage, etc. Extra bonus if the speaker is also a listener and hasn't had anyone else to listen to them because others just use them."

"Women have this joke about 'Let a man speak for ten minutes and he’ll think he’s in love with you' but there’s reasons for that lol. For one thing, so many people are terrible listeners, so it is genuinely attractive. They’ve probably just never shut up for more than a few minutes in their life before. l And the other is that men are so deprived for healthy interactions like this where the other person actually cares about what they’re saying, that it genuinely means a lot to them because it’s so rare."

5. Laughing on cue

"As an awkward person, letting someone else take over the conversation while I smile and nod has never failed me."

6. Being funny

Humorous people aren't just fun to be around; studies show that when both men and women read someone's dating profile, those who are funny are more attractive. Research has found that one of the most important reasons is that funny people signal adaptability and creative problem-solving—traits crucial for maintaining long-term relationships. "In this sense, humor isn’t just about making people laugh—it may reflect an individual’s ability to approach challenges with flexibility and innovation, key traits for navigating a relationship’s ups and downs," Brian Collisson Ph.D. writes at Psychology Today.

7. A free-thinker

"Anyone who is able to unapologetically separate themselves from the Hive-Mind. It’s so easy to get caught up in the crowd and develop thoughts, opinions, and ideas of those you surround yourself with. So, anyone with the ability to objectively approach any situation, topic, or person without immediate judgement and rationally decipher thru all the bullsh*t regardless of what others may think or say…extremely attractive…and rare."

8. A good dancer

"I was going to say partner dancing lol. I've been learning to salsa dance at a social dance club near me, and it's been a blast. Have loved it so far."

"There’s a lot of communication and give and take going on in salsa dancing and other traditional Latin dances that are invisible to the naked eye. Definitely adds like 10 points if you’re good at it lol."

9. Soothing tone of voice

"People sometimes think connecting is about so many specifics: these particular words, that length of eye contact, some sort of posture etc. When, in fact, what people are MOST affected by is your tone of voice. If you're able to convey WARMTH you can win over 95 percent of people. I would define warmth as friendliness, extending an invitation with your voice, ACCEPTING people using your tone, and kind of an inherent confidence while doing that. It's something that I call a 'Vocal Hug.' Once you know how to do this, almost everything else falls into place."

10. True charisma

"You won’t get an answer 'cause it’s not something that can be described in words, just a feeling. When you’re there you know and when it’s done to you you know."

"It’s so obscure, but we all recognize it when we meet someone that has it. It’s a feeling. It’s all psychological."

11. Easy banter

"I love banter. I love an easy back-and-forth that doesn’t feel caustic or uncomfortable the way that teasing sometimes does, where you have to guess or overthink whether that comment was meant to push at your boundaries or not."

A man and woman having a fun conversation.via Canva/Photos

12. They're great 'explainers'

"For me, the most attractive social skill is the ability to explain something confidently in a way that makes everyone listen and understand."

13. Good words on a bad day

"Having nice words left despite being in a bad mood. Everyone knows following situation: Someone comes to work with a bad mood, starts getting mad about the smallest stuff, colleagues get pissed because they get yelled at for the smallest stuff and suddenly everyone is is pissed at each other. I have big respect for people that can be surrounded by such negativity and still find the time to give a smile, compliments and ask how you're doing."

14. They enjoy silence

"The people who don’t rush to fill every silence or feel the need to are AMAZING …. I wish one day i’ll meet someone i can enjoy silence with."

"Comfortable silences are always greatly appreciated. Conversation can be great and helpful at passing the time, but it’s a healthy sign that one is mentally/emotionally mature enough to realize that neither need to be constantly entertained like children. It can also indicate a person who genuinely enjoys being around you and is comforted by your presence."

"Facts. Silence isn’t awkward unless you make it awkward."

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