A man is wondering if it's too late for him to have children at 38 years old.
The medical community coined the term “geriatric pregnancy” to differentiate anyone who becomes pregnant after the age of 35, mostly as a safety measure. But while there are some age-related risks that come from having a baby later in life, many argue that the label is misleading and outdated…not to mention offensive.
Still, it’s enough for some to wonder if they’re somehow too late when it comes to starting a family.
That was certainly the case for a man who sought advice on the “Millennial” subreddit asking if he and his wife were “dumb” for changing their minds about having kids in their late 30s.“My wife (34 f) and I (37 m) have suddenly found ourselves having the kid conversation a lot after 12 years together as ‘childfree,’” he wrote, saying that he could see them both “trying” in about a year to 18 months. By then he’ll be 38.
He went on to explain that a lot his childhood was spent moving around and feeling neglected as a result of his parents getting divorced, all of which made him not feel “stable” enough to have kids of his own.
But now, he and his wife are debt free and have stable income, setting a solid foundation to start a new chapter. But still, they wonder if it’s too late.
Am I dumb for having kids at age 38?
byu/stillyoinkgasp inMillennials
“Now I'm staring down the reality that the youngest I'll be if we have kids is 38. I don't want to be a geriatric dad, but I don't feel like I'm old? I already have back and neck issues, though. I have friends with a 16-year-old FFS! Do I want to be 56 with an 18-year-old? Anyone have kids late that maybe can shed some perspective?”
People were quick to offer insight.
“My dad was 38 when I was born, I’m 40. He’s a healthy, active 78 and is a fully present granddad. We had our first at 30 and were oddly the youngest parents in our friend group and among our kids peers at school,” one person wrote.
Another added, “My dad was 38 when I was born, and 56 when I was 18. And guess what? We’re now 71 and 33 and still go biking, sailing, and bar hopping. All is possible! :)”
A third shared:
“I'm 36 with a 3 yr old. Met a woman at the playground yesterday who is 42 with a 4 yr old. I personally am glad that it panned out this way for me, bc my spouse and I are in a much better place relationship wise, financially, and professionally to take optimum care for our kiddo. If it had happened sooner, we would have struggled and I probably wouldn't be where I am today career wise.
There is absolutely pros and cons to both, but 38 is not too old. Hell my parents had my youngest brother when they were both 48 and he's a great kid. Just because your path deviates from the norm doesn't mean it's wrong or you missed your chance.”
Another suspected that the man’s fears had “nothing to do with age” and were really just the regular parenting anxiety. The OP replied, “Fair…I thought maybe it was financial, but when we ‘solved’ that it persists…”
And that’s when another person broke down how parenting is a logic-defying “leap of faith” at any age, so anxiety is just part of the process.
"No one can really prepare you for what it’s like to be a parent."
“Part of the problem is that no one can really prepare you for what it’s like to be a parent. You just can’t fully understand what it’s like until you have a kid…The best descriptions of parenthood that I got before having a kid was 1) that it’s both the best and worst thing that will ever happen to you and 2) that it’s like dying and being reborn as a completely new person. Parenthood isn’t like your old life plus a kid. It is a totally different life,” they wrote.
“We had kids late and as far as that goes it’s been fine so far. Biggest issues for us have been that dealing with both the sleep deprivation during the baby years and the constant illness in the daycare and school age years would probably have been easier in our 20s and 30s but I don’t think those are really easy for parents of any age.
There’s no real wrong or right answer in this decision. Whatever you choose it will be the best choice for you.”
Lastly, someone suggested that if they were wanting to have kids, to act now, as “there’s no sense in kicking the can any further.” Apparently, that’s what the OP’s wife keeps telling him.
Bottom line: having a baby earlier in adulthood is by no means an inherently superior choice to waiting until later. And no matter what age it happens, you’ll never feel 100% ready for such a huge transition. Make the choice that works best for you. Forget the rest.
