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'Just be yourself' is actually terrible advice. Here are 4 ways to reframe authenticity.

For one, your "self" is always in flux.

Photo credit: Canva

What even is a self?

We’ve all heard it before, be it in a graduation speech, at the end of a Disney movie, or in one of our parent’s pep talks: “Just be yourself.” We’ve heard it so many times, in fact, that it’s pretty much accepted as the golden rule when it comes to winning at life.

And sure, there’s some wisdom to this, especially in the context of embracing your individual quirks…but that’s about where its usefulness ends.

For one thing, the “self” is in a constant state of flux. It changes according to time, place, what we’ve learned, who we’re around, our emotional state…the factors go on and on. And this is a good thing. It’s how we are able to evolve and grow.

Tilda Swinton, an actress known for being rather chameleonic, actually has an amazing keynote speech where she discusses the “overratedness” of a conforming to one identity, noting how it creates a painful, unnecessary “burden” when “life’s way too interesting” and we could be having much more fun “riding that horse all the way and enjoying all the different landscape it will take us on.”

Secondly (and similarly), this “Just be yourself” adage promotes the idea that life is about “finding yourself” rather than “creating yourself.” One suggests that you have one fully formed, fixed identity that is lost to you, which can hopefully be recovered one day (often through an expensive seminar). But people often find much more intention, empowerment, and motivation by adopting a “create yourself” mindset. This strategy in turn can help people incorporate more nourishing habits because it makes the self a malleable, life-long project—and the owner of said identity is the artist behind it.

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Lastly, as psychotherapist and author Britt Frank, LSCSW, SEP, wrote in an article for CNBC, “‘I’m just being myself’ can be an excuse for poor behavior.” Rather than working on emotional regularity and being considerate of one’s affect on others, someone might engage in reactive, unhelpful behavior in the name of authenticity…which doesn’t necessarily lead to success.

To that end, Frank suggests that rather than “just being yourself,” people should focus on these four things:

1. Allow for a “variety pack” of selves

Because you contain multitudes, and flexibility often beats out rigidity in the long run.

2. Listen to each of those selves

More likely than not, it’ll show you how to actually show up in a way that aligns with your values.

3. Remember that “real” is overrated

You can be aware of all the different parts of yourself longing to express themselves, but at the end of the day, you have the power to choose which one gets to speak up.

4. Prioritize responsibility over authenticity

This is how you build trust, rather than unnecessary conflict.

 advice, psychology, success, motivation, authenticity, identity, just be yourself, cnbc Trust can take you further than saying anything that comes to mind. Photo credit: Canva

In many ways, there is more success to be had in getting clear about the “best version of yourself” in any given situation and acting accordingly, rather than settling for an identity that doesn't allow room for growth, experimentation, or compassion. But either way, the choice is yours.

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Americans have 4 core beliefs about money but only one leads to success

Changing our thoughts can be a pathway to success.

via Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels

A happy woman holding up a few hundred dollars.

A strange thing about being an adult is that many of our core personality traits, including our attachment styles, attitudes towards failure and ability to resolve conflicts, are developed as young children and can follow us for the rest of our lives.

In addition to those traits, psychologists are beginning to understand that we develop our attitudes about money as children and they can significantly impact our financial future.

American clinical psychologist and planner Dr. Brad Klotz developed a theory called the Klotz Money Script, in which he outlined the four core beliefs that people have about money. They are either money-avoidant, worship money, status-seekers, or vigilant.

He’s also created a test that people can take to learn which money script they follow.

Klotz believes that many factors contribute to the money scripts we run in our heads. “It’s not just errors in thinking; it’s also developmental psychology, multicultural psychology, family systems. It brings in all these other areas of psychology to help understand financial behaviors,” he told The American Psychological Association.

Here are the 4 money scripts:

Money Avoidant

People who are money-avoidant believe money is evil. They might feel they don't deserve money, think the wealthy are corrupt and see virtue in living with less. They may be prone to sabotaging their finances, have trouble budgeting, or avoid dealing with money altogether.

Money Worshippers

These people believe that money solves problems and brings happiness. They never feel they have enough money and find that the pursuit of money makes them miserable. They often have high levels of debt and lower net worth.



Status-Seekers

Status-seekers often equate their sense of self-esteem to their net worth. They like to show off flashy clothes and cars but are prone to overspending. They are usually attracted to gambling, borrow money from others and hide spending from their spouses.

Money Vigilant

The Money Vigilant make the best decisions for their financial health. They believe in working hard, saying no to handouts and saving. They also avoid credit card debt and love a good bargain. However, being vigilant can cause them to fear their financial futures, which can create a constant feeling of anxiety.



Overall, Klontz believes that the financially vigilant have the greatest chance of becoming financially prosperous. However, it can come with some pitfalls.

“Don’t let your healthy vigilance turn into anxiety or a tendency to hoard out of fear. If you feel that watching over your financial situation is taking up more than an hour a week, keeping you up at night, or getting in the way of other hobbies or activities that you want to do, it may be time for a change,” he said according to SF Money Coach.

In the end, to be free from the financial attitudes that were cultivated in us as children—at a time when we hardly knew what money was—Klontz says it’s important to examine your past so you can plot a better future.

“Take some time, interview your family members, be an anthropologist into your own family,” he told CNBC. “Try to figure out why your family has the beliefs around money that they have.”

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'Don't follow your passion': Self-made millionaire says you should do this instead

There's something more profound than passion.

via Vice and Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A woman painting and Scott Galloway.

“Follow your passion” is a cliche you will hear in almost every graduation commencement speech. But we all accept it as a golden rule for life because we hear it so often and it feels right.

We tell ourselves that if we are passionate about something, we will be good at it and it will sustain us throughout our lives. However, Scott Galloway, a self-made millionaire and marketing professor at New York University Stern School of Business, thinks that telling people to follow their passions is bad advice.

In 2005, Galloway founded the digital intelligence firm L2 Inc., a venture that would go on to be acquired by Gartner for a staggering $155 million in March 2017.

″[Return on investment] and sex appeal are inversely correlated. What do we mean about that? Simply put: Don’t follow your passion,” Galloway told CNBC Make It. Instead, Galloway proposes a more practical approach. “Find out what you’re good at and then invest 10,000 hours in it — and become great at it,” Galloway says.

Im Not Giving It Away Malcolm Gladwell GIFfrom Im Not Giving It Away GIFs
 

The 10,000-hour theory Malcolm Gladwell explains in his book “Outliers,” states that to become exceptionally good at something, you need about 10,000 hours of practice. In his book, he emphasizes that it's not just talent that matters; putting in the time and effort is key to mastering any skill or profession.

In “Outliers,” Gladwell notes that highly successful people, including Bill Gates, The Beatles, and Robert Oppenheimer, all put 10,000 hours into their particular skill sets before reaching incredible heights of success.

“People often come to NYU and say, ‘Follow your passion’ — which is total bulls***, especially because the individual telling you to follow your passion usually became magnificently wealthy selling software as a service for the scheduling of health care maintenance workers. And I refuse to believe that that was his or her passion,” Calloway continues.

Calloway adds that one of the benefits of focusing on our natural gifts is that it will eventually inspire passion. “What they were passionate about was being great at something, and then the accouterments of being great at something — the recognition from colleagues, the money, the status will make you passionate about whatever it is,” Galloway said.

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A 2018 report by Stanford researchers came to a similar conclusion. The researchers believe that following one’s passions isn’t a clear road to success for numerous reasons. The maxim assumes that we have only one passion in life and that it will not change over time. It also gives the impression that when we follow our passions, we’ll always magically fall into our dream jobs and become successful.

Finally, just because one is passionate about something doesn’t necessarily mean they are good at it.

While some may think Calloway’s advice is cynical and heartless, there's something extraordinary about nurturing our natural gifts and using them to achieve success in life. In a world where our talents and passions may not always align, embracing what makes you unique and sharing it with the world in your own special way is a beautiful gift that you can offer.

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‘I feel good, so why stop?’ 91-year-old opens up a new barber shop.

Staying active is the key to a long life.

via Google

Bob Rohloff gives a haircut at his new barber shop.

The old saying goes, "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life," and it’s true. When you love what you do, a job isn’t work at all. It can be as enjoyable as your favorite hobby while making money at the same time.

Loving what you do is also great for your health. Studies show that people who love their work live longer, and those who are constantly stressed at their jobs have a significantly higher risk of heart disease.

Bob Rohloff is a beautiful example of the benefits of having a job you love. At 91, he opened a new business, Bob’s Old Fashioned Barbershop, in Hortonville, Wisconsin.

Rohloff started cutting hair in 1948, and 60 years later, he retired with his wife, Marian, in Arizona, but it didn’t last long. After a few months, he “unretired” and went back to cutting hair. In 2010, the couple moved back to Wisconsin, and Rohloff cut hair at the Hortonville Family Barbershop.

“Retirement isn’t that easy,” Rohloff told CNBC. “You need to stay active in something, whether it’s a hobby or a job, and I happened to enjoy my job very much … it’s fun coming into the shop; I like to do it, and I feel good, so why stop?”

Rohloff estimates he’s given over 100,000 haircuts in his life.

Fate intervened when 55-year-old Mark Karweick, who had recently returned to Wisconsin from Michigan, was introduced to Rohloff. After talking to each other for 90 minutes, they decided to open up a shop together.

The team’s new shop is a throwback to an old-school barbershop, complete with a 100-year-old chair that Rohloff jokes is the only thing in the palace older than him. “There aren’t that many old-fashioned shops left in the country, and we’re gonna try and keep it that way,” Rohloff told Spectrum News. The shop also boasts furniture relocated from an old barber shop in Michigan.

The prices are old-fashioned, too. A standard cut is just $14 and $12 for seniors.

Rohloff is a true believer in the idea that the key to good health and longevity is to keep doing what you love. “Sitting in a La-Z-Boy, that’s no way to live. Most people got their health issues, and they either give up, or they think they can’t do anything after a certain age, but they can,” Karweick said.

There’s a lot of truth to Rohloff’s philosophy. Colin Milner, founder and CEO of the International Council on Active Aging, tells Fortune that following the principles of Active Aging can extend longevity and quality of life.

“Physical activity is just one of the many elements that makes up a person,” Milner says. “It’s just as important that we are socially connected and that we are intellectually active.” The keys to being an “active ager” are to stay positive, socially connected, involved with community groups, curious and calm. It’s also important to eat right and stay away from tobacco.

When asked about his advice for living a long, happy life, Rohloff believes in the importance of being active as well. “Don’t quit. I don’t think you will enjoy yourselves. Stay active in something, whether it’s a hobby or a job, but you got to stay active,” Rohloff said.

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