+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
Health

The case for grace when students are struggling with their mental health

Why 'real world' arguments against accommodations fall flat.

mental health depression anxiety education

A college professor shared why he accommodates students experiencing mental health struggles.

If you've ever battled anxiety or depression or have lived with someone who does, you know how debilitating it can be. No matter how much you want the brain to cooperate, sometimes it simply won't, and it's not possible to reliably predict when that's going to happen.

I've spent years helping my college-aged daughter figure out how to best manage a severe anxiety disorder. She's a bright young woman who really wants to do her best, but the anxiety monster in her brain makes that difficult. I've watched her knock out an impressive paper for a class in a short amount of time and I've watched her sit at the computer with a stack of sources struggling for hours to get her brain to put two coherent sentences together. Same person, same capabilities. It's not that she doesn't want to do the work or that she isn't trying, it's just that she's in a constant battle with her anxiety monster, and sometimes the monster wins.

I liken it to a person who has a bum knee that gives out at random times. They may have exercises and therapies to try to keep it from going out, and some days they can walk around just fine. But they may have chronic pain people don't see and sometimes things happen that can't be predicted—a wonky staircase, a longer-than-anticipated trek, an icy sidewalk—that can throw things off and suddenly make them incapacitated.


No one with any sense of empathy would expect a person with an injured knee to keep walking. They'd understand that the person might need a wheelchair or walker or cane sometimes. They'd understand that it might take that person a little longer to get from point A to point B. They'd be sympathetic if the person needed to rest their leg a bit before being ready to walk again and wouldn't bat an eye at the accommodations needed to help that person be mobile.

But unlike a visible physical injury or disability, mental health disorders aren't always obvious. A person can seem "fine" from the outside but can be struggling in ways that make it nearly impossible to function the way they want to on the inside.

That's why a Twitter thread from a college professor about accommodating a student struggling with depression is resonating with so many people. Cameron Mozafari, a senior lecturer at Cornell University's College of Engineering, shared his thoughts on allowing students to turn in late work when they're experiencing mental health struggles.

Mozafari described a student with major depression who asked if they could make up the work they'd missed after they'd disappeared for a few weeks. When he said, "Of course," they were confused and asked him if they'd get points marked off. Mozafari said colleagues had chastised him for the leniency he shows students struggling with mental health, saying he was setting a double standard: "Everyone else has to get the work in on time, so why don't folks in crisis?"

Mozafari understands something those colleagues don't, and he explained it perfectly:

"If my depressed student could do the work, I imagine they would. They, however, couldn't. Because their brain blocked them from being able to do much of anything. Will they always be like this? Maybe. I don't know. Will I still accommodate? Yes, why not?"

Bingo. If they could, they would. Trusting that students with mental health challenges really do want to do their best is such a simple but vital practice.

Mozafari also tackled the "real world" arguments that people often try to make against accommodations. College is supposed to prepare them for the "real world," and the "real world" is a supposedly cold, unsympathetic place where expectations are always high, rules are always rigid and no one is ever given any grace.

But as Mozafari points out, this student's life is real. Their depression is real. Their experience is real. The "real world" is full of all kinds of people with all kinds of challenges that sometimes require accommodations.

"The message we communicate to students when we don't accommodate mental health issues is that the 'real world' won't accept their mental illness," he wrote. "Whether that's true or not, I don't know. But if it is true, that's not the real world I want to usher any student into."

The truth is that everyone's "real world" experience is different, but no matter what defines the world we live in, empathy and kindness and understanding are always helpful, always appreciated and always on the table. Every single one of us has a role in creating the "real world"—so why did we decide that those who cling to harsh, cruel perspectives on humanity are the ones who get to make the rules?

The real world isn't as awful as many people make out. My daughter has often lamented asking a professor for an extension on an assignment, but the vast majority of the time, they have been not only accommodating, but genuinely understanding. She has had professors who have opened up about their own struggles and who have sent her words of encouragement that helped counter the negative thoughts her brain throws at her.

One commenter pointed out that being given grace by a professor actually made them want to work harder—"I felt like someone believed that I was smart and capable and worth fighting for when I didn't believe those things about myself"—and I've seen that reflected in my daughter as well.

Another commenter pointed out that when people are having a mental health crisis, their work is usually one of the last things to go. So if someone is asking for accommodations, they're in a state where they really are having a hard time functioning.

Considering the fact that the median onset age for mental health disorders is late teens through early 20s, high school and college students need flexibility as they learn to manage their brain function. It can take time to find the right therapist and/or the right medications, and students ought to be given room for that while they're also trying to get their education.

Extending grace and offering encouragement won't bring the world to a screeching halt and it won't create bad habits in people battling their own brains. Accommodating mental health struggles lets students know that they are seen and understood and that their teachers and mentors want them to succeed, which is a far more powerful and transformative message than old, tired lectures about the "real world."

via Edith Lemay/NatGeo

Mia, Leo, Colin, and Laurent Pelletier pose on top of their camper van in front of adouble rainbow while in Mongolia.

True

“Blink,” a new film by National Geographic Documentary Films shows how a family with four children, three of whom are going blind, embraces life in the face of an uncertain future. It’s a testament to the resilience of the Lemay-Pelletier family but also a reminder for all of us to seize the day because all our futures are uncertain.

Edith Lemay and Sébastien Pelletier are the parents of Mia, a 13-year-old girl, and three boys: Léo, 11, Colin, 9, and Laurent, 7. Over the last six years, they’ve learned that Mia and the two youngest boys have retinitis pigmentosa, a rare genetic disease in which the cells of the retina slowly die. As the disease progresses, the person develops “tunnel vision” that shrinks until very little vision remains.

The diagnosis devastated the parents. "The hardest part with the diagnosis was inaction. There's nothing they can do about it. There's no treatment,” Edith says in the film.


However, even though the parents couldn’t affect the progress of the disease, they could give their children’s senses an epic experience that would benefit them for a lifetime.

“We don’t know how fast it’s going to go, but we expect them to be completely blind by mid-life,” said the parents. Mia’s impairment advisor suggested they fill her visual memory with pictures from books. “I thought, I’m not going to show her an elephant in a book; I’m going to take her to see a real elephant,” Edith explains in the film. “And I’m going to fill her visual memory with the best, most beautiful images I can.”

The Pelletier family (from left): Mia, Sebastien, Colin, Edith Lemay, Laurent and Leo inKuujjuaq, Canada.via National Geographic/Katie Orlinsky

This realization led to an inspiring year-long journey across 24 countries, during which every family member experienced something on their bucket list. Mia swam with dolphins, Edith rode a hot-air balloon in Cappadocia, and Léo saw elephants on safari.

Colin realized his dream of sleeping on a moving train while Sébastien saw the historic site of Angkor Wat.

“We were focusing on sights,” explains Pelletier. “We were also focusing a lot on fauna and flora. We’ve seen incredible animals in Africa but also elsewhere. So we were really trying to make them see things that they wouldn’t have seen at home and have the most incredible experiences.”

Cameras followed the family for 76 days as they traveled to far-flung locales, including Namibia, Mongolia, Egypt, Laos, Nepal and Turkey. Along the way, the family made friends with local people and wildlife. In a heartbreaking scene, the boys wept as the family had to leave behind a dog named Bella he befriended in the mountains of Nepal.

But the film isn't just about the wonders of nature and family camaraderie. The family's trip becomes a “nightmare” when they are trapped in a cable car suspended hundreds of feet above the Ecuadorian forest for over 10 hours.

annapurna range, blink, nat geoLeo, Laurent, Edith, Colin, Mia, and Sebastien look out at the mountains in the Annapurna range.via MRC/Jean-Sébastien Francoeur

As expected, NatGeo’s cinematographers beautifully capture the family's journey, and in the case of “Blink,” this majestic vision is of even greater importance. In some of the film's quietest moments, we see the children taking in the world's wonders, from the vast White Desert in Egypt to a fearless butterfly in Nepal, with the full knowledge that their sight will fail one day.

Along the way, the family took as many pictures as possible to reinforce the memories they made on their adventure. “Maybe they’ll be able to look at the photographs and the pictures and they will bring back those stories, those memories, of the family together,” Edith says.

But the film is about more than travel adventures and the pain of grief; ultimately, it’s about family.

“By balancing [the parents’ grief] with a more innocent and joyous tale of childlike wonder and discovery, we felt we could go beyond a mere catalog of locations and capture something universal,” the directors Edmund Stenson and Daniel Roher, said in a statement. “Keeping our camera at kid-height and intimately close to the family, we aimed to immerse the audience in the observational realities of their daily life, as well as the subtle relationships between each of them. This is a film built on looks, gestures and tiny details—the very fabric of our relationships with one another.”

Ultimately, “Blink” is a great film to see with your loved ones because it’s a beautiful reminder to appreciate the wonders of our world, the gift of our senses and the beauty of family.

The film will open in over 150 theaters in the U.S. and Canada beginning Oct. 4 and will debut on National Geographic Channel and stream on Disney+ and Hulu later this year. Visit the “Blink” website for more information.

Science

Ecologist 'burst into tears' seeing endangered gliders using boxes designed to save them

A third of the greater gliders' remaining habitat was destroyed in the Australian wildfires, and researchers didn't know if their high-tech box idea would work.

Greater gliders are endangered in Australia and rely on old-growth tree hollows to make their nests.

When a team of Australian researchers started checking the high-tech boxes they'd installed to help save endangered greater gliders, they weren't sure what they were going to find. The hope was that the tree-dwelling marsupials would use them for nesting—a replacement for the tree hollows they normally nest in—but no one knew whether or not the creatures would take to them.

So when Dr. Kita Ashman, Threatened Species and Climate Adaptation Ecologist at WWF-Australia, found a glider in the second box she checked, she was thrilled.

"I just burst into tears, I was so surprised and so happy," she told ABC News Australia.


Greater gliders are nocturnal marsupials that live in old-growth forests of eastern Australia. They have large ears, fluffy fur, long tails, and they can glide up to 100 meters at a time. The species is only found in Australia.

"I grew up looking at greater gliders all throughout the Dandenong Ranges. So they have a really special place in my heart," said Dr. Ashman told ANU.

The special nesting boxes were designed and created through a partnership between Australian National University (ANU), Greening Australia and the World Wide Fund for Nature-Australia after bushfires destroyed a third of the greater gliders' remaining habitat. The tree hollows that greater gliders rely on to nest can take over 100 years to form, according to ANU, so it's not like they can just find some new trees to live in when their homes are destroyed.

Nesting boxes that are commonly used for wildlife aren't a good fit for greater gliders, as the thin walls and lack of thermal protection can result in gliders overheating. (Heat-stressed gliders will slow their eating, which can be life-threatening, according to ANU.) The high-tech boxes in this project are insulated and include a non-toxic, heat-reflective, fire-resistant coating to keep gliders safe.

"I've affectionately been calling this design the Goldilocks box because we hope it will keep greater gliders not too hot and not too cold and will help to increase the species' resilience in a changing climate," Ashman said in July 2022.

"Producing and installing high-quality nest boxes is costly," added ANU research fellow Dr. Kara Youngentob, "so this project is very important because it will help us understand if expensive interventions like nest boxes are the best use of funding in our urgent mission to save greater gliders."

It appears that their efforts are paying off.

"What we didn't know was whether these boxes worked and whether they have an impact on the glider population," Dr. Youngentob told ABC News Australia. "Much to our delight, within a few months of them going up they are already being used by gliders, so we know the individuals themselves like them and use them."

According to Youngentob, greater gliders are the largest gliding marsupial at risk of extinction. More than 200 nesting boxes have been installed in Victoria's East Gippsland and in Tallaganda National Park in New South Wales. Youngentob told ABC News Australia that this project will help researchers learn more about how many of the species are left in the wild.

The quiet, nocturnal marsupial faces threats from climate change and deforestation in addition to the wildfires that ravaged Australia in 2020. Their population has fallen by 80% in the past 20 years and the species reached endangered status in July of 2022.

"They're a treasure for this country." Dr. Youngentob told ANU. "And I think the more people know about them, the more that they will fall in love with them and want to protect them too."


This article originally appeared on 1.20.23

Woman is disgusted after learning truth behind lasting spray tans

Everyone doesn't tan easily and for some, reducing their risk of skin cancer and premature excess wrinkles is more important than laying out with a bottle of baby oil. For those that want a tan without the massive amounts of UV exposure, spray tanning is the a good option. You can get the sun kissed, recently back from vacation look without the risk.

The process is simple. You walk into a room and someone comes in with what looks like an airbrush gun and sprays a nice even layer or two of artificial melanin on your skin. It can even out your skin tone, leaving your skin looking healthy and more vibrant. There is a catch though–it's temporary.

Technically a summer tan acquired the old fashioned way is also temporary but it generally takes weeks or months to completely fade away. But a spray tan only lasts about 5-10 days depending on how well you "care" for it. A woman who goes by the name Miss Redacted on TikTok recently received her first spray tan, when given the instructions for how to extend the life of her spray tan through "proper care," she was left flabbergasted.


Of course when you get something done to your body you are expecting that there will be specific instructions on how to care for the new thing. Whether it's a piercing, tattoo or even a chemical peel, you expect an overload of informative care instructions before you're allowed to leave the place you received the service.

Season 10 Episode 3 GIF by FriendsGiphy

So the woman was not surprised to receive the rundown on making sure her skin remained glowingly sun kissed for as long as possible, what she wasn't expecting was the lack of care. Or maybe the better description would be the lack of hygiene required to maintain her newly tanned skin.

"Because recently I got a spray tan for the first time because I really like being tan but I don't want to have wrinkles later because I'm obviously very vain. So i went the first time and I expected that I wouldn't be able to shower normally for the first 12-24 hours and that didn't bother me that much because I'm like okay, I understand the tan has to like set in. I can be gross for a half a day, a day max, whatever, it's not that serious," Miss Redacted says before explaining the woman who did her spray tan began talking her through the process.

sexy amanda GIFGiphy

The confused woman recalls a roommate in college that used to get spray tanned all the time as she put the pieces together on hygiene and spray tans. She tells the person doing her spray tan that she generally showers twice a day using soap and a silicone scrubber to wash her entire body to which the spray tan artist immediately tells her not to use on her body because it will take her tan off.

"I was like, 'oh so don't use it the first shower?' and she was like 'no, like not at all.' And I was like 'what should I use instead of that,'" the first time customer asks.

suzy parker shower GIFGiphy

She was shocked to hear the artist tell her that she needed to switch to a wash cloth and only use it to wash her, "underarms, your bikini area, and under your bra line." Again, Miss Redacted clarifies that the artist means for the first shower only but the artist reiterates not to put soap on your body "at all" for the first shower, only using a wash cloth in the areas she previously mentioned. Once again, the woman was dumbfounded and asks again, what the spray tan artist means.

"I was like, 'what do you mean?' And she was like, 'if you want your tan to last the full 10 days, when you shower only use soap in those areas and just do water everywhere else,'" she says.

Winner Challenge GIF by Survivor CBSGiphy

There was no getting around the idea that in order for the spray tan to last the woman was not going to be able to properly wash herself and she was thoroughly uncomfortable with that idea, informing the artist that she was going to continue to bathe regularly. Miss Redacted was told that if she bathed like normal her spray tan would only last five or six days.

"Because I got down this rabbit hole I started reading about it on Reddit and some of the ways that girls were saying they maintained their spray tans is absolutely insane. Absolutely insane. Like y'all need a bath. Y'all need a...actually a hose down. Let's like put you in the yard with some Dawn, like you're one of the ducks in an oil spill. I think that's what's needed at this point," the woman jokes before clarifying that she doesn't think this is every woman getting spray tanned is avoiding bathing.

But when it came to the ick factor over the ones who have been skipping the shower for weeks at a time, the woman wasn't the only one feeling the heebie jeebies. Commenters were also shocked and a little grossed out.

One person summoned knowledge from the legal scholar, Elle Woods, saying, "I can see not washing for 24 hours in order to not activate the ammonia thioglycolate."

"I will just continue to embrace my Morticia Addams aesthetic then because I will be scrubbing," another woman says.

"What do you mean? WHAT DO YOU MEAN," one person demands answers that likely involve soap and water.

"The first time I spray tanned, I used a washcloth and most of the tan came off. I knew at that moment people aren't showering properly. There is no way a spray tan is lasting 10 days," a commenter reveals.

Other people explain how they get their spray tans to last longer while continuing to shower daily by using tinted moisturizers and body lotions that have a gradual tanner in it. The consensus seems to be that regular spray tanning is expensive without finding an affordable alternative to maintain the tan between sessions while continuing to bathe, but spray tanning before a special occasion is preferred. Who knew hygiene after spray tanning was such an involved art form.

Brandon Conway sounds remarkably like Michael Jackson when he sings.

When Michael Jackson died 13 years ago, the pop music world lost a legend. However markedly mysterious and controversial his personal life was, his contributions to music will go down in history as some of the most influential of all time.

Part of what made him such a beloved singer was the uniqueness of his voice. From the time he was a young child singing lead for The Jackson 5, his high-pitched vocals stood out. Hearing him sing live was impressive, his pitch-perfect performances always entertaining.

No one could ever really be compared to MJ, or so we thought. Out of the blue, a guy showed up on TikTok recently with a casual performance that sounds so much like the King of Pop it's blowing people away.


Brandon Conway posted his first TikTok video ever on July 24, and in less than three weeks it's been viewed more than 27 million times. It's just him standing in a parking lot snapping his fingers and singing "The Way You Make Me Feel," but when he opens his mouth, whoa.

As he keeps going, it gets even more whoa. Then he hits Jackson's signature "he he" and the whoa turns into what?!?

Take a listen:

@brandonconway11

First post on tiktok let me know what you guys think! More videos coming soon feom mj to country to rock so yall be sure to stay tuned!#fyp #singer #usherchallenge @usher @tpain #letsgo #firstvideo

Uncanny, right? If you need a reminder of how Jackson himself sounded when he sang it, here's a live performance from Auckland during his 1996 world tour.

Very impressive. You can follow Brandon Conway on TikTok to hear more from him.


This article originally appeared on 8.10.22

Identity

50 people shared the one thing they'd change about their bodies. The kids' answers rocked.

The children heard the question TOTALLY differently than the adults.

When do we start learning to hate our bodies?

Body image is a strange thing. Babies aren't born with any opinions about their bodies one way or another, but as we age, we start forming judgments. We might be teased about one or more of our features or we might just absorb messages about beauty standards from the world we live in, but whatever causes them, a huge number people end up dissatisfied with parts of our body by the time we're adults.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

"If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be?"

In a video from Jubilee, 50 people were asked, "If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be?" and the difference between how the adults answered and the kids answered is striking—and telling. The adults listed off the specific features they didn't like and wanted to change—a smaller forehead, smaller ears, bigger eyes, a less puffy face, etc. The kinds of answers most of us would mostly likely give.

But the kids? They heard the question totally differently and answered it in the best way possible.


Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Of course you would choose to have a mermaid tail or legs like a cheetah if you could change one thing about your body! Of course you'd want wings so you could fly and a shark mouth so you could eat all the things. Teleportation? Put it in me! Extra pointy ears? Heck yes, little elfling.

Or even just…nothing. "I wouldn't change anything. I like my body." That might just be the most revolutionary statement of the 21st century.

Kids aren't immune to being dissatisfied with their bodies, of course. Studies show that body image concerns can begin as early as age 3 and tend to increase year after year, peaking in adolescence. Keeping a child from slipping down the slope of body negativity is something for all parents to watch for. Thankfully, there are some things we can do to help protect kids' acceptance and celebration of their bodies just as they are.

How to develop and maintain a healthy body image

One way is to be careful about how we talk about bodies in general, including our own.

"What we say about our own bodies and other people’s bodies carries significant weight, especially in the presence of our children," pediatrician Mona Amin, M.D., writes on Instagram. "Our words shape their perceptions of self-worth and body image. When we talk about how we don’t want to get in a swimsuit because we haven’t 'lost the baby weight yet' or congratulate someone on looking skinny, we teach our children that there is a 'right' way to look. This subtly, and sometimes not so subtly, can make children start to scrutinize how they look, and can trigger insecurity and low self-esteem."

Another is to speak positively about the things our bodies—all bodies—can do rather than just how they look. Dr. Amin writes that children are borth with a natural sense of acceptance, but a keen observers they will often start to internalize the beliefs and attitudes of the adults in their lives. We can help them develop and maintain a healthy relationship with body image by promoting body neutrality and celebrating diversity in the way people look.

What does that look like in practice? Dr. Amin gives five specific examples:

1. Speaking positively about ourselves and our bodies both alone, with friends, and in front of our children
2. Positive affirmations about our body and what it DOES not how it looks: rewire the brain by feeding positivity where you need it
3. Celebrate qualities about people and kids and not how they look
4. Limit access to social media accounts and media that don’t promote body positivity
5. Not discussing weight in a negative way at doctor’s visits or ever.


More compliments that aren't oriented around appearance, please

It's shocking how many compliments people get have to do with the way they look, and even positive comments can lead to an unhealthy emphasis on appearance. We can all try giving kids compliments like "That was such a smart observation!" or "I love the way you think!" or "Wow, that took hard work—way to go!" rather than focusing on how they look.

Parents on Dr. Amin's Instagram page shared how their kids responded to the question of what they'd change about their body if they could, and they reflect the responses in the video.

"Just asked my son this question and he said he'd change his feet into robot feet and would have robot arms and a robot belly🤖🥹"

"I asked my 5 year old daughter this question, and without any hesitation she said "I wouldn't change anything". By far, one of my most proudest moment as a parent."

"Just asked my three kids: Eldest said “I’d change nothing.” Youngest said “I don’t think I can anything but if I could, I would change everything to always be happiness.” Middle said “I would change madness… so that my body would never be mad anymore.” 🥹🥹🥹 Insecurities are taught. This really touched & convicted me 😭 Thank you for sharing this!"

"My kid said he would turn his body into Godzilla."

"🔥❤️ 6 year old said he would make a clone so they can go to school. 👏👏"

Let's all try to bring back that childhood wonder when we think about our bodies and celebrate the awesome powers they have—or even the imaginary ones they could have.

@kylephilllipi/TikTok

Everyone needs a friend like this.

Exposure therapy helps us face our fears head on, so that we might eventually become less and and less triggered by them. That goes for phobias surrounding animals, public speaking…and Disney villains, it seems.

When Kyle Philippi found out that his friend Kara Carneal had an “irrational fear” of Jafar (yes, from Aladdin) he sought out to do a little DIY exposure therapy of his own. As you can imagine, hilarity ensued.


Back in November of 2023, Philippi burst into Carneal’s apartment in a full blown Jafar getup reciting some of his iconic lines and leaving his friend in tears—both from terror and from laughter.

But he didn’t stop there. In fact, this exposure therapy prank has been a year-long project, with each Jafar visit going more and more over the top.

In an epic follow-up video we see that Philippi even went onto Cameo, a site where you can purchase personalized videos from celebrities, and had the original Jafar voice actor, Jonathan Freeman, record a special message that Philippi lip synced to. After all, Freeman is, as Philippi put it, “the one and only Jafar.”

Topping himself once again, Philippi created an elaborate theater production dedicated towards helping Carneal overcome this phobia. As Carnela sat center stage, she was greeted not only by Jafar (again with the help of Freeman’s voice) but a giant puppet snake and a singing Ursula from The Little Mermaid, cause why have one Disney villain when you can have two? She was also given a small lamp as a token for her bravery.

As for the origins of this Jafar phobia, Carnela shared in an interview with Today.com that watching the movie once (and only once) on VHS and seeing the snake cane wielding sorcerer was her “ first time ever experiencing fear.”

Luckily, Carnela has “extra” friends like Kyle, who “does everything to the millionth degree,” and quite literally forces her to laugh through her deepest insecurities. So how could she be mad?

Laugh if you must, but it seems that Philippi’s method, however extreme, has been effective. Because earlier this year, he and Carnela were able to go see Aladdin on Broadway, and Carnela was even able to give Jafar a hug. Consider her healed!

“New friend goals: conquer each other’s irrational fears,” one viewer wrote.

Meanwhile, others praised Philippi’s commitment to the bit.

”This is the epitome of chaotic good,” wrote one person.

Another said, “I’m obsessed with how far this was taken.”

But perhaps the best comment goes to the person who wrote this:

“New genre of therapy unlocked: clinical theatre 🎭”

As for whether or not Carnela’s exposure therapy has concluded, Philippi tells Upworthy that “ like with all therapy, sometimes we need to go back for a wellness check and we may be due for another round.”

Keep up-to-date with those exposure therapy treatments by giving Philippi a follow on TikTok.