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Something to keep in mind next time you're getting your wanderlust on.

I left Canada to travel the world for a year. A generation earlier, my father escaped Vietnam in a small boat. Don’t take your freedom of mobility for granted.

In August of 1983, at the height of the international humanitarian crisis in the aftermath of the Vietnam War, my father leapt onto a boat headed for the Gulf of Thailand — an escape he had already attempted 10 times before.

"If we’d stopped, they would shoot," my dad told my sisters and me, referring to the cảnh sát, or police. We looked at my mother, incredulous. She was nodding emphatically.


This tenth time, my father was lucky. Their boat managed to evade the Việt Cộng at every checkpoint; soon, they were out at sea. For two days, my father waited in the open waters that had already swallowed the lives of those brave enough to go before him. But again, he was lucky. Their crew was spotted by the knightly Chevalier, and the Frenchmen brought my father to safety at the Singaporean shore.

My father waited in a camp while Western deities deliberated his fate. Switzerland staked a claim, but he didn’t accept their offer; English was already difficult enough to learn, let alone German or French. Eventually, he was flown across the world and dropped off in Toronto, a cold, foreign city he would try his best to make his new home.

Like my father, I, too, have crossed continents and traveled far from home. At 20, filled with wanderlust, I embarked on a trip around the world. I visited a friend in Israel, toured ancient temple ruins in Myanmar, interpreted for doctors in Vietnam, interned at an NGO in Phnom Penh, partied in Siem Reap, partied some more in Koh Phangan, bathed in the Ganges river, practiced yoga at an ashram in Rishikesh, and taught English to monks in exile in Dharamshala. I went to many places far and foreign. I met new people, ate new foods, and learned new things.

But the circumstances that led to my travel, as opposed to my father’s, could not be more different.

My father, a Vietnamese army doctor turned political dissident, crossed the Pacific Ocean because he had no choice. My father traveled to escape a regime where enemies and academics were sent to ruthless "reeducation" (i.e. prison) camps. He had to leave behind his homeland, a country where kids walking home from school, including my mother growing up, knew to run into neighbors’ homes and hide under their beds when Cobra choppers and jet fighters and banana helicopters arrived overhead; rockets and grenades and explosives were about to be next.

Just one generation later, I had a powerful Canadian passport in my pocket and disposable income at hand. My travel was a choice.

One morning last year, I woke up and opened my laptop to see that an acquaintance — let’s call her Elizabeth — had posted on Facebook to encourage her virtual friends to seize the day and travel the world. Elizabeth, a recent American University graduate and a former sorority sister, was still high off a "transformative" trip to Indonesia earlier that year, a trip that mainly entailed hopping from one island to another, drinking cheap cocktails, and riding on exotic elephants (or at least, that’s what I gathered from her pictures). Life-changing indeed.

No one contested her point of view; an outpouring of likes and comments validated Elizabeth’s motivational status update. Even I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Change the world, and it’ll change you!

It’s so easy to forget that others may have had to make immense sacrifices to do something you’ve come to see not only as a rite of passage, but indeed, a right in itself.

Is travel a right? In the strictest legal sense of the word, I suppose you could argue "yes." The right to mobility is enshrined in Article 13 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which asserts that "everyone has the right to leave any country, including his own, and to return to his country." In the United States, the freedom of movement is protected in the United States Constitution, and in the 1958 Kent v. Dulles decision, Justice William O. Douglas opined, "Travel abroad, like travel within the country … may be as close to the heart of the individual as the choice of what he eats, or wears, or reads. Freedom of movement is basic in our scheme of values."

Everyone should have the right to travel, but, of course, that doesn’t hold up to reality.

For one, not everyone can afford it. My eight-month trip was paid for by two years of disposable income saved from my part-time campus job. Halfway through, I managed to squander all my own money, but I was lucky; my parents swooped in to finance the rest of my journey of self-discovery. Because of them, I was able to continue living my life-transforming, resume-padding life abroad. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

In any case, our carefully curated Instagram grids, full of lush Airbnb homes and landscapes with the ever-trendy "fade" filter applied, seldom mention how much the plane ticket to Byron Bay cost or who’s financing our Alternative Break to Myanmar (yes, my parents paid for that too). Instead, we use hashtags like #blessed, #wanderlust, and #35mmfilm and call it a day.

There’s also the opportunity cost of traveling. I wasn’t in a rush to start earning money, but many college students are. Over 70% of all "gappers" come from families whose parents have an estimated annual parental income of over $100,000. Case in point: At my ultra-altruistic, ultra-worldly, ultra-expensive alma mater, the average student’s family income is $107,753.

Besides the cost of travel, remember that this "right" is granted only to those who own an actual passport — and the nationality associated with your passport can determine whether foreign borders will invite you in or shut you out.

For many, the notion of traveling probably conjures up images of white sand beaches, modern skyscrapers, or pastel-colored colonial architecture as well as feelings of leisure, self-discovery, adventure, and hope.

But for millions of others, traveling comes with the credible fears of embarrassment, rejection, and even death.

According to various accounts, an estimated 200,000 to 400,000 Vietnamese boat people drowned at sea by the time the United Nations resettlement efforts ended in 1996. My father and his siblings were among the luckiest to have, quite literally, made it out alive.

Shortly after arriving in Canada, my penniless father (a doctor in Vietnam) went job hunting. An old family friend in Vietnam had told him to answer "yes" to every question in every interview. A pizzeria owner asked him if he knew how to make pizza, and my father, who had never seen a pizza before in his life, enthusiastically answered "yes." He was hired and, needless to say, fired a couple days later. My mother, also a doctor back in Vietnam, humbly spent her first couple of years in Toronto working in an electronics factory.

When my mother and her family arrived in Toronto as sponsored immigrants, they were reunited with their siblings, who had weathered the trip by boat six years earlier. The family of seven spent the years shortly thereafter sharing a two bedroom apartment.

While the teenage kids passed their days in high school classrooms, the adults worked their way toward becoming doctors, pharmacists, and engineers again. Although most of their education and retraining was supported by scholarships and loans from the Canadian government, everyone worked long hours and extra shifts at factories and restaurants in order to make ends meet. At their jobs, they endured not only laborious pain, but constant discrimination as well.

As a medical resident, my mother was examining a young boy’s ear when his mother angrily eyed her and pulled her son away. The boy’s mother asked for the doctor, even after my mother had already introduced herself as the doctor. The woman then exclaimed that she wanted another doctor, and kept insisting until the attending physician — an older white man — came into the room and to my mother’s defense.

But my mother knew not to cause a scene and remained silent. In fact, my mother’s had a lot of practice with staying quiet and obedient; the sassy, mouthy woman I know now had learned very quickly back then to keep her head down and her mouth shut when the white folks volleyed racial insults at her from across the factory assembly hall.

Welcome to Canada, they said.

My parents came to Canada with nothing but the clothes they wore on their backs; when I traveled, not only did I carry a fancy Osprey backpack and a snazzy Nikon camera, but also access to Canadian embassies as well as the comfort of knowing that when I was bored with "finding myself," I could always come home.

My father, on the other hand, relinquished his Vietnamese citizenship when he traveled to Canada. He believed in his heart that leaving meant saying goodbye to home forever.

With my perfect English and universally recognized North American accent, doors opened up to me on my travels that would have remained closed for others. “She’s American,” locals would exclaim to each other, wide-eyed, when I opened my mouth to speak. At first, I would try to tell them that I’m actually a Canadian studying in the United States, but it all got too confusing; anyway they didn’t really care about Canada, so after a while I just stopped trying.

Everywhere I went, people seemed to be obsessed with America.

I discovered that being treated like royalty isn’t uncommon when you’re a “Westerner” traveling abroad. Conversely, my parents’ accounts of hardship, discrimination, and sacrifice aren’t unusual for non-Western immigrants and refugees.

The next time you embark on a big adventure, remember that you carry much more than what’s in your bags. Remember that in your wallet, you carry the dollar, against which most other currencies in the world are matched. Your thin passports represent how lucky you are to travel visa-free to 166 countries. Your voice projects a widely recognized version of the world’s most universal language.

In light of today’s unfolding refugee crisis, remember that not everyone has your freedom of mobility.

This story first appeared on The Development Set and is reprinted here with permission. This is a shortened version of the original piece.

Humor

Comedian nails the differences in how each generation arrives at someone's home

"Millennials will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower."

Boomers will knock. Loudly. At all hours.

There's no doubt that there are contrasts between the generations, as baby boomers, Gen X, millennials and Gen Z see and experience the world quite differently. While generation gaps have always existed, the tech age has widened those gaps in big ways, which sometimes creates challenges but often results in hilarity.

For instance, watching a Gen Zer try to figure out how to use a rotary phone is pure entertainment. The way emojis are used and interpreted varies vastly by age, making for some chuckle-worthy communication mishaps. Slang terms can be hard to keep up with the older you get, but they can also be manipulated by savvy elders to great comedic effect.

gen z slang, w rizz, generations, generation gap, generational differences Riz W Sign GIF Giphy

And now, comedian Jake Lambert is comparing how the different generations arrive at someone's house in a viral video that's been viewed more than 12 million times.

"You've basically got boomers who will turn up completely unannounced any time from about 7:00 in the morning and they will knock on your door just slightly louder than the police using a battering ram carrying out a house raid," Lambert begins.

"And then you've got Gen X. They would have made the plans well in advance, and they would've also checked in a couple of days before just to make sure the plans are definitely still happening," he goes on. "You see, Gen X is the forgotten generation and they're so scarred by this title they would've assumed that you'd forgotten not only about the plans but about their very existence."

"Millennials will have hoped that the plans would've been canceled. There's no reason that a millennial will ever actually want to come to your house," he continues. "They will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower. And a millennial will never knock on your door. You'll just get a text either saying 'here' or 'outside,' and that's your cue to go and let them in."

"Similarly, Gen Z will never actually knock," he concludes. "But the chances are they won't have to, as they would have been documenting the entire journey from their house to yours, maybe even on Facetime using this angle [camera facing directly up at the chin] as they go along for some reason. Either that or they'll just send a picture of your front door or a selfie of them outside it. And again, just like the millennial, that's your cue to go and rescue them from the outside world."

gen z, selfie, generation gap, generational differences, generations Gen Z will send a selfie from outside your house as an indicator that they've arrived. Photo credit: Canva

People feel alternately seen, attacked and validated by Lambert's assessments, with the most common response being "accurate."

"I‘m a millennial, my husband GenX. Scarily accurate! 😂"

"Described this millennial to a T."

"This is surprisingly accurate 😂 I laughed slightly louder than the police using a battering ram…"

"Sooo accurate…guilty of the lateness and ‘here’ text 🙃"

"I must admit I'm a millennial. But knocking on the door feels so aggressive, uknow? 😅😇"

"Millennial texting to say almost there but just started getting dressed to go out. Why do we do this? It's not intentional, at least not for me."

millennial, ok boomer, generation gap, generational differences, generations Giphy

"Honestly your observations are just brilliant! GenX-er here!"

"The Gen Z angle omg. 😂😂"

Naturally there are some people who don't resonate with their generation's description, but there are exceptions to every rule and some people will never fit a stereotype. However, judging by the wave of affirmative responses, Lambert has nailed the generational generalities across the board—and done so in a way that allows us all to laugh at ourselves.

You can follow Jake Lambert on Instagram.

This article originally appeared last year.

Fandom.com, Gage skidmore/Wikipedia

When fans become friends.

In celebration for the upcoming 25th anniversary of his heretical cult classic Dogma, director and writer Kevin Smith recalled what it was like working with the late great Alan Rickman, who played Metatron—the sardonic, winged messenger of God. Which, if you haven’t seen it, please do. Rickman is every bit as iconic in this as he is in Harry Potter or Die Hard.

Speaking of Die Hard, this brings us to our first fun anecdote Smith shared while appearing on The Rich Eisen Show. Eisen first asked Smith if at any point while filming Dogma, did he start “fanboying” over Rickman because of his legendary portrayal of Hans Gruber.

Smith immediately said yes, and added that Rickman was apparently a fan boy of Jason Mews (the Jay of Jay & Silent Bob), and even regaled him as an “American icon,” and “the best that America can be.”

dogma, dogma screening, dogma 25th anniversary, kevin smith, alan rickman, alan rickma dogma, rich eisen Alan Rickman as Metatron 'Dogma' media4.giphy.com

“Still to this day, if I try to correct him on something, [Mews]’ll be like, ‘which one of us is the American icon?” Smith quipped.

But the real funny bit is what happened during the one and only time Smith had to correct Rickman on a line reading.

At one point in the movie, Metatron says “Wax on, wax off,” which many of us might instantly recognize as a reference to Karate Kid. Rickman, who had not seen Karate Kid, did not, and originally delivered the line with Shakespearean gusto. So Smith went over to him, explained the reference and gave him a line reading (“which actors hate”).

“He turned to me…and he goes…’Royally trained, Kevin,’” Smith said, giggling.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Honestly, can’t you just see Rickman delivering the line that way? Is there a way we can all witness that greatness?!

Smith would also share that the miraculous casting of Rickman happened “by accident.” Thinking him too serious of an actor to do his comedy, Smith never reached out. But word got out that Rickman loved Chasing Amy (one of Kevin Smith’s most highly acclaimed projects) and so he was sent the Dogma script. It was an immediate yes.

On Facebook and Instagram, Smith even shared the deal memo sent to Rickman, which showed that he was paid scale, aka “the minimum wage of the movie biz.”

“So that means Alan blessed us with his perfect performance for way below what he was worth (and way less than he’d make as Snape in the @harrypotter flicks he’d do later),” Smith wrote.

While they started off as creative admirers, Dogma would cement a genuine, lasting friendship between Smith and Rickman. While speaking with GQ, Smith said, "We became friends, like that was something I never understood until late in his life. Honestly, until he passed away. I always just thought that he was just being polite because we made Dogma together and stuff. But he was genuinely interested in me and my family."

By the way you haven’t had the chance to see Rickman do his thing in this movie on the big screen, you’re in luck! Throughout September, DOGMA will be showing in theaters across the U.S., along with exclusive Q&A content, via Iconic Events Releasing.

Fatherhood

Dad shares 'complaints' about his toddler's restaurant business and it's too adorable

"It's a very clean establishment, but whewww let me tell you about this owner."

Ava's Kitchen leaves a bit to be desired in the customer service department.

Toddlers can be a handful, but they're also the absolute best, with their tiny little adorableness, their burgeoning vocabulary, and their slowly evolving understanding of the world. Their imaginations are something else, and spending time in a wee one's world is always an unpredictable treat. Being the parent of a toddler is a unique joy that only lasts for a fleeting season, so you have to take full advantage of it while you can. And one dad has clearly done just that.

Christopher Kyle is father to Ava, who at 18 months old treated her dad to a meal at her sit-down restaurant. Only according to Kyle, the service left much to be desired. In a post on Instagram, Kyle shared a photo of Ava in her play kitchen while he sat waiting for his food in a tiny chair at a tiny table.

The father/customer wrote:

"So I tried to support another Black Owned Business for lunch today. It's called Ava's Kitchen, just opened end of April. It's a very clean establishment, but whewww let me tell you about this owner.

First off, I asked why there are balloons on my chair, and it's not my birthday? She talm'bout, mind yah business; those are Mommy's.

I been waiting on my order to get done for 45 minutes, and I'm the only customer here. She was making good progress at first, then she stopped for 20 minutes to go watch Paw Patrol.

Paw Patrol Dog GIF by Xbox Giphy

Overall the customer service could be better, but the cook is a cutie; so I'll give her another chance. Let's not give up on Black businesses so fast after one mistake. 💕"

People absolutely loved this dad's humor and clearly stellar parenting skills. Anyone who has sat through a tea party—or any activity with the wee ones—knows that for all of its cuteness, toddler play is an exercise in patience and endurance.

Upworthy shared Kyle's story on our Instagram page and our readers did not disappoint.

Some played right along with the game:

"Starting a restaurant is tough.. give her a chance ❤️❤️"

"I mean, she started a restaurant during a global pandemic, give her a break 😂"

"Is she taking reservations?"

Fans of Paw Patrol had some words:

"Paw Patrol is a must watch so 🤷🏾♀️😂"

"I died at Paw Patrol 🤣🤣🤣 that's my show though. I don't have kids I just watch it just because lmao."

"Paw Patrol break is mandatory. Too cute! ♥️"

Others just gushed over the entire scene:

"Love EVERYTHING about this!! The adorable owner, the customer's humor and the incredible love."

"That's the cutest restaurant owner I've ever seen. The dad's face is priceless! 😂👍❤️"

"LoL the story is funny & beautiful!!! This warms my heart!! This babygirl will grow up to have such a healthy look at men (in any capacity) as long as she & her Daddy keep such a beautiful bond!! Happy Father's Day (early) Keep encouraging her to do her thing and her confidence will continue to soar!! I just love this!! 😍😍😍"

Since that post went viral, Ava and her dad have had some other creative adventures, including building things at Home Depot's free kids weekend workshop:

Will Ava be a restaurant owner, a carpenter, or something totally different when she grows up? Who knows, but with her dad's support, no doubt she'll build success wherever she ends up.

This article originally appeared five years ago and has been updated.

Culture

Linguist explains why Brits add an 'r' sound to words that end in vowels, but only sometimes

This is why "Anna is cute" becomes "Anner is cute" in British English.

American English vs. British English

Learning to speak English must be confusing when it's not your first language, especially considering how many distinct English accents there are. If you learn English strictly from American teachers, you'll end up pronouncing the language differently than if your teachers are British, Australian, or New Zealander.

One difference between American and British English is the way the two treat the "r' sound. American English uses the hard "r" sound (which is one of the rarest linguistic sounds in the world) a lot. Brits generally drop it at the end of words—father becomes "fath-uh," water becomes "wat-uh," and so on—and yet, Brits also insert "r' sounds where there isn't a letter "r," which is super confusing for Americans.

letter R, r sound, rhotic, non-rhotic, english accents How Brits use the "r" sound is confusing to Americans. Photo credit: Canva

Case in point: I watched Hamilton on stage in London, and in the final number, the whole cast sang "Angelic-er and Eliza were at his side when he died." How did they turn Angelica into Angelic-er? (Especially when they were supposed to be using American accents?)

A linguist named Derek explains that the inserted "r" in British English serves a specific purpose—as a placeholder to distinguish between the vowel sound at the end of one word and the vowel sound at the beginning of the next word.

@derek__ling

Answering more accent questions #language #linguistics #accents #english

So "America is" becomes "Americ-er is" and "banana is" becomes "banan-er is." (Or "banana rizz" as one clever commenter pointed out.) It's called an "intrusive R" and it sounds downright strange to the American ear. We're used to hearing "r" sounds all the time, but not in places where there isn't actually an "r" anywhere to be found.

When a word ends in a vowel and the next word begins with a vowel, Americans just slide the vowels together or sometimes put a little glottal stop in between the vowel sounds. British English differentiates them with an "r" sound. It's an unspoken rule—they don't learn it at school or anything, as it's dialectical, not grammatical. In fact, Brits often don't even realize they're doing it until it's pointed out to them.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

So if British people are perfectly capable of pronouncing an "r" at the end of a word, why do they not pronounce the "r" at the end of words that actually have a letter "r"? That's an interesting, if not totally clear, story.

People might assume that Americans were the ones who added the "r" pronunciation to English or that it must be a carryover from Scottish accents that pronounce the "r" with gusto. But in actuality, British people in general used to pronounce the "r" as well. That's right. British English actually used to sound more like American English, not the other way around.

How exactly the change happened has been a topic of some debate among linguists, but the gist is that England's non-rhotic accent (the accent that doesn't pronounce the "r") came about as a bit of socioeconomic snobbery in the 18th century. Certain classes of Brits started putting on the accent as a way of differentiating themselves from those of lower classes, at least in certain parts of England. Toss in a trendy fascination with the French around that time, and voila! Bye-bye "r" sounds.

R sound, rhotic, non-rhotic, linguistics, peewee herman Americans love the "r" sound. Giphy

But back to the present confusion about when the "r" gets pronounced. As Derek points out, both British and American folks often get it wrong when imitating one another's accents. Brits will add "r" to the end of words that end in a vowel simply because they think that's what Americans do, and Americans will remove the "r" sound where it's actually used in British English. For instance, British pronunciation of "father" would be "fathuh," but not when a word that starts with a vowel comes after it, like "my father and I." In that case, the Brit would pronounce the "r" but an American imitating a British accent would probably say, "my fathuh and I."

Tricky, isn't it? But now we know. If the next word starts with a vowel, Brits say "r" at the end of words ending with a vowel or with an "r."

You can follow Derek on TikTok for more linguistic fun.

Photo Credit: Canva

A contrarian woman sets the record straight. Another woman reacts.

Have you ever just had "that friend" who will argue with everyone about everything? Not necessarily with regard to political views or big life philosophies—but rather, they act as contrarians to the smallest, most inconsequential stuff. By the end of most conversations, you're feeling exhausted and perhaps a little gaslit?

Here are a few examples. "Bob's birthday is in October." "No, it's not, it's August." "It's definitely in October." Texts Bob, Bob confirms it's October. "Oh, okay, well he CELEBRATES in August." That might seem extreme, but it really happened. One time, I merely expressed my opinion to a friend after a long drive down the freeway. "Los Angeles drivers seem entitled." He replied, oddly smugly, "No, they don't."

@kelseyjunejensen

Please !!! Enough 🙅🏼‍♀️

Luckily, there are ways of gently dealing with these situations that don't feel confrontational or, worse, relationship-ending. Clinical psychologist Christie Ferrari gives very specific tools on how to process and address these types of people, no matter how frustrating they might seem.

First, she explains the importance of discussing the matter "without sounding accusatory." She notes that instead of saying "'You always argue with me,' which will almost always trigger defensiveness, focus on your feelings and the impact of their behavior." Instead, try, "When we talk, sometimes I feel like I’m being corrected, and that makes it harder for me to want to share things. Have you ever felt that between us?'"

For those who always seem to retort with a "but" or a "well" (and I'll even throw in an "actually"), Ferrari suggests "flipping with curiosity," asking, "Why do you see it that way?" Perhaps this response will trigger their curiosity about your opinion—or at least remind them that you have one.

She also makes the point that not all contrarians are meaning to attack you personally. "Sometimes they’re unaware they’re doing it. Sometimes they’re socially awkward or wired to process out loud. Sometimes they’re neurodivergent, and this is their conversation style." Regardless, she says, "The key is noticing patterns. Occasional disagreement is healthy. Constant one-upmanship or dismissiveness is not."

When it's just not changeable, she offers this excellent solution: "You don’t have to 'win' a conversation with a contrarian. You just have to keep yourself from being drained by it. With these back-pocket phrases, you can protect your point, stay in control of your response, and decide whether this is a friendship you want to keep investing in. 'Not a debate, just a thought.' 'We’re not in court, I’m just telling you what happened.'"

This seems to be a common issue with many. There are quite a few Reddit threads dedicated to the topic, one simply titled, "How do you deal with a contrarian?" The OP exemplifies: "Him: The sky is blue today. Me: Oh yeah, that really is blue. Him: Actually, it's pretty green."

cat, contrarian friend, actually, annoying things A cat lets you know you're wrong in a conversation. Giphy Cat Nerd

Some Redditors give the harsh advice of cutting off the friendship or starting huge arguments. But this person has a real solution for at least trying to make a conversation with this type of person tolerable: "I’d say get him onto a subject where there can be a genuine, interesting discussion." The idea, perhaps, is that it's the small-talk that's met with unnecessary pushback that's frustrating. If you guide this person to "bigger picture" topics, it might feel more fulfilling.

Another notes that it's a good idea to distinguish the level of substance in a conversation. "It really depends on the stakes: Work-related and important? Drive home the correct points. Unrelated? Literally just ignore his dumbass responses and eventually he'll realize that no one cares."

This commenter, perhaps, had the best response: "You're wrong, there's no such thing as a contrarian."