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Reddit tried an experiment to curb hate speech. The results are fascinating.

In 2015, Reddit decided to run some of the haters out of town.

Image by Rebecca Eisenberg/Upworthy.

The "homepage of the Internet," known for its wholesale embrace of free debate, banned several of its most notorious forums, including r/coontown, a hub for white supremacist jokes and propaganda, and r/fatpeoplehate, a board on which users heaped abuse on photos of fat people.

Critics accused the site of axing the subreddits for the "wrong" reasons — demonizing unpalatable speech rather than incitement to violence. Others worried the ban would be ineffective. Wouldn't the trolls just spew their hate elsewhere on the site?

Thanks to a group of Georgia Tech researchers, we now have evidence that the ban worked.

Their paper, "You Can’t Stay Here: The Efficacy of Reddit’s 2015 Ban Examined Through Hate Speech," found that not only did banning the forums prompt a large portion of its most dedicated users to leave the site entirely, the redditors who did stay "drastically [decreased] their hate speech usage."

The researchers analyzed over 650 million submissions and comments posted to the site between January and December 2015. After arriving at a definition for "hate speech," which they determined by pulling memes and phrases common to the two shuttered forums, they observed an 80% drop in racist and fat-phobic speech from the users who migrated to other subreddits after the ban. 20-40% of accounts that frequently posted to either r/coontown or r/fatpeoplehate became inactive or were deleted in that same period.

"Through the banning of subreddits which engaged in racism and fat-shaming, Reddit was able to reduce the prevalence of such behavior on the site," the paper's authors concluded.

The researchers have a few theories about why the ban may have worked.

Those who migrated to other subreddits, they speculate, became beholden to existing community norms that restricted their ability to speak hate freely.

Reddit co-founder and executive chairman Alexis Ohanian. Photo by Jerod Harris/Getty Images.

They also cite Reddit's effective removal of copycat forums (r/fatpeoplehate2, r/wedislikefatpeople, etc.) before they could reach critical mass.

Creating secure online spaces is a difficult problem. This new research provides at least one possible solution.

Any attempt to moderate an open web forum, the researchers argue, will inevitably have to balance protecting free expression with the right of people to exist on the internet without fear of abuse. A June Pew research poll found that 1 in 4 black Americans reported having been harassed online because of their race, compared with 3% of white Americans.

"The empirical work in this paper suggests that when narrowly applied to small, specific groups, banning deviant hate groups can work to reduce and contain the behavior," the authors wrote.

For vulnerable people who, like most, are living increasingly online lives, it's a small measure of relief.

Correction 9/13/17: This story was updated to identify Alexis Ohanian as Reddit's co-founder and executive chairman, not CEO.

Education

Youth interest in STEM peaks around age 11. UScellular wants to change that.

Kids are losing interest in STEM subjects between ages 11 and 15. Here's what that means for future innovation.

Photo courtesy of UScellular

Kids on a field trip learn from Sania Naseem, Senior RF Planning Engineer at UScellular.

Imagine being a 12-year-old girl in a small town who’s interested in computers. You’ve learned a bit of programming online, but you don’t know anyone who works in the tech field and your school district doesn’t have the kinds of classes you need to explore further.

How likely would you be to keep and pursue that interest?

Since the internet changed everyone’s lives in the 1990s, there’s been a push for Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) education. Universal reliance on technology has made STEM careers not just desirable but vital, and the speed at which those fields are moving means we need young people to stay interested in them.

Research indicates that we’ve largely succeeded in reaching kids when they’re young—children demonstrate a deep fascination with STEM subjects up to age 11. But something shifts during adolescence. Past age 11, interest in STEM starts to wane, often dissipating by age 15.

The question is why.

To get to the bottom of this STEM age/interest gap mystery, wireless carrier UScellular partnered with developmental psychologist and researcher Richard Rende, Ph.D. Through a state-of-the-art analysis of the research, Dr. Rende helped uncover the barriers that prevent youth—particularly girls and those living in rural communities—from maintaining and nurturing their interest in STEM.

kids walking with an adult guide near a school busStudents taking a STEM field tripPhoto courtesy of UScellular

Dr. Rende found that keeping kids from losing STEM interest as they become teens requires programs that are equitable, relatable, relevant and supportive.

Here’s what those four drivers look like in practice:

Equitable

- Bringing STEM programs to rural areas that don’t have access to advanced courses or school-based curriculum
- Countering the notion that STEM isn’t for everyone and offering buffers for when kids are confronted with stereotypes or biases

Relatable

- Exposing girls to women in STEM professions who share similar backgrounds in smaller and rural communities
- Having STEM professionals share their experiences growing up so youth don’t see them as “superheroes” doing something unattainable

Relevant

- Programs and field trips that demonstrate how STEM is applied, especially in ways that connect to the local environment or technology kids already use
- Incorporating kids’ voices to help guide the elements of a program

Supportive

- Provide supportive mentorship, especially when projects become more complicated and require emotion regulation and resilience
- Teach cognitive skills that will help kids believe they have the capacity to succeed in STEM subjects

kids on a STEM field trip Kids learning about cell towers from Cheryl Dennard, Senior Manager of Core Services Engineering at UScellularPhoto courtesy of UScellular

To test out his findings before sharing them with the world, Dr. Rende worked with UScellular’s non-profit partner, YWCA, which has an after-school and summer program called TechGYRLS, designed to inspire girls in grades 3 to 8 to consider future careers in STEM fields. Together they created a refreshed STEM program guide incorporating Dr. Rende’s research and worked with focus groups at various YWCA locations to get feedback.

“What we see to date is that programming and mentoring to ‘train’ kids to be STEM people is not always enough to sustain and encourage interest during the transition to adolescence, especially for underserved youth,” says Dr. Rende. “We need to help them see the opportunities in STEM that spark their curiosity and gain belief that they can confidently explore all the possibilities available to them in STEM, including those that go beyond the traditional STEM careers like mathematician or scientist. It could be a vet, a nurse, wireless network engineer, arborist, audio engineer, turf scientist, or mechanical engineer and may not be a career that requires years and years of higher education.”

After-school enrichment programs like YWCA’s TechGYRLS can be found in communities all over the country, and parents, guardians and teachers can help the kids in their communities by identifying similar programs and encouraging them to participate. If teachers or youth-focused non-profits want to create their own STEM program, Dr. Rende’s whitepaper can help inform their approach and design to keep kids interested.

UScellular and YWCA are working on a digital version of the program guide to increase access for even more youth and help educators improve their STEM programming. Longer term, the perceptions and attitudes of the TechGYRLS participants will be measured to evaluate if the current decline in STEM interest is being reduced or averted. Advancing innovation requires people who pursue careers in STEM fields, so the more interest we can spark and sustain in young people, the brighter our future will look.

Learn more about how UScellular is supporting STEM education here.
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Pop Culture

Ryan Reynolds filmed his colonoscopy after losing a bet—it turned out to be 'lifesaving'

If anyone can motivate people to get this medical procedure done, it's Reynolds.

Ryan Reynolds/YouTube

Sometimes when you lose, you win.

Cancer is serious. Ryan Reynolds is not. Luckily his characteristic sense of humor—along with being true to his word—has helped shine a light on a sobering topic in a fun way.

After apparently losing a bet to friend and “Welcome to Wrexham” co-star Rob McElhenney of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” Reynolds agreed to get a colonoscopy … while broadcasting it to the entire world, of course.

Reynolds is an actor famous for hilarious hijinks. From his intense fictional feud with Hugh Jackman to performing epic pranks on talk shows, he is often the best thing on the internet for a good laugh.

However, he is also not one to shy away from difficult conversations, particularly when it comes to health. So raising awareness about the importance of colonoscopies was, as he quipped, “enough motivation for me to let you in on a camera being shoved up my ass.”

Reynolds might have lost the bet, but his actions paid off. The procedure turned out to be lifesaving.

The video shows the “Free Guy” actor getting the news that an “extremely subtle” polyp was discovered and cut out. Reynolds had previously shown no symptoms.

“I’m not being dramatic,” his doctor told him. “This is exactly why you do this. You are interrupting the natural history of a disease, of something of a process that could have ended up developing into cancer and causing all sorts of problems. Instead, you are not only diagnosing the polyp, you are taking it out.”

Ever the expert marketer, Reynolds smoothly slid in a quick plug for his alcohol brand, joking that “I can’t believe you pumped all that Aviation Gin into my IV. I was out like a light” before thanking the doctor.

Reynolds got his colonoscopy at 45, which is the recommended age to begin routine screenings. Though it’s a preventable cancer, colorectal cancer is the third most common cause of cancer-related deaths for men and women combined, and it is predicted to be the top cancer killer for people under 50 by the year 2030.

Because of the inherent invasiveness of the procedure, many people feel uncomfortable even talking about colonoscopies, let alone getting one, despite early detection being so vital. But now, thanks to Reynolds hilariously riffing on his experience, the whole thing might not seem so daunting after all.

Thanks for the delightfully silly PSA, Ryan.


This article originally appeared on 9.16.22

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School is back in session. Here are 5 simple lunch ideas to keep you sane while you keep your family healthy.

With O Organics, it's easy.

Photo credit: Canva

Yes, school lunches CAN be easy, healthy and inexpensive.

Parents, let’s face it: prepping school lunches can feel like trying to solve a complex math equation. It's got to be nutritious, appealing, fast, and let's not forget…within budget. But what if we told you there’s a secret weapon that can make this whole ordeal a breeze? Enter: O Organics from Albertsons.

O Organics offers a wide range of affordable, USDA organic goodies that are perfect for school lunches. From crunchy apple slices to delicious, creamy greek yogurt, they've got you covered. Plus, their prices won’t break the bank, proving that healthy eating doesn’t have to be a luxury.

Now, let’s get down to the good stuff: the food! Here are some simple, kid (and wallet) friendly lunch ideas—made entirely with O Organics ingredients—to help you ditch the processed junk and give your kids the fuel they need to conquer the classroom:

1. Pasta Salad

  • Main: A cold pasta salad made with O Organics whole-grain rotini pasta, O Organics chopped vegetables (like cucumbers, bell peppers, and cherry tomatoes), and Italian dressing. Add protein with chickpeas or a three bean blend.
  • Side: O Organics apple slices.
  • Snack: A serving of O Organics Greek yogurt, with some granola for a fun topping.

2. Egg Salad Sandwich

  • Main: A sandwich using whole wheat bread filled with a mixture of O Organics hard boiled eggs, mayo (or Greek yogurt for extra protein), mustard, dill, onion powder, salt and pepper.
  • Side:O Organics tortilla chips and salsa.
  • Snack: A pack of O Organics fruit strips.

3. Peanut Butter Apple Wrap (great for toddlers)

  • Main:O Organics peanut butter spread on a couple of flour soft taco tortillas, topped with thinly sliced apples. Drizzle some O Organics honey, roll it up and voila!
  • Side:O Organics baby-cut carrots with a side of hummus.
  • Snack:O Organics cottage cheese.

4. Quickie Quesadilla

  • Main: A tortilla filled with O Organics Mexican Style Shredded Cheese, black beans, and a sprinkle of chili powder.
  • Side: A couple of hard boiled O Organics eggs.
  • Snack: Ants on a log.

5. A Hot Dog…that stays hot

  • Main: You know the drill. Hot dog (we recommended the O Organics Beef Franks). Mustard. Cheese. Bun.
  • Side: A colorful side salad with spring mix, cherry tomatoes, and vinaigrette dressing.
  • Snack:O Organics banana chips.

But how the heck do you keep the hot dog hot? We’ve got just the tip, courtesy of Allrecipes.com:

Step 1

  • Preheat an insulated beverage container by filling it with boiling water. Let stand for 15 to 20 minutes. Right before leaving, dump out water and replace with more boiling water. The preheating keeps it hot for a longer time. Place the hot dog into the water and close the lid.

Step 2

  • When your child is ready for lunch, they can take the hot dog out of the container and place it on the bun.

Remember: This list is just a starting point. You can totally customize it to your kid’s needs and preferences. You can even involve your kiddos in the lunch-packing process to make it more fun for everyone. Let them help choose the menu, make a shopping list, pack their lunches…even grow their own veggies! If you’re feeling ambitious, that is.

No matter how you choose to give your kids the best possible start to their day, making small changes and taking advantage of resources like O Organics can help make it happen in a sustainable and enjoyable way.

So, what are you waiting for? Shop O Organics now exclusively at Albertsons, Safeway or any sister store. Your kids' bodies (and taste buds) will thank you.

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Joy

Junior high principal grabs a pom, joins the cheer squad for 'ROWDY' routine, and nails it

"That’s how you have a great relationship with your students."

Courtesy of mayherfam7/Instagram

Mr. Turner turned up with the cheerleaders, much to everyone's delight.

People who dedicate themselves to the education of children and youth are usually some of the most admirable people on the planet, just by default. But sometimes a teacher, coach or administrator goes above and beyond the call of duty, reminding us of how valuable educators are, not only to the students they serve but to society at large.

Levi Turner is the principal of Burnett Junior High School in Wylie, Texas, and a video of him cheering with the school's cheer squad is delighting people everywhere.

School principal takes school spirit to the next level

A mom in the stands filmed Mr. Turner joining the cheerleaders on the track to lead the crowd in the classic "ROWDY" cheer. One of the cheerleaders gave the principal one of her poms just before they started, and he ran with it. Not only did he know the cheer, but he knew all the moves that went along with it and performed them perfectly.

Watch:

People loved seeing Mr. Turner joyfully and confidently cheering along with the students.

"As a former high school cheerleader, being able to do this w the principal would’ve been so much fun. This guy gets it!"

"Definitely a memorable moment for the cheerleaders and audience watching! All spirit and smiles up there! Go Mr. T!! 👏📣"

"This is everything!! What an amazing leader and principal. 👏❤️"

"I don’t know why this just absolutely made my day, but it did! Nice job young ladies and well done sir !!!"

"I love how his enthusiasm just grows as it keeps going! ❤❤"

"These are core memories for the cheerleaders, well done Mr. Principal!"

Even ESPN shared a video of Mr. Turner cheering alongside the Buccaneer cheerleaders

Mr. Turner joined the Buccaneer cheerleaders again, only a little more prepared this time, with two poms and some extra school spirit in his attire. That video was even shared on ESPN's TikTok:

@espn

10 out of 10, no notes👏 (via @Burnett Bucs Cheer) #cheer #cheerleader #school #principal #football

When educators go out of their way to bond with students, its shows them that they aren't just there as an authoritarian taskmasters or managers of administration, but caring adults who are there to support them. It's okay for authority figures to have fun and share joyful moments with students. It's more than okay—it's a hallmark of someone who understands what it takes to help kids thrive.

Good education is a holistic endeavor that requires building relationships

For instance, remember the 8th grade teacher who engaged in a dance-off with students? These are both perfect examples of education being about so much more than just classroom instruction. Educating a student is a holistic process, involving not only "teaching" as we traditionally think of it, but also building trusting relationships. Sometimes that might be serving as a mentor or counselor when a student is struggling with something. And sometime that means finding opportunities to enjoy things together, like dancing or cheerleading.

via GIPHY

When students understand deep down that the adults charged with their education care about them, not just as numbers but as human beings, they will be more likely to demonstrate the kind of respect, dedication and effort we want to see in them. You can try to scare kids into submission or you can try to inspire them into desirable behavior. The latter generally works better and is a whole lot more enjoyable for everyone involved.

The students at Burnett Junior High School may not remember every fact or formula they're taught in class, but they will always remember the principal who grabbed a pom and let the crowd alongside the cheerleaders. Walking the talk of school spirit. Practicing what he preaches. Working with the students, not against them. Setting an example for everyone.

It may only be a brief glimpse, but sometimes that's enough to see a true leader in action. Three cheers for Mr. Turner. Let's hope his students understand how lucky they are to have him.

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Pop Culture

Airbnb host finds unexpected benefits from not charging guests a cleaning fee

Host Rachel Boice went for a more "honest" approach with her listings—and saw major perks because of it.

@rachelrboice/TikTok

Many frustrated Airbnb customers have complained that the separate cleaning fee is a nuisance.

Airbnb defines its notorious cleaning fee as a “one-time charge” set by the host that helps them arrange anything from carpet shampoo to replenishing supplies to hiring an outside cleaning service—all in the name of ensuring guests have a “clean and tidy space.”

But as many frustrated Airbnb customers will tell you, this feature is viewed as more of a nuisance than a convenience. According to NerdWallet, the general price for a cleaning fee is around $75, but can vary greatly between listings, with some units having cleaning fees that are higher than the nightly rate (all while sometimes still being asked to do certain chores before checking out). And often none of these fees show up in the total price until right before the booking confirmation, leaving many travelers feeling confused and taken advantage of.

However, some hosts are opting to build cleaning fees into the overall price of their listings, mimicking the strategy of traditional hotels.

Rachel Boice runs two Airbnb properties in Georgia with her husband Parker—one being this fancy glass plane tiny house (seen below) that promises a perfect glamping experience.

@rachelrboice Welcome to The Tiny Glass House 🤎 #airbnbfinds #exploregeorgia #travelbucketlist #tinyhouse #glampingnotcamping #atlantageorgia #fyp ♬ Aesthetic - Tollan Kim

Like most Airbnb hosts, the Boice’s listing showed a nightly rate and separate cleaning fee. According to her interview with Insider, the original prices broke down to $89 nightly, and $40 for the cleaning fee.

But after noticing the negative response the separate fee got from potential customers, Rachel told Insider that she began charging a nightly rate that included the cleaning fee, totaling to $129 a night.

It’s a marketing strategy that more and more hosts are attempting in order to generate more bookings (people do love feeling like they’re getting a great deal) but Boice argued that the trend will also become more mainstream since the current Airbnb model “doesn’t feel honest.”

"We stay in Airbnbs a lot. I pretty much always pay a cleaning fee," Boice told Insider. "You're like: 'Why am I paying all of this money? This should just be built in for the cost.'"

Since combining costs, Rachel began noticing another unexpected perk beyond customer satisfaction: guests actually left her property cleaner than before they were charged a cleaning fee. Her hypothesis was that they assumed she would be handling the cleaning herself.

"I guess they're thinking, 'I'm not paying someone to clean this, so I'll leave it clean,'" she said.

This discovery echoes a similar anecdote given by another Airbnb host, who told NerdWallet guests who knew they were paying a cleaning fee would “sometimes leave the place looking like it’s been lived in and uncleaned for months.” So, it appears to be that being more transparent and lumping all fees into one overall price makes for a happier (and more considerate) customer.

These days, it’s hard to not be embittered by deceptive junk fees, which can seem to appear anywhere without warning—surprise overdraft charges, surcharges on credit cards, the never convenience “convenience charge” when purchasing event tickets. Junk fees are so rampant that certain measures are being taken to try to eliminate them outright in favor of more honest business approaches.

Speaking of a more honest approach—as of December 2022, AirBnb began updating its app and website so that guests can see a full price breakdown that shows a nightly rate, a cleaning fee, Airbnb service fee, discounts, and taxes before confirming their booking.

Guests can also activate a toggle function before searching for a destination, so that full prices will appear in search results—avoiding unwanted financial surprises.


This article originally appeared on 11.08.23

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Pop Culture

Janitor's "Faithfully" cover dubbed the best of what "America's Got Talent' stands for

"What he represents is BIG for every single person."

America's Got Talent/Youtube

He's predicted to be the next big winner.

Listen, “America’s Got Talent” is a competition show with a sizable grand prize. So we can expect to see performers at the top of their game—who have painstakingly dedicated themselves to their craft, who might have even already gone viral for their god given gifts—clamoring to make it to the top.

But every so often, average, everyday folks show up to finally share those talents that otherwise went without a spotlight, and in doing so we are poignantly reminded that magic is hiding everywhere.

Without a doubt, Richard Goodall, the singing janitor from Indiana, fits that bill.

With a quiet, humble personality that belies a rockstar voice, Goodall has absolutely wowed “AGT” audiences and judges alike with his showstopping covers of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'," the Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" and Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." Iconic rock classics, and Goodall effortlessly nails them all.

And just when you think he couldn’t possibly outdo himself, Goodall sings“Faithfully,” another Journey hit, as for his performance in the finals.

And just like with any unforgettable act, Goodall not only shows off incredible skills, but took the audience on an emotional voyage.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

After the raucous applause died down, judges were quick to shower Goodall with praises, sharing how much they hoped this unassuming janitor would win big.

"Richard, I have been faithfully your biggest fan since the very, very first day we met, all the way through this competition,” said Hiedi Klum. “I want you to win this so bad, Richard!”

"I will make a prediction right now: I think you just sang yourself $1 million," Howie Mandel declared, while Simon Cowell added, "We all need a hero right now, and you are our hero."

Down in the Youtube comments, online viewers shared the same sentiment, calling Goodall the best of what “AGT” stands for.

“This is what AGT should be, regular every-day people with talent who don’t typically get to perform on a stage like this.”

“He sings with his heart. He’s an inspiration. Such a humble human being. He deserves to win this. He got all my votes!”

“Richard doesn't need to win, WE need him to win. Not only America, but the entire world. What he represents is BIG for every single person.”

“Richard has stayed true to himself. He hasn’t 'changed' because of all the attention. He's still a humble,quiet, hard working man with an amazing gift. His voice, to me, is like liquid gold. I genuinely hope Richard wins this year as he deserves it all. Good luck and keep true to yourself Richard Goodall.”

“Richard it's me, your disabled navy veteran fan that has been following your journey supporting you from day one of you auditioning for AGT 2024. I have no doubt that you will be the WINNER of AGT 2024…You gave all the people out here the hope and inspiration to ‘Don't Stop Believin’’ in our dreams, to use that ‘EYE of The Tiger’ to see and envision their dreams to ‘Faithfully’ make them come true by you yourself making your dream come true. America and the world is behind you, supporting you all the way along this magical singing journey to becoming a legend in the making.”

“Richard Goodall is what we all need right now. He is a true hero for everyone. He is a hard working humble man who can sing with all his heart and soul. His dream is coming true. He truly deserves it.”

There you have it, everyone. No matter who gets that coveted prize, Goodall has won in a very profound way.

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Real women share how mind-bogglingly simple it actually is to approach them in public

"Talk to girls like they are the same as guys."

via Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels

A man and woman enjoying a beer.

There are no hard-set rules for how a man should approach a woman in public if he finds her attractive. When considering whether to introduce himself, many questions run through a guy’s head. Is this an appropriate place to approach her? What should I say? Should I ask her for her number? How will I know if she’s interested?

Then, of course, he has to worry about being rejected.

To make things even more complicated, it’s hard to know the social norms in 2024 regarding picking up on someone. Some women may feel it’s always inappropriate for a stranger to approach them and make small talk, while others may welcome the attention.

How to approach women in public

To help single men navigate the tricky waters of being single in 2024, a group of women shared the “best ways to approach” them without coming off as creepy. The women shared many great tips, but they mostly came down to a central point: be friendly and don’t make it sexual. Then, after shooting your shot, listen to her responses and watch her body language to see if she’s interested. If not, kindly leave her alone.



Here are 13 of the best responses to the question: “Single women of Reddit, what's the best way to approach you without coming off as creepy?”

1. Treat 'em like guys

"My approach was just to talk to girls like they are the same as guys. Sometimes we would click and end up dating other times made a friend. If I go into every interaction with the pressure of picking up someone to date, I think that very rarely works."

"This is literally the correct answer; they are just girls/humans. Believe it or not, they like to talk and have hobbies too. All my friends used to tell me how I was so confident because I was not scared to talk to girls, lol."

2. Time and place are important

"Headphones are a universal symbol of ‘I don’t want to be bothered right now.’ If I’m actively dancing with my friends, yelling in my ear on the dance floor is not the place. Wait until I’m at the bar or the smoking area where we can hear each other. If I walk through a desolate park, I will feel alarmed to have a man I don’t know approach me. If I’m at work where I have to speak to you and cannot walk away, that is very unfair on me."

"Generally, if it feels like you’re interrupting something important or a task that takes concentration, you shouldn’t. Approach me as a person first and a potential date second. Start a conversation and talk about life and interests. I don’t find it flattering when the conversation opens with a comment on my body or asking if I have Snapchat."

3. Don't make it sexual

"Creepy = making the interaction sexualized from the start. Be friendly, not flirty to start. One good rule of thumb — if you wouldn't be comfortable saying the same thing to a man you've never met before, then don't say it to a woman."

How to ask a woman for her number

4. Give her your number (don't ask for hers)

"I do prefer the offer of him giving me his number vs him asking for mine. It feels a little less pressured, don't ask me why. I guess being able to reach out when I'm ready vs just suddenly there's a message and then I'm panicked with how long to wait to respond, worrying about if I waited too long, responded too quickly, or heck even just feeling the pressure to respond right away."



5. Don't ask if she's taken

“'Do you have a boyfriend?' should not be the first words out of your mouth. This is almost always the first thing men say to me when they approach me in public (sometimes without even asking my name!!) and it always makes me feel weird."

6. Watch for eye contact

"If I don’t make eye contact, I’m not interested in being approached."

7. Genuine interest

"I can say that the best approach is to be friendly, respectful, and show genuine interest in getting to know me as a person."

8. Compliment what they control

"When giving compliments, focus on things we have control over vs the things we don't. A compliment on my hairstyle or my makeup or the t-shirt I'm wearing will always be more welcome than a comment on the size or shape of my body."

9. Take the hint

"If at any point she starts acting closed off—avoiding eye contact, giving bare-minimum answers, looking for reasons to leave—take the hint and back off. Other than that, let the conversation flow and see if you vibe."



10. Don't move too fast

"As someone who's been married for some time, a mistake I see a lot of guys make is when they approach with the intention of moving on to something physical as soon as possible. It's like you can see their mental checklist and the go/no go decision tree in their head. If it works, it's usually because the woman in the situation was already intending to pick him up anyway."

11. Contact me, if you like

"After sharing a little moment or a laugh (grocery store, library, wherever), cruise by before you leave and hand over your business card (or any piece of paper) with your phone number and email on it. Say: 'It would be nice to see you again. Contact me if you'd like to!' then leave."

12. Some women are waiting for you to approach them

"Honestly, (and I'm absolutely NOT speaking for all women), I feel so frickin invisible on the regular that I would gladly embrace ANY sort of casual hello with a smile. I'm literally starving so just...ANYTHING at this point. If I'm in an aisle at your store, ask me how my day is. If I'm by myself in a line for a Rollercoaster, as is usually the case, ask me if I've ridden the coaster before."

13. Creepy is a feeling

"Creep is something we feel, not think. Two men can say the exact same thing, even something inappropriate, but if their tone, energy, body language whatever, is different, one will feel inherently creepy in our skin. We can feel when someone has bad intent usually."


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