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Please don't say these 11 terrible things to someone with a mental illness.

I know I've said things to my daughter about her anxiety that were immensely unhelpful.

And though I've apologized, I cringe thinking about how many more times she's going to have to hear unintentionally hurtful things about her mental health struggles.

Those of us who don't deal with mental health issues can sometimes stick our collective foot in our mouth. Big time.


It's only through years of talking about my daughter's experiences and observing it firsthand that I've learned how little I understood about mental illness. I've seen how well-meaning comments can totally miss the mark and how alienating such comments can be for those on the receiving end.

Lifestyle reporter Hattie Gladwell created a hashtag — #ThingsPeopleHaveSaidAboutMyMentalIllness — to highlight some of the ridiculous things people say to those struggling with mental health issues.

Gladwell posted a tweet asking people to share the most unhelpful or insensitive thing people have said about their mental illness, starting with her own example:

1. "One person told me I didn't need medication, I just needed to be more motivated."

The responses are incredibly telling of just how many misconceptions there are about mental illness.

2. "You don't look like you're mentally ill."

[rebelmouse-image 19532950 dam="1" original_size="602x219" caption="Image via That Girl With BPD/Twitter." expand=1]Image via That Girl With BPD/Twitter.

Because you can see inside someone's mind with your eyeballs? What?

3. "When you have a job and a family, all these thoughts will disappear."

[rebelmouse-image 19532951 dam="1" original_size="575x240" caption="Image via Elle/Twitter." expand=1]Image via Elle/Twitter.

I am 100% certain that adding a job and a family on top of mental health issues is not a cure. For real.

4. "You have too much money to have anything wrong with you."

[rebelmouse-image 19532952 dam="1" original_size="599x189" caption="Image via Alice/Twitter." expand=1]Image via Alice/Twitter.

Mental illness crosses all economic lines. You can't necessarily buy your way out of it.

5. "There is nothing wrong with you."

[rebelmouse-image 19532953 dam="1" original_size="597x214" caption="Image via Chazie/Twitter." expand=1]Image via Chazie/Twitter.

First, do you tell people with a missing limb that they're faking it and trying to get attention?

And second, depression isn't a contagious disease. For the love of...

6. "Weren't you taking meds?"

[rebelmouse-image 19532954 dam="1" original_size="601x332" caption="Image via Anne Greif/Twitter." expand=1]Image via Anne Greif/Twitter.

When it comes to medication and mental illness, you can't win for losing. People will tell you that you don't need meds. Then they'll tell you that you do need them. Then they'll question why you haven't miraculously been cured by them already.

People need to understand that medication is a management tool, not a cure-all, and that finding the right medication is like solving a complex puzzle with lots of moving parts. (Not to mention the struggle of finding the right therapist.)

7. "Have you tried praying away your depression?"

Image via Alisa/Twitter​.

We don't tell people to pray away diabetes or heart disease or a broken bone. It makes just as little sense to tell someone to pray away their mental illness.

8. "So you're just superstitious?"

Image via Lydia/Twitter​​.

It's natural for people to try to relate with things they can understand, but making reaches such as these is just silly.

All of us have felt nervous, but that doesn't mean we truly understand clinical anxiety. All of us have felt down, but that doesn't mean we understand clinical depression.

9. "Have you ever thought about how there are people who have it much worse than you do?"

Image via Mika/Twitter​.

Mental illness is not a product of selfishness. We can acknowledge and empathize with others while also going through our own stuff at the same time.

10. "It's attention seeking."

Image via Juliette Burton/Twitter​.

A cornucopia of insensitivity!

But seriously, "I wish I was anorexic"? No, you really, really, really don't.

11. "Positive thinking is the key to battling depression."

(sigh) ... Sometimes truly all you can do is respond with sarcasm: #LiterallyNeverOccurredToMe.

The responses to this hashtag hold an important message: We all need to better our understanding of what people with mental health issues have to deal with all the time.

I'm not an innocent party here. I know I've said things that were unhelpful, and though it was always from a place of caring and concern, that intent didn't trump the impact of my words.

It's hard to understand something you've never experienced. And we need to acknowledge the fact that people with mental illnesses are experiencing something those of us without mental illnesses can't completely relate to.

But that doesn't mean we can't do our best to find out what actually is helpful to say.

Often times, a simple, empathetic, "I'm sorry you're going through this" or "Is there anything I can do to help?" — or simply listening without saying anything — is the best thing we can do.

Stigma hurts.

But if we all take time to learn about mental illnesses we don't understand and strive to help those who are struggling to feel supported and loved without judgment or shame, the world will be a kinder place.

Identity

Celebrate International Women's Day with these stunning photos of female leaders changing the world

The portraits, taken by acclaimed photographer Nigel Barker, are part of CARE's "She Leads the World" campaign.

Images provided by CARE

Kadiatu (left), Zainab (right)

True

Women are breaking down barriers every day. They are transforming the world into a more equitable place with every scientific discovery, athletic feat, social justice reform, artistic endeavor, leadership role, and community outreach project.

And while these breakthroughs are happening all the time, International Women’s Day (Mar 8) is when we can all take time to acknowledge the collective progress, and celebrate how “She Leads the World.

This year, CARE, a leading global humanitarian organization dedicated to empowering women and girls, is celebrating International Women’s Day through the power of portraiture. CARE partnered with high-profile photographer Nigel Barker, best known for his work on “America’s Next Top Model,” to capture breathtaking images of seven remarkable women who have prevailed over countless obstacles to become leaders within their communities.

“Mabinty, Isatu, Adama, and Kadiatu represent so many women around the world overcoming incredible obstacles to lead their communities,” said Michelle Nunn, President and CEO of CARE USA.

Barker’s bold portraits, as part of CARE’s “She Leads The World” campaign, not only elevate each woman’s story, but also shine a spotlight on how CARE programs helped them get to where they are today.

About the women:

Mabinty

international womens day, care.org

Mabinty is a businesswoman and a member of a CARE savings circle along with a group of other women. She buys and sells groundnuts, rice, and fuel. She and her husband have created such a successful enterprise that Mabinty volunteers her time as a teacher in the local school. She was the first woman to teach there, prompting a second woman to do so. Her fellow teachers and students look up to Mabinty as the leader and educator she is.

Kadiatu

international womens day, care.org

Kadiatu supports herself through a small business selling food. She also volunteers at a health clinic in the neighboring village where she is a nursing student. She tests for malaria, works with infants, and joins her fellow staff in dancing and singing with the women who visit the clinic. She aspires to become a full-time nurse so she can treat and cure people. Today, she leads by example and with ambition.

Isatu

international womens day, care.org

When Isatu was three months pregnant, her husband left her, seeking his fortune in the gold mines. Now Isatu makes her own way, buying and selling food to support her four children. It is a struggle, but Isatu is determined to be a part of her community and a provider for her kids. A single mother of four is nothing if not a leader.

Zainab

international womens day, care.org

Zainab is the Nurse in Charge at the Maternal Child Health Outpost in her community. She is the only nurse in the surrounding area, and so she is responsible for the pre-natal health of the community’s mothers-to-be and for the safe delivery of their babies. In a country with one of the world’s worst maternal death rates, Zainab has not lost a single mother. The community rallies around Zainab and the work she does. She describes the women who visit the clinic as sisters. That feeling is clearly mutual.

Adama

international womens day, care.org

Adama is something few women are - a kehkeh driver. A kehkeh is a three-wheeled motorcycle taxi, known elsewhere as a tuktuk. Working in the Kissy neighborhood of Freetown, Adama is the primary breadwinner for her family, including her son. She keeps her riders safe in other ways, too, by selling condoms. With HIV threatening to increase its spread, this is a vital service to the community.

Ya Yaebo

international womens day, care.org

“Ya” is a term of respect for older, accomplished women. Ya Yaebo has earned that title as head of her local farmers group. But there is much more than that. She started as a Village Savings and Loan Association member and began putting money into her business. There is the groundnut farm, her team buys and sells rice, and own their own oil processing machine. They even supply seeds to the Ministry of Agriculture. She has used her success to the benefit of people in need in her community and is a vocal advocate for educating girls, not having gone beyond grade seven herself.

On Monday, March 4, CARE will host an exhibition of photography in New York City featuring these portraits, kicking off the multi-day “She Leads the World Campaign.

Learn more, view the portraits, and join CARE’s International Women's Day "She Leads the World" celebration at CARE.org/sheleads.


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Over or under? Surprisingly, there actually is a 'correct' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

Let's settle this silly-but-surprisingly-heated debate once and for all.

Elya/Wikimedia Commons

Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?



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