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Florida mom started a 'Pandemic of Love' that's raised more than $15 million for people in need

Florida mom started a 'Pandemic of Love' that's raised more than $15 million for people in need

On a Sunday evening in late April, community activist and Pandemic of Love founder Shelly Tygielski received a surprising phone call. "It's Joe. I'm with my wife Jill," said a familiar voice on the other end. Shelly threw her hands over her eyes, completely in shock. She thought to herself, "Is Joe Biden really calling me right now? Is this a joke?"

Shelly started the grass roots, nonprofit organization Pandemic of Love on March 14, in her hometown of Lighthouse Point, Florida. She's a meditation teacher and social activist, participating as a precinct captain for Democrats, as well as teaching retreats using trauma-informed healing practices to those affected by gun violence and mass shootings. She also provides gifts and necessities for impoverished schools in Pahokee, Florida supporting the Hope Symphony and partnered with the Water Warrior Project to provide Navajo and Hopi natives with clean water each day.


Before the pandemic hit, Shelly conversed with the 15,000 members of her meditation practice, discussing the coronavirus crisis. She realized that many people around her area live paycheck to paycheck. It wasn't feasible for them to stock up on goods if they had no money. She put together a mutual aid concept for Pandemic of Love, reflecting on the main principle of mindfulness and care she preaches each day. She figured if individuals have essential needs like food, rent, transportation costs, etc. and people who have the privilege to fulfill them, a concept she's successfully done before, she could create something within her community to help people.

In less than 24 hours, her childhood friend from San Francisco saw her Instagram post about the new organization she created and wanted to replicate it. The next day, Shelly had 400 families fill out the get help application and over 500 fill out the give help forms. Shelly proceeded to start matching them one by one, painstakingly looking at each person's needs. Soon after, micro communities formed across the globe (Pandemia de Amor for Latin countries) and over 500 volunteers got involved.

The national volunteer team works all week, 16 hour days, matching donors in their neighborhood with a person in need. It's a tangible way for donors to also directly pay their match. Celebrities like Chelsea Handler and Debra Messing donated and shared Pandemic of Love on their socials and the volume grew further. One donor gave $10,000 to cover medical bills and funeral costs, another gave the same amount to single mothers in South Florida, while the next donated $25,000 to help struggling families. People have forged relationships and have come to know each other beyond the initial transactions. She's raised $13.5 million dollars in the last eight weeks.

When former Vice President Joe Biden called Shelly, she couldn't believe it. "I was dying, I could barely breathe. It was amazing to get that shout out," says Shelly. He called to tell her how proud he was. Biden said, "Thank you for the wonderful things you are doing, you're changing people's lives. When I announced a year ago I was running, I said I was running to restore the soul of America. You are the soul of America."



This week, I joined Shelly and 35 volunteers across the country for a virtual party to celebrate the organization hitting 100,000 matches of donors and recipients. One volunteer, Simone Handler shared about her contribution as a donor. She lives in San Francisco and met Shelly at a conference involving the survivors of the Parkland shooting in Florida last year. Simone matched with Broadway singer named Mauricio Martinez, a four-time cancer survivor suffering from depression, who lost work due to Covid-19 while living in Manhattan. "He didn't really ask for much," says Simone. "I texted him asking what he needed and was struggling with. I told him that I was there for him. He was always so gracious and thanking me every time I helped him out," she says. "I'm happy to be friends with him now and hopefully see his career come back when all this mess is over. It's a joy to know him, see his talent and hear from him every few days."

Mauricio responded by saying that he feels so lucky and grateful. When Simone started helping him out, he couldn't believe it. Most of his family lives in Mexico over 2,000 miles away from his home in New York. "I'm all by myself in this crazy city," he says. "I know firsthand as a cancer survivor how important generosity and kindness are. Simone has definitely brightened up my life and days. It's forced us to be connected and create a bond. Simone is a bond that I will have for life. I will never forget this." His way of giving back was singing a beautiful rendition of "Being Alive" from the musical Company for all of us.

As the celebration continued, Shelly raised her wine glass for a toast. "It takes one act of kindness, one idea—but if no one else latches onto that idea and if nobody else actually jumps on board, or decides to rise up, then it's not a movement. None of this would ever be possible. I'm absolutely grateful because it's a movement of us," she says. "This is a collective— something that can continue long after this pandemic is over and there is a vaccine. This human connection is so important. People need to be seen and heard. It's so beautiful to offer and get in return. I want to create a tsunami of love. Long after the coronavirus is dead, the virus of love can still be alive."






In the wake of the Pandemic of Love milestone, Upworthy spoke with Shelly about how to get involved and her plans moving forward with the charitable acts of kindness.

After a person who needs help fills out the application on your website—do you hear their story and decide if they really need help? How does it work?

If a donor is willing to give a $100 gift card to a super market, then the vetting is very light. We will Google the recipient, see their social media presence and match them by email. No money ever runs through Pandemic of Love. We are not a 501(c)(3). We are a volunteer based organization and none of our volunteers or area leaders ever touch money. We don't need to file anything. It's so simple and that's why it's exportable and why it can continue to grow. The beautiful thing about this is that it's a direct give. The donor will use Venmo, write a check or send e-cards. Say you, as the donor, just sent Sally a Walmart card for $100 so she can buy food for her child. That's where the human connection comes in. Now, I know Sally and I can text her and call her. In two weeks, I can follow up and say, "Are you going okay on food? Do you need anything? How can I help you?" That's the beauty of it. There is that human connection.

What happens if someone needs more than $100? Do they need to provide more substantial proof?

If it's over $250 dollars, and a person needs help with rent or they've been evicted, like some people in Alabama experienced in the early stages of Covid-19, we ask them to send us a letter and phone number of the landlord and our volunteers will call. They have also become advocates, as well. Our volunteers will negotiate with the landlord and then pay them. Every week, I do two trainings on Zoom for our volunteers and I train hundreds of them. We have 540 volunteers, but that's the core leaders of our areas and communities. Beyond that, they have other volunteers who help with vetting and social media. The truth is, I don't even know how many volunteers we have anymore. It's crazy that our network is so vast now. Our affiliate micro communities even have their own Instagram and Facebook accounts too.

Cities, states and other countries are creating micro communities out of Pandemic of Love. How are you training all these volunteers?

In order to start, you click get involved. You send us an email and we ask you about yourself and then we call. A rule of thumb is that you need at least five volunteers that are already recruited. When I first started, a person in Long Island reached out who wanted to start a micro community. Then three weeks later, that person didn't have time anymore. It was a problem. Once you get your volunteers, we train all of them at once. There are also a few steps you need to take. You have to watch a YouTube training video I made, you watch a best practice Zoom call that was recorded and you have to upload things to a master contact sheet and create your socials. Then we create the links that you can edit, give links for sharing and then we put it on our website. It can take three to four days or a couple of weeks to get it together.

Do recipients ever become volunteers?

A lot of people in need are now volunteers. Once you are matched, you are put in our archives, so you can go back and fill out another form if you need more help. But if you come up 37 times in our sheets, we flag them. We try to get back within 24 to 48 hours. Suzie Israel is a recipient and received a few times and now she helps and gives back with her computers skills in Asheville, NC. Volunteers help with social media. I don't know if this organization would exist outside South Florida without it. I don't know if donors or celebrities would have found us. The people in the pandemic of love family are all on a What's App chat group and we chat every day—Now, everywhere I go in the country, I know someone who has helped with this organization.

Have you found people to be deceptive?

Sure, of course. People can be assholes, too. There are days when I think why am I even doing this? Why is this person such a prick? Then you get these amazing stories and you remember why. We weed people out. We aren't investigative reporters or the CIA. At the end of the day, if your quality of life is going to be changed by giving a person $100, then you shouldn't. There have been people who aren't as grateful. There are people that sometimes will have multiple people in their household fill out the forms or use different names. We catch those. People who try to scam the system aren't always the smartest. People send us these crazy stories—there is a woman who wrote something that could have been a sci-fi movie and then we flagged it. We respond kindly. We tell them that we are sorry for their suffering and ask them to provide a picture ID. Of course, we also want to protect our donors. Usually they don't respond or make up some excuse. Or we ask to pay a bill directly and that weeds people out. There are sometimes bad apples in the bunch. This goes back to my Buddhist philosophy, but we have to assume every individual is suffering, and the way they are treating you stems from that place of suffering. We try to do the best we can.

Can a donor help more than one person?

They totally can. When they fill out the form, it indicates if they want to give one time only, more than once, or if they would be interested in being matched with more than one family. You indicate what you want and then we match people. If you've written that you want to give twice, before we match you a second time, we'll ask if you're ready with the next match. Donors sometimes don't follow through and sometimes the needs change or the ability to give changes, which is totally understandable. We saw more of that in the beginning because people were furloughed. But a lot of times donors will give a $100, but then you've talked to the person in need, you bond and you realize that they really need a lot more. Most times the donor ends up giving way more money. For example, we've had so many people send Amazon Prime or Target diapers, wipes, formula and other types of things directly to their home in addition to giving them money.

Why not file Pandemic of Love with the government?

My gut and every fiber in me says no. I'm so not reaching out to the government. The problem is that you have all these fees you have to pay and people don't think you are transparent enough. There are also limitations of who we can help, such as undocumented workers. I feel like if it doesn't help the cause, then, why do it? So, I can get a salary? That sounds absurd to me. Maybe in the future if this continues, proliferates and grows, I would hope there would be somebody who sees the value in it like an organization or an independently wealthy person and ask me, "What's it going to take you to do this full time?" The truth is, who knows. It's a new day and we need a new model. It's not all about helping people financially either. Even though that is very important, a lot of people have the saddest stories and really don't have anybody to turn to. They have no one to ask for help. To be able to feel heard is priceless. To think someone cares enough—who you don't even know—to call, reach out and then write a check or transfer money—it makes people feel good. It's that transaction of getting to know someone that's a game changer.

This must be a ton of work.

I'm not going to lie, I'm extremely exhausted. I've been working over 15 hour days in addition to everything else going on in my life. But I do have a core of volunteers here in Fort Lauderdale— HQ as I call it—and they are amazing, amazing women. Mallory, who is a school teacher, and still teaches every day in Chicago on Zoom, was recently on the morning news talking about us. She works all day then gets on our spreadsheets and starts helping people. She's a hero. All our volunteers are heroes. I do want to say that every volunteer around the world but two are women. Isn't that insane? Not by design. We have one man in Spain and another in El Salvador, but every person who has reached out to help or start a micro community is female. The majority of donors are women too. Not shocking to me, to be honest, because women have such a nurturing quality.

Are you a donor?

I've donated way more than I have or can afford. It's ridiculous at this point. I'm like the saddest sap ever. When people are short on money or it's 11 p.m. at night and I'm going through the sheets and trying to clear out my inbox and a message comes in like "My kids aren't going to be able to eat tomorrow," I'll Venmo that person a $100. I've helped a lot of people. There is a girl in Portland, Oregon who was a college student who has Lupus and every Monday without her even asking, I'll send her money for groceries. One woman is an undocumented worker around Los Angeles and she has three beautiful daughters and I've sent them a ton of stuff from Prime to their house and that helped them tremendously. I've personally given to them, but I've also gotten other donors to give. There is a 16-year-old who found me on Instagram through Debra Messing's posting. Her father died from coronavirus last weekend. She told me that her family couldn't claim his body because they are also undocumented workers and they have no money for cremation or anything. I told her to fill out the form and we found a donor who paid for the cremation and the funeral. People are changing lives every day.

Are there more people who give or more that need help?

We get a ton of people wanting to help from states that seem to be more liberal-minded and a ton of states requesting help that aren't. There is always more people who need. It can be disheartening sometimes to look in your sheets and be like, "I have 500 people who are asking for help and I only have 150 donors, what am I going to do?" The thing is that it ebbs and flows at any given point in time. The ratio across the board, and it doesn't matter what county you are in, what state or what city, for every one donor, we have three people in need. But then we will get a boost, like when Chelsea Handler posts and then we get donors all around the country. Suddenly, we will have no more requests and we have matched everyone. But it's also a double edge sword. You are going to get more people who are requesting help, but then we will also get more micro community leaders and volunteers, which we have in every major city. Getting the word out there is ultimately the most important thing.

I know celebrities like Chelsea Handler and Debra Messing have helped social media-wise. Have any famous people been the donors?

Chelsea and Debra have been donors. Debra, for example, has sent emails to her personal network and recruited a lot of people in the industry like producers, writers, casting directors. She has been such a godsend. Busy Philipps is also the bomb. She has actually been helpful from the very beginning. She also donated money for a flatbed truck to help in our Water Warriors project of supplying water to reservations who have no running water or access to electricity, which is also on our website. I'm friendly with Chelsea and have known her for a couple years. She comes to my meditation retreats. She's so generous and lovely. She's been such a huge help with this. Kristen Bell shared about us in her stories very early on. I'm so grateful.

What story really stands out to you of people helping each other?

There is this New York public school teacher named Shean who was diagnosed during the pandemic with throat cancer. He was randomly partnered up with this woman Beth who is in Hollywood, Florida, so they are worlds apart. She's a Reiki instructor and therapist and has three kids. He is a single dad in the Bronx. His aunt passed away from Covid-19 and his grandma was sick. Well, Beth had thyroid cancer years ago. They talk every day, Facetime and she texts him affirmations every morning. She does therapy sessions with him. She sent him a huge care package with foods that are holistic and perfect for his battle against cancer. He sent me this beautiful, unsolicited email that I received a few days ago. It read: "You saved my life. Pandemic of Love saved my life." I read that email and cried.

What was the most heartfelt connection you've witnessed?

I lost my best friend Helen to ovarian cancer last April. This woman named Susan Patterson who lives in Framingham, MA sent me an email a few weeks ago. She wrote that her organization, Ovations for the Cure, needed money to support women in the late stages of ovarian cancer. She started the organization when her best friend Patty. Then she lost her battle with cancer. After that, all of their events were cancelled from Covid-19, so Susan had no money coming in. She explained that she only had enough money to support these women for the next 30 days. They provide meals for women, clean houses, home care— things insurance doesn't cover that can become stressful. Susan wrote me in desperation because she didn't know what to do. We were able to match $14,000 in two weeks. She is now set for the next 90 days. One of our donors who is a doctor in Miami donated $5,000 and helped a single mom with ovarian cancer and another in her final stages through the organization. Afterward, Susan sent me this heartfelt letter with a bracelet she created when Patty passed away. Teal is the ribbon color for ovarian cancer, so it had a teal heart, a diamond for hope and a charm of a butterfly. I lost it completely when I read the letter. I cried and cried. Before my best friend Helen died, she told me she was going to come back as a butterfly. I never told Susan this. But she explained in the letter that Patty told her that butterflies remind you of people that you love. It was so heartfelt. I can be on the phone with you all week and not be done with these stories.

What is your hope for Pandemic of Love?

Every single day of my life, I want my son who is now 18-years-old, be able to see all this in action. He gets to see a culmination of all these efforts and organizing. We all get to see that one person, one act of kindness, just one act can actually change the world. Nothing is too small. My hope is the concept of mutual aid becomes institutionalized, concreted and supported. I hope it's something we return back to from the nostalgic days—when people actually knew their neighbors, cared, supported and helped each other because that's what we need to be able to survive. I feel like that's going to be a need that we have long after this pandemic ends. If it's not a pandemic, it's a natural disaster. There is always something happening in this really crazy world we are living in. Ultimately, having those structures in place makes it so much easier to get through the hardships that everybody has to face together. I get to go to bed every night feeling good, thinking we all made a dent and made a difference. It's really important. I definitely hope this lasts long after the pandemic.

Have you processed what a difference you've made in this world?

To be honest, in talking to you, I don't realize it. When you are so muddled in it every day matching, putting out fires, answering questions, issues, forging partnerships with tribe members and groups, you don't stop to think about it. One day, I'll be able to sit back and think how cool it is.

True


Life can be bleak, so we’re going to be celebrating the small joys while we can—whether that’s asweet snack that boosts your mood (courtesy of our friends atAll In), or a spontaneous moment between strangers that's so joyful it restores your faith in the algorithm (even if only for a second). These momentary mood boosters are everywhere you look—you just have to be able to find them underneath all the noise. And that’s where we come in.

Consider this weekly web series your cheat sheet to the best of the Internet—not just random memes to make you laugh, but examples of people truly finding something extraordinary in the mundane. Each Friday we'll be delivering five pieces of media that allow you to stop for a second, take a breath, and feel just a little bit brighter among the daily stress. (Think of us as your chronically online bestie who knows exactly how to make you smile, exactly when you need it the most.)

Ready to smile? Here we go.

1. The best travel buddy surprise 

@tarareynolds03

Surprising Grandson with going on vacation with him.

♬ original sound - Tara Leanne Reynolds
This sweet grandson thought he was just heading out on vacation—until he spotted a very familiar face at the airport. The moment he sees Grandma standing there, his jaw literally drops. He sets his backpack down and then runs straight into her arms for the biggest hug. "Oh my God! You're coming with us to Jamaica, right?!" he asks her, already smiling from ear to ear. It's the kind of unscripted joy that makes you want to call your own grandma to say hi—and other TikTokers are having all the feels in the comments section: "This brought me to tears," says user KE. "I would kill to go on another vacation with my grandma again. She passed in February. Take so many pictures!"

2. Saying 'thank you' to a very special teacher 

Last week, we shared a question on Upworthy’s Instagram that sparked an outpouring of heartfelt responses:
“If you could say thank you to one person right now, who would it be, and why?”

For Kate Delisle, a teacher in North Andover, Massachusetts, the answer came instantly: her longtime colleague and teaching assistant, Jeanne Donovan.

“Jeanne has been by my side for seventeen years,” Kate shared. “Next year, we’ll have to split our program — and we won’t be working together anymore.” In her message, Kate described Jeanne as more than just a coworker. She’s supportive, empathetic, and “my right arm — someone who lights up every room she enters. I’m privileged to know her and consider her family.”

To celebrate that incredible bond, our friends at All In recently paid a surprise visit to Kate and Jeanne at their school — letting Jeanne know just how deeply appreciated she is by her colleagues and students alike. And get this: Jeanne is *so* beloved that Kate's parents, kids, sister, and husband all came to the surprise to honor her alongside everyone else. A true tear-jerker and a must-watch.

3. The proudest big brother

@caylaleighbrown This is the original video, He also said it looks like Mike Wazowski after we got done crying LOL #fyp #infertility #infertilityjourney #twins #twinpregnancy #ultrasound #pregnancyafterinfertility #pregnancyannouncement #twinannouncement #twinsies #twinmom ♬ original sound - Cayla Brown ✨ WDW

Grab your tissues for this one. After eight long years of hoping for another baby, TikTok user Cayla Lee Brown surprises her stepson Caleb with a sonogram photo—and his reaction is nothing short of beautiful. When Caleb realizes not only that he's going to be a big brother but that twin siblings are on the way, his eyes well up and he whispers "We're having twins?!" Cue the heart explosion. In a follow-up video, Cayla shares something that makes this news extra special: Caleb isn't actually her biological child, and although she considers Caleb her son she wasn't sure she'd be able to have biological children at all. "[Caleb] was my gift and I was blessed with two more," she explains. This video is the best reminder that love makes a family, and sometimes the best surprises take a little time.

4. Overly excited dogs 

@puppylovestoplay6 Part23: When they hear a word they like#dog#funny#funnyanimals#funnypets#animals #dogsofttiktok #pet #foryou #longervideos#foryou#fyp #funnyvideo ♬ original sound - Puppylovestoplay

This feel-good compilation is basically a highlight reel of dogs at their happiest: realizing they’re about to go on a walk. From excited tail wags to full-body zoomies, every pup in this video gives a masterclass in unfiltered enthusiasm. One especially clever owner even uses sign language to say “walk,” just to see if their dog picks up on it—and spoiler: the reaction is still pure chaos (the joyful kind). These dogs just know, and they are ready (read: unhinged.) Truly a reminder that the simplest things—in this case, some fresh air and a little adventure—are what spark the most joy.

5.Bunny ASMR

@megancottone The way she munched down the carrot ribbon #bunnies ♬ Married Life (From "Up") - Gina Luciani

If you've had a stressful day, allow this floofy little friend to press the reset button on your brain. TikTok creator @megancottone gives us a full 60 seconds of bunny bliss: one ridiculously adorable rabbit, some deliciously crunchy snacks, and the kind of soft background music that makes your heart rate drop in the best way. The gentle munching noises? Therapeutic. The fuzzy face and floppy ears? Instant joy. It’s like nature’s version of white noise—but cuter. Honestly, someone get this bunny a wellness podcast deal.

For even more “extra”-ordinary moments, come find us on social media (@upworthy) or on upworthy.com!

For scrumptious snacks that add an extra boost of joy to your day, be sure to check out All In.

Can you grow vegetables in a cardboard box?

In the era of supermarkets and wholesale clubs, growing your own food isn't a necessity for most Americans. But that doesn't mean it's not a good idea to try.

A household garden can be a great way to reduce your grocery bill and increase your intake of nutrient-dense foods. It can also be a good source of exercise and a hobby that gets you outside in the sunshine and fresh air more often. However, not everyone has a yard where they can grow a garden or much outdoor space at all where they live. You can plant things in containers, but that requires some upfront investment in planters.

container garden, growing plants in containers, growing vegetables, homegrown, producePotted plants and herbs can thrive in a container garden.Photo credit: Canva

Or does it? Gardener James Prigioni set out to see if an Amazon shipping box would hold up as a planter for potatoes. He took a basic single-walled Amazon box, lined it with dried leaves to help with moisture retention, added four to five inches of soil (his own homegrown soil he makes), added three dark red seed potatoes, covered them with more soil, added a fertilizer, then watered them.

He also planted a second, smaller Amazon box with two white seed potatoes, following the same steps.

Two weeks later, he had potato plants growing out of the soil. Ten days after that, the boxes were filled with lush plants.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Prigioni explained how to "hill" potato plants when they grow tall enough, which helps encourage more tuber growth and protect the growing potatoes from sunlight. Hilling also helps support the plants as they grow taller so they don't flop over. He also added some mulch to help keep the plants cooler as the summer grew hotter.

After hilling, Prigioni only needed to keep up with watering. Both varieties of potatoes flowered, which let him know the tubers were forming. The red potato leaves developed some pest issues, but not bad enough to need intervention, while the white potato plants were unaffected. "It goes to show how variety selection can make a big difference in the garden," he explained.

The visible plants have to start dying before you harvest potatoes, and Prigioni checked in with the boxes themselves when they got to that point.

vegetable garden, growing potatoes, grow potatoes in a cardboard box, Amazon box, farmingFreshly harvested potatoes are so satisfying.Photo credit: Canva

"I am pleasantly surprised with how well the boxes held up," he said, especially for being single-walled boxes. The smaller box was completely intact, while the larger box had begun to split in one corner but not enough to affect the plants' growth. "This thing was completely free to grow in, so you can't beat that," he pointed out.

Prigioni predicted that the red potatoes grown in the larger box would be more productive. As he cut open the box and pulled potatoes from the larger box, they just kept coming, ultimately yielding several dozen potatoes of various sizes. The smaller box did have a smaller yield, but still impressive just from two potatoes planted in an Amazon box.

People often think they don't have room to grow their own food, which is why Prigioni put these potato boxes on his patio. "A lot of people have an area like this," he said.

"I will never look at cardboard boxes the same," Prigioni added. "There are so many uses for them in the garden and it's just a great free resource we have around, especially if you're ordering stuff from Amazon all the time."

cardboard box, container garden, amazon box, growing vegetables, gardeningDo you see a box or do you see a planter?Photo credit: Canva

People loved watching Prigioni's experiment and shared their own joy—and success—in growing potatoes in a similar fashion:

"I have been growing potatoes in every box I can find for several years now. I have had excellent success. I honestly think potatoes prefer cardboard. And yes, most of my boxes were from Amazon."

"I live in an upstairs apartment with a little deck and I have a container garden with containers on every single stair leading to the deck. I grow potatoes in a laundry basket. It's amazing how much food I can get from this type of garden!! Grateful."

"I literally got up and grabbed the empty boxes by our front door, the potatoes that have started to sprout, and soil i had inside and started my planting at 1am. Lol. I will take them outside today and finish. Thank you James!"

"I grew potatoes and tomatoes on my tiny balcony in Germany (in buckets and cardboard boxes). Now I have a big garden here in America. I so love to grow my own food."

"I grew sweet potatoes in cardboard boxes. It’s so much fun."

Next time you're stuck with an Amazon box that you don't have a use for, consider whether you could use it as a planter for potatoes or some other edible harvest. Gardening doesn't have to be fancy to be effective.

You can find more of gardening experiments on The Gardening Channel with James Prigioni.

This article originally appeared in April.

Miss Potkin/Twitter
Mom lives the dream: quietly quitting household chores to see if her family notices

It takes a heck of a lot to keep a household moving. Dishes, laundry, groceries, general cleaning and tidying, outdoor maintenance, scheduling, doctor's appointments, and on and on and on. In most American households, mom handles most of it; the majority of the physical labor and almost all of the invisible, mental work.

If it sounds like a lot, that's because it is. Though men and fathers are sharing the load more than ever, the division of labor remains pretty bad. And it's not just stay-at-home moms that are managing everything; it's working women, too! It's too much for any one person to handle.

Practically every mom I know occasionally daydreams about quitting-doing-all-the-things. Sometimes the impulse is born of exhaustion. Sometimes it's the relentless daily tedium of cleaning, cooking, reminding, over and over and over without end. And sometimes it's the desire for someone else to notice that these things actually need to be done and someone has to actually do it.

moms, motherhood, parenting, household, family, chores, mental load, division of labor, household inequity, sexismAll moms can relate to this feeling.Giphy

Even moms who share chores with spouses and kids often find themselves carrying the mental load of figuring out what needs to be done, monitoring whether it's getting done, and organizing who's doing what, and reminding/nagging/harassing her family members until it gets done. Sometimes moms just want to let all of that go and see what happens.

One mom, who goes by Miss Potkin on Twitter/X, recently decided she had enough. She decided, just like that, that she was going to quit without saying a word.

Channeling the fed-upness of mothers everywhere, she just up and stopped doing household chores to see what would happen. Two days later, she began sharing the saga in a Twitter thread that's as entertaining as it is satisfying.

Needless to say, without Lily managing things, the state of the home unraveled extremely quickly.


Letting go and letting your family sit in their own filth until they can't take it anymore takes patience and discipline. There's a reason moms generally do-all-the-things regardless of how cooperative the family is. We don't want to live in a mess any more than anyone else does. But Lily Potkin stuck to her guns.

For a minute, things were looking promising with the garbage being taken out. However, the dishes still remained mysteriously undone. As did the laundry.

It only got worse from there. Honestly, reading through the thread is like watching the beginning of a zombie flick where the "normal world" because an apocalyptic wasteland in a matter of minutes

"There is a pan on the cooker with a single sausage in it," she wrote in one update. "It's been there for two days. I can't look at it because it's turned the colour of the man that washes up in Cast Away."

Later, she did reveal said sausage for the camera (from a distance). It was horrifying, to say the least.

Oh, and this point, the downstairs bathroom was out of toilet paper. A harrowing prospect for all members of the house.

Those who might feel judgy at this point likely live with people who are naturally neat, or just can't fathom themselves how someone could let a sausage sit for two days.

But take it from a mom who let go of policing her kids' bedrooms to see how long it would take them to decide to clean on their own—some human beings are willing to overlook all manner of mess and filth before it becomes too much.

And sometimes they have to learn firsthand the amount of extra work such obliviousness leads to.

In one update from Potkin, she shows her partner trying to clean old hardened cereal off a bowl. It's quite a struggle. Imagine how much easier it would have been to clean it right away!


Hilariously, even though the dishwasher finally did get loaded, that's basically all that happened. Miss Potkin shared a video tour of the kitchen with the extraneous things that didn't get done or got half-done.

It speaks to the invisible load, the mental labor. Other members of the household may be willing to lend a hand here and there, but only when they're told exactly what to do. Even just the constant To-Do Listing is exhausting for moms.

Of course, the negative Nancies showed up to voice their judgmental opinions about her experiment, her home, her family, her choice of husband, and everything else because moms literally can't catch a break.

It's a silly, fun exercise to make a point that millions of moms can relate to. If it doesn't apply to you, move along, Nance.

Potkin took it all in stride. Though she was out to prove a point, the goal was not to villify her husband and the rest of her family, but rather to shed light on the unfair cultural expectations and systems that lead to this inequality.

"We do not 'live like this,'" she wrote. "This is a lesson in wanting to be heard and respected and not having to repeat yourself when things slip. We're navigating the day-to-day in extraordinary times and for me, the past two days have been funnier than anything else. I think we're all entitled to run our own experiments, be amused, push a situation to its limit if we so choose. No one needs to be lectured by those that have failed to see the silly joy in what's happening here."

And the experiment slowly started paying off as someone replaced the toilet paper.

But the dishwasher, though loaded, remains firmly in the Off position. For reasons that are beyond comprehension.

"We keep our homes tidy because love," Miss Potkin wrote. "We cook food and set tables and fill the air with scents of roses and fresh laundry because love. Love is patient but love is also fucking tired because she works 14 hour days."

"I know we are ALL tired," she added, "but I am most tired. Me. I AM ALL THE TIRED."

All the moms are all the tired.

Miraculously, it only took three days of being completely hands-off for her family to take note and clean the house.

Lesson learned. Mission accomplished. Let's hope it sticks.

Potkin's thread was reposted over 42,000 times, which means the experiment got in front of a lot of eyeballs. Doubtless that some of them must have belonged to partners who are guilty of not quite pulling their fair share. Maybe the eye-opening and entertaining thread was enough to make a difference in households beyond just Potkin's.

Moms are not always the ones who pick up most of the slack in a household, but they usually are.

Estimates say that, on average, women spend about twice as many hours per week on chores around the house. That's probably being generous to the average man. But even still, the inequity is clear as day. Moms are doing far too much work. That work hinders their sleep, raises the stress levels, and impacts their ability to earn and advance in their careers.

moms, motherhood, parenting, household, family, chores, mental load, division of labor, household inequity, sexismWhat a typical American home may look like after three days without a mom. Photo by Bruno Guerrero on Unsplash

And when that work is taken for granted, it especially sucks.

When everyone in the house pays more attention and takes the initiative to tidy, neaten, clean, replace, launder, put away, etc., moms are less stressed and tired and everyone benefits. If it take up and quitting for a while to help the family see it, so be it.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

Pop Culture

25 long-forgotten everyday items that only your grandparents would recognize

We're not talking rotary phones. These legit feel like they're from another world.

Get ready to go full throttle down memory lane.

Time passes and things change, not just in the broad collective strokes of how we approach health, family, love, and work, but even in how we navigate day-to-day life. Especially when it comes to convenience. Objects that seemed cutting edge back in the day now seem like arduous relics. Seriously, can you imagine going back to a time when Alexa didn’t play your morning jams and read off our to-do list for the day? No thank you!

On that note, someone recently asked, "What were some everyday objects from your youth or your parents/grandparents’ youth that an adult today wouldn’t know about?” Elaborating further, they added, “I’m not talking about a rotary telephone or the milk man coming by the door. I’m talking about ubiquitous things no one can even remember.”

While answers varied, one prevailing theme was the amount of effort required by so many of these everyday objects. And yet, that was their charm—forcing folks to be a bit more in the moment. Similarly, just the way some things were made to last longer, have better quality, etc. is a stark contrast to the mass production single-use mentality we have now. Even still, I think some of these items we’re more than glad to be rid of (see # 3)

Without further ado, here are some of those long gone objects:

1. "Mascara that came in a little box, like eyeshadow. There was also a little brush that came with it."


2. "Cream rinse. After shampooing, you'd put a capful of cream rinse in a glass of water and pour the whole thing over your hair to detangle. That was before we had conditioners."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

3. "Belted maxi pads."
@sunnyperiod low key want to get my hands on a vintage sanitary belt 👀 #periodtok #blackhistorymonth #pads #marykenner ♬ original sound - Sunny

“Don't forget the incinerettes on the ladies room wall to burn those suckers. That was free at least,” someone added.

4. "Sardine cans that came with a key to open them."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

5. "TVs or radios that you had to wait for them to 'warm up' for a few seconds before they worked. And who remembers color bars'? When the station would just show colored bars for a minute to give you time to adjust the color on your set?"
6. "A booklet to keep S&H Green Stamps or Blue Chip Stamps."

- YouTubeyoutube.com

7. “Clamp-on steel kids’ roller skates.”

roller skates, vintage, old, metal, steel, Remember these?i.ebayimg.com

8. "Imagine, if you will, a world where you drive into a gas station, and a man in uniform comes out and asks what octane you want. Then, he proceeds to open the hood and check your oil level and radiator fluid. After, he washes ALL the car windows, takes your money, and thanks you for stopping by."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

9. "The first time Catholic girls were allowed to wear 'stockings' was during their Confirmation. It was a rite of passage, and mine was in 1968. The stockings were scratchy, thigh-high things held up by these weird garter belts with rubbery clips."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

10. "Paregoric. It was given to us kids who had diarrhea. It was opium! You won't see that in medicine cabinets anymore."
11. "Darning needles and darning yarn. In the 1960s (more or less), it was still worthwhile to darn socks. But by the 1980s, socks were cheap enough that darning was mostly a thing of the past. Maybe it's just me, though. Does anyone still darn socks?"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

12. "A mangle ironing machine."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

13."Mercury oral thermometers. Had a fever? Your thermometer was made of glass and filled with mercury. Yes, that mercury. The temperature would lock in, so you'd have to shake the thermometer before using it. Every now and again, one would drop and shatter, so you'd have a few drops of liquid mercury to play with! What kid doesn't want to play with mercury? I wish I were kidding. Fun times!"
14. "The little plastic piece you put in the hole on a 45 record that would make it fit and play on the record player."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

15. "A tabletop clamp-on meat grinder."
16. "Colored toilet paper."

gen x, boomer, vintage items, vintage makeup, vintage clothes, history, cool history, fun history, ask reddit, ask old peopleAn example of vintage colored toilet paper. preview.redd.it

17. "My grandmother had a telephone desk, similar to a school desk. It had a chair and a small table where the large, heavy rotary desk phone sat, and on the side was a wire rack for the directory and Yellow Pages."

gen x, boomer, vintage items, vintage makeup, vintage clothes, history, cool history, fun history, ask reddit, ask old peopleThis could still be useful. i.ebayimg.com

18. "McDonald's french fries used to be cooked in beef tallow. The taste was phenomenally good and nothing like the bland ones of today."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

19. "Crank handles to start tractors. There were no push buttons back then."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

20. "Toothpaste came in a can! It looked like a 1930s-era whiskey flask and contained pumice powder and flavoring. You'd open the lid, wet your toothbrush, rub it in the powder, and brush your teeth. Then, you'd just repeat the processes as needed."
@jasminechiswell Swatching 100 years of TOOTHPASTE!! 😲Ommgggg why do they still smell like that?!!! 😳 Also what happened to the 30s 😳😲
♬ original sound - Jasmine Chiswell
21.“The little triangle window on a car we called the 'windbreaker'--you had to open that so you could put your window down while driving so there wasn't as much noise. A/C was not standard. Also, curb indicators on cars.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

22.“Pantyhose in eggs.”

(This is in reference to the distinctive plastic egg-shaped container in which L'eggs pantyhose were sold.)

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

23. “One thing that was often seen back in my youth and for a year I also had them but I haven't seen for a couple of decades are metal heel plates (also known as ‘taps’) to prevent boot and shoe heels from wearing down.
@elliot_duprey Quick lil tip and how-to! And no, they dont actually make the “tap” sound. Also, cobblers have benches. #mensfashion #fashiontiktok #tipsandtricks #fashionhacks #cobbler #secondhand ♬ Storytelling - Adriel
24. “Hershey's chocolate bars used to come in foil. Peeling it off was satisfying.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Last but not least…

25. “Jelly-jar drinking glasses with cartoon characters on them.”

gen x, boomer, vintage items, vintage makeup, vintage clothes, history, cool history, fun history, ask reddit, ask old peopleThese need to come back. i.etsystatic.com

This article originally appeared in April
Pop Culture

Emily Ratajkowski explains why women find Pete Davidson so attractive

"I feel like only other men feel [that he isn't attractive]. Guys are like, 'Wow. What's that guy got?'"

Emily Ratajkowski discusses Pete Davidson's appeal.

Pete Davidson, 31, has earned a reputation as one of Hollywood's most prolific ladies' men for dating some of the most beautiful A-list women over the past several years. However, many people don't understand the appeal of the "Saturday Night Live" star. Davidson is tattooed from head to toe. He suffers from Crohn's disease, has done multiple stints in rehab, describes himself as looking like a "crack baby" and only recently moved out of his mother's basement on Staten Island.

But he's also been one of the most popular cast members on "SNL" for the past seven years and co-wrote and starred in the critically acclaimed "The King of Staten Island."





Here are a few of the high-profile, incredibly attractive, and famous women that Davidson has been seen with over the past few years.

Ariana Grande (2018)


Davidson and the pop megastar revealed they were in a relationship at the end of May 2018 and got engaged quickly. The pair called off their engagement and broke up in October 2018 after just five months together. Davidson made the break-up public by pretending to propose to an "SNL" co-host, and wishing his ex-fiancée all the best. He also claimed on the show that the breakup was "nobody's business."


Kate Beckinsale (2019)



The two were caught kissing at a New York Rangers game in January 2019, but the pair broke up that April because Davidson had to go to rehab and Beckinsale was busy making movies.

Margaret Qualley (2019)


Davidson and the "Once Upon a Time ... in Hollywood" star had a brief relationship at the end of 2019. Her mother, Andie McDowell, called their flirtation "nice."

Kaia Gerber (2019-2020)



After Qualley, Davidson moved on to Cindy Crawford's daughter, Kaia Gerber. Four months later, the couple broke up while Davidson was dealing with addiction and mental health issues.

Phoebe Dynevor (2020)


Davidson and the "Bridgerton" star saw each other for about six weeks, but things eventually soured because Dynevor was geographically undesirable.

Kim Kardashian (2021)


Davidson and Kardashian were spotted holding hands while riding a Halloween roller coaster together, leading some to believe they were romantically involved. However, Page Six sources say they're "just friends." The pair shared a kiss in an "Aladdin" sketch on SNL when Kardashian hosted in October.

In a Monday appearance on "Late Night With Seth Meyers," model Emily Ratajkowski explained Davidson's appeal and it's pretty easy to understand.

"He's a professional," Ratajkowski said about Davidson. "First of all, you should know that about Pete." She added, "Pete—he's got the height. Obviously, women find him very attractive."

"I feel like only other men feel [that he isn't attractive]. Guys are like, 'Wow. What's that guy got?' And I'm like, I mean, he seems super charming," she said. "He's vulnerable. He's lovely. His fingernail polish is awesome. He looks good!" Further, he has a "good relationship with his mom." She concluded, "We love it. It's hard to find them."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Beckinsale recently affirmed a similar statement about Davidson by liking an Instagram post that read:

"I love how every time Pete Davidson starts dating another beautiful celebrity everyone's like 'wtf is happening how did he do this what is this mystery???' and everybody refuses to entertain the possibility that he might have a nice personality."

Evidently, Davidson is a really attentive boyfriend, too.

"My love language, when I'm in a relationship, is I treat the person I'm with like a princess,'' he told Paper. "I try and go as above and beyond as possible," he said, "because that's what you're supposed to do? If you're in a relationship with someone, you're just supposed to make that person feel as special as possible."

The fact that women everywhere are in love with Davidson actually says something pretty awesome. It goes to show that even in the glamorous world of Hollywood there's something irresistible about someone who's funny, attentive, vulnerable, charming, down-to-earth and loves his mother.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

Wil Wheaton speaking to an audience at 2019 Wondercon.

When you find out an actor whose work you enjoy is blatantly racist and antisemitic in real life, does that realization ruin every movie they've been a part of?

What about an author who has expressed harmful opinions about a marginalized group? What about a smart, witty comedian who turns out to be a serial sexual assaulter? Where do you draw the line between a creator and their creation? As someone with his feet in both worlds, actor Wil Wheaton weighed in on that question and offered a refreshingly reasonable perspective back in 2021.

"Question: I have more of an opinion question for you. When fans of things hear about misconduct happening on sets/behind-the-scenes are they allowed to still enjoy the thing? Or should it be boycotted completely? Example: I've been a major fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer since I was a teenager and it was currently airing. I really nerded out on it and when I lost my Dad at age 16. 'The Body' episode had me in such cathartic tears. Now we know about Joss Whedon. I haven't rewatched a single episode since his behavior came to light. As a fan, do I respectfully have to just box that away? Is it disrespectful of the actors that went through it to knowingly keep watching?"

And Wheaton offered this response, which he shared:

"Answer: I have been precisely where you are, right now. In fact, we were just talking about this a few days ago, as it relates to a guy who wrote a ton of music that was PROFOUND to me when I was a teenager. He wrote about being lonely and feeling unloved, and all the things I was feeling as a teenager.

He grew up to be a reprehensible bigot, and for years I couldn't listen to one of the most important bands in my life anymore.

But this week, someone pointed out that he was one member of a group that all worked together to make that thing that was so important to me. And the person he was when he wrote those lyrics is not the person he is today. And the person I was when I heard those lyrics doesn't deserve to be shoved into a box and put away, because that guy is a shit.

This is a long way of saying that Joss sure turned out to be garbage. Because of who my friends are, I know stuff that isn't in the public, and it's pretty horrible. He's just not a good person, and apparently never was a good person.

BUT! Buffy is more than him. It's all the actors and crew who made it. It's all the writers who aren't Joss. Joss is part of it, sure, and some of the episodes he wrote are terrific.

At least one of the episodes he wrote was deeply meaningful to you at a moment in your life when you'd experienced a loss I can only imagine. The person you are now, and the 16 year-old you were who just lost their dad, are more important than the piece of shit Joss Whedon revealed himself to be.

His bad behavior is on him. He has to live with it, and the consequences of it.

Wil Wheaten, celebrity, wisdom, advice, knowledgeWil Wheaton | Wil Wheaton speaking at the 2012 Phoenix Comic… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

16-year-old you, who just lost their dad, shouldn't have to think about what a shit Joss Whedon is for even a second. That kid, and you, deserve to have that place to revisit when you need to go there.

I can't speak for the other actors, even the ones I know. But I will tell you, as an abuse survivor myself who never wanted to be in front of the camera when he was a kid: it's really okay for you to enjoy the work. The work is good and meaningful, and if nobody is going to watch it because of what one piece of shit did two decades ago, what was it all for?

I'm not the pope of chilitown, so take this for what it's worth: I believe that when some piece of art is deeply meaningful to a person, for whatever reason, that art doesn't belong to the person who created it, if it ever did. It belongs to the person who found something meaningful in the art.

If it feels right to you to put it away and never look at it again, that's totally valid. But if it brings you comfort, or joy, or healing, or just warm familiarity to bring it out and spend some time with it, that's totally valid, too.

I've written a lot of words. I hope some of them make sense and are helpful to you."

Wil Wheaton, Star Trek, celebrity, wisdom, thoughtsWil Wheaton in Star Trekupload.wikimedia.org

As with practically everything in this world, the question of whether art can or should be separated from the artist is complex. It involves philosophical questions about the nature of art—where it comes from and who it belongs to—as well as questions about how imperfect a person has to be for us to reject everything they create.

In 2023, The Atlantic published a poignant opinion piece by contributing writer Judith Shulevitz, in which she suggests that art does indeed transcend the (problematic) artist. Wheaton's response and overall take on the matter feels right, especially when we're regarding art that is collaboratively created.

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.