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More parents are taking 'teen-ternity leave' from work to support their teenage kids

Parenting through the teen years takes a lot more time and energy than people expect.

mom and child embracing
Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

Raising kids through adolescence is not for the faint of heart.

When you have a baby, it's expected that you'll take some maternity or paternity leave from work. When you have a teen, it's expected that you'll be in the peak of your career, but some parents are finding the need to take a "teen-ternity leave" from work to support their adolescent kids.

It's a flip from what has become the traditional trajectory for modern parents. Despite the fact that the U.S. is the only developed nation in the world to not have mandated paid parental leave, most parents take at least some time off when a baby is born to recover physically from pregnancy and birth and to settle into life with their tiny new human. Many parents then opt to have one parent stay home full-time during their children's younger years, as full-time childcare is often cost prohibitive, and raising babies and toddlers requires an enormous amount of time, attention and energy.

Parents often return to work when their kids are in school full-time, and many feel a bit of a respite from the relentlessness of parenting as their kids become more independent and capable of doing things on their own. It's not that older kids don't need their parents, but their needs are different. Physical parenting gives way to more complex emotional parenting as kids get older, and for a while, those emotional challenges are somewhat simple.

Then the tween years come along. Then the teens. And for some parents, a realization hits that parenting kids through puberty takes almost as much time, attention and energy, as toddlers do. Only now, those needs are much more complicated and consequential.

Taking "teen-ternity leave" from work may not be feasible for many or most parents, but those who have the means to take a break from work to focus on family full-time during their kids' teen years shouldn't be judged for it. Raising teens is rarely easy, but for some parents, getting their kids through their teen years is the hardest thing they will ever do.

For one, adolescence is when mental health struggles really come to a head. If you've never parented a child with anxiety, depression, OCD, or some other mental illness, consider yourself fortunate. The mental and emotional toll for parents in that boat is immense, and the amount of time it can take to find the right kind of care and manage the various manifestations of whatever they struggle with can be significant.

teen boy curled up in a corner of a room

Mental health struggles often arise during adolescence.

Photo by Fernando @cferdophotography on Unsplash

Another reality of parenting teens that makes going to work challenging is the tendency for teens to spend the better part of the day not wanting to talk and then totally opening up at like 10:30 at night. Late night heart-to-hearts are a hallmark parenting in the teen years, but it can be hard to sustain if you're having to wake up early and head to work in the morning. And the emotional nature of these conversations requires a lot of thought and energy.

Helping with homework becomes more complicated as parents try to pull their advanced math knowledge up from the recesses of their minds, and then there's the transportation problem. Until a teen can drive themselves and unless they have their own car, someone has to take them to and from their various activities. It may sound silly to take time off from work just to drive your teens around, but it's not just the transportation—it's the transportation on top of everything else.

Is all of this just modern overparenting run amok? Not really.

“We often think the heavy parenting lift is for young kids, who need help getting dressed and more supervised playtime. But once you have a teenager, you realize bigger kids, bigger problems,” Amanda Craig PhD, LMFT, family therapist, mom, and author of the book, "Who Are You & What Have You Done with My Kid?: Connect with Your Tween While They Are Still Listening," told Parents.

The pandemic, of course, didn't help matters. Kids who went through that world-changing event during their formative years had their sense of normalcy and safety rocked, not just on an individual level, but a societal one. Research on the brains of teens before and after the pandemic shows there were actual neurobiological impacts of that time period. Teens today have also grown up during a particularly turbulent time in politics with that turbulence shoved in their face continually via social media. It's not surprising that a lot of young people are psychologically struggling and needing more support from their parents than previous teen generations did.

Maybe a teen-ternity leave—which is really just a different form of parental leave—isn't a bad idea. Imagine if we lived in a world where it was actually economically feasible for more families.

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Pop Culture

Brit shares the one-word 'dead giveaway' that American actors are doing an English accent

There's one word they never get right.

via Warner Bros Discovery

Peter Dinklage on "Game of Thrones?

When it comes to actors doing accents across the pond, some Americans are known for their great British accents, such as Natalie Portman ("The Other Boleyn Girl"), Robert Downey, Jr. ("Sherlock Homes"), and Meryl Streep ("The Iron Lady").

Some have taken a lot of heat for their cartoonish or just plain weird-sounding British accents, Dick Van Dyke ("Mary Poppins"), Kevin Costner ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") and Keanu Reeves ("Bram Stoker's Dracula").

Some actors, such as Tom Hardy (“The Drop”) and Hugh Laurie (“House”), have American accents so good that people have no idea they are British.

Benedict Townsend, a London-based comedian and host of the “Scroll Deep” podcast, says there is one word that American actors playing characters with a British accent never get right. And no, it’s not the word “Schedule,” which British people pronounce the entire first 3 letters, and Americans boil down to 2. And it’s not “aluminum,” which British and American people seem to pronounce every stinking letter differently.

@benedicttown

The one word American actors aways get wrong when doing an English accent

What word do American actors always get wrong when they do British accents?

“There is one word that is a dead giveaway that an English character in a movie or a TV show is being played by an American. One word that always trips them up. And once you notice it, you can't stop noticing it,” Townsend says. “You would see this lot in ‘Game of Thrones’ and the word that would always trip them up was ‘daughter.’”

Townsend adds that when British people say “daughter,” they pronounce it like the word “door” or “door-tah.” Meanwhile, Americans, even when they are putting on a British accent, say it like “dah-ter.”

“So top tip if you are an actor trying to do an English accent, daughter like a door. Like you're opening a door,” Townsend says.



What word do British actors always get wrong when doing American accents?

Some American commenters returned the favor by sharing the word that British actors never get right when using American accents: “Anything.”

"I can always tell a Brit playing an American by the word anything. An American would say en-ee-thing. Brits say it ena-thing,” Dreaming_of_Gaea wrote. "The dead giveaway for English people playing Americans: ‘Anything.’ Brits always say ‘EH-nuh-thin,’” marliemagill added.

"I can always tell an actor is English playing an American when they say ‘anything.’ English people always say it like ‘enny-thin,’” mkmason wrote.



What is the cot-caught merger?

One commenter noted that the problem goes back to the cot-caught merger, when Americans in the western US and Canadians began to merge different sounds into one. People on the East Coast and in Britain pronounce them as different sounds.

“Depending on where you live, you might be thinking one of two things right now: Of course, ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound exactly the same! or There’s no way that ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound the same!” Laura McGrath writes at DoYouReadMe. “As a result, although the different spellings remain, the vowel sounds in the words cot/caught, nod/gnawed, stock/stalk are identical for some English speakers and not for others.”

American actors owe Townsend a debt of gratitude for pointing out the one thing that even the best can’t seem to get right. He should also give the commenters a tip of the cap for sharing the big word that British people have trouble with when doing an American accent. Now, if we could just get through to Ewan McGregor and tell him that even though he is fantastic in so many films, his American accent still needs a lot of work.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Woman asks neighbor to 'turn down' Super Bowl recaps and is left stunned by his 'classy reply'

"This is how you neighbor.”

Photo credit: Canva, @operarose/Reddit

More neighbor interactions like this, please.

Unless you’re living on some vast acreage in the middle of nowhere, you’re probably going to interact with a neighbor or two. That goes double for the 44 million Americans who are apartment dwellers. And of course, not all of these interactions will be pleasant. There’s gonna be times when we, or our neighbor, don’t exactly take others’ boundaries into consideration. These moments of conflict can—and let’s face it, often do—turn into ugly, drawn out rivalries unnecessarily.

Luckily, in this case, the opposite happened. A woman recently shared online how she “had to get out of bed” at 12:30 am to ask her neighbor, who apparently had been watching Super Bowl recaps, to “turn it down.” Not only did the neighbor not get defensive about this request, he left a pretty sweet apology gift outside her door the next morning.

Along with a bottle of California Roots wine, the neighbor left a note, which read:

“Good Morning,

I got too carried away watching recaps from the Superbowl, and I didn’t realize how loud my TV was. I’m so sorry for not being considerate with the volume.”

Okay, amazing. This person took accountability and acknowledged how their actions affected someone else. Pretty stellar apology already, but he took it one step further to really make his neighbor feel heard and thought of, and leave some good vibes.

His note continued:

“In positive news, the cookies ya’ll made for Christmas were amazing! Please allow me to return the favor. -1723.”

Had to get out of bed and go ask the upstairs neighbor (whom I've never actually met) to turn it down at about 12:30 am this morning. Found this outside my door when I woke up.
byu/operarose inMadeMeSmile

Seems like the neighbor made the right call, since the OP would later write, “It's good wine! Never had this brand before, but I definitely recommend it.”

All in all, people were really impressed with how both of them handled the situation. One person congratulated them “for “spontaneously demonstrating how to be an adult. This is how all interactions should be, with each taking responsibility and no one getting butt-hurt that they were having their rights curtailed.” Another echoed,, “Awesome! And a classy reply!”

Here are a few other honorable mentions:

"This is how you neighbor.”

“So good to know that there are still decent people out there.”

“More of this is needed in the world.”

“Wouldn't it be great if everyone was more like this? I miss civilized society, I didn't realize people were still this considerate these days.”

What makes a good apology?

Do all apologies, neighbor oriented or otherwise, need to include a gift of some sort? Of course not. However, there are some key ingredients needed. Six, or six and a half(ish), to be exact, according to Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy, the authors of the book Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies.

Those six (and a half) components, listed in order or “importance” are:

  • Actually using the words “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.”
  • Specifying the transgression you’re apologizing for.
  • Showing you understand why your actions were harmful and hurtful, as well as what effect it had on the other person.
  • Offering an explanation if needed, while avoiding making excuses
  • Expressing what you are doing to ensure this situation won’t happen again.
  • Offering to fix what’s broken — be it with physically damaged time (replacing a broken vase), or emotional damage (attending a loved one’s event)
  • Bonus ingredient—listening to the experience of the person who was wronged.

This neighbor clearly had many, if not most, of these elements covered in his letter, which not only resolved the issue, but provided an opportunity for connection between himself and his neighbor. This is the opportunity we miss out on in refusing to apologize, or offering an insincere apology. Perhaps by swallowing our pride (in moments where it’s appropriate, obviously) we, in turn, invite the gift of connection in. Suddenly “sorry” doesn't feel so scary to say.

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Joy

Adorable Golden Retriever absolutely loses it when he runs into his vet at a bar

No one has ever been this excited to see their doctor.

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

@cosmo_andtheoddparents When you run into your vet in public #goldenretrieversoftiktok #vetlife #animallovers #petparents #goldenretriever #goldenretrievers #doglife #dogmom #dailyfluff #charlestondogs #doglover #charlestondog #brewerydog ♬ original sound - Cosmo

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

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Joy

The world's greatest mentalist reveals 5-second trick to never forget someone's name

It's fun, weird, and will make people like you way more.

Unsplash

The longer I'm alive, it seems the more people's names that I have to remember. With two kids in school, sports, and other activities, I find myself trying to keep track of dozens of different friends, teammates, siblings, coaches, teachers, and of course, parents. It makes my brain hurt! Lately I've had half a mind to start a spreadsheet so I can start remembering Who's Who.

In order for that to work, I've got to find a way to stop people's names leaving my head immediately after I'm introduced. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It's like people say their name and it just zips right into one ear and out the other! And for that, I went looking for tips when I stumbled upon a good one from a unique sort of expert.

Derren Brown is one of the most famous mentalists in the world, so he knows a thing or two about people. Mentalists are a special breed of magician that focus on tricks and illusions of the mind.

They do things like hynopsis, mind-reading, and impossible predictions. There's trickery, involved, of course; but mentalists are also masters at reading people and have to employ advanced memory techniques to keep track of information they learn during their shows.

In an interview with Big Think, Brown revealed some of his favorite memory hacks; including his 'party trick' to never forget a person's name.

Giphy

The secret is to create a link between the part of your brain that stores information like names, and the visual part of your brain that is more easily accessed.

"You find a link between the person's name and something about their appearance, what they're wearing, their face, their hair, something," Brown says. "You find a link with something that they're wearing so if they're called Mike and they've got big black hair you think, 'Oh that's like a microphone' so I can imagine like a big microphone walking around or if they've got a stripy T-shirt on you imagine a microphone with those stripes going around it.

"And it's the same process later on in the evening you see them, you look at the stripes and you go, 'Oh that's Mike. Oh yeah that's Mike. The hair, why am I thinking the hair is like a big microphone? Oh yes, of course, they're called Mike.'"

Microphone Mike! Any sort of alliteration based on a physical characteristic will work. Stripey Steve, Tall Tim, Green Gene. The more interesting and unique, the better you'll remember.

There is one catch with the technique: You have to actually listen and pay attention when someone tells you their name!

"So, you do have to listen that's the first thing when they say the name," Brown says. "Normally the very moment where someone is giving you their name you're just caught up in a whole lot of social anxiety anyways you don't even hear it, so you have to listen."

Using someone's name when you talk to them has tons of benefits. It conveys respect, friendliness, and intimacy. When you're on the receiving end and someone you've just met uses your name, it just feels good! It feels like it matters to them that they met you.

"And then at the end [of the party] you get to go around and say goodbye to everybody by name and everyone thinks you're very charming and clever," Brown quips.

Listen to the entire, fascinating interview here.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Brown's name-remembering technique is tangential to an ancient philosophy called the "Method of loci".

The method involves attaching things to be remembered (numbers, tasks, facts) to specific places that are easy to visualize in your head. Imagine taking a brain-walk down the street you live on and all the objects or places you might see there. The mailbox, the gnarled tree, the rusty fire hydrant. This memory method asks you to visually associate one thing you want to remember with each item or location. The more strange and visual the image you can create, the better! Brown uses the example of trying to shove a sparkling-clean shirt into his mailbox, reminding him to do his drycleaning.

When you need to recall the item, you just take a little walk in your head down the street.

(Did you know that there's a World Championship of Memory? Most of the best competitors use a version of this technique.)

Giphy

The name hack isn't so dissimilar. You're attaching an intangible, abstract thing (a name) to a specific visual image you can see in your head and even in the real world. But that's just one way of getting better at remembering names! There are all kinds of tips, hacks, and methods you can try.

Some people swear by repeating the name immediately after hearing it. "Hi, my name is Jake." "Hi, Jake, nice to meet you!" (Just don't say someone's name too frequently or you risk coming off a bit slimy.)

Others use a technique similar to Brown's loci idea, but instead of a visual, you lean on things that are already deeply engrained in your memory, like rhymes or free-association. or even celebrities. Mary - had a little lamb. Jake - the Snake. Daisy - flowers. Tom - Cruise.

Another trick (that I've definitely used before) if you do forget someone's name? Introduce them to someone you know! "Hey, this is my wife, Sarah." The person was almost always introduce themselves using their own name, and then you get a second chance at remembering it.

A lot of the best advice really comes down to being intentional about remembering when you're introduced to a new person. Whatever mental gymnastics you choose to do with the name, the mere fact that you're thinking about it with such focus immediately after is a big part of why these 'tricks' help names stick.

It feels really good when someone cares enough to remember your name, so it's definitely worth putting in a little effort of trying to instill that feeling in others.

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Education & Information

Film shown to high schoolers in 1948 exposes the tactics of propaganda still relevant today

"What are 'glittering generalities?'"

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Propaganda exposed in 1948 film shown to highs schoolers

Propaganda is a word we often hear thrown around when someone says something we don't agree with. It doesn't matter if what's being said is factually true or not. The word has been so overused that people may not recognize actual propaganda when they see it. Americans aren't well versed in recognizing propaganda outside of the brief disclaimer that other countries used propaganda during wartime.

There's not much of a deep dive on the topic in schools but at one point in history, it was completely normal for high schoolers to be taught how to spot propaganda. In the 40s, juniors and seniors in high school were required to learn about how propaganda mixes language and images to persuade people to believe one thing over another even if it wasn't true. The goal for propaganda was to get people emotionally invested in whatever was being pushed so they'd be more likely to trust what they were hearing.

America was so invested in teaching about the pitfalls of propaganda that they put together a video explaining different ways to recognize it. This was designed to come in handy for the deluge of information coming out about WWII at the time and eventually the Cold War. People needed to be able to critically pick apart what they were reading, seeing and hearing so they could best decipher the truth.

Oak Ridge High School Library | Free Photo - rawpixelwww.rawpixel.com

While America is not currently at war, learning to decipher propaganda is still relevant today, especially given how quickly information moves nowadays. In the 1948 film sold to high schools across the country, an older man shares with a high school boy ways to identify propaganda by first listing some of the techniques.

The techniques of propaganda listed are glittering generalities, transfer, name-calling, card-stacking, testimonial, plain folks, and bandwagon. They then go through each technique to breakdown what they look like in practice. Many of the techniques listed may be easily identifiable in modern American politics and advertisements.

grayscale photography of children sitting inside room Photo by Austrian National Library on Unsplash

Examples given for glittering generalities are "good government" and "real American" used in different campaigns. But the faux politician asks the boy what is "good government" and is it the same as what the mayor considers to be "good government." This gets the young man's wheels turning. In his example for card-stacking he plays a recording where the mayoral candidate blames a water issue on the current mayor.

"That's what we call card-stacking. Cooper was mayor when the pumping station broke down but it was the man in office before him who allowed it to get into such a rundown condition and it finally gave way before he could get anything done," the man explains.

File:Oliver twist.gif - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

The boy then clarifies the information he is hearing, "and card-stacking is choosing some facts and leaving out others and arranging them to suit your purpose."

Once the teen understands some of the basic propaganda techniques, he and the man take another look at a campaign film they've previously watched, allowing the boy a chance to identify the types of propaganda techniques used.

"You'll find that the purpose of most propaganda is to persuade people to believe something, to do something or to buy something," the man says before later adding, "whenever you're tracking down propaganda, get as many different points of view as you can."

Gathering as much factual information as you can from multiple different points of view and different sources is important for any sort of research, but it's especially important when the goal is to sell you something or win your vote. Showing a film like this one in high school may be helpful in ensuring people continue to be able to recognize the persuasive techniques used in political and marketing ads to encourage critical thinking and informed decision-making.

"I think I understand," the boy says. "To know whether propaganda is good or not, whether it's true or not, I should know the purpose, recognize the technique, get the facts and judge the purpose and technique by the facts."

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