Disappointed girl holds gift.
Everything adults do around a child—how they communicate, act, and express themselves—affects them. A child’s confidence and self-esteem are primarily strengthened through the support of their loved ones. However, it works the other way around as well. Putting a child down, embarrassing them, or being careless around them can destroy their confidence. About a year ago, a mom who goes by u/Your_Lydia on Reddit shared a truly strange incident on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit: while visiting, her mother-in-law brought “embarrassing” gifts for her children, two girls aged 13 and 14.
Apparently, their grandmother was trying to "toughen them up” with the gifts, but they were so inappropriate that OP felt she had no choice but to react strongly.
Mom fussing at grandma.Canva Photos
According to the OP, the girls' grandmother hadn't seen them in a long time and wanted to bring them some gifts. Mom agreed, but she had no idea what said gifts would be. It's safe to say she was assuming grandma would bring something nice and benign like books or clothes, but that's not what happened.
“What she brought them was absolutely terrible—humiliating, even,” the mom remarked. “She asked my 14-year-old to open her gift first. She had brought her a shaver and a condom.” The mom was “disgusted” by the gift, but she controlled her reaction. The grandmother, however, stated that it was “a perfect gift and that she’s going to need it.” The mom was baffled to discover that her 13-year-old daughter had received the same gift.
Overwhelmed with emotion, the mom immediately asked the grandmother to leave, but she refused. Things got even worse. Upon seeing her granddaughters in tears after receiving their gifts, the grandmother told them to “toughen up” and that “it’s not so serious."
“I started screaming that this was not okay and that she was a psychopath for bringing them these ‘gifts.’ She said she was just trying to do something nice and began to cry,” the mom wrote.
No Way Wtf GIF by Harlem Giphy
Nevertheless, she did not tolerate the disrespect for another second and “shoved” the woman out of her home. In an edit, the mom added, “She was not being funny; she was speaking in a serious tone.”
People were appalled by the grandmother’s careless attitude and reckless behavior. Many parents who saw the post noted it was a horrible gift and gesture.
One commenter said, “I am a massive advocate for good sexual health and good sexual education. This was neither of those things. Dumping a razor and a condom is inappropriate and uncomfortable.”
Another added, “Who in their right mind gives these things to a 13-year-old and 14-year-old?” Several people noted that such topics are sensitive and should be discussed with caution, especially with kids at that age.
Another chimed in, saying, “These are not appropriate gifts for your girls. You did not overreact. I can't imagine how tough it must have been to talk to your girls about their inappropriate 'gifts'.” This commenter remarked, “That wasn't preparing kids for the future, that was weird and cynical. I don't think your mother-in-law should be around minors without supervision.”
And this Redditor added, “I agree hygiene and birth control are important issues but they need to be handled privately between parent and child. This should be done safely so that dignity is preserved, values are discussed, and communication can remain open."
Mom talking with young teen daughter.Canva Photos
This incident touches on a larger issue: the sexualization of young girls. The American Psychological Association's 2007 report on the sexualization of young girls analyzes instances of sexualization of girls in media, society, and other cultural messaging and "their impact on girls and the role and and impact of race/ethnicity and socioeconomic status." According to the APA, there are "several" components to sexualization, and it occurs when:
- "A person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;
- a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy;
- a person is sexually objectified — that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or
- sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person."
Troubled teen girl. Canva Photos
The bottom line is that OP's reaction to her daughters' "gifts" was entirely appropriate. What the girls' grandma did was more serious than she wanted to acknowledge or perhaps understood, and that's why awareness is so important. As one commenter noted, sexual health and education are important topics, but they must be approached with safety, dignity, and within the correct parameters for the best outcome and understanding.
This article originally appeared in September. It has been updated.