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Men share the best 'unmanly' things they do that make them feel good

Men are beautifully complex.

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Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

There is nothing unmanly about taking a bubble bath.

As society rethinks and reshapes the use of gender roles, both sexes (and everywhere in-between) are finding more opportunities to explore previously repressed aspects of themselves. It often feels like the Wild West of gender identity—an exciting new time to break through tired paradigms in search for something that is a better fit. We can see this on both a macro and micro scale, from something as widespread as more countries legalizing same sex marriage to something as simple as a man rocking a pencil skirt and heels. Each are radical in their own way.

A Reddit user asked men to name some “unmanly” things they did that they weren’t ashamed of. Their answers, though fun to read, also have an interesting through line, one of embracing sensitivity. Or, rather, their femininity. From self-care, to arts and crafts, to crying during Disney movies, each of these activities challenges the long accepted—and often problematic—belief of what makes a man a "man."

Psychology Today contributor Tyger Latham, Psy.D. writes that “Most of us immediately identify with the adage that to be a man often means: being tough, staying in control, never crying, working through physical pain, providing for your family, and never backing down from a fight. While such roles provide men with an operational model in which to exist, they can also be extremely restrictive.” He even described a condition known as alexithymia, quite literally meaning “without words for emotions,” that many male clients encounter while trying to express what’s happening on the inside.

But what if the pursuit of happiness includes the pursuit of wholeness? Some would argue that the latter is more important altogether. Men—and women, for that matter—should be able to go fishing, knit while they wait on the pond, come home and throw on an exfoliating face mask while watching a rom-com. So yes, while these answers do serve as a lighthearted digital romp through the internet, they are also symbols of small, yet significant victories.

Without further ado, here are 18 “unmanly” things that are good for the soul, no matter the gender:

1. Sewing

“I think it is helpful for spatial reasoning, attention to detail, and creativity. It is basically construction out of a very thin, flexible material that requires the builder to create the object inside-out."

2. Bubble baths

“I don't take baths much but if I do you best believe there's gonna be bubbles galore in that bath.”

“Bath bombs rule, my favorite one turns the water black and sparkly and smells like peppermint.”

3. Cute voices for animals

“In high school there was a video shown in class, and when puppies came on screen I yelled 'PUPPIES!' in a ridiculous falsetto. I still have that reaction regularly when I see puppies.”

“I do this with puppies...kittens...cats...any cute animal…”

4. Prioritizing fashion … to the point of indecision

“There are literally a few minutes where I am stressed out wondering 'I wore that a few days ago; this is too similar to what I wore yesterday' and so on. This is mostly when getting ready for work, which is business casual. I have a dozen or so button-down shirts, but I still can't make up my damn mind.”

5. A love of all things hygge

“I love fuzzy socks, fuzzy blankets, fuzzy anything.”

“I love blankets. My birthday, Christmas, valentines day; just give me more blankets. Let me make a cave of blankets and hibernate straight through until spring.”

hyygesocks GIFGiphy

6. A fondness for stuffed animals

“I sleep with two stuffed animals. It would be three, but Pete the polar bear is now with my girlfriend in the Netherlands.”

“I still sleep with a teddy bear I got when I was 4. I'm 30 now. I hope to give it to my daughter when she is born/old enough.”

7. Checking out other guys

"I can tell when a guy is attractive, I have no sexual desire for dudes but I can tell if I find one good looking, i'd even go as far to say I have a type."

8. Enjoying domestic chores

"I love looking doing things for my wife...coffee and breakfast in bed everyday, I wash up, I pack her a lunch to take to work everyday, spoil her with little surprises a few times a month etc. Turns out my friends and my father all think I am whipped. They think she has me under her thumb. I guess they don't know that we split house chores in a number of ways but I chose to do extra things as I have some extra time since I don't have to commute - it feels fair to me.They also don't understand that when I lost my job my wife encouraged me to do my own thing and that she supported both of us for a long time to allow me to follow my dream. In short, my mates and father just don't understand or want to be with a woman who is a partner and equal in the relationship.”

9. Being the little spoon

"I'm nearly a foot taller than my girlfriend, but if we're cuddling in bed I like to be the little spoon, it's hilarious and comfy."

"I once was sitting on the floor and my girlfriend at the time was sitting on the couch giving me a back rub. She eventually wrapped her arms around me from behind and asked how it felt. 'Like this room is the only thing in the entire world.'"

“Sleeping as the little spoon is really nice because it makes you feel needed on a physical level which is really comforting."

10. Crying

“Personally, I think that it takes a lot more bravery to open yourself up to something special, such as love for a pet, than to keep everything around you at arms length to numb your own sensitivity (or vulnerability if you will) to anything. You display a willingness to express yourself, knowing full well that it could get you hurt, and then bear any resulting pain, ultimately overcoming it. What the hell could be more manly?”

“I will cry at any movie where a dog dies. Every, Single. Time. A Dog’s Purpose was a very unpleasant movie for me.”
men showing emotionsCry GIF by MasterChefAUGiphy

11. Gardening

“It’s great being able to grow things from just seeds."

12. Therapy

“Everyone needs a little bit of therapy. Even if you’re perfectly fine, everyone needs someone to talk to.”

13. Sharing feelings with the kids

"Hugging my kids, apologizing to them when I’m wrong ('sorry I accused you of making a mess outside, I just learned it was the neighbors’ kid'), and showing them it’s okay to have and express feelings. Yes, daddy can get teary eyed too when watching a sad movie. Also as an extension of apologizing for having done wrong, being able to back down. When in an argument and find out you’re wrong, it’s not weak to say 'I didn’t know that. Sorry, I was wrong.'”

14. Complimenting guy friends

"A lot of people feel it's not manly to do so but I think it's important and it feels great having a group of guys that doesn’t just bash each other all the time."

15. Interior decorating

“I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking up furniture/wall art/etc. just fantasizing about how I'm going to decorate it when I finally get my own place.”

16. Baking

“I just donned a pink apron with strawberries on it to help my girlfriend make a pie. Her family razzed me about it... but hey, no pie for them.”

“I bake and listen to Adele. Sometimes at the same time.”

17. Afternoon tea

“I don't care who you are. You haven't lived until you've eaten tiny cucumber sandwiches and scones off a three-story silver party platter.”

18. Self-care

self care for menChristian Bale Face Mask GIF by PeacockTVGiphy

“Manicures and pedicures, obviously no nail polish, but my hands and feet are usually a horrendous pile of dead skin and callouses from working out and my job. It makes me feel a little better about people seeing them, they don’t get all of them, but it definitely makes them look closer to normal.”

“I love doing a facial cleanse, tone and moisturize, makes your face feel awesome."

“I go full-on Bateman. Have multiple face masks, skin creams and hair products. Started as a way to bond with my sisters, ended up being something that centers me in the mornings and a comforting ritual a couple of times a night.”


This article originally appeared on 3.2.22

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History (Education)

Woman featured in iconic Great Depression photo didn't know she was famous until 40 years later

Florence Owens Thompson later revealed she wished her photo had never been taken.

the great depression; Florence Thompson; Mona Lisa of the Great Depression; Mona Lisa; the depression; depression era
Photo by Dorothea Lange via Library of Congress
The woman from the famous Great Depression photo didn't know about her fame for 40 years.

It's one of the most iconic and haunting photos of all time, up there with the likes of Hindenburg, The Falling Soldier, Burning Monk, Napalm Girl, and many others. It's called simply Migrant Mother, and it paints a better picture of the time in which it was taken than any book or interview possibly could.

Nearly everyone across the globe knows Florence Owens Thompson's face from newspapers, magazines, and history books. The young, destitute mother was the face of The Great Depression, her worried, suntanned face looking absolutely defeated as several of her children took comfort by resting on her thin frame. Thompson put a human face and emotion behind the very real struggle of the era, but she wasn't even aware of her role in helping to bring awareness to the effects of the Great Depression on families.

It turns out that Dorothea Lange, the photographer responsible for capturing the worry-stricken mother in the now-famous photo, told Thompson that the photos wouldn't be published.

Of course, they subsequently were published in the San Francisco News. At the time the photo was taken, Thompson was supposedly only taking respite at the migrant campsite with her seven children after the family car broke down near the campsite. The photo was taken in March 1936 in Nipomo, California when Lange was concluding a month's long photography excursion documenting migrant farm labor.

the great depression; Florence Thompson; Mona Lisa of the Great Depression; Mona Lisa; the depression; depression era Worried mother and children during the Great Depression era. Photo by Dorthea Lange via Library of Congress

"Migrant worker" was a term that meant something quite different than it does today. It was primarily used in the 30s to describe poverty-stricken Americans who moved from town to town harvesting the crops for farmers.

The pay was abysmal and not enough to sustain a family, but harvesting was what Thompson knew as she was born and raised in "Indian Territory," (now Oklahoma) on a farm. Her father was Choctaw and her mother was white. After the death of her husband, Thompson supported her children the best way she knew how: working long hours in the field.

"I'd hit that cotton field before daylight and stay out there until it got so dark I couldn't see," Thompson told NBC in 1979 a few years before her death.

the great depression; Florence Thompson; Mona Lisa of the Great Depression; Mona Lisa; the depression; depression era A mother reflects with her children during the Great Depression. Photo by Dorthea Lange via Library of Congress

When talking about meeting Thompson, Lange wrote in her article titled "The Assignment I'll Never Forget: Migrant Mother," which appeared in Popular Photography, Feb. 1960, "I saw and approached the hungry and desperate mother, as if drawn by a magnet. I do not remember how I explained my presence or my camera to her, but I do remember she asked me no questions. I made five exposures, working closer and closer from the same direction. I did not ask her name or her history. She told me her age, that she was thirty-two. She said that they had been living on frozen vegetables from the surrounding fields, and birds that the children killed."

Lange goes on to surmise that Thompson cooperated because on some level she knew the photos would help, though from Thompson's account she had no idea the photos would make it to print. Without her knowledge, Thompson became known as "The Dustbowl Mona Lisa," which didn't translate into money in the poor family's pocket.

In fact, according to a history buff who goes by @baewatch86 on TikTok, Thompson didn't find out she was famous until 40 years later after a journalist tracked her down in 1978 to ask how she felt about being a famous face of the depression.

@baewatch86

Florence Thompson, American Motherhood. #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #historytok #americanhistory #migrantmother #thegreatdepression #dorthealange #womenshistory

It turns out Thompson wished her photo had never been taken since she never received any funds for her likeness being used. Baewatch explains, "because Dorothea Lange's work was funded by the federal government this photo was considered public domain and therefore Mrs. Florence and her family are not entitled to the royalties."

While the photo didn't provide direct financial compensation for Thompson, the "virality" of it helped to feed migrant farm workers. "When these photos were published, it immediately caught people's attention. The federal government sent food and other resources to those migrant camps to help the people that were there that were starving, they needed resources and this is the catalyst. This photo was the catalyst to the government intercepting and providing aid to people," Baewatch shares.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

As for Lange, Migrant Mother was not her only influential photograph of the Great Depression. She captured many moving images of farmers who had been devastated by the Dust Bowl and were forced into a migrant lifestyle.

"Broke, baby sick, and car trouble!" is just one of her many incredible photos from the same year, 1937.

She also did tremendous work covering Japanese internment in the 1940s, and was eventually inducted into the International Photography Hall of Fame and Museum and the National Women's Hall of Fame.

the great depression; Florence Thompson; Mona Lisa of the Great Depression; Mona Lisa; the depression; depression era Families on the move suffered enormous hardships during The Great Depression.Photo by Dorthea Lange via Library of Congress

Thompson did find some semblance of financial comfort later in life when she married a man named George Thompson, who would be her third husband. In total, she had 10 children. When Thompson's health declined with age, people rallied around to help pay her medical bills citing the importance of the 1936 photo in their own lives. The "Migrant Mother" passed away in 1983, just over a week after her 80th birthday. She was buried in California.

"Florence Leona Thompson, Migrant Mother. A legend of the strength of American motherhood," her gravestone reads.

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Pop Culture

Communication expert shares 3 simple 'power moves' to not take criticism personally

“If I hear something that’s offensive, I’ll be like ‘okay, that’s trash.’ In my mind, I grab it with my right hand…and throw it.”

jefferson fisher, conversation, conversation tips, communications expert, podcast, jefferson fisher podcast, winning an argument
Photo credit: Canva

Standing your ground in a peaceful way is possible.

Even the most skilled small talkers among us might struggle when receiving negative feedback that feels like a personal attack. The temptation to fight back or stonewall is understandably strong. Our darker emotions become ignited, which sets off rejection stories in our mind before any clear thinking can take place.

The result: we dish out the same energy we’re given. Or, we shut down completely. Either way, we don’t get a lot accomplished.

But personal injury attorney and communications expert Jefferson Fisher, who shares all kinds of simple conversation tips, argues that keeping your cool in these heated moments all comes down to three “power moves.”

During a clip of his Jefferson Fisher podcast, the conversation guru first offered up a handy visualization: during moments of facing criticism, he imagines a giant trash can next to him, which collects all the negative feedback. He then “sifts” through the words, separating any snark as “trash” to get to what’s actually worth responding to.

“If I hear something that’s offensive, I’ll be like ‘okay, that’s trash.’ In my mind, I grab it with my right hand…and throw it.”

Dumping Trash Daniel Labelle GIFfrom Dumping Trash GIFs

That concept alone might be enough to avoid getting your feathers ruffled in many sticky situations. But below are the three easy strategies that can go a little further when someone is being offensive.

Power Move #1: Silence

Not saying anything after getting a snarky comment gives the other person the chance to take in their word choice, which Fisher argues often prompts them to apologize on their own.

“You’ve just exposed instead of covering it up…If you just let that silence sit there, oftentimes they go ‘sorry I shouldn’t have said that.’”

Power Move Strong GIFfrom Power Move GIFs

Power Move # 2: Acknowledge that the feedback could be true, rather than that it is

In these instances, Fisher encourages saying “Maybe you’re right,” which embraces humility without being a doormat.

Power Move #3: Holding off on the timing

In other words, this means not responding when you are angry and triggered.

To initiate a later time, Fisher suggests saying something like, “Let’s have this out…I don’t really have my thoughts together on that. Why don’t we talk about that at noon tomorrow?”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Fisher added the caveat that context about who this person is in your life will determine which of these steps you might take. Overall, the main goal stays the same: asserting your value while steering the conversation towards what’s actually productive to discuss. No fighting back required.

You can find more cool tips just like this one on Fisher’s YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok.

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Pop Culture

In an iconic 1975 clip, a teenage Michael Jackson stuns Cher during hypnotic robot dance duet

The clip marks a turning point in Michael Jackson's iconic public persona.

jacksons, michael jackson, robot dance, Cher, 1970s TV
via Cher/YouTube

Cher and The Jackson 5 doing the robot dance.

One of the most distinctive aspects of Michael Jackson's mega-stardom was that he grew up almost entirely in the public eye. He began performing with his brothers at age five and remained a significant figure in American pop culture until he died in 2009.

He burst onto the scene as a child with an incredibly soulful voice. He became an electrifying performer as a teen before rocketing to superstardom at 20 with the release of his first solo album, 1979's Off the Wall. One of the pivotal moments when the public witnessed this transformation came in 1975, when 16-year-old Michael performed with his brothers, The Jackson 5, on The Cher Show.

The Jackson 5 and Cher performed a medley of the band's biggest hits, including "I Want You Back," "I'll Be There," and "Never Can Say Goodbye." But the most memorable moment came when Michael and his brothers broke into the robot dance during "Dancing Machine," and Cher did her best to keep up.

The Jackson 5 and Cher do the robot dance

It's fun watching Cher try to fall in line with the Jacksons, while Michael absolutely kills it, gyrating like an animatronic on hyperdrive during his solo.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The Jackson 5 may have helped bring the robot dance into the public consciousness by incorporating it into performances of their 1973 hit "Dancing Machine." But it traces back to mechanical "mannequin" dances from the early days of film. In the 1960s, Robin Shields, a popular mime, performed as a robot on late-night talk shows. By the 1970s, dancers had set those moves to music on shows such as Soul Train.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

In a 2003 interview, Cher said she had to learn the moves on the fly from the Jacksons.

"Think of how hard it was for me to learn to do that, and the guys just knew how to do it. I've been working all day, and they just came on and said, 'Okay, sure, this is how you do it,'" Cher recalled. "I had a lot of fun on that show. It was a lot of work, but I had a lot of fun. You know, and I got to work with some great people."

What's also notable about the performance is that Michael's voice had changed, and he sang in a deeper register than he had as a child a few years earlier.

Things changed for Cher and the Jacksons in 1976

By the following year, things had changed for both The Jackson 5 and Cher. Cher reunited with her ex-husband, Sonny Bono, for The Sonny and Cher Show, which ran until 1977. In 1976, The Jackson 5 left Motown Records for Epic Records and changed their name to The Jacksons. Jermaine Jackson temporarily left the group to pursue a solo career, and he was replaced by his brother, Randy.

Here's The Jackson 5's complete performance on The Cher Show from March 16, 1975:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

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Joy

The two ways people who may not be naturally funny can show they have a great sense of humor

A great sense of humor is one of the most likable traits a person can have.

man luaghing, woman laughing, laughing on date, wine, happy couple
via Canva/Photos

A man and woman laughing on a date.

A sense of humor is often ranked among the most desirable traits in a romantic partner, with women rating it higher than men. Studies show that, in heterosexual relationships, the more times a man tries to be funny and the more a woman laughs, the greater the chance that the woman is interested. If a couple laughs together, the greater the chance of true love.

Why is a sense of humor so attractive? It makes people more enjoyable to be around, helps people bond, and makes awkward or even painful moments more bearable. On a deeper level, humor is a great way to determine whether someone is a creative thinker with a novel approach to solving problems.

But what about people who aren't comfortable cracking jokes and don’t have their brains constantly tuned to the “be witty” channel? Vanessa Van Edwards, a communications expert and author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, says there are two ways to show they still have a great sense of humor.

@vvanedwards

Is Humor More Attractive Than Looks? | @The Diary Of A CEO

Van Edwards shared her thoughts on an episode of the Diary of a CEO podcast. During the podcast, she noted that there are two roles people can play in a conversation: a driver and a passenger. The driver is the person steering the conversation, while the passenger is along for the ride.

How do people who aren’t great at cracking jokes show they have a sense of humor?

1. Be a great laugher

"So, you are going to be the best passenger ever. You're going to laugh at the joke. You're going to bang on the table. I love table bangers. You know, I have people in my life who are not very funny, but they love to bang on the table when I tell a funny joke, and that makes me feel so good. They don't need to be funny. I'm happy to try. Right? So, if you're not funny, just be very good at hyping up other funny people."


2. Be a great curator of humor

"You also could be a curator of funny. You find the best funny gifts. You find the best funny clips. You share the best funny posts. Like, you don't have to be funny to be a curator of funny. Like, I have a friend who's not that funny, but he has the best clips and memes that he sends me. And so I think of him as funny even though he's never told a joke."

Watch the entire segment here.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Van Edwards added that if people genuinely want to improve their sense of humor, they can take an improv class to learn how to be funny in the moment. “A lot of humor is just trying things and seeing if they land. So if you're not funny and you want to be and like something good to work on, take an improv class and work on being funny on stage.”

Van Edwards' advice is excellent for those who thought they would never be seen as funny. Her words are a great reminder that even though many great communicators seem to have talent that comes naturally, it's a skill set, and like anything else, there are always ways to learn and improve.

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Animals & Wildlife

Fascinating 'Dark-fly' experiment has finally allowed scientists to measure evolution in real time

The long-running experiment has tracked changes in over 1,500 generations of fruit flies since 1954.

science, scientists, evolution, adaptation, mutation, genes, DNA, fruit flies, humans, health, futurology
By André Karwath/Wikimedia Commons & Photo credit: Canva

An experiment running since 1954 has taught scientists valuable information about how evolution really works.

Evolution usually occurs so slowly that it's imperceptible to the naked eye. Simple adaptations can take thousands of years to take hold, far too long for any of us to notice. But just because it's slow doesn't mean it's not happening. Humans, for example, aren't growing wings or gills (as far as any of us can tell), but we are evolving "faster than ever before," mostly in subtle ways such as food tolerance, disease resistance, and brain size.

One fascinating project that was started decades ago has allowed scientists to track and measure evolutionary changes in real time by speed-running evolutionary adaption in a heavily controlled lab setting.

In 1954, Japanese ecologist Syuiti Mori launched what would become one of the longest-running active experiments in the world. He enclosed a colony of fruit flies in glass bottles, covered them with cloth, and placed them in complete darkness.

They would remain there for the next 72 years and counting.


science, scientists, evolution, adaptation, mutation, genes, DNA, fruit flies, humans, health, futurology Dark flies and wild fruit flies look almost identical, but have significant genetic differences. Photo by Luke Peterson on Unsplash

Fruit flies are often used in this type of research because they reproduce incredibly quickly. Eggs typically hatch into maggots within a day or two. Within two weeks, they mature into sexually active adults that begin mating and laying eggs. New generations can cycle rapidly, which makes fruit flies the perfect candidate for tracking genetic changes over time.

Perhaps more surprisingly, fruit flies actually share quite a bit of DNA with humans. Researcher Stephanie Mohr tells Harvard Health that fruit fly genes are about 60% similar to human genes, with even greater overlap in disease-related markers. That makes them a surprisingly effective model for studying human genetics at a simplified level.

Mori's flies bred in complete darkness, rapidly producing generations that had never seen the light of day. Today, the experiment continues under successive generations of leading researchers, during which the colony has produced more than 1,500 generations.

Researchers access, feed, and study the flies using a weak red light that the flies cannot detect. For decades, they've been able to perfectly control the conditions from generation to generation. The Genetics Society of America writes: "The stock of flies has now spent more than 1,500 generations without light. In human terms, that would be like sequestering generations of our ancestors in the dark for 30,000 years."

Adaptation is slow, but that is more than enough time to measure changes, if any occur.


science, scientists, evolution, adaptation, mutation, genes, DNA, fruit flies, humans, health, futurology The project has been passed down from researcher to researcher for 70 years. Photo by CDC on Unsplash

The research team quickly discovered that after several generations, the new variety they had created, fittingly called "Dark-fly," performed better in darkness than wild flies.

The two subspecies look nearly identical, but the Dark-fly has longer head bristles used for sensory perception, a stronger sense of smell, and a tendency to lay more eggs in dark conditions.

Researchers even created mixed colonies of wild flies and dark flies, allowing them to interbreed in darkness, and found that Dark-fly DNA was more likely to be passed on to future generations.

In 2012, the full genome of the Dark-fly was sequenced by Naoyuki Fuse, who had taken over the project a few years earlier.

According to Bioedonline.org, "Fuse and his colleagues sequenced the dark-fly genome, identifying 220,000 single-letter differences in its DNA and several thousand larger DNA insertions or deletions, compared with a normal fruit-fly strain."

The team was able to pinpoint which genes changed over time and how, offering rare insight into how evolution works.

Scientists are quick to note that living in darkness does not directly cause changes in the flies' DNA. Instead, natural selection favors mutations and traits that help the flies thrive, making them more likely to be passed on to future generations. Some differences may simply be due to random chance, or genetic drift.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

Adaptations in extreme environments have been observed before. Some insects, including bedbugs, are becoming resistant to pesticides. The Mexican tetra, also known as the blind cave fish, has lost functional eyesight after generations of living in pitch-black caves. And a number of animals have adapted to rapidly warming climates.

But recording and measuring these changes in a controlled laboratory environment is extremely rare. Outside the Dark-fly experiment, other long-running studies have tracked colonies of E. coli and yeast under various conditions. But there's something incredibly exciting about observing a living, breathing species as it rapidly adapts to thrive in unnatural conditions.

One day, studies like this one could help scientists rewire human brains and genetics to protect against disease, among other amazing applications.

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