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Men's Health

Men are sharing the best 'unmanly' things they do that make them feel good

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Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

There is nothing unmanly about taking a bubble bath.

As society rethinks and reshapes the use of gender roles, both sexes (and everywhere in-between) are finding more opportunities to explore previously repressed aspects of themselves. It often feels like the Wild West of gender identity—an exciting new time to break through tired paradigms in search for something that is a better fit. We can see this on both a macro and micro scale, from something as widespread as more countries legalizing same sex marriage to something as simple as a man rocking a pencil skirt and heels. Each are radical in their own way.

A Reddit user asked men to name some “unmanly” things they did that they weren’t ashamed of. Their answers, though fun to read, also have an interesting through line, one of embracing sensitivity. Or, rather, their femininity. From self-care, to arts and crafts, to crying during Disney movies, each of these activities challenges the long accepted—and often problematic—belief of what makes a man a "man."

Psychology Today contributor Tyger Latham, Psy.D. writes that “Most of us immediately identify with the adage that to be a man often means: being tough, staying in control, never crying, working through physical pain, providing for your family, and never backing down from a fight. While such roles provide men with an operational model in which to exist, they can also be extremely restrictive.” He even described a condition known as alexithymia, quite literally meaning “without words for emotions,” that many male clients encounter while trying to express what’s happening on the inside.

But what if the pursuit of happiness includes the pursuit of wholeness? Some would argue that the latter is more important altogether. Men—and women, for that matter—should be able to go fishing, knit while they wait on the pond, come home and throw on an exfoliating face mask while watching a rom-com. So yes, while these answers do serve as a lighthearted digital romp through the internet, they are also symbols of small, yet significant victories.

Without further ado, here are 18 “unmanly” things that are good for the soul, no matter the gender:

1. Sewing

“I think it is helpful for spatial reasoning, attention to detail, and creativity. It is basically construction out of a very thin, flexible material that requires the builder to create the object inside-out."

2. Bubble baths

“I don't take baths much but if I do you best believe there's gonna be bubbles galore in that bath.”

“Bath bombs rule, my favorite one turns the water black and sparkly and smells like peppermint.”

3. Cute voices for animals

“In high school there was a video shown in class, and when puppies came on screen I yelled 'PUPPIES!' in a ridiculous falsetto. I still have that reaction regularly when I see puppies.”

“I do this with puppies...kittens...cats...any cute animal…”

4. Prioritizing fashion … to the point of indecision

“There are literally a few minutes where I am stressed out wondering 'I wore that a few days ago; this is too similar to what I wore yesterday' and so on. This is mostly when getting ready for work, which is business casual. I have a dozen or so button-down shirts, but I still can't make up my damn mind.”

5. A love of all things hygge

“I love fuzzy socks, fuzzy blankets, fuzzy anything.”

“I love blankets. My birthday, Christmas, valentines day; just give me more blankets. Let me make a cave of blankets and hibernate straight through until spring.”

hyygesocks GIFGiphy

6. A fondness for stuffed animals

“I sleep with two stuffed animals. It would be three, but Pete the polar bear is now with my girlfriend in the Netherlands.”

“I still sleep with a teddy bear I got when I was 4. I'm 30 now. I hope to give it to my daughter when she is born/old enough.”

7. Checking out other guys

"I can tell when a guy is attractive, I have no sexual desire for dudes but I can tell if I find one good looking, i'd even go as far to say I have a type."

8. Enjoying domestic chores

"I love looking doing things for my wife...coffee and breakfast in bed everyday, I wash up, I pack her a lunch to take to work everyday, spoil her with little surprises a few times a month etc. Turns out my friends and my father all think I am whipped. They think she has me under her thumb. I guess they don't know that we split house chores in a number of ways but I chose to do extra things as I have some extra time since I don't have to commute - it feels fair to me.They also don't understand that when I lost my job my wife encouraged me to do my own thing and that she supported both of us for a long time to allow me to follow my dream. In short, my mates and father just don't understand or want to be with a woman who is a partner and equal in the relationship.”

9. Being the little spoon

"I'm nearly a foot taller than my girlfriend, but if we're cuddling in bed I like to be the little spoon, it's hilarious and comfy."

"I once was sitting on the floor and my girlfriend at the time was sitting on the couch giving me a back rub. She eventually wrapped her arms around me from behind and asked how it felt. 'Like this room is the only thing in the entire world.'"

“Sleeping as the little spoon is really nice because it makes you feel needed on a physical level which is really comforting."

10. Crying

“Personally, I think that it takes a lot more bravery to open yourself up to something special, such as love for a pet, than to keep everything around you at arms length to numb your own sensitivity (or vulnerability if you will) to anything. You display a willingness to express yourself, knowing full well that it could get you hurt, and then bear any resulting pain, ultimately overcoming it. What the hell could be more manly?”

“I will cry at any movie where a dog dies. Every, Single. Time. A Dog’s Purpose was a very unpleasant movie for me.”
men showing emotionsCry GIF by MasterChefAUGiphy

11. Gardening

“It’s great being able to grow things from just seeds."

12. Therapy

“Everyone needs a little bit of therapy. Even if you’re perfectly fine, everyone needs someone to talk to.”

13. Sharing feelings with the kids

"Hugging my kids, apologizing to them when I’m wrong ('sorry I accused you of making a mess outside, I just learned it was the neighbors’ kid'), and showing them it’s okay to have and express feelings. Yes, daddy can get teary eyed too when watching a sad movie. Also as an extension of apologizing for having done wrong, being able to back down. When in an argument and find out you’re wrong, it’s not weak to say 'I didn’t know that. Sorry, I was wrong.'”

14. Complimenting guy friends

"A lot of people feel it's not manly to do so but I think it's important and it feels great having a group of guys that doesn’t just bash each other all the time."

15. Interior decorating

“I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking up furniture/wall art/etc. just fantasizing about how I'm going to decorate it when I finally get my own place.”

16. Baking

“I just donned a pink apron with strawberries on it to help my girlfriend make a pie. Her family razzed me about it... but hey, no pie for them.”

“I bake and listen to Adele. Sometimes at the same time.”

17. Afternoon tea

“I don't care who you are. You haven't lived until you've eaten tiny cucumber sandwiches and scones off a three-story silver party platter.”

18. Self-care

self care for menChristian Bale Face Mask GIF by PeacockTVGiphy

“Manicures and pedicures, obviously no nail polish, but my hands and feet are usually a horrendous pile of dead skin and callouses from working out and my job. It makes me feel a little better about people seeing them, they don’t get all of them, but it definitely makes them look closer to normal.”

“I love doing a facial cleanse, tone and moisturize, makes your face feel awesome."

“I go full-on Bateman. Have multiple face masks, skin creams and hair products. Started as a way to bond with my sisters, ended up being something that centers me in the mornings and a comforting ritual a couple of times a night.”

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When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn

Years after it happened, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.

Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "


Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com


Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.


This article originally appeared on 8.16.19

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There's an underreported health crisis among veterinarians. 4 reasons why they need help.

Abuse from customers is just the beginning.

via Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels

A veterinarian examines a sick dog.

Imagine this.

You grow up loving animals – you're the rare type of human who loves cats and dogs equally. You're also fond of birds, lizards — pretty much anything that was worth of securing a spot on the Ark.

So you decide to become a veterinarian when you grow up so you can help as many of them as possible.

As a vet, you do get to help a lot of animals! But here are some other things you deal with on a daily basis.

Abandoned, mistreated, and abused pets. You know that horrible Sarah McLaughlin commercial with all the sad animals that haunts all of our dreams? Imagine waking up and clocking into work and seeing that, or worse, every single day.

long-coated black and white dog during daytimeMuch needed photo of a cute dog. Photo by Baptist Standaert on Unsplash

Owners that can't or won't get proper care for their pets. Pet care, including essential medications and surgeries, is really expensive. Someone might adopt a puppy because they have the means to feed it and get it vaccines, but that doesn't mean they have $10,000 to shell out for hip surgery a few years later, and as a vet you may have to watch that animal go without.

(Though that's probably preferable to when owners come in wanting to euthanize perfectly healthy pets due to inconvenience.)

And then there's the fact that most veterinarians must perform euthanasia on a daily basis — a heartbreaking reality of the job.

All of that while often saddled with medical debt and making less than stellar wages.

As tough as these things are, many vets report that they're somehow the least stressful parts of their day-to-day.

The worst thing that vets actually deal with, though, is all the humans.

It's unfortunately very common for pet owners to get angry about the cost of care and take it out on veterinarians and their staff, hurling abuse and accusations of greed at them.

Cyber-bullying is a big problem, too, with angry customers leaving bad reviews and social media posts that vets aren't allowed to respond to due to privacy concerns.

From there, it's not unheard of for angry clients to make threats or even resort to violence against veterinarians.

The reality of the career is a far cry from just playing with puppies all day — it's frequently dealing with difficult, entitled, or emotional owners.

It should be no surprise, then, that veterinarians are facing a mental health crisis — but somehow it still is.

short-coated brown puppy on white floorThis dog would never scream at a vet and make them cry Photo by Jairo Alzate on Unsplash

When I learned that this is one of the industries with the highest rates of depression and suicide, I was completely shocked.

Of course, thinking through the challenges of the job, it makes total sense.

But the issue clearly hasn't been getting enough attention.

A recent report from Australian dog food brand Royal Canin and the charity Love Your Pet, Love Your Vet spelled out some sobering data:

Vets were four-times more likely than the general population to commit suicide, with a heart-breaking 68% of veterinarians surveyed having lost a colleague to suicide.

Even at the less extreme ends of the spectrum, the stress, anxiety, burnout, and depression in the industry are catastrophic.

On top, the general public has no idea how bad the problem is — almost 80% of Australians surveyed were not aware of veterinary mental health issues at all.

The problem is just as bad in the USA and other parts of the World. But...

A report from the AVMA shows that things are getting (a little) better. Making more people aware will help.

a brown cat lying on the groundAnother cute pet break Photo by Simone Dalmeri on Unsplash

Despite being an underreported crisis, there are tons of groups fighting to make an impact here — dog food brands, non profits, professional trade organizations — and the good news it might just be making a difference.

The 2024 shows that the number of vets receiving counseling has nearly doubled in the last several years, in part thanks to an increase in veterinary practices offering mental health coverage and other assistance programs.

There's been a huge emphasis on preventive care, which early returns show has been working.

These changes taking place inside animal hospitals and vet practices are huge.

But there are a lot of things we can do as pet owners to make things better, too.

We can show our gratitude and say Thank You. We can not be jerks when a service costs more than we think it should. We can grieve or be upset or angry and not take it out on the veterinarian who's just trying to help.

Our pets are our family members, and many of us would do anything for them.

Now we have to take better care — MUCH better care — of the people who care for our pets.

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Woman's rare antique turned away from 'Antique Roadshow' for beautiful heart-wrenching reason

"I just love you for bringing it in and thank you so much for making me so sad."

Photos by Murat Rahim Caglak and Antoni Shkraba via Canva

Woman's antique turned away from 'Antique Roadshow'

People come by things in all sorts of ways. Sometimes you find something while at a garage sale and sometimes it's because a family member passed away and it was left to them. After coming into possession of the item, the owner may be tempted to see how much it's worth so it can be documented for insurance purposes or sold.

On a recent episode of BBC One's Antique Roadshow, a woman brought an ivory bracelet to be appraised. Interestingly enough, the expert didn't meet this rare find with excitement, but appeared somber. The antique expert, Ronnie Archer-Morgan carefully explains the purpose of the bracelet in what appears to be a tense emotional exchange.

There would be no appraisal of this antique ivory bracelet adorned with beautiful script around the circumference. Archer-Morgan gives a brief disclaimer that he and the Antique Roadshow disapprove of the trade of ivory, though that was not his reason for refusing the ivory bangle.

"This ivory bangle here is not about trading in ivory, it’s about trading in human life, and it’s probably one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever had to talk about. But talk about it we must," Archer-Morgan says.

Turns out the woman had no idea what she had in her possession as she purchased it from an estate sale over 30 years before. One of the elderly residents she cared for passed away and the woman found the ivory bracelet among the things being sold. Finding the bangle particularly intriguing with the fancy inscription around it, she decided to purchase the unique piece of jewelry.

After explaining that his great-grandmother was once enslaved in Nova Scotia, Canada before being returned to Sierra Leone, Archer-Morgan concluded he could not price the item.

"I just don’t want to value it. I do not want to put a price on something that signifies such an awful business. But the value is in the lessons that this can tell people," he tells the woman.

In the end the woman leaves without knowing the monetary value of the item but with a wealth of knowledge she didn't have before visiting. Now she can continue to share the significance of the antique with others. Watch the full explanation below.

This article originally appeared on 4.3.24

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Bill Maher says smartphones are deadlier for kids than school shooters. Where's the logic?

He supports taking phones away from kids at school.

via Warner Brothers PR and Pixabay/Pexels

Kids staring at their phones and HBO's Bill Maher.

The September 4th school shooting at Apalachee High School in Georgia that killed 2 students and 2 teachers prompted an interesting discussion about how to protect school children on the September 6th episode of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher.”

In the wake of the tragedy, Maher was encouraged that the shooter’s father has been charged with murder for buying his 14-year-old son an AR-15 that may have been used in the shooting.

“It's America. So we had a school shooting. When schools go back into session and we're gonna have to talk about this 'cause it happens a few times every year. I think it's happened 45 times already this year, by the way. Here's the new wrinkle in this one. Now they're blaming the parents as I think they should,” Maher said on a segment featuring John Avlon, a Democrat running for Congress in New York’s First District and Rich Lowry, Editor-in-Chief of the conservative National Review.

Maher says that the shooter’s parents were “derelict” in their duty and extended that critique to those who let their kids bring smartphones to school. “And we can't also talk about taking phones away from kids in school. It's funny. I think the problem here is that parents just don't have the ability to say no to kids for anything,” Maher said to a big round of applause.



In a country where liberals and conservatives are at odds over gun control laws, Maher sees charging parents as a sensible, bipartisan way to improve the situation. He equated this to the recent rise in bipartisan laws nationwide that ban students from bringing their smartphones to class.

“This is an issue of bipartisan support,” Avlon said. “There shouldn't be smartphones in schools because nobody likes 'em. Not good for the kids, not good for the teachers, not good for learning. So that's an area where there is bipartisan agreement. Let's act on that. Let's keep advancing it.”

Studies show that since 2010, when smartphones became widely used by young people, the U.S., and other developed nations saw an astronomical spike in mental health problems, including self-harm, suicide, psychological distress, anxiety, and depression.



Smartphones and social media are also associated with bullying, decreased attention span, diminished social development and trouble with sleep. Collectively, these issues have resulted in an unprecedented mental health crisis.

A study by the Centers for Disease Control found that the suicide rate among young people rose 62% between 2007 and 2021. The problem has been especially bad for teenage girls, who are at higher risk of suicidal ideation and behaviors than their male counterparts. In 2021, 3 in 10 female high school students said they had seriously considered attempting suicide.

While there’s yet to be a study that confirms a direct, causal link between smartphone use and the dramatic rise in suicide among young people, studies show that when smartphone use is reduced, their mental health improves.

Maher made a bold point during the discussion that’s worth examining. He says the mental health problems caused by smartphones may pose a greater danger to America’s youth than school shootings.

“But a point to [Avalon’s] point about the guns being obviously more dangerous in the immediate than the phones. Yeah, true. But if you did a really long-term study, I mean over decades. I'm not sure that would come out that way because suicides alone caused by the phone. We know this happens; lots of other bad things happened because of that godd**n phone. And now, 9 states are on board with taking away the phone for the day.”



“I'm a Neanderthal on this,” Lowry added. “All screens are the enemy. They are distraction machines. Even if you're just sitting and watching TV all day, is that a happy person? No. And we've conducted this mass social psychological experiment on teens with social media. And it's been a disaster.”

It’s not fair to the victims of teen suicide or school shootings to say that one problem is greater than the other because the loss of every young life is an unquestionable tragedy. But when it comes to the space these issues occupy in the public consciousness, all 3 panelists agreed that we should treat mental health issues caused by smartphones as seriously as school shootings.

Every year, an average of 6,500 young Americans between the ages of 10 to 24 years old die by suicide. Over the past 10 years, an average of 38.5 Americans were murdered at the hands of school shooters every year.

The school shooting epidemic has inspired millions of Americans to take political action by backing gun control legislation and red flag laws. It has also deputized countless citizens to create school preparedness plans so that educators, students and law enforcement agencies have all the resources necessary to combat an active shooter situation. The problem persists, but concerted efforts are being made nationwide to make schools safer.

Smartphones don’t appear to be as dangerous as AR-15s, but their abuse can lead to the same devastating results. What if we take the same energy to help reduce suicide rates and improve mental health among young people by creating phone-free schools and childhoods that are more about sunshine than screen time?

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Mom gives back son's perfect attendance award to prove a simple point

"What on earth are we teaching our kids about value and worth?"

CDC/Unsplash and JE Theriot/Flickr

You remember what it was like as a kid.

At the end of every school year, there was a ceremony, or at least an announcement of some kind, where a handful of students would receive an award for "Perfect Attendance."

There was much applause and admiration for these heroic kids.

Maybe you got one of these awards yourself. Maybe you simply sat there feeling strangely bad about the one time you had a cold and had to stay home.

If only you had gutted through it, you could have had some of that applause, too.

Well, one mom has had enough of perfect attendance awards. In fact, when her son's school offered him one, they turned it down.

school bus on pathway Photo by Denisse Leon on Unsplash

In a post on her blog, U.K. mom and author Rachel Wright wrote about the experience and her reasoning behind the decision.

It might sound strange at first, but she makes a lot of great points. Her biggest gripe? Kids can't control who gets sick and when:

"In this family you are not shamed for ill health, vulnerability or weakness. In this house you are not encouraged to spread germs when you are not well. In this house we look after ourselves and the weakest amongst us," she writes.

"Can you imagine a work place that at the end of each week marked out all the people who hadn't been sick? Where all the departments with the least number of people off were rewarded — in front of everyone else?

"It happens in schools all the time.

"Can you imagine what kind of atmosphere that would create with people who had days off because of bereavement, mental health problem or chronic conditions? What on earth are we teaching our kids about value and worth? What are we teaching them about looking out for each other and looking after the sick or disabled in our community?"

Wright goes on: Most school-aged kids have very little control over whether they get to school.

female teacher standing in front of children Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

Policies that reward kids for zero absences unfairly favor those of more privileged households.

After all, it's a heck of a lot easier to get to school amid rain and snow in Mommy's 4-wheel-drive SUV versus the public bus.

And kids with health problems or chronic illnesses? They don't stand a chance.

"He had no control over his attendance," Wright wrote. "I took him to school and it would have been my decision to keep him off. I should get the reward (or not) for his attendance."

The blog post has gone viral, with comments pouring in from parents around the world who share Wright's frustration for this arbitrary form of celebration.

"The worst time was in primary school when [my daughter] repeatedly 'lost' her class the class award, and was bullied because of it," wrote one mom.

"In a work place, this would never be acceptable, but we allow this to ... happen for our children," added another commenter.

While it's not a bad thing to celebrate kids for commitment and hard work at school, we ought to give some more thought to how we do it and whether we want our kids growing up believing that never taking a day off is something to aspire to.

The debate on the pros and cons of perfect attendance awards rages on, even in 2024.

Though anecdotally it feels like they're beginning to go out of style. After all, data shows that awards and certificates don't have a positive effect on absenteeism — and in fact can have the opposite effect!

In a world that lived through the 2020 COVID pandemic and lockdowns, it seems much smarter to let kids know: It's OK to take care of yourself when you're sick, it's important to stay home to stop the spread of germs, and yes, the occasional day off for your mental health isn't going to hurt anyone.

Kudos to Rachel Wright for kicking off a conversation that's finally beginning to make a difference.


This article originally appeared on 7.17.17

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