She's the pudding in the proof, alright.
Lizzo—an artist who has made inclusion a part of her platform—received criticism from fans for a word included in her newly released single “Grrrls,” which was seen by some as derogatory toward disabled people.
The song’s opening line includes the word “spazz,” which in broad slang terms can mean “random, wild outburst,” according to Urban Dictionary. As many disability advocates pointed out, however, “spastic” is also used to describe someone with an actual medical condition where they lose control of their muscles (cerebral palsy, in particular). The term has often been used as an insult, implying that someone is “awkward or clumsy.” Hence why many view it as an “ableist slur.”
Fans who were disappointed by its inclusion in her song posted about it online, which eventually caught the attention of Lizzo herself.
"Hey @lizzo, my disability Cerebral Palsy is literally classified as Spastic Diplegia (where spasticity refers to unending painful tightness in my legs) your new song makes me pretty angry + sad. 'S--z' doesn’t mean freaked out or crazy. It’s an ableist slur. It’s 2022. Do better,” one person explained.
Another added: “Oh @lizzo. A VERY influential figure, using the word sp@z in her new song. An offensive and derogatory term. As someone who’s written about the use of disability language, especially slang/slur words which have been used in schools, this is a huge step back. Please, remove it.”
So … what do you do when you say something hurtful, despite that being the furthest thing from what you intended? How do you make it right without compromising your own integrity? You do exactly what Lizzo did.
Without missing a beat, Lizzo made a statement on Instagram that acknowledged the pain caused by using the word, focusing on impact rather than intent. It's a crucial shift that makes an apology authentic.
"It’s been brought to my attention that there is a harmful word in my new song 'GRRRLS'. Let me make one thing clear: I never want to promote derogatory language. As a fat black woman in America, I’ve had many hurtful words used against me so I overstand the power words can have (whether intentionally or in my case, unintentionally),” the singer wrote.
That simple change made a world of difference. Lizzo soon received an outpouring of love, even from those who initially reached out in retaliation. Amazing things happen when people feel heard.
I’m going to cry 😭 Thank you so much for hearing us Lizzo and for understanding that this was only ever meant gently and being open to learning, it honestly means the world ❤️. You’re a real true ally https://t.co/RbQCbAwpR6
— Hannah Diviney (@hannah_diviney) June 13, 2022
Some even noted their own discoveries, sharing how they too learned about the word’s other meaning and plan to change moving forward.
We're all learning together.
Even the most conscientious person doesn’t know everything. No one is going to know how every word is translated across cultures and backgrounds. We are all human. But compassion doesn’t have to get lost in translation. There doesn’t have to be drama in allyship. Sometimes it might be as simple as a more mindful approach to our ever-evolving language.
Despite what another Lizzo song suggests, maybe truth doesn’t have to hurt.
- Man who now uses a wheelchair explains ableism, and it'sa ... ›
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- Lizzo launches a reality show for dancers with bigger bodies, then ... ›
- Lizzo took giving someone clothes off your back literally - Upworthy ›
- Lowe's employee helps boy with spastic cerebral palsy - Upworthy ›
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.