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I answered the Starbucks #RaceTogether questions so you don't have to. (But you might want to.)

Let's see how I do.

Here are the questions:

  1. My parents had __ friends of a different race.
  2. I have __ friends of a different race.
  3. My children have __ friends of a different race.
  4. __ members of a different race live on my block or apartment building.
  5. I most often talk to someone of another race: __ at work__ at church__ at home__ shopping__ at school
  6. In my Facebook stream __% are of a different race.
  7. In the past year, I have been to the home of someone of a different race __ times.
  8. In the past year, someone of a different race has been in my home __ times.
  9. At work, we have managers of __ different races.
  10. In the past year, I have eaten a meal with someone of a different race __ times.

"I'd like a skinny venti triple vanilla cappuccino and a pumpkin-spiced discussion of racial bias in Ferguson, Missouri."

The sanctity of the coffee moment of peace is real. But so is racism. Is the answer ... awkwardness?

So, in the spirit of all awkward things that help the world, I answered these goofy #RaceTogether questions myself.

Here goes.

Read'em, skip'em, but think about it.


When did you first become aware of your race?

I don't actually remember when I knew I was white, but I think it was when I started asking my mom about my classmate's hair.

To mom's credit she kept it pretty focused on like, "hair is different!" vibes and not like, "THAT IS A BLACK PERSON, LORI, AND YOU ARE NOT BLACK." So go, mom.

I also remember hearing the n-word when I was younger and living in the South and repeating it to my mom and she was like, "WHAT? NO." And then she explained about why the n-word was a sad word and I shouldn't say it. And then I kind of learned more about "race" and not just "people are different." I've never really thought about that difference!

But when you learn about race, it's usually a kind of sad moment. I vaguely remember being like, why are people mean?!


10 RACE CONVERSATION STARTERS

1. My parents had __ friends of a different race.

My parents both had a friend who was black that they talked about being GREAT friends with but only during school. My mom actually was really good school-friends with my friend's mom.

I remember Mom talking to me about how she wanted to invite her black friend to her slumber party, but my grandma (who is a wonderful and tolerant person) was just like, "We don't do that" ā€” so mom's friend didn't come to the slumber party.

This friend of my mom passed away when I was a young teenager, and that's when I heard about all of this stuff, as my mom was grieving her friend's death. It took my mom's friend dying for her to bring up race.

2. I have __ friends of a different race.

Do I get to answer this with, kind of a lot? It's not like I count ... but I'm not colorblind. I see what my friends look like, and I know their backgrounds.

I don't want a cookie, a latte, or congratulations, but there. OK. Fine. There! I see color and I notice my friends' family histories; I'm not going to apologize for it.

That being said, I probably do have more white friends than not.

3. My children have __ friends of a different race.

I don't have any children, but I will say it's very rare that the children I do know have friends who are not the same race as them. I'm talking like, my little kid cousins, etc., etc., etc.

4. __ members of a different race live on my block or apartment building.

From what I see when I walk down my street in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, NYC ... maybe five-ish?

Again, I'm going to have to acknowledge that I look at people's faces and see a face that's different than mine here. Here goes.

There's an Asian family two doors down, and the dad is always playing trucks with his son on the steps, and it's cute. And there's an elderly Asian man who sits on his stoop and smokes a pipe almost every day, and he looks like he has life figured OUT. Cool Asians on my street! That's it!

5. I most often talk to someone of another race:


I don't have a church that I attend now, but when I was young there were a LOT of white people at my church.

6. In my Facebook stream __% are of a different race.

Let's look!

...

OK, well that did not go well. I scrolled for a few minutes, and only a couple not-white folks showed up.

:-/

7. In the past year, I have been to the home of someone of a different race __ times.

I'm going to say ... five-ish times?

8. In the past year, someone of a different race has been in my home __ times.

Also five-ish times, possibly more, since I'm kind of the party-haver of my group.

*UPDATE: A friend of mine who is not white says he's been to my house more than 5 times. Just an update. There it is. Conversations. Happening live.

9. At work, we have managers of __ different races.

Upworthy is one of the most diverse places I've ever worked, and that's including my public high school band class, which was maybe THE most diverse place I've ever worked in my life.

Upworthy's second.

10. In the past year, I have eaten a meal with someone of a different race __ times.

At least 20 times. I'm really, REALY not counting off what my dinner dates look like because THAT would be a little much, but 20, sure.

So there you have it. I talked about race. I learned a bit about MYSELF, and I feel scared but OK sharing these awkward answers with you!

Talking about race is scary.

But the alternative world ...

... is scarier.

So I say ... bring on the awkward.

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Pets

The most inspiring pet stories of 2024

Leading pet brand Nulo knows every cat and dog has the power to be incredible.

via Keswick Mountain Rescue Team/Instagram, Cat Protection/Youtube

Incredible pets deserve incredible food.

2024 was a year filled with heartwarming stories that reminded us of the incredible bond between humans and their furry companions. From acts of bravery to heartwarming gestures, these pets made a huge impact on the lives of their ownersā€¦ and the lives of many, many more.

Itā€™s stories like these that continue to inspire leading pet nutrition brand Nulo, which is committed to helping pets live their best lives with functional, delicious and nutritious food. Through their innovative and intentional formulas, Nulo fuels incredible cats and dogs just like the ones below each and every day.

Enjoy some stories below of 2024ā€™s goodest boys and girls ā€” courageous dogs, trauma-informed kitties and much, much more ā€”that really show the unwavering love and loyalty animals bring into our lives. Their inspiring actions fuel incredible.

assets.rebelmouse.io

When a 71-year-old man went unconscious and collapsed during a steep hike, his golden retriever and a black labrador instinctively broke up into a rescue team ā€” the smart and resourceful labrador going off to look for help, and the loyal goldie staying by its owner's side. Sometimes itā€™s smart to have two of ā€œmanā€™s best friends.ā€

assets.rebelmouse.io

Marley, a seven-year-old, black and white feline known for his "incredible gift of empathyā€ won Cat Protection's National Cat of the Year 2024 for the way he comforts women who have been enslaved, exploited and trafficked and staying at the Caritas Bakhita Safe House in London. Heā€™s known to often leave a reassuring paw on guestsā€™ legs to ā€œlet them know theyā€™re not alone,ā€ a gesture often called ā€œthe first kindness theyā€™ve experienced in years.ā€

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In early 2024, Kobe, a four-year-old husky with an extraordinary sense of smell, began digging obsessively in the yard. At first the poochā€™s owner, Chanell Bell, thought this was just typical behavior, but soon discovered that Kobe had indeed detected a dangerously large cloud of natural gas that would have not only been seriously life-threatening to her, but the entire neighborhood. Itā€™s like they say, ā€œthe nose knows.ā€

Eight-year-old golden retriever Roger, may have failed his drug-sniffing training in Taiwan, but it turns out he has a knack for rescue operations during natural disasters. After a 7.4-magnitude earthquake struck, Roger dug through the rubble of a collapsed building to locate the body of one of the 13 people killed in the quake, offering closure to a grieving family. This earned him the nickname of ā€œthe pride of Taiwanā€ on social media.

Dogs donā€™t only save humans ā€” sometimes they rescue other animals as well.

When folks scrolling through the X account called ā€œAnimals Dyingā€ saw a video of a creature swimming through murky water with a deer fawn in its jaws, they probably assumed it was an alligator enjoying its latest meal. But to everyoneā€™s surprise and delight, it was actually a Labrador Retriever making sure the sweet little fawn didnā€™t drown.

Once a stray, 12-year-old Cilla found her home at Outwoods Primary School in Warwickshire, England, where she calms anxious students, inspires a community of cat lovers on X, and has even used her social media celebrity to help raise Ā£5,000 to restock the school library ā€” a place she loves to lounge in.

scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net

In July, Bloodhound puppy and K-9 unit member Remi used his powerful nose to help an autistic and non-verbal boy who had gotten lost find his way back home. Deputy B. Belk, Remiā€™s partner, used a piece of sterile gauze to collect the scent from the boyā€™s forearms and the back of his neck and had Remi ā€œreverseā€ track backwards for about half a mile to locate the childā€™s home in a nearby neighborhood.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

When a beautiful pooch named Gita saw her 84-year-old owner fall and hurt his leg, she ran down to the main road, and refused to move until someone stopped to help. Eventually she was seen by a man named Deputy Wright, who tried to get Gita into his patrol car, but the dog wouldnā€™t budge. When Gita did finally bolt off, Wright followed her down to where the man had been stranded, and was able to help him. Without her protection, who knows if the man would have been found in time? ā€œThe loyalty and heroism of our furry friends never cease to amaze us,ā€ Wright would end up writing on Facebook.

If thereā€™s an incredible furry friend in your own life, nothing says ā€œthank youā€ quite like a nourishing meal. Check out Nulo for a variety of recipes sure to be loved by your beloved pet.

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Popular

Golden Retriever's unbridled excitement over new dog bed is too sweet not to watch

Who wouldnā€™t be excited?

@wackowinston/TikTok, used with permission

May we all find something that makes us as happy as this dog bed makes Winston.

Dogs of every breed tend to get excited over the littlest things, but Golden Retrievers are just a bit extra whether its with their favorite toys, snacks, or in this case, their beds.

One proud goldie named Winston is winning hearts online thanks to his adorable reaction to a dog bed upgrade. It's honestly understandableā€”the bed is more of a mini couch. Who wouldnā€™t be excited?

Winstonā€™s mom, Ashley Jance, not only manages to capture the wholesome moment, but provides the perfect narration.

"This is my old bed... and THIS is my new bed!" Jance says as, indeed, we see Winston jump on one bed then bound to the other as though he were a kid on Christmas showing off his new toys.

And, just like a kid, Winston doesnā€™t love the idea of sharing as indicated by his playful growls when Dad tries to sit on his new plush throne.

ā€œHeā€™s like, ā€˜get up!ā€™ā€ Jance says through giggles.

Down in the comments, viewers seemed to catch Winstonā€™s enthusiasm.

ā€œI love this for you Winston!ā€ one person exclaimed.

Another added, ā€œthat is the cutest thing Iā€™ve seen in a long time.ā€

@wackowinston

im very proud and excited

ā™¬ original sound - Winston The Golden

Of course, not all dogs might take to dog beds as happily as Winston did. A 2012 survey by the American Pet Products Association found that 62% of small dogs, 41% of medium-sized dogs, and 32% of large dogs sleep with their owners.

It's a trend not soon to break. In 2022, Psychology Today reported that 76% of American dog owners allows their dogs to sleep with them.

Still, even for pups who donā€™t take to their own bed immediately, there are certain steps to take to make their beds seem a bit more appealing. Mostly, it takes establishing routine and safety along with some patience as a pet owner.

Of course, if traditional training doesn't work, pet owners could just show their furry friends this video of Winston because boy is his energy contagious!

If you're interested in getting your own pup a bed like Winston's, they're available on Amazon.


This article originally appeared March.

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Wellness

Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

The eyes are muscles like any other and need both stimulation and relaxation.

Canva

Treat the eyes like a muscle. Give them exercise and relaxation.

We spend a lot of time looking at things up close, particularly our screens. For many of us, itā€™s the first thing we look at in the morning, the last thing we look at before going to sleep, and the thing we look at most during all those hours in between. According to a study commissioned by Vision Direct, the average American will spend 44 years looking at a screen. You read that right. Over. Four. Decades.

Really, itā€™s no wonder that eyesight has worsened. Experts have declared that myopia, aka nearsightedness, has grown to an epidemic level. In addition, we suffer more headaches and migraines, get poor sleep, and tend to feel more fatigued.

Luckily, there are a few things we can do to help, whether we boast 20/20 vision or are already constantly squinting.

Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, well known for his podcast ā€œHuberman Lab,ā€ breaks down all kinds of science-based life hacks for health, wellness, and fitness.

In addition to studying the brain, one of Hubermanā€™s main research topics is vision. In a video, Huberman shares two simple exercises that can dramatically help improve eyesight.

First and foremost, we need to allow our vision to relax.

You canā€™t do this just by looking up from your computer screen. Instead, Huberman suggests going to a window and looking out at a point in the distance. Ideally, you would open the window because windows filter out a lot of the blue light and sunlight that you want during the daytime. Better yet, go to a balcony, relax your eyes, and look out at the horizon. This allows the eyes to relax and go into panoramic vision, relieving stress and fatigue.

According to Huberman, you should be doing some kind of relaxation of the eyes, face, and jaw for every 30 minutes of focused workā€”which works out to at least every 90 minutes.

Second, stimulate the eyes by focusing on motion.

Smooth pursuit is our natural ability to track individual objects moving through space. You can train or improve your vision simply by stimulating this mechanism. To do this, Huberman suggests taking a few minutes each day or every three days to visually track a ball. Or, get outside and watch objects move around. Think swooping birds, falling leaves, etc. If you couldnā€™t tell, Huberman is a big proponent of going outside.

Bottom line: Our eyes are muscles. Just like our biceps, they need stimulation and relaxation, and while we might not be able to get this kind of nourishment from our tiny screens, nature provides.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Woman with unfortunate initials warns parents to be more careful naming their kids

"When youā€™re deciding what to name your kids, look at what their initials are going to be."

via Canva/Photos

Woman holding her nose looking in the refrigerator.

A lot of thought goes into choosing a babyā€™s name. Will other kids have the same name when they start kindergarten? Is the name too dull? Is the name too original? Will the name lead to bullying? Will the name look good on a job application? Could you run for president with this name?

Popular TikToker Emily Windham, 23, from Birmingham, Alabama, is adding another question that parents should ask themselves: What will their initials be? Windham has gone viral for her video in which she reveals how disheartening it is when she has to write her initials, especially when they appear multiple times on a document.

ā€œWhen youā€™re deciding what to name your kids, look at what their initials are going to be,ā€ she says at the beginning of her video. ā€œEvery time I have to initial a document, I have to write 'EW.' All these little initial lines just say EW EW EW EW.ā€ The situation is frustrating for Emily because her parents considered naming her Alexia, which would have been AW, which is sweet. ā€œThatā€™s so cute,ā€ she said.

@emwindham

Easy em in tha house šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„

The post inspired other people with unfortunate initials to comment; some of them are much harder to live with than EW.

ā€œYeaā€¦ mine is XL,ā€ Xitlali wrote.

ā€œMine is ā€˜BLTā€™ because it was my dadā€™s favorite sandwich. Mom didnā€™t notice until it was too late I donā€™t even like blts,ā€ Bryony Tally Art wrote.

ā€œMine is ā€˜PPā€™ elementary and middle school was a blast,ā€ Pais wrote.

ā€œI knew a girl in school whose name was Amy, and her initials were also AMY, and Iā€™ll never forget because thatā€™s so baller,ā€ Charlie wrote.

ā€œMy son's initials are BRB,ā€ Ashleigh wrote.

ā€œMy initials are EGG,ā€ El-Glory wrote.

ā€œMy initials spell EMO and I think thats awesome,ā€ Elle wrote.

ā€œMine is OGā€¦ now Iā€™m getting married and itā€™ll be OJ. Canā€™t decide if I like an original gangster or Orange Juice more,ā€ Olivia wrote.

ā€œMine is ME, and when I sign out on duties at work, someone goes, ā€˜Can someone please stop signing ME and sign your initials?ā€™ Iā€™m like, those are my initials,ā€ a TokToker named Madison wrote.

@thesam_show

sorry if i talk about this problem too much but it is HAPPENING AGAIN!!

Emilyā€™s story is similar to that of Samanta Hart, a woman who went viral on TikTok in 2023 because her name doesnā€™t exactly work well with modern email conventions. Clearly, her parents hadn't thought that her name would cause any trouble in the late '90s when email was a new thing. So, she made a video warning parents to think of their childrenā€™s future email addresses before selecting a name.

ā€œMy name is Samantha Hart,ā€ the 27-year-old said. ā€œMost companies use the email designation of first initial, last name, meaning my email would be shart.ā€ A shart is an accidental release when one assumes they only have gas, which is not exactly how one wants to be known in professional circles.

ā€œAt every single workplace, I have received an email from HR the week before I start letting me know that my name does not exactly fit the company email structure as they would intend and [asked] would I mind if they gave me a different structure for my email,ā€ Hart said. Sadly, Hart will probably have to deal with this whenever she gets a new job. Hopefully, she enjoys doing long stretches with her employers.

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Family

New evidence shows that playing video games has an unexpected effect on kids' IQ

Parents are going to have to rethink things a bit.

via Canva/Photos

Three children enjoying video games.

Since Pong first became a massive hit in the early ā€˜70s, parents have warned their kids that playing video games will rot their brains. How it not? Most gaming involves kids sitting alone in their homes, mashing buttons and a single game could go on for hours. Thereā€™s a good reason why parents should be concerned about the amount of time their kids spend staring at screens, but does gaming have an upside?

A 2022 report from the Karolinska Institute in Sweden has found that playing video games actually increases a childā€™s IQ. "Our results support the claim that screen time generally doesn't impair children's cognitive abilities, and that playing video games can actually help boost intelligence," neuroscientist Torkel Klingberg from the Karolinska Institute in Sweden said in 2022.

To reach this conclusion, the researchers looked at nearly 10,000 kids between the ages of 9 and 10 who, on average, spent 2.5 hours a day watching TV or online videos, 1 hour playing video games and 30 minutes socializing online with friends or family. Two years later, they compared data on 5,000 of these kids and found that those who spent more time than the norm playing video games had an IQ increase 2.5 points above the average rise.

The IQ point increase was based on their performance in tasks involving self-control, flexible thinking, memory, reading comprehension and visual-spatial processing.



ā€œWe didnā€™t examine the effects of screen behaviour on physical activity, sleep, well-being, or school performance, so we canā€™t say anything about that,ā€ says Torkel Klingberg, professor of cognitive neuroscience at the Department of Neuroscience, Karolinska Institutet.

The researchers also note that there was no increase in IQ points for those who watched more TV or spent more time on social media than the norm.

Are video games bad for kids?

Kids who run to share this story with their parents should be careful because IQ is just one factor affected by playing video games. "We didn't examine the effects of screen behavior on physical activity, sleep, well-being, or school performance, so we can't say anything about that," said Klingberg. "We'll now be studying the effects of other environmental factors and how the cognitive effects relate to childhood brain development."



The study is a shot in the arm for those who believe video games are good for kids and those who like to play them. However, we know that video games can cause serious problems if played excessively. Studies show that gaming is associated with obesity because when you sit in front of a screen all day, you donā€™t have much time for exercise. Excessive gaming has also been associated with depression, anxiety, aggression, sleep deprivation, insomnia and circadian rhythm disorders.

Video game addiction has also become a serious problem and may affect over 60 million people worldwide. Parents should be wary of signs of video game addiction in their children, which include a loss of interest in other hobbies, withdrawal symptoms when they're not gaming, and aggression.

As with anything, the key to getting maximum benefits from gaming is to make the activity part of a balanced lifestyle that includes plenty of physical activity, socializing with friends, lots of sleep, good nutrition and a fair amount of reading time. The Child Mind Institute says kids over 6 should spend at most 1 hour a day playing video games on school days and 2 on the weekends. Kids under 6 shouldn't exceed 30 minutes a day playing video games.

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Husband's calm demeanor while encouraging his kids to give his wife 'space' delights fellow parents

Every Dad should try this.

Photo representation by Fortune Vieyra on Unsplash | Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash

A calm husband is winning praise for giving wife space when raising their children

Parenting is a 24/7 job. However, Kier Gaines, a licensed therapist, husband and father of two little girls, is encouraging parents to take time and space alone to preserve their mental health. In a new video he shared on TikTok titled "Saving Your Partner's Mental Health", Gaines demonstrates the importance of parents creating space at home for not just themselves, but more importantly their partners.

He shows how it can be done by setting boundaries with their children when it comes to being constantly available to them--supporting his wife to take rest rather than busying herself with house work while affirming to his children that giving mommy space is a positive thing.

@kiergaines

From Daddy, with Love šŸ–¤

"Give mommy some space, okay?" he says in the video as he is starting to cook in the kitchen. One of his daughters responds, "Okay. I just wanted to ask her a question."

In an understanding voice, he replies, "I know. Let's give her a little privacy. Let's give her a moment. You know how sometimes you go up in your room and you don't want to be bothered and we give you your space? I think everybody in the house needs that sometimes, what [do] you think?"

Gaines continues filming himself doing some kitchen organizing, pouring cereal boxes into storage containers before moving to the refrigerator to unload some drinks.

"Sydney, you wanna come help me?" he asks his daughter Sydney, before she replies, "No!" He quips, "True!"

man in long sleeve shirt standing beside girl in pink tank top washing hands Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Sydney then adds, "I am very busy right now!" Rather than get upset, Gaines sighs and says, "The fridge needs to be reorganized, but it ain't happening tonight! I'll tell you that."

His wife is heard off-camera chiming in, "I'll do it." But Gaines is having none of it. "Babe, rest your bones," he tells her. She replies, "Yeah, you're right," before Gaines adds in, "You've got enough going on," just..."motioning with his hands for her to step back and take a load off.

"You know I like to be busy," she responds, but Gaines reassures her that all is well as he continues to prepare a meal. "Yeah, you don't have to be busy when you don't have to. Go upstairs, get away from the kids."

The video ends on a funny note: as Gaines tries to open something with a knife, he drops it and it almost stabs his foot.

"Not today, Satan! Not today," he laughs.

Gaines' kind and gentle communication style sent his TikTok followers straight to the comment section to heap praise on him for being an amazing parent and spouse.

"The fact that you said, 'everybody needs space sometimes' instead of throwing mom under the bus with 'mommy needs time away or mommy needs a break' made my heart explode. What an awesome dad šŸ˜Š," one TikToker wrote. Another added, "Father is fathering, partner is partnering... that's how family life should be ā¤ļø."

Gaines was also commended for his soft tone. "The calm demeanor, the way you give explanations, ask questions, keep it kind. It made me cry. Dads donā€™t act like this as often as they should." And another declared, "the communication, the tone, and body language showing no anger, this is what every child deserves from their father and mother! i applaud you!ā¤ļø"

With nearly 28 million views on his video, Gaines deserves all the kudos.

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