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Husband's secret checklist for his wife's daily tasks has people debating healthy boundaries

Where do you draw the line?

reddit aita, marriage, communication in relationships, neurodivergent relationships
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Was he in the wrong?

A husband anonymously sought out the help of the Reddit community to see if he was in the wrong for keeping calendar reminders to ask his wife about stuff going on in her life.

On the popular “Am I The A**hole” subreddit, he explained that checking in and staying aware was something his wife was really good at, but something he struggled to maintain. He attributed part of it to what he called being “a fairly self-centered person.”

“I wish that weren't the case,” he wrote. “But in retrospect a lot of bad behavior on my part was not corrected and even enabled when I was young. By the time I realized this character flaw I was already well into adulthood and I have found that old habits die hard.”

And now, in adulthood, this man found himself “getting lost in his own stuff” and forgetting about his partners. So in an effort to be better, he started secretly making reminders in his calendar.

It was a strategy working “really well,” the man wrote.

That is, until his wife found out.

“She definitely found it weird and off-putting that I would need a system like that when she doesn't,” the OP lamented. “I kind of agree with her. It never felt like a deep dark secret, but on the other hand there's obviously a reason I never told her or anyone else I was doing it.”

“Still,” he concluded, “taking action to make sure I show consideration and concern for stuff that matters to her has to be better than continuing to forget, right?”

marriage, husband, pleasing your wife, relationships

"Taking action has to be better than forgetting, right?"

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People who read his story were inclined to agree.

“I think it's really sweet that you took the steps to help your wife feel valued,” one person wrote, suggesting that the situation might just need further communication. “I'd sit your wife down and let her know that this has helped you engage with her more and to learn more about how she's feeling.”

Quite a few noted that forgetfulness isn’t always something people can control, especially for those who are neurodivergent. So putting systems in place like calendar reminders isn’t actually a moral failing, but simply a different way of organizing important information.

“I’m married and have ADHD. I write EVERYTHING I can down bc I will not remember until it’s too late if I don’t…I would try to frame it as a tool you have used to try to better yourself for your relationship. Tell her you reflected on yourself and didn’t like what you saw. Then tried to do something to correct it so you could be a better partner,” one person commented.

One person even noted that they wished their partner did something like what the OP did.

“I'd love if my partner did something like this. We have had multiple arguments, because I remember everything, while he cannot remember the time he works the next day. So sometimes if I don't remind him, he will forget things, and it hurts,” they wrote.

husband, ADHD marriage

Putting in the effort is never a bad thing!

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All in all, folks agreed that this husband was not in the wrong (or “Not The A**hole, in Reddit speak) for his check-in reminders, and that it would probably just take another conversation for his wife to fully understand where he was coming from.

As one person put it: “I think we can all tell that your wife and your relationship means a lot to you, and I think it's great that you came up with something like that, and hopefully your wife will after this, too. It shows you care. Most people never develop systems for that, and their relationships deteriorate because of it.”

No two brains really think alike. And boy do we realize this in relationships. Even when we’re lucky enough to find that soul mate that seems to “get” us on a deeper level, there are still going to be ways our partners operate that seem completely foreign to us. But that isn’t nearly as important as whether or not a partner can take accountability, and put in the work to be the best partner they can be.

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Comedian nails the differences in how each generation arrives at someone's home

"Millennials will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower."

Samuel Peter/Pexels

Boomers will knock. Loudly. At all hours.

There's no doubt that there are contrasts between the generations, as baby boomers, Gen X, millennials and Gen Z see and experience the world quite differently. While generation gaps have always existed, the tech age has widened those gaps in big ways, which sometimes creates challenges but often results in hilarity.

For instance, watching a Gen Zer try to figure out how to use a rotary phone is pure entertainment. The way emojis are used and interpreted varies vastly by age, making for some chuckle-worthy communication mishaps. Slang terms can be hard to keep up with the older you get, but they can also be manipulated by savvy elders to great comedic effect.

gen z slang, w rizz, generations, generation gap, generational differences Riz W Sign GIF Giphy

And now, comedian Jake Lambert is comparing how the different generations arrive at someone's house in a viral video that's been viewed more than 12 million times.

"You've basically got boomers who will turn up completely unannounced any time from about 7:00 in the morning and they will knock on your door just slightly louder than the police using a battering ram carrying out a house raid," Lambert begins.

"And then you've got Gen X. They would have made the plans well in advance, and they would've also checked in a couple of days before just to make sure the plans are definitely still happening," he goes on. "You see, Gen X is the forgotten generation and they're so scarred by this title they would've assumed that you'd forgotten not only about the plans but about their very existence."

"Millennials will have hoped that the plans would've been canceled. There's no reason that a millennial will ever actually want to come to your house," he continues. "They will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower. And a millennial will never knock on your door. You'll just get a text either saying 'here' or 'outside,' and that's your cue to go and let them in."

"Similarly, Gen Z will never actually knock," he concludes. "But the chances are they won't have to, as they would have been documenting the entire journey from their house to yours, maybe even on Facetime using this angle [camera facing directly up at the chin] as they go along for some reason. Either that or they'll just send a picture of your front door or a selfie of them outside it. And again, just like the millennial, that's your cue to go and rescue them from the outside world."

gen z, selfie, generation gap, generational differences, generations Gen Z will send a selfie from outside your house as an indicator that they've arrived. Photo credit: Canva

People feel alternately seen, attacked and validated by Lambert's assessments, with the most common response being "accurate."

"I‘m a millennial, my husband GenX. Scarily accurate! 😂"

"Described this millennial to a T."

"This is surprisingly accurate 😂 I laughed slightly louder than the police using a battering ram…"

"Sooo accurate…guilty of the lateness and ‘here’ text 🙃"

"I must admit I'm a millennial. But knocking on the door feels so aggressive, uknow? 😅😇"

"Millennial texting to say almost there but just started getting dressed to go out. Why do we do this? It's not intentional, at least not for me."

millennial, ok boomer, generation gap, generational differences, generations Giphy

"Honestly your observations are just brilliant! GenX-er here!"

"The Gen Z angle omg. 😂😂"

Naturally there are some people who don't resonate with their generation's description, but there are exceptions to every rule and some people will never fit a stereotype. However, judging by the wave of affirmative responses, Lambert has nailed the generational generalities across the board—and done so in a way that allows us all to laugh at ourselves.

You can follow Jake Lambert on Instagram.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Woman can't understand why her last name is preventing her ex-husband from remarrying

He's gone. Why does it matter?

via Canva/Photos

A woman thinking about her problems.

Should two women be able to share the same man’s last name if one just divorced him and the other is looking to marry him? Well, at first glance, of course, especially if that man’s last name is common. If his last name is Smith or Jackson, and you marry him, you surely are not the only Mrs. Smith or Jackson on the planet. Even if his last name is uncommon, there is still very little chance that you are the only person with that last name, unless it’s Mxyzptlk.

A woman who divorced her husband three years ago is unsure what is going on after his girlfriend thinks that only she should have his last name. Is the first wife overreacting? She believes this behavior is a bit unusual.

“I was married to my ex-husband for 4 years. I didn't change my name when I first got married because neither of us cared much,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “I only changed it after our daughter was born because I wanted us to share a last name. We divorced in early 2022, and I kept the last name because my daughter still has it, and again, neither of us cared much.”

woman arguing, woman fighting, women in kitchen, conflict, two women, woman confused, A woman holds up her hands in exasperation.via Canva/Photos

The ex's girlfriend seems a bit jealous

Recently, the ex-husband's new girlfriend confronted her when she came to pick up her daughter and said that she needed to change her name because it was "the only thing standing in the way" of them getting married. The girlfriend added that it was “very weird” that she hadn’t changed her name back to her maiden name yet.

Evidently, the girlfriend thinks that she’s the only one who can be known as Mrs. X.

However, the woman doesn’t want to change her last name because it holds more significance for her than her previous marriage. “Aside from the connection to my child, I have a career, and I am involved professionally in the community, so my name carries some weight beyond my marriage and divorce. It doesn't seem fair to me to change it just to appease someone else,” she wrote. To add further insult, the couple said they’d pay for her to have her name changed while, at the same time, they owed her $20,000 in back child support.

woman on phone, upset woman, confused woman, woman white top, smartphone, brown hair A woman talking on the phone.via Canva/Photos

Is she overreacting?

The woman asked if she was overreacting to be upset about being pressured to change her name, and the commenters overwhelmingly supported her. "You are absolutely not overreacting. It's bizarre and odd that they would even bring this up to you, in my opinion. I kept my name after my divorce so that I would have the same name as my children. They have no right to make you feel any way about this, and I agree with you that their priorities are completely out of whack," one of the top commenters wrote. "Once you changed your name, it became YOUR name, not his. That’s really the end of the story if you want it to be! And if you want to have the same name as your child, that’s fair, but the reason doesn’t matter as it’s your name, not theirs."

Many of the commenters also noted that she should make an ultimatum, pay me the back child support, and I’ll change my name.

mother and daughter, happy mom, happy daughter, smiling little girl, bonding, parents A woman and her daughter.via Canva/Photos

Women have a lot of reasons for keeping their ex's last name

The story raises a very personal issue affecting many women. Should I go back to my maiden name after a divorce? A group of women shared why they kept their ex’s last name after a divorce, and the reasons were varied. Many kept their maiden name so they wouldn’t have a different last name from their children. While others said that professional reasons were the reason they kept their previous name, whether they were a writer and it was what they were published under, or a teacher who didn’t want to confuse her students. Other women kept their spouse's last name for a simple reason: they liked it better than their maiden name.

Ultimately, what it comes down to is that people’s names are very personal to them, and it’s not anyone else’s business what they call themselves. Even if their ex’s new beau thinks they should be the sole owners of their ex-husband’s surname. In this story, the woman wasn’t interested in changing her name, not because of a connection to her ex, but because of a much more important relationship, her child.

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Hospice nurse reveals the exact time most people die and the reasons why are fascinating

It's called the "letting go hour"

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There is a three hour window of time when most dying people pass away.

Death is hard to think about and harder still to talk about. Some people get panic attacks just imagining the inevitable end of their life. It's an extremely uncomfortable and inescapable fact of living. For some people, learning as much as they can about what it's like and how it works is the one thing that brings them a little bit of comfort.

That's where Julie McFadden comes in. McFadden has been working as a hospice nurse for nine years. She has been educating people about the dying process on social media for almost as long, racking up millions of views with her gentle, reassuring, and highly informative FAQs.

In a recent video, Hospice Nurse Julie tackles a big, scary question: What time do people usually die? And can we actually predict someone's time of death?

"When is the most common time to die? I think you might be surprised what research says," she begins the video.

McFadden says even she was surprised when she started digging into the data and research. She noted that in her own work, she hasn't really seen a trend, but after poring through studies and speaking to colleagues throughout the hospice industry, she was taken aback to discover there was a clear answer to her question.

"Research and anecdotal evidence... it does show that most people die between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m.," she says. She explains that some professionals refer to this window as the "letting go hour."

Other studies and experts have a slightly different take, citing the most common time as 6 a.m.—8 a.m., or even peaking at 11 a.m. But the truth remains that there is a definitive pattern of a high percentage of people passing away in the wee hours of the morning or middle of the night.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"So, why does that happen? That's where my brain went. And to me, the reason why is the most fascinating part," she explains.

There are a few different factors, McFadden says, that explain such a narrow death window. The first relates to the normal cycle of our body's energy and alertness.

"Biologically, we have a circadian rhythm... And between the hours of two and five, that is when our body's energy level is the lowest. Our temperatures drop, our blood pressure drops, and our breathing slows."

She mentions that those late night/early morning hours are also typically very quiet, without a lot of interruption and stimulation that might unwittingly keep a patient engaged with the outside world. "There's less people kind of trying to hold you there."

The dying person's personality also plays a role. McFadden says she sees over and over that some patients will wait until the entire family arrives before they "let go," while others will wait until things are quiet and they're alone. More outgoing people may wait to be surrounded before they pass, while introverts may prefer to pass in solitude. For the folks who prefer peace and quiet, those nighttime hours make a lot of sense.

death, dying, death doula, hospice, hospice nurse, mortality, aging, seniors, love, family, fear, afterlife Learning about death is uncomfortable, but it helps us in the long run. Photo by Sijmen van Hooff on Unsplash

McFadden then shared a pretty wild story of a patient of hers who "chose" when to die. Viewers then chimed in with their own.

Most people who have lost a loved one absolutely insist that dying people are aware of, and have some level of control over, when they decide to let go. You should watch McFadden's video to hear her best story, but the comments were full of even more.

"My good friend Donna was dying in hospice from a brain tumor and a week before she passed things looked pretty grave so she wasn't expected to last another 2 days. Her sister was by her side and said it's okay you can go but she opened her eyes and said no I'm not going yet I'm waiting for my birthday, I'm dying on my birthday. Her birthday was a week away and no one thought she would make it but she did. Her sister whispered in her ear 'today is your Birthday Sis you made it' and then she passed within the hour," one user shared.

"My grandmother was actively dying for two weeks and held on until the wee hours of the first of the month. She was concerned about getting her social security check to help the family," said another.

"About a week before my 93 year old mom died, she adamently said a few times to me and others she was leaving the following Tuesday. At first I thought she meant she's going out... That Tuesday comes and it was clear she was probably not going to make it to end of the week. I was aware of her comments from the week before but didn't think it would happen that day. She died at 11:12 pm that night, on the day she said she was leaving. She knew."

"While not quite the same thing as 'predicted,' my mother said 'they' told her when she was going to pass away -- to the minute. 'They' being the people visiting her and promising to help her during her visioning experiences. She said they had shown her where she was going to go. She died at exactly the time her visioning-visitors had told her."

The stories shared by the hundreds in the comments to McFadden's video are heart-wrenching, but ultimately extremely hopeful.

@hospicenursejulie

Replying to @skinnysketch19 the transitioning phase #hospicenursejulie #caregiversoftiktok #dementia #education #medicaltok #learnontiktok #science #STEM

McFadden doesn't want her viewers who may have a loved one who's dying to be more anxious and nervous during the night, worrying and potentially losing sleep.

"People are going to do it when they do it. Their body is going to let go when the body is ready to let go. All you can do is be there for your loved one the best you can."

She reiterates that, even for someone like her who has seen and helped many patients cross over from this world to the next, that death is a mystery. As much as we can continue to learn and understand new aspects of it, we'll never fully know what it's like until we experience it ourselves.

This article originally appeared in June.

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Baby name experts predicts that kids born in 2035 will see a return of these 'heritage' names

Gives a whole new meaning to "ice, ice, baby."

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Baby name predictions for 2035.

A baby name expert has revved up her time machine and gone a whole decade into the future. What she found is genuinely wild - okay, if not wild, at least pretty fun! Sophie Kihm, an editor for nameberry.com, has compiled a list using a "proprietary formula to find upcoming trends she predicts will be next decade's popular child names.

In a New York Post article, they reveal Kihm's thoughts: "Millennial names and Gen X names are unfashionable right now. Ashley, Heather, Megan, Ellen - names that were popular with this generation of moms. For boys, Clayton, Justin, Preston and Danny feel a bit older."

However, as time marches on, she claims "Fia" is a name to look out for. "We're seeing that as a rising trend around the world that parents are more interested in going back to heritage." She also lists Yuna and Laith as "very hands-on name(s)."

@nameberry.com

Replying to @youwontfindmenowhahaha These names aren’t in the Top 1000 yet, but expect to see them on the charts in 2035! #nameberry #babynames #nameinspiration #girlnames #boynames #nametok #babynameideas #babynameslist #babynametrends #popularbabynames #popularnames #uniquenames #uniquegirlnames #uniqueboynames #rarebabynames #rarenames #greenscreen #substack

Other predictions for the next decade? "Icelynn is going to be a fast riser. Ice has become a cool syllable."

For boys, she says that although "it feels really extreme, Chozen (yes with a Z) was a fast-growing name in the US last year because of the pop culture anime character."

She also predicts the popularity of bird names, with Pipit being one. "I think it's really cute. P's have a lot of energy and it combines that energy with a bird name."

While listing many more names, she notes "names go in roughly 100-year cycles. Once a generation with a certain name dies, it starts to be used again." As for 2035, she predicts for girls, "Areli, Arden, Vida, Poetry, Viola and Ripley" will be a handful of people we meet. For boys, "Tiago, Townes, Woods, Casper, Kit, Booker, and Cosmo" to name a few.

Casper, baby names, Casper the friendly ghost, future Casper the friendly ghost takes a stroll. Giphy

Though, her list reveals "classic" names, Charlotte and Oliver, as the number one spots on the 2035 lists.

Redditors have their own predictions as well. On the subreddit r/namenerds, the OP asks, "What names do you think will be trendy that are not currently on our radar? I think the trend will continue towards more formal, unusual names. I think 'Townes' or 'Collins' are popping up more, and I wonder what other names seem 'edgy' now but will be common in 2034?" (They used 2034 as the set date, because this was posted in 2024.)

They add, "If I was trying to best describe my vibe on 2034, I think it will trend towards old-money cool being common (like our modern 'Emma’s' and 'Liam'). Not in a bad way, but I could see there being multiple Sinclair’s in a class, for example."

This person echoes some of the names on Kihm's list, though the post was written before the nameberry predictions. "Simple multicultural names: Tala, Kai, Yuna, Dara."

One person added the idea that names are cyclical, though suggested they reappear every decade or two. "I think maybe 10 (more like 20) years from now 80s/90s names will rise in popularity again. Gen Z is heavily influenced by the early 00s. I see names like Lauren, Brooke, Jenna, Jamie, Erin, Nicole and Allison rising in popularity again." They edited to add "Lindsay, Britney and Paris too… although these names have felt a bit off-limits since they are so associated with certain celebs."

Britney Spears, Britney, popular names, future trends Britney Spears gives a strange look. Giphy

In the same realm, this person posits, "With names like Hazel, Evelyn and Theodore coming back around now, I'm thinking names like Nancy, Diane, Keith and Mark coming back in 10 years along with more made-up names." (Note: aren't ALL names "made up?")

Lastly, this person jokes, "I'm waiting for the Karen revival," followed by, "That will be NEXT century."

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A new list of Gen Beta names are suddenly taking off and they might just be the most iconic yet

Get ready to meet a lot of "Chosens."

Photo by Howard R Wheeler on Unsplash

A young child wearing a cowboy hat and scarf.

We knew this time would come. The time when baby names would be off-the-charts cool and brilliantly unique. Sure, this might be said of every generation, but this time, it's really true. And it's awesome.

Of course, Gen Beta babies have already been born. That generational clock reset on January 1st, 2025. So, any child born on or after that date until 2039 is full Beta all the way. Millennials and Gen Z-ers have gotten off to a fun start on naming the newest generation, and their inspiration is unlike anything most of us have seen before.

babies, names, Raising Arizona, trends, children, beta A scene from the film Raising Arizona. Giphy 20th Century Fox

On ABC News, writer Bethany Braun-Silva notes, "Popular baby names today are a mosaic of smaller, hyper-localized trends rather than a set of universal favorites." She cites editor-in-chief of Nameberry, Sophie Kihm, who claims, "Names are deeply tied to identity. The most important thing is choosing a name that feels meaningful to you."

Braun-Silva shares, "Current trends include neo-cowboy names (like Rhodes and Dutton), adult-sounding names such as Lionel or Georgina—girl names for boys like June or Willow, and 'atmospheric' names like Clover or Solana."

But what's most exciting is what's on the horizon ("Horizon" being one of the names you might actually see soon.) As Gen Alpha ages, they'll be naming the new gen in as early as a few years. It's expected that they (along with current new parents) are taking inspiration from more localized, niche identities. Think Japanese, Turkish, Spanish, and Indian influences, Braun-Silva suggests.

Also, names based on video games and hobbies are coming quickly. (I really hope that means "Grand Theft Auto" and "Pickleball" will be the most popular names in nursey schools soon.) It's also reported that "Among the names expected to rise in popularity for girls are Scottie, Elowyn, Lenora, and Murphy, while for boys, names like Matheo, Elio, Chosen, and Caspian are predicted to trend."

video games, grand theft auto, baby names, babies, trends A clip from the video game Grand Theft Auto Giphy GTA

According to author Delilah Gray for a piece on Yahoo! Life, bird names are about to take flight. (Sorry.) She writes, "You may be like, 'Bird names? Seriously?' But hear us out: there are so many bird baby names, and they’re all so unique and beautiful." She cites Baby Center, who report that Robin, Cardinal, Mavis, Raven, Dove, and Callum are definitely becoming popular for our little Gen Beta friends.

bird, dove, babies, trends, names A white dove flying during daytime. Photo by Shubhankar Bhowmick on Unsplash

Furthermore, Baby Center claims that new parents are naming babies after traits they wish for them. "For boys, Wisdom is up 868 spots to No. 1,340, Loyal (up 225 spots to No. 829), Sincere (up 160 spots to No. 534), and Knowledge (up 83 spots to No. 1,054) are also climbing the baby name ranks."

For girls, trends include "Praise, which has risen 489 spots to No. 1,156; Divine, which has risen 145 spots to No. 1,175; Adore, which at No. 1,365 is up 106 spots; Queen, which is up 75 spots to No. 940; Miracle, which is up 69 spots to No. 181; and Hope, which at No. 217 has risen 40 spots."

sharks, Jaws, movies, baby names, trends A scary scene from the film Jaws. Giphy Shark Week GIF, Universal Pictures

Lastly, expect to meet more babies named after movies. Baby Center notes, "The name Anora has jumped up 1,105 spots for girls so far this year, ranking No. 2,291." Not to mention a rise in popularity for recent Oscar winners, like Kieran, Cynthia and Adrian. It's all an exciting trend and could lead to that exciting day when we meet babies named "Jaws" or "Scream Three." Here's hoping!

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