When 12-year-old Evan Rachel Wood's longtime crush — a girl — finally kissed her, she wasn't happy. Instead, she was mortified.
Evan Rachel Wood's acting credits include "True Blood," "Once and Again," and "Thirteen." Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for Amnesty International.
Wood, now an actress and outspoken activist, said she immediately ran away. She felt anxious and weighed down by her feelings of confusion. It wasn't because she didn't like the girl — she'd had a crush on her for a while — but she, like many tweens, was afraid of being different.
She tried to turn to her mom for support but was too overcome with shame to tell her. She didn't try again for another 10 years.
Wood said those feelings of shame characterize a large part of her journey as a young bisexual woman and were detrimental to her mental health.
In a conversation on Twitter, Wood said the confusion around her sexual identity led to a lot of self-loathing and depression.
Wood's experience isn't unique. Bisexual women have been found to have lower levels of social support, and reports show that bisexual adults are two times more likely to be depressed.
When she did come out in her early 20s, the stigma surrounding bisexuality made things difficult.
She thought that coming out would solve a lot of her problems. And while she's glad she made the decision, she encountered a lot of bi-phobia and misinformation. People just didn't understand her sexual orientation.
"When I got into my early 20s I came to terms with things, put on a brave face and set out to explore this side of myself," Wood explained to me over Twitter. "I identified as bisexual, came out to both my parents and it seemed everything should fall into place. But it didn't."
Wood says she's a lot happier now that she's out and proud. But she knows coming out isn't an easy decision.
"I am out. It took guts. It took years of soul searching and self exploration. It took not always getting it right in relationships," said Wood. "But I know who I am and I am so much happier and I want other people to know that it's not a phase."
Wood was inspired to tweet last week after reading the Human Rights Campaign's latest report, "Health Disparities Among Bisexual People," which explores the effects of the discrimination many bisexual people face. Namely, that many people don't think bisexuality exists as its own orientation. But it does, and bisexual people have their own needs that must be addressed.
Now, Wood is using her experience and platform to battle misconceptions and normalize the bisexual identity.
And these are the truths Wood wants everyone to know about being bisexual:
1. Bisexual people are, statistically, the biggest subgroup in the LGBTQ community.
We often only hear "gay or lesbian" when talking about the LGBTQ community. In fact, the B in LGBTQ is the most common identity in the community (and the T and Q often get left off altogether, although there's been increased awareness around trans issues lately). Studies have shown that nearly half of people who identity as lesbian, gay, or bisexual fall into the latter category.
2. Being bisexual is its own separate identity. It isn't indecision or a refusal to "take a side."
Bisexuality isn't "just a phase" — it's a lifelong orientation for many people, including Wood. She knew her entire life that she was bisexual, she said, explaining that for as long as she can remember, "as far back as 5 years old," she's been attracted to men and women.
3. When a bisexual person is in a relationship with someone of a different gender, that doesn't mean they stopped being bisexual.
Once upon a time, Wood was married to a man, and she even has a child with him, but that doesn't make her straight. And it wouldn't make her a lesbian if she were in a relationship with a woman. Sexual orientation is about what gender(s) you're attracted to, not who you happen to be with at any particular moment in time.
4. Most importantly: We have nothing to lose by accepting bisexual people for who they are. But we have so much to gain.
Wood's story and the HRC report show that accepting bisexual people and not doubting their identity can help them live happier and healthier lives. Of course we want everyone to get the acceptance and love they deserve, and that means it's time for us to start recognizing bisexual individuals.
Wood knows the pain of not being accepted for who she is, and she doesn't want anyone else to have to suffer in silence like she did.
So how do we do that? Wood says it's simple: Just listen and accept people for who they are.
In conclusion, take it away, Beyoncé:
Preach, Bey.
Our mouths loves chips. Our bodies not so much.Photo by 
You can eat well without giving up sweets completely.Photo by 
12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.