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Identity

Here's what it'll look like if trans people aren't allowed to use the right bathroom

No woman should be forced to use the men's restroom, and no man should be forced to use the women's.

transgender, bathrooms, U.S. bills, gender rights
Picture pulled from YouTube video

Transgender man posts photos protesting a series of bill across the U.S. and Canada.

This article originally appeared on 03.31.15


This is a man named Michael Hughes.

Why is he in a women's restroom?


Michael is protesting a series of bills across the U.S. and Canada that, if passed, would ban men like him from using men's restrooms and leave him no choice but to use the women's room.

Bizarrely, these laws have been proposed as a way to protect the privacy and safety of women.(I know. It doesn't make sense, but hang with me.)

Michael is a transgender man, meaning that when he was born, the doctor looked at him and labeled him a girl.

As Michael can tell you, he's not a girl and he's not a woman.

Inspired by a woman from Canada, Michael has been snapping selfies in women's restrooms to show people just how out of place he looks.

biological sex, legalizing discrimination, public restrooms

Michael Hughes advocates for Transgender freedoms and rights.

Photo pulled from YouTube video

If these types of bills become law, people like Michael and other trans men would be forced to use women's restrooms.

Is this the type of guy you want in your restrooms and locker rooms, ladies?

Several states have proposed laws legalizing discrimination against transgender people this year alone.

The main focus of these bills has been whether trans people should be allowed to use public restrooms, though they're often part of a larger effort to deny rights to trans people.

Texas' bill would have denied trans people entrance to public restrooms, showers, or changing rooms.

The penalty for using a restroom that doesn't match the gender "established by the individual's chromosomes" is up to a year in prison and a fine up to $4,000.

Even worse, the bill stated that an "operator, manager, superintendent, or other person with authority over a building" who willfully allows a trans person to use restrooms that match their actual gender will be charged with a felony and could serve a minimum of 180 days in prison and be fined up to $10,000.

The bill remains in committee awaiting action.

Florida's language would have established gender as one's "biological sex, either male or female, at birth."

The bill's sponsor, state Rep. Frank Artiles, brushed off backlash by arguing that going to the bathroom is a choice.

The punishment for a trans person who uses the correct bathroom in Florida would have been up to a year in prison and a fine up to $1,000. The bill died in committee, and did not become law.

Kentucky's bill would have denied trans students the ability to use the correct restroom.

The bill came in response to a Louisville school's decision to allow a trans student to use the restroom that matches their gender.

While the bill didn't specify punishment for using the "incorrect" restroom, it did put what some are calling a "bounty" on catching trans students in the "wrong" restroom. The bill did not become law.

The groups pushing to deny trans people the ability to use restrooms simply spread misinformation.

Opponents of trans-inclusive environments argue that allowing trans people to use restrooms that match their gender invites and allows men into women's restrooms to leer and assault women at will.

Their arguments aren't based in reality.

(Still with me? The laws are pretty ridiculous, but now you know why they're being proposed.)

It's just as ridiculous for a trans woman to have to use the men's restroom as it is for Michael to have to use the women's restroom.

Trans women are not men, and Michael is not a woman.

When it comes down to it, trans people just need to pee. That's all.

Watch Michael Hughes' appearance on MSNBC's "Out There" with Thomas Roberts below:

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Joy

A woman accidentally said, 'Love you!' to an important client. His response was perfect.

He even followed up with a heartwarming e-mail.

Photo credit: Canva

Saying "I love you!" by accident is one of life's most cringe moments.

For many of us, telling our friends and family that we love them is second nature. Every time someone leaves the house, "Love you!" Before bed at night, "Love you!" Getting off a call with them, "Love you!"

That's all well and good until that sweetly ingrained habit spills over into your work life. Especially when you're talking to an important client, where the boundaries of professional conduct are particularly important to uphold. (Do you feel the cringe coming?)

I Love You Elf GIF by MOODMANGiphy

A woman shared an oh-so-human story about absent-mindedly telling a client she loved him, and his thoughtful response has people cheering.

"Accidentally said 'Love you!' at the end of a call with an important client yesterday," wrote a Reddit user. "I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:"

The email began, "Hey—Just wanted to say that I didn't mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off on our call with a 'love you.' I just found it funny because I've definitely done that before, and I know it happens."

Okay, phew, he understood that the laughing was mortifying and he wasn't bothered by the "love you." But then he added the absolute best thing he could have said about the situation:

"I'm glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, you should be proud of that. :)"

Then he mercifully resumed their professional conversation. "Have a great weekend! We'll follow up about my call with Chris on Wednesday, as discussed."

embarrassing story, saying I love you on accident, workplace stories, professional communication"Love you!" Oops.Photo credit: Canva

He didn't just ignore the elephant in the room and let it hang over her like an awkward cloud. He put her at ease, letting her know he's done it before and it happens and is no big deal. But then he took it a step further, adding a deeper human layer to the moment by acknowledging the fact that the words flowing so automatically and easily for her meant she was surrounded by love.

The client's emotional intelligence and thoughtful response warmed people's hearts.

"What a great and respectful response. He is completely right, it’s such a beautiful thing to have that much love in your life that it comes out naturally."

"You work with good people."

"Honestly, this made my day 😂 It's so wholesome how they responded. Shows that a little kindness (even accidental) always leaves a good impression!"

"Such a classy response. Made you feel at ease while staying professional and moving the conversation forward."

"Green flags from that client."

Green Flag GIF by The Last Talk ShowGiphy

People also shared their own similar experiences with blurting out accidental "love you"s and it was a veritable love-fest:

"I told my supervisor I loved her at the end of our weekly touch point call - she chuckled and said she loved me too. We shared a good laugh. I am happy to see empathy from a random human, it is much needed."

"I said 'love you' to my new boss at labcorp when she called me to tell me I passed my drug test. Same thing, hanging up, not thinking, she gave me my results and my start date to come in for orientation and I ended the call with 'bye love you!'"

"Back in the day I straight up called one of my bosses mom. It was so embarrassing I almost died."

"A surprising number of people have done this at least once. Happens when you’re distracted and tired. My ex husband (a prosecutor) accidentally ended a phone call with 'I love you' when talking to a rural county sheriff in the middle of the night."

Embarrassed Hide GIF by florGiphy

"I had a coworker say 'love you,' just as we were about to hang up. There was an awkward pause, clearly neither of us had hung up, then he added, 'Don’t tell my wife.' We both laughed and finally disconnected."

"I did that with my ex husband last Thursday, we both burst out laughing lol. Happily we get along great and he and his fiancée are attending my wedding next week."

"Was on phone with my boss right after he had called his wife. He ended the call with "love you." Had so much fun telling him that while I cared for him, I didn't think it was love."

Embarrassing moments don't have to ruin your day—in fact, when handled like this client, they can turn into beautiful moments of human connection. This kind of relatability, empathy, and emotional intelligence makes us all feel better about our shared humanity, oopsies and all.

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Love Stories

Children of divorce are sobbing over woman's final 9-second video of mom and dad together

"Soulmates doesn't always mean married mates."

Canva Photos

A 9-second video of a woman's divorced parents' last interaction is incredibly powerful.

The statistics around divorce in America sound grim. About half of couples who tie the knot won't make it, and that's generally considered to be a bad thing in the popular discourse; a sign of too much infidelity, poor communication, and other toxic behavior. But what those numbers fail to tell you about is all the couples who split amicably, or who were never the right fit for each other in the first place. In fact, it's possible–and even common—for people to divorce after many years together and still love each other deeply.

That's exactly the sentiment captured in a beautiful nine-second video filmed by Kerrian Connelly Carro.

divorce, marriage, children of divorce, parenting, love, love stories, wedding, viral videos, deathThe statistics around divorce don't always tell the full story. Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash

Carro captioned the short clip posted to TikTok: "My parents were divorced over 25 years ago. Met at 12, had me at 19. This was their last video together before my father passed away."

In an interview with Newsweek, Carro explains that the two were finishing up a quick visit with her mom after her dad attended a session of radiation therapy for cancer. Carro filmed the interaction between the two, not knowing for sure that it would be the last time they'd ever see each other.

So much is communicated between the two in just a few seconds of silent footage. They share a loving hug before Carro's mom kisses him on the cheek. She then cinches up his jacket, as if to give him strength to keep on fighting. He pinches her cheeks lovingly and smiles as he turns to leave. And that's the end.

Carro's father would pass away shortly after the video was taken.

Watch the touching moment here:

@kerriannconnellycarro

#myparents #ifiwouldhaveknown #deaddadsclub #grief #griefjourney

Carro said that her parents' divorce wasn't always easy.

The love between the two is incredibly obvious even from just a short video, but the journey that came before was far from sunshine and roses. In the interview, Carro says her mom was the love of her dad's life, and it took him a long time to recover from the breakup. She says the two argued for years after splitting, both angry and trying to find a new path in life for themselves.

But eventually, they made peace with not being together, and their love for each other took over. Carro says they became friends again, supporting each other. And you can see it all come to fruition in their final interaction. The video struck a nerve in viewers everywhere, racking up over 18 million views. Commenters were incredibly moved:

"Like that quote 'even though you didn’t make it to the end of my story, I’ll always have the corner folded down on your page as it was one of my favourites.'"

"Soul mates don’t always mean married mates."

"The way she straightened his jacket, and the way he pinched her cheeks tells me everything I need to know about their love."

"Divorce doesn't mean hate. This is proof of that."

People who had experience living with divorce were especially touched:

divorce, marriage, children of divorce, parenting, love, love stories, wedding, viral videos, deathOne commenter said that soulmates don't always have to be "married-mates." Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash

"My parents were better friends than partners."

"Divorced parents here, but they are still BEST FRIENDS. My dad still helps her with house maintenance and visits her once a week to check in. Soul mates aren’t always married mates!"

"My mom's funeral was the only one I ever saw my dad cry at. They were friends much longer than they were married."

About a third of divorces these days are categorized as friendly or at least neutral, rather than hostile. And even in the cases of more contentious separations, many of them just take a little time until the two people remember what they liked and even loved about each other in the first place.

It's rare for people to get married without a strong connection and bond. Disagreements and life circumstances can get in the way and cloud our feelings, and even make reconciliation impossible, but it's amazing to see the proof in Carro's video that that love doesn't always die out.

The video is also a powerful reminder that divorce isn't some great failure. Sometimes it's exactly what both parties need, even if it hurts.

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Pets

Woman builds an elaborate hotel in her yard for stray cats to stay cozy through the winter

People are calling it "Hotel Catifornia" and "The Fur Seasons."

Images via Canva

A woman in China provides a cozy home for stray cats in her neighborhood.

When winter comes around, people may wonder how stray animals stay warm and safe. Stray cats in particular are highly adaptable creatures and their home is the great outdoors, so most of the time there's not much that people need to do to protect them. But when temperatures dip to dangerous levels, caring humans naturally want to make sure strays have a place to go to get out of the harsh elements.

One woman has taken that desire to a whole new level with an elaborate cat apartment she built for the many stray cats in her neighborhood. We're not just talking about a shelter–it's like luxury hotel living for her feline friends. The apartment has multiple rooms, cushy blankets that get taken out and cleaned, and even a temperature-controlled water source so they're always able to find drinking water in frigid temps.

Check this out:

The woman who built the apartment actually lives in China and was sharing her videos on TikTok, but it seems her account has since been deactivated. This hasn't stopped people from talking about her and her impressive project, though. This thread on TikTok contains updates about the cat hotel from people finding and reposting the adorable story.

Welcome to the Meowtel Catifornia

Of course, the clever hotel jokes and puns started rolling in first thing:

'Welcome to the hotel catifornia."

"Such a lovely place."

"They can check out any time but they won't ever leave ^^"

"I prefer Hotel Calicofornia."

"Meowriott."

"Given my skill, mine would be more like Meowtel 6."

"Pawliday Inn.'

"The Fur Seasons."'

"Meowne Plaza."

People loved seeing the care and ingenuity she put into the "meowtel," as well as how happy the cats seem with the arrangement. In fact, some people were sure their own house cats would move out just to go live in this kind of cat commune.

"My cat just looked at me and sighed…"

"All the neighbours be looking for their cats and they’ve bailed to live at the kitty motel."

"They’d pack their little bags and move in without a second thought."

"They wouldn't even wait to pack their bags."

"Alright Carol it’s been real but we’re gonna head out. Found a great deal on a luxury apartment so yanno… take care."


Cats live where they want when they want

cats, stray cats, pet cats, felines, kittiesKitten snuggled in a person's arms. Image via Canva.

Those people may have been joking, but several others shared that their cats really did ditch them to go live with neighbors who had more desirable living situations.

"I’ve had two cats do this. One was annoyed at our second dog’s puppy energy so she moved in with an older lady a street over. We used to see her all the time until she passed. The other missed our kids being little so she moved next door where there’s a little girl. We talked to both neighbors and said if they get sick of them to let us know and we’ll take them back but both lived the rest of their lives with their new families."

"One of our cats moved next door because he loves children and wanted to be with the little girl next door. Because it’s a very small village, he goes to the school most days to wait for her and they come home together. School is 3 buildings away."

"We had a cat do the same thing about 20 years ago. She hated the barks of our new puppy and would put her paw on his mouth to try and stop it. One day, she slipped outside and I found her a month later, two streets over, hanging with a couple who didn’t have a dog. They said she just showed up at the door and moved in. I gave them all her cat food and hope she had a nice quiet life."

Is it a bad idea to feed and shelter stray cats?

cats, stray cats, feeding cats, feral cats, shelter catsCats eating kibble on the street.Image via Canva

People have differing opinions about whether it's good to feed stray cats or not, as cats can cause problems for local wildlife and it's not great to encourage an increasing stray cat population. According to Catster, in the United States alone, an estimated four billion birds and 22 billion mammals (such as mice, voles, rabbits, and shrews) are killed annually by both domestic and stray cats. In Canada, cats are the number one of killer of birds, killing "between 100 and 350 million birds every year." These numbers are staggering, but the bird and small mammal populations can be protected if stray cats are cared for responsibly: namely, spaying and neutering those in your area to cut down on the population and finding homes for those who are friendly and comfortable with humans.

According to the Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon, here are the best practices for feral and stray cats:

- Spay/neuter to prevent additional litters

- Find homes for friendly cats

- Feed outdoor cats on a schedule

- Remove food & dishes when they are done eating

- Pick up scraps and keep the feeding area tidy

- Provide fresh water

- Provide a warm place for the cats to sleep

So, go ahead and care for those kitties and keep them warm through the winter—just make sure they can't make any more kittens.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Mental Health

Cole Escola's touching insight about dementia has people moved to tears

"We were meeting in the middle of her memory."

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Cole Escola poses in front of a bright wall.

How many people can say they were a finalist for a Pulitzer Prize for a comedy they wrote? What if the comedy was a re-imagining Mary Todd Lincoln as a resentful manic-pixie dream girl with a drinking problem and dreams of becoming a cabaret star? Cole Escola can. (It's a very small, specific list.)

Cole (who uses they/them pronouns) is the writer and star of the Tony-nominated Broadway hit Oh Mary! and simply never stops pushing boundaries. But as hilarious as they are, they are equally as vulnerable and thoughtful when it comes to sensitive life issues. Always a writer, Cole sees the world through an extremely unique, one-of-a-kind lens and pushes people to think about comedy, tragedy, love, adversity, addiction, death, and everything in between in a way not often seen.

Just this past week, Cole gave a candid interview to Mo Rocca on CBS Sunday Morning. One topic they discussed is how, after a traumatic event with their father at around age five, they moved in with their grandmother. Cole explains, "She had the early stages of Alzheimer's, so she would repeat stories a lot. But I loved them. I loved her stories."

"I realize now that when she would tell these stories, we were meeting in the middle of her memory. She was living out the fantasy of her childhood, and I was also living out my fantasy of being a young girl on a farm in Alberta." When asked if they minded being told the same story, Cole answered, "No. I loved it."

The comment section, just from this clip alone, generated a lighthouse of support. One person writes, "Just when you think you can’t love Cole anymore, they drop something like this that gives you another level of respect for them." Like many, people acknowledge how inspired and moved Cole makes them, whether through laughter or tears. "You’ve made me laugh for years and now you’ve made me cry."

But it's from the standpoint of Cole's love and respect for their grandmother that seems to truly resonate. "So beautiful. Cole is a treasure, and it sounds like their grandmother was too." And as a grandmother themselves, this commenter shares, "Littles love to hear stories over and over. My grandbaby says 'Keep telling me the story, I want to hear it again and again!' So adorable. Glad you were able to find comfort with your gramma."

Using storytelling as a healing device for people with types of dementia and their loved ones and caregivers is popular among many doctors and therapists. It's not just reading and sharing stories with the patients, but letting them share their stories, too. A 2012 NPR: article notes that, "Storytelling is one of the most ancient forms of communication—it's how we learn about the world. It turns out that for people with dementia, storytelling can be therapeutic. It gives people who don't communicate well a chance to communicate. And you don't need any training to run a session."

stories, storytelling, elderly people, dementia, therapyTwo elderly people have a conversation. Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash

The piece also cites Anne Basting, the founder of a program called TimeSlips, whose aim is to help empower people to use stories to express themselves, no matter their memory ability. "Our bold vision is that creative expression, growth, and meaning is available to us all at every stage of life, wherever we live and whatever our abilities," they share.

Basting explains, "People with dementia start to forget their social role; they might not remember they're a spouse...a parent. They need a social role through which they can express who they are, and the role of storyteller really supplies that."

Cole Escola, even at a very young age, tapped into this empathetic wisdom. They continue to lovingly honor their grandmother by being an incredible storyteller in their own right.

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Movies

One item from 'When Harry Met Sally' bonds Gen Z and Boomers, and it's probably not what you'd think

TikTokers branded it a "winter essential."

via Canva, Castlerock Entertainment
Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal crouch down.

Billy Crystal wasn't the first in line to play Harry Burns in the 1989 rom-comWhen Harry Met Sally. Not by a long shot. In fact, director Rob Reiner considered Albert Brooks, Tom Hanks, Harrison Ford, Michael Keaton, Richard Dreyfuss, and Bill Murray for the part before him. Incidentally, according Business Insider, Albert Brooks thought it was too much like a "Woody Allen film," and Hanks believed it to be too "lightweight."

Crystal, who was best friends with Reiner, wound up exceeding expectations to pull out an iconic, grumpy performance that even the most cynical person could love.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Well, not everyone loved it. Just last year, a tweet went viral that revealed many Gen Z-ers had a real tough time with Billy Crystal as a leading man. And they weren't being especially shy about it. Emily Lefroy writes for Daily Mail, "The debate began after X user Zoe Rose Bryant responded to a post asking users to share the 'romcom scene that literally changed the trajectory of your life.'" Zoe then posted a clip from the Nora Ephron-penned classic and wrote, "You simply can't beat the blueprint."

The comment section disagreed, with many claiming Billy wasn't attractive enough for Meg Ryan's Sally. Ouch.

In the subreddit r/unpopularopinion, someone posted a similar sentiment claiming in part, "Harry's character is very unattractive, largely because he is a rude and condescending person. Sally is beautiful but annoying. The romantic scenes are cringy, mostly because Harry is such a jerk and so unappealing as a romantic lead."

This young Millennial writes, "I just tried to watch it for the first time (I'm 32), and I just couldn't do it. It's such a slog. I made it to right after they sleep together, and I had to stop it to take a break and watch something else… Harry is a d#$k and Sally just sucks."

They didn't like the deli orders either. "The way she places orders at restaurants isn't quirky, it's just awful." And they even had a note for the music composer: "Also, why is this movie so quiet? It might be an '80s thing, but the lack of a background score makes the scenes feel so awkward and cringe. I don't want to hear the click-clack of their shoes when they walk. And I certainly don't want to hear how wet their kissing is."

When Harry Met Sally, Castlerock Entertainment, Iconic movie scene, Meg RyanMeg Ryan sits at a diner in "When Harry Met Sally."Giphy

This Redditor agrees: "Honestly, I think it's a movie for Boomers who thought it was groundbreaking to show a man and a woman trying to be friends."

As if a Boomer just heard their name and perked up, they emphatically enter the chat, explaining, "The arrogant, self-centered character trait is the key issue! They’re young and dumb! Just like I was and practically everyone else I know when they were young. I’m in my sixties now. Young people mostly go through life with their heads shoved far up their a$es. Both sexes. It takes time and hard experience to pull their heads out. I don’t know if you’re young—don’t take this as a personal insult. But Harry is a spot-on portrayal of myself and Sally is my wife."

There's more. In a different thread entitled "What exactly is so amazing about When Harry Met Sally," a Millennial writes, "I watched it recently for the first time. I was born after it was released if that matters—if it was considered a movie of its time. I just don't really see the magic in it… I just don't really feel a yearning for Harry and Sally to fall in love."

This time, fellow Redditors really take the time to teach the OP, with one even including a character analysis for both Harry and Sally. Once the OP understands that Harry is like "this generation's Chandler Bing," they get a better overall grasp of the role, but still don't love the film.

One thing that does unite Gen Z with their older counterparts? Harry's sweater. Lydia Hawken writes for Mail Online that "TikTokers have rebranded the cable knit jumper (sweater) a 'winter essential.'"

Maybe we'll never prove that men and women can just be friends. But we do know that fashion trends can cross the generational aisle in the best of ways.

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