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Joy

People are sharing their favorite quote from a comedian. Here are 20 of the best.

There are some killer one-liners in here.

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald

Comedians George Carlin, Jim Gaffigan and Joan Rivers

Reddit user cutecutejames posted a great question on the AskReddit subforum: “What is a quote from a comedian you'll never forget?” The post quickly went viral, receiving over 10,700 responses on the first day. Of the countless comedians mentioned in the thread, Norm Macdonald appears to be the most quotable.

Sadly, Macdonald died of cancer in 2021, but he was famous for his outlandish musings, delivered in a dry, deliberate tone. Macdonald is best known as a stand-up comedian, but he was also memorable on television as a cast member on "Saturday Night Live" from 1993 to 1997 and on his sitcom, “The Norm Show.” Two other deceased funnymen were often quoted in the discussion, Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin.

Hedberg’s comedy was based on short, memorable one-liners filled with absurdity. He passed away in 2005 from a drug overdose. George Carlin is often listed among the greatest stand-up comedians of all time and was a voice of the counterculture in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Later in life, his comedy evolved into a nihilistic criticism of American life that, for many, is still relevant today.

“It's called 'the American Dream' 'cause you have to be asleep to believe it,” Carlin said.

Here are 21 of the funniest and most poignant quotes from a comedian shared on the AskReddit forum.

1.

Jabazaba wrote:

"Every time you clog a toilet, you exceeded someone’s expectations." — Unknown

2.

ShofarD**kSwordFight wrote:

"Everybody thinks they're a comedian. Especially in my line of work." — Norm Macdonald

This came from Macdonald's memoir, "Based on a True Story," a must-read for Norm fans. My favorite thing about this line is that it was a sort of random throwaway, almost an afterthought, as he was expressing disdain for a doctor who told a joke and got a big laugh from everyone else in the room.

And that doctor's joke? It was Macdonald's own moth story.

3.

NotoriousREV wrote:

“I’m not an adventurous person. I’ve only ever used one side of a cheese grater.” — James Acaster

4.

TheZMage wrote:

“I’ve started cooking with wine. That sounds so fancy, cooking with wine. What I do is I get drunk and I make rice. I tell my friends ‘come over, I’m cooking with wine.’ They come over, I’m drunk, and there’s rice everywhere.” — Kevin Nealon

5.

Biggoofydoofus wrote:

"What is it like to have four kids? Imagine you are drowning, and then someone hands you a baby." — Jim Gaffigan

6.

Mysterious-Judge-333 wrote:

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread." — Mitch Hedberg

7.

SalveBrutus wrote:

“Cocaine is God's way of saying you make too much money." — Robin Williams

8.

NecroeJoe wrote:

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." — Bob Newhart

9.

KingNewbie wrote:

“People say someone lost their battle with cancer. But if someone dies from cancer, the cancer dies too. I’d call that a draw.” — Norm MacDonald

10.

ElvishMystical wrote:

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States." — Spike Milligan

11.

Active Oppressor wrote:

"When you are on fire, and running down the street, people will get out of your way." — Richard Pryor

12.

Buttflakes27 wrote:

"I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic...in morse code." — Emo Phillips

13.

ZorroMeansFox wrote:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." — Groucho Marx

14.

Mikethereddit wrote:

"I didn't want to be Drunk in Public. I wanted to be drunk in a bar. They THREW me into public." — Ron White

15.

Heckhammer wrote:

"I know I'm getting older, my last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire!" — Rodney Dangerfield

16.

OneFingerIn wrote:

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." — George Carlin

17.

SoftwareAlert7192 wrote:

"When you got a career there ain't enough time in the world...when you got a job there's too much time." — Chris Rock

18.

Megsy73_Idgaf

"She had enough plastic surgery so that when she crossed her legs, her mouth snapped open." — Joan Rivers

19.

NotaDogIswear wrote:

"Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in." — Doug Stanhope

20.

Freedomdeliverus wrote:

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while.

Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, 'Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, 'Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.'

And we … kill those people.

'Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.'

It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride.

And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace." — Bill Hicks

This article originally appeared two years ago.

via Canva

A young couple can't handle high prices and their dad says to save money.

One of the big talking points in the great American millennials versus baby boomers debate is whether the younger generation has knee-capped itself by its lavish spending habits that have prevented them from owning homes. If millennials stopped buying $14 avocado toast and $1,000 iPhones, would they be able to save enough for a down payment on a modest home?

Freddie Smith, 36, of Orlando, Florida, recently went viral on TikTok for a video in which he challenged the boomer argument with statistics from the Bureau of Labor, Federal Reserve, and the U.S. Census Bureau. Smith believes that the older generations misunderstand millennial finances because their concept of luxury is based on 1980s economics. Smith says that for baby boomers, essentials such as rent and child care were much more affordable, but items considered luxuries (TVs, CD players, computers) were much more expensive.

How is the economy different for millennials than it was for baby boomers?

"The main shift is that core essentials—housing, education, healthcare, and even food—have become more expensive," Smith said. "Housing and rent, for instance, now outpace wage growth, making homeownership feel unattainable for many. The cost of childcare has also skyrocketed, and food prices have increased.”

"As a result, I think older generations have a different perspective on luxury versus necessity,” Smith continued. “They grew up in a time when hard work typically led to financial stability, whereas today, even with hard work, many people struggle with the high costs of housing, rent and medical expenses. Basic survival used to be far more affordable, allowing people more financial room to build a stable life."

Smith’s numbers don’t lie. For a person in the '80s to own three TVs, a CD player, a cellphone, a microwave, and a computer, it would cost them 3.5 years of rent or a 20% downpayment on the average home. So, it was irresponsible for someone in that period to purchase all of what was known then as luxuries. However, these days, for a Millennial to have the average apartment and the equivalent amount of "luxuries" would only cost a little over one month's rent.

1980s, boomers, millennialsA 1980s computer and television. via Canva

"But if you skip that daily $6 Starbucks drink, you’ll have enough for the downpayment in 29.22 years," Yokahana joked in the comments. "I hate that housing and transportation have become luxuries," Molly added. "Imagine spending 3x your rent on a microwave," Donutdisaster wrote.

Why are luxury goods more affordable now than they were in the '80s?

The price of manufactured goods has steadily fallen over the last few decades due to technological improvements and trade policies that have allowed the U.S. to import goods from places where labor costs are cheaper. "International, global competition lowers prices directly from lower-cost imported goods, and indirectly by forcing U.S. manufacturers to behave more competitively, with lower prices, higher quality, better service, et cetera," Sociologist Joseph Cohen of Queens University said, according to Providence Journal.

Why are housing prices so high?

Housing prices in the US have soared due to the low inventory caused by the Great Recession, mortgage rates, and zoning laws that make building more challenging. Rents have increased considerably since the pandemic due to low inventory, inflation, barriers to home ownership, and the fact that more people want to live alone than with a roommate or romantic partner.

Smith’s breakdown of the economic changes over the past two generations makes a strong case for the idea that millennial financial troubles have more to do with systemic problems than spending habits. The boomers got a bad deal regarding luxury items, and the millennials with necessities. Wouldn’t living in a world where both were affordable in the same era be great?

Humor

New video shows Gen Z kids trying to emulate the best of iconic 1980s and 90's dance moves

Kids are learning to Vogue, do the Roger Rabbit and wear Hammer pants again.

File:Voguing Masquerade Ball (30471230845).jpg - Wikipedia

Something was in the water back in the mid-80s, almost as though dance itself was rebelling against common sense. And it was glorious. Moves like the Running Man popped up and were made super popular by all the greats: MC Hammer, Milli Vanilli, Janet Jackson, and, of course, the beat-master himself, Vanilla Ice. You had Bobby Brown busting out the Roger Rabbit dance, which, yes, was simply the Running Man done backward.

But it was the early 90s when things got REALLY sexy. And by sexy, I mean, picture a man wearing parachute pants. Now drop the crotch down, taper the ankles and insert more air into the sides and then pop them - like a slightly deflated balloon.. Now stop. Hammer time.

TikTok kids are here to bring those good vibrations (c'mon, c'mon, c'mon) in every way possible. (If you're not currently picturing Mark Wahlberg in a tank top, you should be.) First, the New Kids on the Block showed us how it's done. The hats! The vests! The bouncing! The style of dance can only be described as being electrocuted while drinking a triple shot of espresso.


Madonna took things up a level when she released "Vogue," complete with a sexy video where she was, in fact, "voguing." This is a dance trend that goes back to the '60s and has evolved and gained popularity, specifically through the LGBTQ community. Check this amazing kid out…

Later in the decade, the boy bands exploded. Now all of those Backstreet and *NSYNC lovers are teaching their children spins and moves that put Justin Timberlake to shame.

Some of the parents have taken part in the craze, too. Jevin Smith put together the ultimate compilation on TikTok/Instagram of all the times he showed off his '90s moves while picking up his daughter, Jayna, from high school. We're talking "2 Legit 2 Quit" – complete with the aforementioned Hammer pants and a crazy gold jacket, obviously.

Jayna was initially mortified, but she later told Today.com, "Now I think it's hilarious. There's never a time when I'm upset. He's like a celebrity at school now. Everyone loves his TikToks."

And she does mean everyone. After Jevin (known online as wealthyjev) popped and locked for a bit, one of Jayna's classmates joined in, and they had the coolest dance-off in recent history.

And don't think for one second that the Boomer generation doesn't want their moment in the spotlight! TikTok is chalk-full of them, and they might actually have the best moves yet. They certainly all have the swagger and why wouldn't they? They were the original kings and queens of swagger!

The comments were especially uplifting, with one person sharing, "Your moves make me want to get up and dance. Every move was on point. I love it! I'm a fan." Another gushed, "One of the last generations to just actually enjoy and groove to the music without being distracted by phones."

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

The true forgotten history of the Underground Railroad to Mexico

Most of us learn about the Underground Railroad at some point in elementary school. There's not much detail that goes into the brief section on the secret pathway to freedom escaped enslaved people embarked on but we do learn it was dangerous. Enslaved people would plot their escape and find designated stops at the homes and churches of abolitionists where they could eat, drink water and get some rest.

The route also included other safe spaces along the way like certain marked trees, body's of water or other landmarks but we mainly hear about the path to norther states. That wasn't the only direction enslaved people were fleeing, many enslaved people fled further south. Mexico first abolished slavery in 1829, a process that started as soon as they gained their independence from Spain after their 11 year battle ended in 1821. But colonists in Texas utilized slave labor and refused to stop though they were a Mexican territory.

This initially resulted in the Mexican president Vicente Guerrero providing Texas with an exemption but citizens of Mexico were not on board with this. They wanted slavery abolished in all Mexican states and eventually the Mexican Congress outlawed it in all states in 1837 after Texas fought for independence in an effort to keep their slaves.

File:Vicente Guerrero (1865).png - Wikipediaen.m.wikipedia.org

When Mexico first abolished slavery, people in Texas that used slave labor started making their enslaved workers sign contracts saying they were "servants" who agreed to work for them until they died. They even had children as young as three years old "sign" contracts seemingly finding a loophole to the new law. Given that enslaved people were not allowed to lean how to read, it's highly unlikely they knew what they were signing. It didn't take long for those sorts of documents to not be accepted by the Mexican government.

But after Texas seceded from Mexico, enslaved people realized that if they could make the short trip to the Rio Grande, they'd be a quick boat ride away from freedom so many of them took the opportunity to flee. Mexico adjusted its laws to accommodate the influx of fugitive slaves by declaring any enslaved person who step foot on Mexican soil were considered Mexican citizens. This granted countless enslaved Black people freedom in Mexico.

Mexico was not unfamiliar with Black Mexican citizens as there was already a population of enslaved people brought to the country with Spain invaded. In fact, it was Afro-Mexicans that helped lead the Mexican rebellion against their Spanish colonizer leading to the independence of the country. Given the history between the two groups of people, it's unsurprising that the then newly formed Mexican government would work to abolish slavery and secure a plan for freedom for escaped slaves.

Most of the enslaved people that fled to Mexico were from plantations in Texas but there were also some that escaped from Louisiana to seek refuge in the southern country. There are still towns in Mexico that have large populations of Afro-Mexicans, including one started by escaped slaves from plantations run by Spanish captors before Mexico gained its independence.

Auction of enslaved people at Richmond, Virginia | Original … | Flickrwww.flickr.com

The documentary "Just a Ferry Ride to Freedom" documents this history of allyship between enslaved people and Mexicans in great detail. People can watch the documentary for free on YouTube to learn more about the Underground Railroad south.

Women's Health

Medical student shares how ‘absolutely wild’ her first c-section was to help empower moms

“Nothing could ever prepare you for absolutely how insane the entire thing is.”

@henneliehawes/TikTok

It’s well known how common it is for mothers who end up having a cesarean delivery to feel negative emotions, like guilt, disappointment, and even have symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Beyond the physical shock, many women share similar feelings of missing out on the important aspects of childbirth—from having their partner in the operating room to cradling their newborn in their arms immediately after bringing them into the world.

And that’s why videos like the ones posted by Hennelie Hawes, a medical student who recently shared her first experience of seeing a c-section for the first time, are so important. It offers a different perspective that might help women who’ve been through one to remember how badass they really are.

As Hawes shared in a TikTok video, c-sections are considered a specialized field that’s hard to match into, plus she had been told the first time seeing one would feel "absolutely wild.” All this to say—she was very"excited" and had high hopes she might even get to assist with the delivery.

Cut to after her first day, and judging by the look on her face, Hawes got everything she wished for.


“Literally my first day on OB-Gyn and I just got thrown into a surgery right away. I had heard that c-sections are a wild experience, but nothing could ever prepare you for absolutely how insane the entire thing is,” she recalled. “I was shocked. Jaw was on the ground the entire time. And then to see a living human emerge from the abdomen?! WHAT?! Literally what?! That is crazy! And the patient is awake. The mom is awake the entire time! It has got to be one of the craziest surgeries to ever witness.”

“Safe to say I had an amazing first day,” she concluded, still visibly in awe. “And I think it will be a really, really good rotation.”

Hawes’ utter enthusiasm was certainly contagious, as her video quickly went viral and inspired so many viewers—particularly other medical professionals—to share how they too marvel at those who have undergone c-sections.

“There’s not enough respect for what the woman goes through,” one person wrote. Meanwhile, another said, "When I rotated as a PA student I was also SHOOK seeing my first c-section! Mom and dad are just chillin on the other side unaware that they are literally ripping her abdomen open.”

Photo credit: Canva

Still another told Hawes, “OBGYN attending here. I still remember the first CS I saw as a medical student. I had the same reaction as you!"

And of course, several moms entered the chat to talk about their own experiences. Quite a few recounted leaving a med student with their jaw on the floor as well.

“I was someone’s very first delivery and I think she cried as much as I did. I’ve had 4 children and personally having students is a fun addition to the experience.”

“Believe me, being AWAKE while they hack into you and then your hear a whole human but everyone sees it first…that’s wild.”

“My recent birth — my third — I had a nurse who just finished school and was training. She was so nervous! I was like ‘girl do what you gotta do take your time.’ She literally said ‘thanks for being nice to me.’”

“I had a c-section personally before I saw one (and have been in hundreds since) and I am so thankful for our OBs and also that I didn’t see it first.”

While c-section are likely to stir up some conflicting emotions no matter what, hopefully hearing other folks share their amazement can help mothers quiet down some of the more negative thoughts going on. At the end of the day, women are metal as hell for being able to bring life into the world, no matter how they do it.