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Pop Culture

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial reveals a lot about how we abuse mental health terms

Not everyone has BPD.

johnny depp amber heard, amber heard bpd

Screenshot taken from a live video of the trial.

A recent (and fairly insensitive) sketch from “Saturday Night Live” said it best regarding the widespread fixation many have on the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial:

“It’s not the most pertinent story of the moment, but with all the problems in the world, isn’t it nice to have a news story we can all collectively watch and say ‘glad it ain't me?’”

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Trial Cold Open - SNLwww.youtube.com

Schadenfreude, celebrity fascination and previously inaccessible information now being at our fingertips is a potent combination in this trial, making amateur lawyers and psychologists of all who feel compelled to unleash their hot takes. And though the right to converse and speculate exists, is it always in our best interests to do so? Especially when it means potentially spreading misinformation, or at the cost of empathy and compassion?


For example: Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a complex and very rare disorder; less than 2% of adults in the U.S. have it, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. And yet, since Dr. Shannon Curry’s testimony, where she diagnosed Heard with it, I have seen BPD used a number of times to angrily describe someone whose behavior was less-than ideal … usually a co-worker or a former romantic partner. Dr. Curry is a trained and experienced professional in the mental health field and she made her assessment through proven methods that she has studied and practiced throughout her career. The same can’t necessarily be said of the person making an impulsive judgment online.

Just because a person is displaying similar behavior patterns such as fear of abandonment and intense mood swings, it doesn’t mean that they have BPD. Just like someone who is often immature and self-centered isn’t necessarily dealing with narcissistic personality disorder (another rare and serious disorder thrown around somewhat carelessly).

When we oversimplify these nuanced psychological terms—especially when we use them as petty insults—it can help to further stigmas and ignorance surrounding mental illness. In some cases, it might even prevent people from seeking help. It’s wonderful that we can more openly talk about things like “trauma” and “PTSD” now that social media has made this terminology more common. But this trial reveals that perhaps most of us still really have no idea what the words we're using mean. And we use them harshly.

I get that it can be healing to put a word to your suffering and the cruelties elicited by another. A very good friend of mine only recently discovered that her now ex-fiance was diagnosed with BPD. Though a painful truth to consume, ultimately it erased so much confusion she had about their relationship and helped her stop blaming herself for things not working out. It also helped her move on.

The traction that BPD has gotten through the Depp and Heard trial has certainly cultivated more mainstream awareness of the disorder, which might help others find similar solace. That is a great thing. It’s only when we overuse specific terms to generalize actions we find “bad” that it becomes problematic.

I have a feeling anyone who’s been called “the crazy ex” would agree.

Bottom line: The words we use matter. Overuse depletes real meaning. Misuse creates misunderstanding. In a time when it’s so easy to use default labels to criticize someone’s worst attributes, perhaps discretion is the best discipline.

Schools often have to walk a fine line when it comes to parental complaints. Diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and preferences for what kids see and hear will always mean that schools can't please everyone all the time, so educators have to discern what's best for the whole, broad spectrum of kids in their care.

Sometimes, what's best is hard to discern. Sometimes it's absolutely not.

Such was the case when a parent at a St. Louis elementary school complained in a Facebook group about a book that was read to her 7-year-old. The parent wrote:

"Anyone else check out the read a loud book on Canvas for 2nd grade today? Ron's Big Mission was the book that was read out loud to my 7 year old. I caught this after she watched it bc I was working with my 3rd grader. I have called my daughters school. Parents, we have to preview what we are letting the kids see on there."


The book in question, "Ron's Big Mission," highlights a true story from the childhood of Challenger astronaut Ron McNair, who had experienced discrimination as a child in South Carolina because he was Black. In 1959, when he was nine years old, McNair wanted to check out books at the library, but the librarian told him the library didn't loan books to "coloreds." McNair refused to leave the library until he was allowed to check out books. Rather than give him a library card, the librarian called the police, who ultimately convinced her to just let him check out books.

Seriously, what issue could this parent possibly take with such an inspiring story of a kid standing up to injustice and fighting for the right to educate himself? This was a child who single-handedly changed a library's racial segregation policy and grew up to be an astronaut—a genuine, real-life hero. What is there to take issue with? The parent didn't specify, so we're left to conjecture, but if there's any other possible reason than racism, I can't think of one.

Rockwood Education Equity and Diversity Director Brittany Hogan told KMOX News Radio that after hearing of the complaint, other parents responded immediately in the book's defense.

"They were saying this is amazing that they were buying copies of the book," Hogan said. "One of our parents came out and said she was going to purchase a copy for every second-grader at the elementary school that her children attends."

Hogan called McNair a hero and said, "He deserves to be celebrated. His story deserves to be told to our children. It's important that we continue to move in a space that embeds diverse curriculum."

And the school responded in the best possible way—by announcing the book was going to be read aloud to the whole student body via Zoom. That's how you shut down a bigot. Boom.

Here's Pond Elementary Principal Carlos Diaz-Granados reading "Ron's Big Mission" to students via Zoom and sharing why he thinks it's an important book for kids:



- YouTubewww.youtube.com



This article originally appeared on 9.18.23

Pop Culture

Drew Barrymore makes 'vulnerable' post about taking away her tween daughter's phone

"Within three months, I gathered the data of the texts and behavior. I was shocked by the results."

"I am going to become the parent I needed, the adult I needed."

As far as modern parenting goes, there’s no tough love quandary quite so universal as setting phone boundaries.

It can be difficult for parents to find the balance between being overly strict, potentially setting their kid’s up to be left out from friends groups, and being far too lax, exposing their still-developing minds to technology’s more harmful characteristics.

Making it even more tricky is the fact that it’s still pretty much the Wild West when it comes to setting said phone boundaries. A parent might think their kid is ready to have a phone, only to realize after the fact that they should have waited.

Then there’s the uncomfortable scenario of taking the phone away and being the bad guy. No parent loves that moment, even if they’re ultimately doing what’s best for their child.

This is a situation experienced by regular parents and celebrity ones alike, apparently.


Recently Drew Barrymore reflected on her own decision to take away her daughter's phone in a "vulnerable" message, captioned “Phone Home,” shared to her Instagram account on Aug 30.

In the lengthy note the "E.T." star noted how the choice was influenced by her own rebellious childhood of "too much access and excess.”

"I wished many times when I was a kid that someone would tell me no," she wrote. "I wanted so badly to rebel all the time, and it was because I had no guardrails."

Barrymore has frequently gotten candid about how being thrust into stardom as a child left her vulnerable to very adult situations and in desperate need of parental guidance. Going to rehabilitation for two years luckily was a “blessing” that gave her a “hard reset.”

And now that she’s a parent herself to two girls, Olive, 12 and Frankie, 10, she sees how phones are a repeat of this "too much access and excess” pattern. Understandably, she wants to be “protective” of her kids to go down the same path she once did.

"Now that I am a mother, I cannot believe I live in a world that I know correlates to my own personal pitfalls and many of my peers who got into too much, too soon,” she wrote.

In regards to her daughter Olive, Barrymore gave her a phone for her 11th birthday because “all her friends had one.” However, the phone was "only to be used on weekends and for a limited time with no social media."

Even with those well intentioned restrictions, Barrymore made troubling discoveries.

"Within three months, I gathered the data of the texts and behavior. I was shocked by the results. Life depended on the phone. Happiness was embedded in it. Life source came from this mini digital box. Moods were dependent on the device."

Wanting to “put a stop to these high stakes emotions flying around,” Barrymore printed out every single text onto paper and handed Olive "a stack of pages,” reminding her that "they're permanent somewhere where we don't see it, so we don't believe in its retraceable and damning nature if we fail digitally to act with decency.”

Barrymore then took the phone away, but made sure to let Olive know that it was not a “punishment on her character." It simply “was not time yet.”

"I want to let parents know that we can live with our children's discomfort in having to wait. We can be vilified and know we are doing what we now know to be a safer, slower and scaffolded approach," she concluded. "I am going to become the parent I needed, the adult I needed."

Barrymore did add that the current relationship most adults have to their phones only sets an example for kids, saying, “we are living in an á la carte system as caretakers, in a modern, fast-moving world where tiny little computers are in every adult’s hands, modeling that it is OK to be attached to a device that is a portal to literally everything.”

But she argues that our own challenges with setting phone boundaries can actually be a point of connection, writing, “we can admit we’re learning, too, especially in tech, and things have to pivot from time to time.”

Barrymore, whose “actions to move forward” included speaking with Apple to “discuss creating a new device without all the trimmings,” isn’t the only adult looking to create more helpful regulations. Many parents are rallying behind causes like the Away for a Day (AFTD) movement, which aims to remove smartphones from the classroom, and the Wait Until 8th organization, which is trying to set 8th grade as the official starting point for kids to receive phones.

Technology is certainly not going away, nor would we want to give up the benefits that it bestows. But certainly, setting regulations, especially for kids, is something that everyone should be thinking of if we want to create a society that uses technology without being controlled by it.

Popular

Couple in their 30s live permanently on cruise ships for a little over $10K a year

“I’m not a millionaire ... I just live full-time on cruise ships.”

A magnificent cruise ship on the ocean.

Giving it all up and retiring to live on a cruise ship at 32 seems like a lifestyle choice only available to the ultra-wealthy. However, two financially savvy retired school teachers from Tennessee have managed to do just that, spending under $10,000 for the first eight months at sea.

Monica Brzoska, 32, and Jorrell Conley, 36, met in 2015 while teaching in Memphis, Tennessee. The following year, they booked a week-long cruise to Mexico, Belize, and Grand Cayman. After that, they were hooked on cruising together.

Eight years later, in March 2023, they booked a week-long Caribbean cruise. When it was over, instead of returning home to Memphis, they had a wild idea: Why not continue to book consecutive cruises? So, they did just that.


Monica was inspired to start living the life she always wanted after her father fell ill and her mother told her: "Don't wait for retirement. Follow your dreams."



The couple crunched the numbers and found that if they chose the cheapest cabins and used the deals they’ve received from Carnival Cruises, they could book the first 8 months for just under $10,000. “It sounds mad, but the numbers made sense. Accommodation, food and entertainment would be included – we’d only need spending money,” Brzoska told The Sun. “And because we’d been on so many Carnival cruises, we’d earned access to some amazing offers.”

Hopping from ship to ship isn’t difficult for the couple because many disembark from the same ports. But they sometimes have to fly when they can’t walk to the next ocean liner.

The couple then quit their jobs, sold their possessions, and started a new life on the high seas. They rent out their 3-bedroom home in Memphis to maintain steady cash flow. The average 3-bedroom home in the area rents somewhere between $1200 to $1900 a month.



Over the first year of their new life, the couple completed 36 consecutive cruises. They have already visited countless destinations across the globe, but they can’t choose a favorite. "For a cultural experience, we loved Japan," Brzoska told a Carnival Cruise director on Instagram. The couple also loved Greece for its “history” and Iceland because it was the "closest to being on Mars."

One of the most incredible benefits of loving on a cruise ship is that so many things are taken care of for you. The couple never has to cook any meals, do any laundry or drive. Every night, there is something to do, whether it’s checking out a comedy show or enjoying drinks and dancing in the nightclub.



Plus, on cruises, just about all the costs are covered, so you rarely have to open your wallet. It’s a stress-free, all-inclusive lifestyle. Brzoska says that when you remove the everyday stresses from life, it’s great for your marriage. “Without the daily stresses of life, we rarely argued, but always told each other if we needed space or more time together,” she said.

The couple also makes sure to have one date night a week, during which they dress up and have a nice meal together.

Most people may be unable to give it all up and live their lives hopping from ocean liner to ocean liner. But there’s a great lesson in the story of Brzoska and Conley: You never know how much time you have left, so don’t wait for retirement to live the life of your dreams.

Upworthy has reached out to Brzoska for comment and is still awaiting a response.









Culture

Julie Andrews said she could "feel the evil" when she visited the real Von Trapp house

Sometimes the story behind the movie is more interesting than the movie itself.

Sometimes the story behind the movie is more interesting than the story in the movie.

In her autobiography, Home Work, Julie Andrews shared some of her experiences filming The Sound of Music. Andrews spoke with BuzzFeed News about her book, revealing her thoughts on the actual von Trapp family house. The movie musical, which is based on a section of the real-life Maria von Trapp's book, The Story of the Trapp Family Singers, was shot in a Hollywood studio.

The classic scene of Julie Andrews spinning in a meadow was shot in Bavaria, and the exteriors of the von Trapp house were filmed at a different house entirely.




- YouTubeShop THE SOUND OF MUSIC Super Deluxe Edition, set for release on December 1, 2023 and available for pre-order now.



Andrews did visit the von Trapp house in Salzburg, Austria later on in her life.

"It wasn't until much later that I happened to visit the real villa where they actually lived," she told BuzzFeed News. During her visit, Andrews said she could "feel the evil that once permeated those walls." The evil Andrews refers to is, of course, the Nazis. "Because after they fled the country, which they had to do, as in the film, [Heinrich] Himmler took over that villa, and the atrocities there were just terrible," she continued.

The story behind the von Trapp house is much darker than what's touched on in the splashy Hollywood musical. The actual von Trapp family lived in the house from 1923 until they fled Austria in 1938. In 1938, the Nazis annexed Austria, making life hard for the singing family. Georg von Trapp refused to fly the Nazi flag on his house, and declined a request to sing at Hilter's birthday party. There was fear their neighbors would spy on them and their children would become brainwashed by Nazi politics. Even though the family was offered fame, they decided to stay true to their principals and leave Austria.

Not one year later, the house was occupied by Nazis. Heinrich Himmler used the house as his summer residence until 1945.


Himmler was the second most powerful man of the Third Reich. Himmler set up and ran the Nazi concentration camps. The house was surrounded by armed guards and barbed wires. A barracks for the SS was built in the garden. Himmler also built the white wall around the house using slave labor. After the wall was completed, he had those who constructed the wall shot. Very monstrous.

Now, the von Trapp house is a more peaceful place. In 1947, the property was purchased from the von Trapp family by the Missionaries of the Precious Blood. In 2008, it opened to the public as a hotel.



- YouTubeThe Sound of Music movie clips: http://j.mp/1EgqF2W BUY THE MOVIE: FandangoNOW ...



While the house has a heavy history, the previous residents of the property took satisfaction in knowing the von Trapps resisted the Nazi party. "What Himmler did here is a heavy weight on the house," Precious Blood Fr. Andreas Hasenburger, the rector of the Kolleg St. Josef, told the National Catholic Reporter. "But we are also proud to live in the von Trapp house, the house of the man who said no to the Führer."

It takes a lot of guts to stand up for what you believe in, especially when you're pressured to forfeit your integrity. Knowing that the family gave up their life to stay true to their principals makes The Sound of Music so much better.


This article originally appeared on 10.28.19

When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.

Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.


Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.

"I will be your friend."

Ouch. My heart.

Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:

"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"







Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.

"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"

Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.

She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.

"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"

Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.


This article originally appeared on 8.2.19