Woman perfectly breaks down how adult life is full of 'catch-up friendships'
It’s a loop so many of us are stuck in. But there are ways out.

How many friendships in your life are just catch-up friendships?
It’s an all-too-common scenario: after months of being MIA in each other’s lives, you and a friend have finally been able to procure a night free of any work obligations or family commitments or any other non-negotiable responsibilities to actually see each other. Huzzah, May the joyful merriment commence!
…But, when the meetup that you both moved heaven and earth for finally does happen, all you do is regurgitate recent events. Making things feel unsatisfying and anticlimactic.
At the end of the night, you’re left feeling no closer to the person than before. And still you say:
“Let’s catch-up again soon!”
If this never ending cycle sounds familiar, you’re not alone. It’s a loop so many of us are stuck in.
Back in January, a woman named Bianca Stelian even went viral on TikTok for seemingly coining the term “catch-up friendships,” and perfectly summing up how this phenomenon pops up in our adult lives.
In the clip, Stelian recalled how spending tons of time with friends was the most natural thing in the world in college, saying, “everyone you love is in one convenient five block radius.” Because of this, you already kind of know what’s going on in each other’s lives, so instead of catching up, you could connect by watching a movie, hanging in silence, or simply coexisting.
Then cut to post-grad life, and life becomes too demanding to maintain friendships as you once did. Enter the “catch-up friendship.”
“Everytime you talk, you have to start the conversation with a big load of life updates. You have to hit every category: family, work, dating, social life, health, you get it. And before you know it you’ve essentially spent 45 minutes interviewing each other like you’re on a reality show without really breaking past the surface,” Stelian explains.
And once you’ve done this even a couple of times, it becomes a habit. And soon friendships are “a lot less about coexisting and more about organizing discreet dinner or drinks or FaceTimes or phone calls to catch-up,” she laments.
Stelian adds that while there is nothing “inherently horrible” about this type of relationship, “it takes away a lot of the joy of what made your friendship special in the first place.” In essence, you lose the trees for the forest—all of the small joys that came from sharing a life together get overshadowed by all the “big picture stuff.”
@infinitebs I am guilty of this as well but there is hope i promise #postgrad #friends #friendships #sociallife #socialanxiety #college ♬ original sound - bianca
It might be common for our friendships to fall lower on our priorities the older we get, but study after study shows us how detrimental the lack of that particular connection can be in our lives.
Luckily, there are other ways to spend time with friends that don't require going over everything you did the past few months, like running errands together, or revolving the meet-up around a recreational activity.
Stelian also had a few suggestions for breaking the rut, like posting your little life updates to your Instagram stories, so that less catching up would be required (we’re all on social media anyway), sending voice notes (long rambles welcome), creating a public journal or email newsletter and sending vlogs (like voice memos, but “elevated”).
Bottom line: we know friendships are important. We also know that life doesn’t alway make maintaining friendships easy. But a little creativity goes a long way, and the benefits are well worth the effort. Hopefully these tips can help add a little spice to your catch-ups.
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.