Black teen shares a list of 16 rules his mom had him memorize to stay safe when he leaves the house
Going out in public is much more dangerous for a Black man in American than a white man. A Black man is nearly three times more likely to be killed by the police.
He's at 1.5 times greater risk of being the victim of homicide than a white man and 3.3 times more likely than a Hispanic man.
Even though black men and white men sell and use recreational drugs at nearly the same rates, black Americans are 2.7 times as likely to be arrested for drug-related offenses.
The sad reality that Black men face led the mother of Cameron Welch to create a list of 16 rules for him to follow when he leaves the house. She gave him the list at the age of 11, and at 18, he has it memorized so he shared it on TikTok to show people what life's like as a Black man in America.
"In this moment in our country, it was necessary for me to use my voice, so I put out the video," he told The Huffington Post. "I wanted people to hear and understand the real truth of a Black man's daily experience."
"Jus some unwritten rules my mom makes me follow as a young black man #blacklivesmatter," Welch wrote on the TikTok video.
@skoodupcam Jus some unwritten rules my mom makes me follow as a young black man ##fyp ##blacklivesmatter
♬ original sound - marcappalott
— Don't put your hands in your pockets.
— Don't put your hoodie on.
— Don't be outside without a shirt on.
— Check-in with your people, even if you're down the street.
— Don't be out too late.
— Don't touch anything you're not buying.
— Never leave the store without a receipt or a bag, even if it's just a pack of gum.
— Never make it look like there's an altercation between you and someone else.
— Never leave the house without your ID.
— Don't drive with a wife-beater on.
— Don't drive with a du-rag on.
— Don't go out in public with a wife-beater or a du-rag.
— Don't ride with the music too loud.
— Don't stare at a Caucasian woman.
— If a cop stops you randomly and starts questioning you, don't talk back, just compromise.
— If you ever get pulled over, put your hands on the dashboard and ask if you can get your license and registration out.
The list of rules shows that Welch's mother understands the reality of being a Black man in America and wanted to do her best to keep him safe when she's not around. It's also a sad reminder of the discrepancy between how white and Black teenagers are treated in this country.
A white teenager would never have to worry about wearing a hoodie or avoiding staring at a white woman. Parents of white children don't have to warn their kids about being seen as a thief when they walk down to the corner liquor store.
"Saving this video for my future son," one TikTok user told Welch.
"His future shouldn't be like this," Welch wrote back.
In a follow-up video, Welch talks about how he says goodbye to his friends after hanging out.
They don't say, "I'll see you later" when heading home. Instead, they say, "Stay safe."
"Every Black man has that feeling of, 'Am I gonna come home today?" he says in the clip.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.