When do we start becoming our parents?
If you’ve seen any of the Progressive Insurance commercials featuring Dr. Rick and laughed, then you’re probably in danger of becoming like your parents at some time in the near future.
In the ads, Dr. Rick explains to a millennial woman that if there are so many throw pillows on your couch that you're not sure where to sit, then you’ve become your mom. In another clip, he reminds a millennial man who’s coaching a plumber beneath his sink that "You hired him."
Progressive has labeled the process of becoming your parents as “parentamorphosis.”
We are all on a collision course for the inevitable parentamorphosis but when does it happen for most? According to the Daily Mail, a 2019 study commissioned by Dr. Julian De Silva, a plastic surgeon in London, has found that most women start becoming their mothers at around the age of 33 and men begin the process of turning into their fathers a year later, at 34.
The poll surveyed 2,000 people.
"We all turn into our parents at some point in our lives—and that is something to be celebrated," said De Silva. "Becoming parents is the main trigger and lifestyle factors are also important."
Early signs that women are becoming their mothers include watching the same television shows, using the same sayings and picking up similar hobbies. If you’ve ever told a child, “If you’re bored then you’re boring,” then you may have already become your mother.
For men, the signs include adopting their father’s political opinions, shutting off lights in rooms that aren’t being used and listening to an oldies radio station instead of today's hits.
If you’ve ever considered giving yourself three hours to get to the airport, you’ve probably already become your dad.
But is becoming your parents such a bad thing? There’s something comforting about setting aside the need to appear cool or keeping up with the latest trends. There’s something nice about choosing clothing based on comfort level and having life dialed in to the point where you’ve got most things down to a system.
There’s a great line in the Bob Dylan song “It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)” where he sings, “he not busy being born, is busy dying.”
When we become our parents are we continuing to grow and expand our horizons? Or have we decided to become closed-minded and rigid? I guess that depends on who your parents are. But far too often when people settle down and have kids they end up becoming set in their ways as the world around them continues to change.
Shane Snow wrote in the Harvard Business Review that researchers have identified a simple idea that helps people remain open-minded as they age: “intellectual humility.”
Researchers believe that by practicing this concept, people retain the willingness to change plus the wisdom to know when they shouldn’t. They also found that people who display “openness to new experiences” are also more likely to keep up with a changing world.
It seems the key to successfully completing the parentamorphosis process is to embrace the wonderful aspects of getting older like having a few more dollars in the bank, a well-stocked pantry and the wherewithal to get an oil change before it’s too late while also realizing that it’s important to—as Bob Dylan says—keep “busy being born.”
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.