In order to aspire to be an excellent leader, you need to have an excellent team.
Just ask Emily Bassett. She has been selected as the commanding officer of one of the Navy's newest littoral combat ships.
We should probably pause there for a moment because she's doing big things.
According to the U.S. Department of Defense, approximately 200,000 women are serving in the military right now. That number accounts for less than 15% of the total armed forces population in the U.S. When it comes to female senior officers, that percentage drops significantly.
But Emily doesn't want a pat on the back for being one of the few women who continue to ascend through the military ranks. Instead she wants to focus on how she arrived there so others can do the same.
Emily thoroughly enjoys her role for the military. All photos from Emily Bassett and used with permission.
Motivation was never an issue for Emily. As far back as she can remember, she knew she had what it takes to be a shot-caller. "When I was growing up I told everyone that I wanted to be an ambassador, a boss, a leader, or something," Emily told me. "Once I got older, the military interested me and became my avenue to leadership."
She received a Reserve Officers' Training Corps (ROTC) scholarship from Boston University and entered the service directly after graduation in 1999. Once she joined the military, it didn't take her long to notice that there weren't very many people who looked like her. "Women were few and far between," Emily recalled. "Of the few that were there, even fewer lasted beyond the four-year point."
Why?
"Because many of us were looking for partners. Asking a guy you've just met to pack up his career and follow you is usually a non-starter."
Emily knew she wanted a husband, kids, and her career. But making that work would be tricky.
The four-year point is when many in the military make their decision to stay or leave. Emily had to make that decision shortly after meeting her future husband.
Will Bassett was an active duty pilot in the military when they met. Emily remembers the early days of dating as if they happened yesterday.
Emily and Will are all smiles when they're together.
"It was love at first sight," Emily recalled. "I really wanted to continue with my military career, and the reason why I was able to was because we both agreed that it worked for us. One of us wasn't giving up something for the other."
While enjoying a latte at Starbucks, she wrote out her 20-year plan on a napkin and asked Will, "Does this work for you?" He agreed that it did. Wedding bells followed two years later.
Part of their plan included children. Since Emily can be on a ship for months at at time, Will needed to be home full time with their two young children, Edward and Isabel, so he retired as a Navy pilot and became a stay-at-home dad. Again, it was a situation that worked for both of them.
"Will is an 'all-in' dad, completely 100% in," Emily beamed. "He cooks, he cleans, he reads stories, he fixes leaks and remodels bathrooms, he does it all. We would be lost without him."
Emily recognizes that many women can do it alone — single parents balance the demands of kids and work all the time — but it wasn't a part of her plan.
Will loves the bonding time with his kids.
The amount of stay-at-home dads are rising, but does society accept them?
Although the current number of stay-at-home dads in America increased to a total of 2 million, many of these men cannot shed the negative stereotypes that follow them. Emily has heard stories about how stay-at-home dads are ridiculed for "spending their wives' money," or for being unwilling to find "real jobs."
Fortunately, Will is secure enough in himself to be the parent at home while Emily pursues her career in military leadership. Even his kids are secure with it.
"When I went to pick up my 4-year-old daughter Isabel from school recently, one of her classmates asked why I always get her," Will said. "Isabel responded proudly that it's because her mommy is busy taking care of sailors on a ship, and my daddy is here with me. It was a cool moment that demonstrated how much my daughter appreciates the work we do."
Daddy and daughter enjoying a silly moment.
Let's deliver some real talk here — the next time a man is asked how he juggles fatherhood and his career, it will be the first. In heterosexual, two-parent families, moms are always known to step up on the home front. Now that more women are stepping up in their careers, it's long overdue that more of the men in those relationships take over at home to level the playing field.
These career choices can be tough. Luckily, Emily has a support group that's helping her through it.
There aren't very many people like Emily in the military, and finding women in her role to share ideas and frustrations with used to be difficult for her.
Now Emily is a member of a Lean In Circle, which are intimate groups of peers who share a similar bond — and both men and women can participate. Her particular group consists of female leaders in the military, and they enjoy monthly candid conversations about all facets of their careers and life at home. It's become an invaluable part of her growth as a leader and mother.
Emily enjoys a healthy balance between being a mom and a military leader.
"Lean In Circles have been a huge benefit to me for mentorship and professional development," Emily told me. "But what keeps me going back after three years is that my circle is a safe place to discuss leadership challenges and our biases that hold women and mothers back."
Many of the women in Emily's Lean In Circle are moms and their spouses stay at home with the kids, like Will does. It provides more proof that the Bassetts aren't the only ones with a similar family dynamic.
Not every woman pursuing a career needs a partner at home (clearly). But for some families, it works.
Yes, it's possible for our daughters to be CEOs, business owners, entrepreneurs, senior military officers — or whatever their hearts desire. Most importantly, they can tackle these careers while also being amazing mothers. They're not mutually exclusive.
The Bassetts are an amazing family and team.
Families come in all different forms. But it's awesome to see this couple making things work while smashing stereotypes at the same time.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
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Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."