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A touching campaign asks women to write letters to black girls everywhere.

#DearBlackGirl is more than a letter campaign. It's a way to connect generations.

The most meaningful words are not those that the world says about us, but those that we say to each other.

The Beautiful Project is a North Carolina-based organization that creates the space for black women and girls to confront the images of themselves that they see in the media and then create their own. The single sentence above about the meaning of words is the simple idea behind their latest campaign, aimed at letting young black girls hear directly from women who look like them in the purest, simplest way:

A letter.

Photo via Pexels/Creative Commons.

They are asking women (18+) who identify as black to write a letter titled "Dear Black Girl." It can be about anything, from dreams and memories to encouragement and commentary on what black girlhood means. There's no limit on the subject as long as it's written with a little black girl in mind.

Why?

The campaign description on their site is so inspirationalthat it is worth a read in its entirety — but in short, many black girls grow up surrounded by criticism, discrimination, disrespect, and competing narratives about who they should be in a world that doesn't always appreciate them. They aren't exposed to an abundance of images of girls and women who look like them, nor do they easily find affirming and positive messages geared toward them in the media. All of this can lead to a unique kind of insecurity, fear, and isolation. It can make them feel invisible.

The Beautiful Project wants black girls to become as bold and powerful as they should be — and they want to solicit black women who have lived through black girlhood to help.

Photo by Steven Depolo/Flickr.

Some of the messages in the letters are directly tied to the special experiences of growing up as a brown girl — like this excerpt from Janelle Harris at The Root:

"So I went into school, which was my world back then, ill equipped for assaults against my body image and self-esteem. ... I think college—especially four years at an HBCU—was the first time I started to balance my black personhood and my black womanhood and understand them in tandem."

Some are more universal but not heard often enough, like this excerpt from Alexis Ditaway, published on My Black Matters:

"Be fearless of [the] strength you have. Even on the days that you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, just remember that if you keep pushing, the world will one day be in your hands. Your dreams, your goals, and your potential are all yours to reach. Let no one and nothing stop you; not even yourself."

The letters will be used to spark conversations with girls via social media, exhibits, and local events.


The letters are being collected through today, (Oct. 7, 2015). But even after the deadline passes, it's a letter worth writing.

My letter is below. Now it's your turn! Check out the submission guidelines at The Beautiful Project, read through some of the letters they have already posted, and write your own today!

Dear Black Girl,

I hope by now you know that you are beautiful. I want that to be a given, an assumption that the brown of your skin (however dark or light it may be), the kink in your hair (however loose or tight it may be), the curves of your body (however subtle or dramatic they may be) are all exquisite.

But your physical beauty is not your superpower.

I hope by now you know that you come from greatness. While you may not be able to trace every single gene back to the beginning of time, you are a part of a global family that has built societies, birthed rich art, math, science, and culture, and overcome incredible odds with a survivor's spirit. You aren't just from the Queen Cleopatras and Michelle Obamas and Oprahs, nor are you just from the scientists, lawyers, and leaders who are celebrated during Black History Month. You are also from the mammys and slaves and cooks and nurses and the women whose names you may not know but whose skillful hands built the unimaginably well-built country that you call home.

But your ancestry is not your superpower.

And last but not least, I hope by now we don't even need to discuss your brilliance. I hope you've already figured out that your brain is a magic box with which you can ask deep questions, solve complex problems, and invent creative solutions with the best of them.

But your intelligence isn't your superpower.

Photo via iStock.

Your superpower is the power of self-determination —your ability to determine and control your life far more masterfully than anyone else ever could. Did you know that you can decide to take a left turn when others go right, to be what no one told you you could, or to try something that others are afraid to try? Did you know that you can wake up on any given Sunday and decide who you want to be and start all over, right then and there, to become that? Did you know that you can decide what to believe in and, if you believe in God like I do, use your faith to help you become your own unique reflection of Him here on earth?

I know that sounds easier said than done. How do you become who you want, do what you want, be what you want in a world that is steadily trying to shape you? Which lessons and images and influences should you believe and which should you ignore? Well, here is the key:

Only believe the people who believe, just as much as I hope you already do, that you are beautiful and brilliant and ancestrally rich. You only believe the messages that confirm what you know, deep in your heart, to be true about you.

As much as I wish I could come and help guide you into the woman I know you can be, I'm more excited to see you use your superpower to become the woman you want to be. I can't wait for you to discover exactly who that is.

And I'll be right here loving you all the while.

Science

Researchers dumped tons of coffee waste into a forest. This is what it looks like now.

30 dump truck loads and two years later, the forest looks totally different.

assets.rebelmouse.io

One of the biggest problems with coffee production is that it generates an incredible amount of waste. Once coffee beans are separated from cherries, about 45% of the entire biomass is discarded.

So for every pound of roasted coffee we enjoy, an equivalent amount of coffee pulp is discarded into massive landfills across the globe. That means that approximately 10 million tons of coffee pulp is discarded into the environment every year.


When disposed of improperly, the waste can cause serious damage soil and water sources.

However, a new study published in the British Ecological Society journal Ecological Solutions and Evidence has found that coffee pulp isn't just a nuisance to be discarded. It can have an incredibly positive impact on regrowing deforested areas of the planet.

via British Ecological Society

In 2018, researchers from ETH-Zurich and the University of Hawaii spread 30 dump trucks worth of coffee pulp over a roughly 100' x 130' area of degraded land in Costa Rica. The experiment took place on a former coffee farm that underwent rapid deforestation in the 1950s.

The coffee pulp was spread three-feet thick over the entire area.

Another plot of land near the coffee pulp dump was left alone to act as a control for the experiment.

"The results were dramatic." Dr. Rebecca Cole, lead author of the study, said. "The area treated with a thick layer of coffee pulp turned into a small forest in only two years while the control plot remained dominated by non-native pasture grasses."

In just two years, the area treated with coffee pulp had an 80% canopy cover, compared to just 20% of the control area. So, the coffee-pulp-treated area grew four times more rapidly. Like a jolt of caffeine, it reinvigorated biological activity in the area.

The canopy was also four times taller than that of the control.

Before and after images of the forest

The forest experienced a radical, positive change

via British Ecological Society

The coffee-treated area also eliminated an invasive species of grass that took over the land and prevented forest succession. Its elimination allowed for other native species to take over and recolonize the area.

"This case study suggests that agricultural by-products can be used to speed up forest recovery on degraded tropical lands. In situations where processing these by-products incurs a cost to agricultural industries, using them for restoration to meet global reforestation objectives can represent a 'win-win' scenario," Dr. Cole said.

If the results are repeatable it's a win-win for coffee drinkers and the environment.

Researchers believe that coffee treatments can be a cost-effective way to reforest degraded land. They may also work to reverse the effects of climate change by supporting the growth of forests across the globe.

The 2016 Paris Agreement made reforestation an important part of the fight against climate change. The agreement incentivizes developing countries to reduce deforestation and forest degradation, promote forest conservation and sustainable management, and enhance forest carbon stocks in developing countries.

"We hope our study is a jumping off point for other researchers and industries to take a look at how they might make their production more efficient by creating links to the global restoration movement," Dr. Cole said.


This article originally appeared on 03.29.21

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Family

People who chose to be child-free are just as happy at 70 as those with kids, study finds

What about all the regret they were supposed to feel?

via Jens Lindner/Unsplash

A woman looking content with her child-free life.

Every couple that has ever considered being child-free has had to deal with people who have children telling them they will regret their decision. They're often told that they’ll be lonely when they get older and never understand the joy and fulfillment of having a child.

Even though there is so much pressure for couples to have kids, more and more people are deciding to live child-free lives. A recent study found that 47% of adults under 50 without kids say they're unlikely to have them — up 10 percentage points from 2018.

There are many different reasons why people don’t want to have kids, whether it’s affordability, the state of the world and the environment, or they just don’t feel like it. The child-free movement gets even stronger as people get younger.

Sixty-seven percent of young women and 50% of young men say they just don’t want children. So, are all of these people setting themselves up for a lifetime of regret because they choose not to have kids? A recent study out of Michigan says no, they probably won’t.

The Institute for Public Policy and Social Research at Michigan State University studied 1,000 Michiganders, asking whether they have or want children. The study separated those who wish to be child-free from those who want children but can’t have them.

The study found that by the time people reach the age of 70, people who have children and those who decided not to are just as satisfied with their lives.

child-free, no kids, childrenA couple enjoying coffeevia MART PRODUCTION/Pexels

“Childfree people, especially women, are often told they’ll be dissatisfied with life or regret their decision later,” Jennifer Watling Neal, one of the study’s authors, told PsyPost. “In this study, we compared how much adults age 70 and older said they’d want to change something about their life — in other words, whether they had any regrets about how their life had gone. We didn’t see any difference between child-free people and parents. This suggests that child-free people are similar to others in terms of life satisfaction and often don’t regret their decision later.”

The researchers found that child-free people may be happier than those with kids.“In fact, older parents were slightly more likely to want to change something about their life,” Neal said in a statement.

The study was conducted on 1,000 people; times change and everyone’s experience is different, so there’s no telling who will or will not have regrets about their decision to have children. But the study should bring some peace of mind to those who are tired of hearing that they may regret their choice to be child-free, whether from friends, family or the little voice in their heads.

The discussion also raises a deeper question: How do we create a society where people are excited about having children? What changes could be made to make it affordable for people to have families? How can we create a brighter future so that parents can feel confident that the children born today will be able to thrive as adults?

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Family

Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

With twins, all the regular pressures of having a baby are doubled, including choosing a name.

Photo credit: Canva

Are you in favor of rhyming twin names? Or is it too cutesy?

Having twins means double the fun, and double the pressure. It’s a fairly known rule to name twins in a way that honors their unique bond, but that can lead to overly cutesy pairings that feel more appropriate for nursery rhyme characters than actual people. Plus, it’s equally important for the names to acknowledge each twin’s individuality. Again, these are people—not a matching set of dolls. Finding the twin baby name balance is easier said than done, for sure.

Luckily, there are several ways to do this. Names can be linked by style, sound or meaning, according to the baby name website Nameberry. For example, two names that share a classic style would be Elizabeth and Edward, whereas Ione and Lionel share a similar rhythm. And Frederica and Milo seem to share nothing in common, but both mean “peaceful.”

Over on the /NameNerds subreddit, one person asked folks to share their favorite twin name pairings, and the answers did not disappoint.

One person wrote “Honestly, for me it’s hard to beat the Rugrats combo of Phillip and Lillian (Phil and Lil) 💕”

A few parents who gave their twin’s names that didn’t inherently rhyme until nicknames got involved:

"It's the perfect way! Christmas cards can be signed cutely with matching names, but when they act out you can still use their full name without getting tripped up.😂"

"The parents of a good friend of mine did this: her name is Allison and her sister is Callie. Their names don’t match on the surface, but they were Alli and Callie at home."

“Alice and Celia, because they’re anagrams! Sound super different but have a not-so-obvious implicit connection.”

This incited an avalanche of other anagram ideas: Aidan and Nadia, Lucas and Claus, Liam and Mila, Noel and Leon, Ira and Ria, Amy and May, Ira and Ari, Cole and Cleo…even Alice, Celia, and Lacie for triplets.

Others remembered name pairs that managed to sound lovely together without going into cutesy territory.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesThese matching bunny ears though. Photo credit: Canva

“I know twin toddler boys named Charlie and Archie and they go so well together,” one person commented.

Another wrote, “Tamia and Aziza. I love how they follow the same sound pattern with the syllable endings (-uh, -ee, -uh) without being obnoxiously matchy matchy.”

Still another said, “Lucy and Logan, fraternal girl/boy twins. I think the names sound so nice together, and definitely have the same 'vibe' and even though they have the same first letter they aren't too matchy-matchy.”

Other honorable mentions included: Colton and Calista, Caitlin and Carson, Amaya and Ameera, Alora and Luella, River and Rosie, and Eleanor and Elias.

One person cast a vote for shared style names, saying, “If I had twins, I would honestly just pick two different names that I like separately. I tend to like classic names, so I’d probably pick Daniel and Benjamin for boys. For girls my two favorites right now are Valerie and Tessa. I think Val and Tess would be cute together!”

Overall though, it seems that most folks were fans of names that focused on shared meaning over shared sound. Even better if there’s a literary or movie reference thrown in there.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesMany adult twins regret that their names are so closely linked together. Photo credit: Canva

“My mom works in insurance, so I asked her. She’s seen a lot of unique ones, but the only twins she remembers are Gwenivere [sic] and Lancelot... bonus points... little brother was Merlin,” one person recalled.

Another shared, “If I had twin girls, I would name them Ada and Hedy for Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr, both very early computer/tech pioneers. Not that I’m that into tech, I just thought it was a brilliant combination.”

Other great ones: Susan and Sharon (think the original “Parent Trap”), Clementine and Cara (types of oranges), Esme and Etienne (French descent), Luna and Stella (moon and stars), Dawn and Eve, plus various plant pairings like Lily and Fern, Heather and Holly, and Juniper and Laurel.

Perhaps the cleverest name pairing goes to “Aubrey and Zoe,” since…wait for it… “they’re A to Z.”

It’s easy to see how naming twins really is a cool opportunity for parents to get creative and intentional with their baby naming. It might be a challenge, sure, but the potential reward is having the most iconic set of twins ever. Totally worth it!

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Woman sparks dialogue after saying she doesn't take advice from men no matter how successful

"I tend to take their advice with a grain of salt," says Paige Connell.

Courtesy of Paige Connell

Woman says she doesn't take advice from men.

Being a woman comes with certain expectations, no matter where in the world you live. Becoming a mother adds another layer to those expectations, with traditional society often not considering the impact on the woman experiencing that shift. For instance, many women work outside of the home and are still expected to be the one who figures out which childcare center would be best.

Women are also often expected to put their careers on hold to stay at home if it's decided that outside childcare isn't feasible. Sure, some dads may do the heavy lifting in this area, but that's not a societally expected thing. Because these things are typically expected of women, men don't generally have to consider many of the logistics of children if they're partnered with a woman.

Paige Connell sparked a conversation when she shared on social media that she doesn't take advice from men, even if it's their job. On the surface that sounds harsh, even though she clarifies that she considers the advice but takes it with a big grain of salt, and her reasoning involves the invisible labor aspect.

"I do not tend to take a lot of advice from men, even the most successful men. And I mean advice in the form of self-help books, podcasts from successful men or just men in general. I tend to take their advice with a grain of salt because I do not think it is applicable to women and mothers in particular," Connell share before revealing her reasoning.

In the video she shares that she was recently listening to "The Diary of a CEO" podcast where the man talked about all the risks he took, including moving from Connecticut where his young child and ex-girlfriend live to New York. Connell pointed out through the entire episode detailing his risks and upward mobility, he never mentioned his child, which caused her to surmise that it was because childcare concerns weren't a part of his journey.


@sheisapaigeturner I do not often take advice from men, even the most successful of men, because the common thread is usually that they were able to become successful, because there was a woman standing beside them, or behind them, supporting them. Without acknowledging this, the advice means very little because women often don’t have men standing besides them, or behind them to support them. #caseyneistat #diaryofaceo #millennialmom #workingmom #wfhmom #corporatemom #successfulwomen ♬ original sound - Paige


She continued explaining how the burden of childcare tends to fall on women, working and nonworking, allowing the male parent to be free to corporate climb uninhibited by the worry. Connell shares that she prefers to listen to professionally successful moms because they share the help needed with childcare and how they navigated these spaces being the default parent. Others agreed to much of what she was saying.

"I came to a similar conclusion…I have read quite a few books of men going on their 'hero’s journey' where they did all these extravagant endeavors and eventually found success or enlightenment. But nothing about how a mother deep in the trenches of child raising is the [true] hero’s journey. Motherhood can chew you up and spit you out. A mother dies a million deaths and finds strength to continue to show up for her child day and night. Motherhood changes and refines us. No mother goes unchanged after motherhood. It is late nights and isolation. The flames of motherhood, the true hero’s journey," one person revealed, describing her own experience of realization.

"I love that you talk about it. Also all the so called geniuses, poets, writers, great personalities were able to accomplish all they did because their wives babysat their 8 kids at that time," someone else sighed in frustration.

"Couldn’t agree more. It’s the equivalent of men being able to work late, work weekends, put in the face time, to get ahead - whilst someone else is looking after their children," another wrote.

"I remember reading one comment in the daily routine of a successful writer. He had four kids and yet he could write for 6 hours daily during the day. Never once mentions his household manager, cook, cleaner, nanny—his wife," a commenter pointed out.

What do you think? Should more women be talking about this reality when it comes to the success of their male partners?

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Joy

15-year-old surprises his sister with a wedding dance and there's not a dry eye anywhere

The song starts with a recording of them singing together as children.

Avery Albrecht/TikTok

The beautiful bond of brother and sister

Weddings are often catalysts for happy tears, but sometimes an extra special moment or gesture pushes it into "everybody grab a tissue" territory.

This video is one of those. Don't say we didn't warn ya.

Avery Albrecht shared a clip from her wedding reception in which her baby brother asked her for a dance. But Albrecht had no idea what kind of surprise the 15-year-old and her parents had in store for her. As the music begins, we hear children's voices singing—the two of them singing Phil Collins' "You'll Be in My Heart" together as children. And then the real song begins, with the bride and her brother—along with everyone watching—in a puddle.

Watch all the way to the end:

"There wasn't a dry eye in the house," Albrecht shared. There doesn't appear to be a dry eye on the internet, either.

"Stop it!! It’s 4 am in Sydney, and I'm a 43-year-old man sobbing while hiding under a blanket with my wife and 2 kids on the same bed, 😭" shared one person. "Family is the most important precious thing in the world!! ❤️"

"I went from cracking up about a stupid Hello Kitty video to sobbing in under three minutes. That must be so confusing to my central nervous system," shared another.

"I have to stop watching these things at work… people are thinking I am depressed, 😂" wrote another.

Some people shared how much it reminded them of their close sibling relationships:

"One of the most beautiful things I’ve seen. And being a much older big sister of littles (not little anymore by a long shot), I know the exact place this came from."

"I don’t know if she’ll read this but sweetheart you are so lucky! Please give your baby brother a hug for me. I lost my little brother 19 years ago this past June while I was pregnant with my first born son. I named him after him. And miss him so very much. 😢❤️"

"My little brother had a severe case of cerebral palsy and Down syndrome. He’s gone, but as I am watching this video, I can’t stop wondering what my life would be if he was healthy and still around… same about my older sister, who had also passed away. Crying my heart out now."

"Awwwwwwwe! The sweetest! You can tell how close you both are! Me and my sister are 12 years apart and she got married when I was 12 and she moved out and I had THE HARDEST time and cried almost everyday for a month!! ! I still would go over to her house and spend the night all the time… and then when she had children I became the built in babysitter for my nieces and nephew (also my fave ppl on the planet) She’s always was and still my very best friend. ♥️♥️"

Here's to the beautiful bond siblings can share, the families that nurture those bonds and this sweet brother-sister pair who gave us all the cleansing cry we needed.

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