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7 secrets to raising awesome, functional teenagers.

Step 1: Ditch the myth that all teens are sullen, angry creatures.

mothers, children, community, teaching
All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

My beautiful teens.


I occasionally get asked by mothers of young children what the secret is to raising great teenagers.

My initial response is that I have absolutely no clue. My kids are who they are IN SPITE of having me as a mother. (The young moms don't find that answer too helpful.)

Really, the first thing that I will tell you is to disbelieve the myth that teenagers are sullen, angry creatures who slam doors and hate their parents. Some do that, but the overwhelming majority do not. Every one of my kids' friends are just as happy and fun as my kids are, so I know it's not just us.

Teenagers are incredible. They are funny, smart, eager to please, and up for just about anything as long as food is involved. They have the most generous hearts and want desperately to be loved and validated. They are quirky and messy and have the best sense of humor.

rules for teens, raising teens, secrets, privilege

Bright smiles on the couch.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

So, here is my list of "rules" for raising teens. These are the secrets we have found to be successful.

1. Love them fiercely.

Love everything about them, even the annoying stuff. Love them for their actions AND their intentions. Let them know in word and deed how much you adore them. Daily. Love their wrinkled shirts and Axe-body-spray-covered selves. Love their bad handwriting and pimpled cheeks. Love their scattered brains and long limbs. All these seemingly insignificant details are an amazing, magical process at work. It's like being witness to the miracle of a diamond mid-formation. All this imperfection is going to one day yield a responsible, serious adult. A loving husband and father. Or a wonderful wife and mother. It's a privilege to be witness to such glorious growth.

See your teenagers as a privilege, don't see them as a burden. They're more perceptive than you can imagine. How you feel about them will be no secret. So just love ‘em.

2. Listen and pay attention.

When they walk in the door after school, you have a precious few minutes when they will divulge the secrets of their day with you. Be excited to see them. Put down the cell phone. Don't waste this time making dinner or taking a phone call. Look them in the eye and hear what they are saying. Make their victories your victories. Be empathetic. It is really hard to navigate high school and middle school. Don't offer advice at this time unless they ask for it. Don't lecture. Just listen. It makes them feel important and valued. We all need to feel that way.

3. Say yes more than you say no.

The world is forever going to tell them no. For the rest of their lives, they will be swimming in a stormy sea with wave after wave of "you're not good enough" and "you can't do this" crashing down on their heads. If nothing else, I want to be the opposite voice in their lives for as long as I can. I want to instill in them the belief that they are not limited and they can do anything if they're willing to work hard enough for it. I want to be the YES, YOU CAN in their lives. I want them to leave my house every day feeling invincible.

4. Say no often.

You need to say no to experiences and situations that will set your child up for harm or unhappiness. Don't let them go to the parties where they will be forced to make a choice about alcohol at age 16 in front of their peers . Don't let them stay out until three in the morning with a member of the opposite sex. Be the parent. Set up rules for their safety, both physical and moral. You would think this rule goes without saying, but we have known a shockingly large number of parents who don’t.

5. Feed them. A lot.

And not only them, but their friends too. These bodies are growing and developing at an astonishing rate and need fuel to do so — most of which they prefer to be loaded with processed sugar and hydrogenated-something-or-others. When their friends know your pantry is stocked to the gills with treats, they will beg your kid to hang out at your place. This allows you to not only meet and know their friends, but to keep an eye on your teen as well.


6. Don't sweat the small stuff.

When living with teenagers, it can be so easy to see the backpack dropped in the middle of the living room as laziness. Or the bedroom scattered with dirty clothes as irresponsible. Instead, and before you open your mouth to yell at them, put yourself in their shoes. Find out about their day first. Maybe they are feeling beaten down, and they just need to unwind for a minute and tell you about it. Ignore the mess for a bit and put your arms around that big, sweaty kid and give him a hug. Talk to him about his world. Find out what he did, wants to do, and dreams of doing. THEN, and only then, ask him to pick it up and put it away.

That being said, do I completely ignore the state of my boys' bedrooms all the time? No, I do not. But I pick my battles, and I pick the appropriate time to fight them. Once every seven to 10 days or so, I tell them their bedrooms need to be picked up. Which they do happily because it's not the running loop of a nagging mom. They know when I ask, it needs to be done.

7. Stand back and watch the magic happen.

teens, adults, education, parenting

Having a funny picture taken.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

If you let them, these glorious creatures will open their hearts and love you more fiercely than you could possibly imagine. They are brilliant, capable, strong spirits who bring with them a flurry of happiness. They are hilarious and clever. They are thoughtful and sensitive. They want us to adore them. They need us to adore them. They love deeply and are keenly in touch with the feelings of others.

They are just about the greatest gift God gave to parents.


This article was written by Christie Halversson and originally appeared on 08.20.19

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Family

A 6-year-old designed a custom t-shirt for his first day of school and it's seriously the best

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.

Unfading adornments

When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.

Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.

Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.

"I will be your friend."

Ouch. My heart.

Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:

"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"







Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.

"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"

Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.

She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.

"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"

Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.


This article originally appeared on 8.2.19

bullying
Pets

13 pet owners share the funniest thing they’ve accidentally taught their pets to do.

They're always paying attention.

One of the great joys of having a pet is seeing how they develop and learn over their lifetimes.

Sometimes, the things they pick up from us are surprising because they're completely unintentional.

Reddit user TheRoseByAnotherName asked the online forum "What's the best thing you've accidentally trained a pet to do, like a behavior that is specifically from interaction with you and couldn't just be a quirk or learned themselves?" and the answers were surprising and funny.

Here are 13 of the best.

1. Crafty kitten

"When my old cat was a kitten he would get in your face when you were eating and try to steal stuff off your plate/fork/mouth. Squirt bottle came into play and after a few days he realized if he stood by the xbox we would not squirt him and he could plan an attack," dj_narwahl

white and gray cat Photo by Mikhail Vasilyev on Unsplash



2. The bed of solace

"I had three brothers growing up who loved to torment my mainecoon. I made the rule they couldn't touch him on my bed. They would chase him through the house and he would make a huge flying leap onto my bed (1 bedroom for four kids) and then whip around and just glare daggers at them, knowing he was safe. I swear it only took him a week to figure it out!" — [Account deleted]

white and black cat on white textile Photo by Polly Alexandra on Unsplash

3. Pavlovian X-Box

"The noise of the Xbox turning off. When the dog hears that 'boo boo bing' noise he goes fucking apeshit thinking he's getting taken on a walk. To be fair. He usually is," — belsnickel222

4. "Go upstairs!"

"My wife and I lived in a condo and whenever one of us went upstairs we announced it. Like "I'm going upstairs." Then go. So one day my wife is trying to snack on something and our dog was bothering her and she got fed up and scoldingly said 'Go upstairs!' Up the stairs he went! Where he sat and stared at her as if nobody ever feeds him and one little bite would mean the world," —The_Superfist

a dog is sitting on the stairs of a house Photo by Natalie Kinnear on Unsplash

5. Bird blessing

"I had a budgie who was impossible to train, but he chirped twice after anyone in the house sneezed. It was his form of 'Bless You,'" — A_Big_Pizza_Pie

green bird on brown tree branch Photo by Johannes Giez on Unsplash

6. Husky Pants

"A little bit of preface....I hate pants, I'm more of a skirt or dress type of person. My energetic Sheepherder Husky mix knows if I have pants on it means I'm taking her for a hike. Now whenever I'm seen in pants she freaks out, jumping up and down and running to the front door," — HiraeathAtRockBottom

a dog running in the snow Photo by Ivan Rudoy on Unsplash

7. The dog 'n the hat

"My dog is a retriever so she likes to hold things when I get home, not too uncommon. I started giving her my hat and after a while she started jumping up to get it. Now I have to kneel down so she can gently pluck it off my head. Adorable. Unfortunately she loves all hats now. So, this poor kid (2.5-3years old) was at a barbecue at my house and decided she wanted to run around with her baseball cap on. Cue my dog running after her, bowling her over, and stealing her hat to bring to me. I was mortified," — Fishes_Suspicous

dog running on show Photo by Marcus Löfvenberg on Unsplash

8. "What did you do?"

"I used to scold my dogs my saying 'What did you do?' in a stern, disappointed voice. Then we were watching TV, and a male voice said 'What did you do?' and they both just sat there looking like they were in trouble," Uffda01

9. Good boy toots

"My dog farts when he wants attention. Every time he would fart, my gf and I would laugh and tell him he's a good boy. Now he'll come up to me, sit, wag his tail, and let a few toots out. Not sure if it's his short fur or just his anatomy, but they're almost always audible," — BonkeyKongCountry.

black pug in black and white Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

10. Bad kitty

"When my childhood cat would bite us or my parents, my mum would put her outside as punishment. When she felt like going outside, she'd come and bite us," — SusieQ134

view of white cat Photo by Chen Yi Wen on Unsplash

11. Medical support dog

"I am chronically ill and have an autoimmune disease that causes my blood pressure to crash while upright and Pass out frequently. Certain exercises are important to stop from passing out frequently so I hike daily with my dog. After passing out a bunch on hikes (and at home), My dog somehow has learned to warn me by standing close to my hand and staring at me on our hikes when my blood pressure is getting low and my heart rate is increasing to tell me to sit/lay down before I pass out. It's become super helpful!" — FrogyFrogFrog123

a black dog wearing a yellow bandana standing in front of an airplane Photo by Jeswin Thomas on Unsplash

12. Blinky bunny

"My rabbit, Poe, will only exit his cage when given the go ahead (a nod), and as soon as he does, he binkies twice then sits in my lap. Every. Single. Time," — TerribleEyeSight

rabbit on polka-dot fabric Photo by Lucy M on Unsplash

13. Spelling pooch

"My old dog (RIP) learnt to spell certain words which we didn't want to say in front of her. She would go mental if we spelt out "W-A-L-K", "L-E-A-D" or "O-U-T". I miss her," — SilentSamamamander


This article originally appeared on 8.16.19

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Education & Information

A boy with dwarfism struggled to get his lunch. So a cafeteria worker made him a souped-up cart.

He went from struggling to stylish.

via Beaverton School District

Julian Worsham gets a new cart.

Six-year-old Julian Worsham of Beaverton, Oregon is like a lot of other first-graders: he loves Super Mario and Taekwondo. But he has achondroplasia, the most common form of dwarfism, and goes to a school that wasn't built for kids his height.

"He's born into a world that just, in some ways, is not built for him," Julian's father, Brett, told WHAS11.

His mother did a walk-through before his first day at school to make sure he wouldn't run into any problems because of his height but forgot to check the cafeteria. [We] "noticed that where the food was, was right at his head," Heather told the Beaverton School District. Then, to make things more of a struggle, he had to carry his tray outside to the lunch benches.

The school made him a makeshift cart out of an upside-down milk crate on wheels to help him transport his lunch from the cafeteria to the benches.

"When I saw it I thought, 'Wow,'" said Enedelia Mottram, who's served lunch for the school district for 18 years. "I just wanted to help Julian, because I mean his head barely reaches the lunch line. He can't see anything."

Julian's first cart wasn't cutting the mustard.

via Beaverton School District

That night, she talked to her husband, James, a metalworker, to see if he could come up with something better. He got his team together at Wright Manufacturing in Portland to create a new cart that allowed Julian to transport his lunch tray and see over the counter.

James told the Beaverton School District that he wanted to make something that Julian would be "proud to push around."

James and his team put together a badass cart with adjustable, handlebar grips just like a motorcycle that has a stool inside so he can reach the countertop. It is adorned with flames and a personalized license plate that says, "JULIAN."

Julian's parents were blown away by the care and creativity that was put into creating his cart.

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"They took the time to get those license plates with his name, which is just like, they just really put a lot of heart into it. So when I saw it, the first thing I saw was actually a picture of James and his team who made the cart and I cried. It's just such a sweet thing," Heather said.

Julian loves the license plate and the flames and is now able to grab his lunch and get out to the benches in style.

"He's independent now," said Mottram. "Before, a staff member [would] have to be there to help him," she said.

Heather hopes that the story will inspire others to reach out and help other people in need.

"There's just wonderful people in this world that, you know, they have their eyes open. They're seeing needs that need to be met and they're meeting them. So I hope that other kids can get their needs met through this," she said.


This article originally appeared on 11.3.21

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Pets

Man jumps out of his car with a puppy in the most adorable red-light moment ever recorded

"I JUST WITNESSED THE PUREST THING EVER."

via Celina Romera / Flickr

When you see someone jump out of their car at a red light to talk with another motorist, usually it's bad news. Most of the time, it's the moment when road rage gets personal.

But 26-year-old Celina Romera caught video of probably one of the most adorable red-light interactions between motorists on December 15 in Tampa, Florida.

In the video, an unidentified man pops out of his car at a stoplight with a darling puppy in his hand. In the other car, a big German Shepherd pops his head out and the two dogs exchange kisses.

"I JUST WITNESSED THE PUREST THING EVER," Romera wrote on Facebook.

After the light changes, the man with the puppy gently walks back to the car. In the video Romera can be heard saying, "It's okay, man. Take your time."

One could imagine that the dogs were barking at each other before the video began.Then, the owner of the puppy thought it was okay for the two dogs to meet. The American Kennel Club says that barking between dogs is a pretty crude way to communicate.

However, it is part of a host of messages that dogs send to one another.

The job of a dog's owner is to determine if the dogs are ready to share a sniff or of one is fearful.

"The combination of barking, body language, and approach-avoidance behavior gives away the fearful dog's motivation, even to us relatively uneducated body-language readers," the Club says on its blog.

The original video Romera posted has been shared over 120,000 times.

The heartwarming video is a reminder that nothing can bring two strangers and millions of Facebook viewers together quite like dogs.


This article originally appeared on 12.16.19


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Culture

Freddie Mercury impersonator entertains his neighbors and us all with epic 'I Want to Break Free'

Break free? Yes, we all want to right about now.

via Freddie Mercury / Twitter

Carlos Díaz Ballesta dressed up like Queen front man Freddie Mercury and put on a show for his neighbors from his balcony in Spain. He threw on Mercury's iconic jeans, undershirt, and mustache and lip-synced to Queen's 1984 song, "I Want to Break Free."

In the video, Ballesta dances with a vacuum cleaner, an homage to the song's video. In the "I Want to Break Free" video, members of Queen dressed in drag as characters from the British soap opera "Coronation Street."




Freddie Mercury balcony (auténtico autor del baile)- OFICIAL 🇪🇸 (del auténtico autor del baile)youtu.be


While the video was a hit across the world it was a dud in America where no one knew what the band was lampooning.

"All around the world people laughed and they got the joke and they sort of understood it," Queen guitarist Brian May told NPR Radio. "I remember being on the promo tour in the Midwest of America and peoples' faces turning ashen and they would say, 'No, we can't play this. We can't possibly play this. You know, it looks homosexual'."


- YouTubewww.youtube.com



This article originally appeared on 5.8.20

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