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10 former bullies share what inspired them to become kinder

Change is possible.

bullying, stop bullying
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Bullying is often modeled by parental behavior.

Bullies are made, not born. Bullying traits might be picked up in a variety of ways, but violence, aggression and cruelty are most certainly learned behaviors during a child’s development.

The book “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Child and Adolescent Psychology,” co-authored by psychiatrist Jack C. Westman M.D. and science writer Victoria Costello, lists five major factors that most often lead to bullying: physical punishment, watching aggressive behavior in adults, violent television, problems with processing emotions and undiagnosed mental illness.

The underlying theme in these causes? A lack of empathy. Bullies are often taught—whether directly or subversively—that dominance and control are more vital than compassion and understanding. This results in pain for not only the intended target, but for the oppressor themselves.

how to stop a bullyHurt people hurt people. Photo by yang miao on Unsplash

But just as it can be learned, bullying can be unlearned—through supportive friendships, trusted role models and maybe even professional help. People are always capable of change when given the necessary tools to do so.

Recently, a Reddit user asked former bullies (and former “mean girls,” for as we all know this is not necessarily a gender-specific phenomenon) to share what “finally brought a change.”

The answers were inspiring. They not only showed that yes, the adage is true, “hurt people hurt people,” but also that powerful transformation can happen simply by taking accountability. Many of these former bullies admitted to growing up in less-than-ideal environments and did not know any other way to cope. But eventually they were given fresh insight, and with that were better able to choose kindness.

The world might seem like a cold and uncaring place at times, but these 10 stories are a beautiful reminder that change is always possible.


Wasn't really a bully but I wasn't nice either. I…was mean to people who I thought deserved it, and it didn't help that there were also other people who were just as mean and judgmental as I was. It got to the point that I was needlessly fighting my friends and only when I was confronted about my attitude and I got to hear my friend's perspective that I shifted.

…Took a lot of time and educated myself on how to be better. Also therapy lol. Anger management, anxiety management, etc. I couldn't erase who I was and I accept that part of me. I'm not saying I'm all perfect now…I know there's still a lot of work to do, but all in all it's loads better than before. I'm glad I had the chance to grow up and get better." – @AnxiousCrownNinja

Right after high school was the turning point for me… I was having a lot of discord with my own friends due to my attitude and it took hearing their honest feedback about how my approach was alienating them for me to start doing major self reflection. I decided I didn't want people to fear me and I certainly didn't want to alienate my own friends, so I started talking less and listening more. I made an honest effort to care more about people as individuals-I got interested in the unique strengths each person brings to the table and did what I could to start learning from others. I humbled myself a lot over the years. I worked on saying I'm sorry and admitting when I was wrong. And years later I've gotten into therapy to continue to work on myself. I'll never be warm and fuzzy as that's just not my personality, but I'm a much better person than I was when I was younger.” – @Babhak

Was essentially bullied at home by my family and I took it out on those around me. Thankfully I had some friends that let me know I was being a dick and I apologized to the people I hurt, I'll always hate myself for the way I acted and I don't think that will ever change. I still catch myself being a grumbling asshole sometimes but I will never let myself be who I used to be.” – @raikonai

I got a job as a video game tester and worked with people who were bullied when they were younger. We'd tell stories and things I found funny they found traumatic and mean. As cliche as it is, I never thought about it from their perspective or thought my behavior was bullying until then. Helped me see it from the other side, I'm much more empathic now. Pretty ashamed about my behavior when I was younger.” – @GCJallDAY

When I realized I was just like my dad, and I really dislike my dad.” – @kastawamy

what cause bullying, cyberbullying

We don't have to become our parents.

Photo by Muhmed Alaa El-Bank on Unsplash

I come from a small town where families have generational feuds. It also didn't help that my family is poor and very ghetto/redneck and very racially mixed. All of my aunts and uncles and parents are some form of addict in one way or another. I didn't have a chance. I truly didn't. The kids I went to school with weren't allowed to hang out with me and my siblings. I remember going to a friend's house and their parents asked me my last name and they told me to leave once they heard it. I was severely bullied in elementary school and teachers didn't care to help because of the family I came from. I had one teacher just be vicious to me because my mom was selling her kid weed. I was pretty much feral and didn't have manners and just in general an autistic kid.

So I quickly learned that anger was the best shield. I bullied my bullies back. They can't catch you off guard if you're the attacker. I fought the people who came at my family with as much violence as they gave me. It bled onto kids who were friends with my bullies. They turned into essentially collateral damage. I was a bully but I was also the blood in the water in a school system that encouraged violence. It's taken me a long time to deal with [what] my home town put me through. I switched towns and changed my name. That helped a lot. I ended up in juvy after a giant fight with several family members. To say I was scared straight is an understatement. I was required to go to group therapy as part of the program I was put in to reform me. The judge knew my family and gave me a shot I took advantage of. He played a huge role in my mindset on my circumstance. I learned how to handle my trauma in a more productive way over the course of years and so much hard work. I ended up having to change my name so I wouldn't be harassed by cops and those who knew my family.

I'll definitely say this again—I grew up in a system where you had to do everything you could to survive. I can't really stomach what I did…I've left apologies in so many inboxes as an adult. I've even made friends with some of them.” – @beastgalblue

Over time and with new experiences, I stopped hating myself and my life. Then, I started seeing value in my existence and realized I actually impacted people. Happiness, for myself and others, became my reason for living. My middle school health teacher used to tell us that bullies are hurting and that's why they bully. Miss Costello, wherever you are, you were right. I've never met a bully who was happy with themselves or their life. I tell my students all the time that hurt people hurt people, and I stand by that. The fastest way to help a bully change is to show them love, kindness, and compassion.” – @mha3620

I was a mean girl. Cheer, popular, thought I was better than everyone else. During summer break in high school I went to camp. I was bullied by some of the other girls there so relentlessly. From hazing, to humiliating me, lying to get me in trouble. It was bad. After that I changed. Wish it was earlier.” – @lesbomommy

means girls, girl bullies

Learning from mistakes is all part of the human experience.

Photo by Scotty Turner on Unsplash

“I was one of those jocks who picks on the weaker kids who couldn’t really defend themselves, in order to make the crowd laugh…It was never anything too physical or over the top, so parents or others never got involved, but I know that I made life a pain for some individuals while in elementary school.

Anyhow, this PE teacher of mine took me into his office after hours one day and explained that I should try to use my authority better, and that while it might feel good to make others laugh on someone else's behalf, it feels a lot better to be an overall good guy.

Never really had any good male influence in my life before that, so that really stuck with me, and from high school and onward I tried to reach out and confront others in school that bullied others. Oftentimes we just don’t know better.” – @KingBob3922

I grew up in an abusive home and did it out of self-protection. Verbally hurt them before they could hurt you. I know my behavior didn’t make me popular or really make me feel better but I needed to lash out on the easiest targets. fast forward to having no friends in my mid 20 s and needed to figure out why.

I actually became friends with older coworkers [and] as a proxy parental influence they gently guided me. ‘Why would you say that to someone? Why would you say that about yourself? Why do you talk that way? Why is everything a fight? What's wrong with being different? What's wrong with making mistakes?’ No judgments, just gentle questions that I couldn't answer until I looked hard at myself.

I'm glad that someone took the time to see past my anger, my pushing people away, my misery and saw a young person that just needed some kindness.” – @OrdinaryPride8811

Modern Families

'SAHMs Listen up!': Texas UPS driver has pointed message about stay-at-home moms and entitlement

“You are so privileged to have a person who is willing to provide such a carefree life for you.”

via J.R. Minton (used with permission)

A Texas UPS driver has a strong opinion on stay-at-home moms.

J.R. Minton, a 33-year-old UPS driver from the Dallas, Texas area, ruffled some feathers recently with a viral TikTok video titled “SAHMs Listen up!” that begins with him asking, “I mean, how entitled could you be?” At first, Minton appears to fail to appreciate the enormous amount of emotional, mental, and physical labor that stay-at-home moms provide.

“I truly cannot imagine the amount of arrogance you must have to sit there and complain when you are so privileged to have a person who is willing to provide such a carefree life for you,” Minton continues. “Let’s get real! What do you do all day? Your spouse is taking care of everything so you can take care of one thing. How complicated could it be: all you do is go to work?”

At this point, legions of stay-at-home mothers and those who love them considered trucking themselves to Dallas to find this unappreciative UPS driver. However, it was soon apparent that Minton was referring to himself.

@minton__jr

Grow tf up—You should be doing more. #sahm #sahmlife #momlife #mom #momsoftiktok #sahmsoftiktok #sahmtok #momtok

“For 10 hours a day, you get to live the life of a single, childless, carefree man because your wife was willing to take the financial risk of allowing you to be successful in your career while she takes care of everything else,” he continues. “She provides childcare services, home cleaning services, medical services, food services, scheduling services, and a list that goes on and on. And you provide... a paycheck? And you have the nerve to call yourself the provider! What is it going to take for you to realize that, bro, everything you have in your life is because of a stay-at-home mom.”

The commenters on the video breathed sighs of relief and then praised Minton, a father of 4, for publicly appreciating his wife’s work.



"My sleeves were rolled up, earrings were off, hair tied up.... I was so ready...." one commenter joked. "I thought I landed in enemy territory for a min..." another added. "You have just made me realize after all these years that *I* am the freaking provider and that feels amazing,” a stay-at-home mother wrote.

People appreciate Minton’spost because he praised stay-at-home mothers and placed his wife’s work above his, which he characterized as merely bringing home a paycheck. Minton has one job, delivering packages, but as he noted, his wife is an expert in over five different professions. In a world where stay-at-home moms are fighting to be seen as equals to their working spouses, Minton places them on a pedestal and owes his “carefree life” to them.

"Married life, with children, is bound to be chaotic," Minton told Upworthy. "It’s bound to have its ups and downs; It’s made me question myself a thousand times. However, the marriage my wife and I share has given me the space to find peace."

Minton may be sharing an opinion we don't hear often enough, but he doesn't think he's the only one who thinks that way. "The last thing I am is rare or unique. There’s nothing special about the way that I feel or the things that I say. I have the same thoughts, feelings, frustrations and problems that any other husband or father might be struggling with," he told Upworthy. "The only difference that might be apparent is how I choose to react to the same situations any other man might encounter."

This post isn’t the first time Minton has pulled the bait and switch on his followers. Last year, he made a video where he appeared to take pride in the fact that he never “helps” his wife with chores.

The twist in this video was that he doesn’t “help” his wife with chores because they are also his responsibility. "Because I do what I am supposed to do as a father and a husband. I cook. I clean. I do the laundry. I take care of the kids. I can't help my wife do those things because they are my job, too,” he reveals.

He then urged men to change their perspectives on how they view stay-at-home moms. “Change the way you speak, change the way you think, and grow the f*** up and be a man," he added.

@bored_teachers/TikTok, Photo credit: Canva

Some say it's a brilliant idea. Others call it corporate indoctrination.

Teachers provide students with the necessary skills and education to serve them in adulthood. For one teacher, that means introducing them to the office environment as early as possible.

While appearing on the Teachers Off Duty podcast, high school teacher Leslie Robinson broke down how she treats her Family and Consumer Sciences (previously known as “Home Ec”) classroom “like it’s an office building.”

“Each desk simulates a cubicle so each student is like, working in a corporate office — their desk, their office, their business. If they’re listening to music, if they’re on their phone, if they are eating their snacks — that’s your office. As long as your office is clean when you leave, that is your responsibility,” she explained.

However, if any choice affects a student's "productivity," Robinson will note that on her "job assessment,” and it will affect a student's “job score” and “paycheck,” aka their grade, which Robinson updates on a biweekly basis.


@bored_teachers Would you try this in your classroom??
♬ original sound - Bored Teachers

In addition, students “clock in” and “clock out,” and even accrue “PTO” on a points system—An A gets 15 PTO, a B gets 10, and so on—which also affects their grade every two weeks, and comes in handy if a student is in need of a break.

At this point, the podcast hosts wondered how Robinson could possibly keep track of all that. To which Robinson said, “I don’t…I write it on a slip of paper in cursive, because they can’t duplicate my handwriting, and then they have to keep it, just like they keep their dollar bills. If you go to a store., and you lost your dollars, I can’t pay you..”

Across TikTok and Instagram, where the clip was shared, opinions were mixed. On the one hand, some viewers were concerned that it more or less churned out more employees for the corporate workforce.

“This is just indoctrination to Corporate America. Gross.”

“Immediately no. This is fast tracking to an employee mindset and fueling the status quo. There’s creativity in the behavioral process, sure. However, the mindset here is limiting.”“I understand her perspective, but she’s essentially training these kids to be employees rather than employers and entrepreneurs.”

“This is smart but also kind of sad.”

Another person pointed out that this approach reflects a culture that is quickly being dismantled.

“Not gonna lie… I hate this. lol! I hate the idea of teaching kids 9 to 5 clock in clock out culture. Particularly because the world is rapidly changing. The jobs we see emerging now don’t follow that. A better analogy would be running a business to teach self motivation and entrepreneurial thinking because those are the skills kids will need.”

Still, others found the idea to be incredibly creative, fun, and incredibly relevant.

“You are showing life skills.”

“This teaches you to show up on time. How to complete tasks, how to follow rules and instructions, teaches you responsibility by not losing the ticket and much more but also freedom to use your time wisely [and] say if you are having a bad day. I think this is a system that should be used more.”

“The way I would’ve had straight As if my classes had been run this way. Music, snacks, and works at my own pace. The one time

“I totally love this concept!! Talk about a real world connection 👏👏👏”

Whether or not you jive with Robinson’s exact approach, it’s hard not to agree that students need more than just academic learning. They need to learn crucial adulting skills as well. And the opportunity of putting it in a classroom setting is that learning these skills can be far more enjoyable that learning them the hard way later in life. Thank goodness we have teachers lie Robsinon who even attempt unique strategies in order to get their students entering adulthood with as much savviness as humanly possible.

Catch the full Teacher Off Duty episode below:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

English metal detector hobbyist finds a real treasure near Nottingham.

A retired merchant navy engineer in England has found a treasure that would have made his country’s most popular folk hero proud. Graham Harrison, a 64-year-old metal detector enthusiast, discovered a gold signet ring that once belonged to the Sheriff of Nottingham.

The discovery was made on a farm in Rushcliffe, Nottinghamshire, 26.9 miles from Sherwood Forest. The forest is known worldwide for being the mythological home of Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men. A central road that traversed the forest was notorious in Medieval times for being an easy place for bandits to rob travelers going to and from London.

Today, the forest is a designated National Nature Reserve. It contains ancient oaks that date back thousands of years, making it an important conservation area.

“It was the first big dig after lockdown on a glorious day. We were searching two fields. Other detectorists kept finding hammered coins but I'd found nothing,” Harrison said according to the Daily Mail. “Then I suddenly got a signal. I dug up a clod of earth but couldn't see anything. I kept breaking up the clod and, on the last break, a gold ring was shining at me. I broke out into a gold dance.”

Harrison sent the ring to the British Museum's Portable Antiquities Scheme to have it authenticated.

After doing some research they found that it was once owned by Sir Matthew Jenison, who was the Sheriff of Nottingham between 1683 and 1684.

The first accounts of Robin Hood, then known as Robyn Hode, first appear in the 12th century, a few hundred years before Sir Matthew served as sheriff.

But there’s no doubt that the archer and leader of Merry Men would have been delighted to know that an everyday guy came into possession of the Sheriff of Nottingham’s ring.

Sir Matthew was knighted in 1683 and acted as a commissioner to examine decaying trees in Sherwood Forest. He was later elected to Parliament in 1701. However, a series of lawsuits over shady land dealings would eventually be his ruin and he’d die in prison in 1734.

The gold signet ring bears the coat of arms of the Jenison family, who were known for getting rich off a treasure trove of valuables left for safekeeping during the English Civil War. 

The valuables were never claimed, so the Jenisons took them for themselves.

Harrison decided that he would sell the ring to someone who appreciates its importance.

“There can't be many people who've found anything like that. I'm only selling it because it's been stuck in a drawer,” Harrison said. “I hope it will go to someone who will appreciate its historical value.” It was sold at auction by Hansons Auctions for £8,500 ($11,115).


Let’s hope that the man who sold the ring does what Robin Hood would have done with a piece of jewelry that adorned the hand of a nobleman whose family came into money by taking other people’s loot. Surely, he’d take the proceeds from the auction and give them to the poor.


This article originally appeared last year.

A woman is shocked when she moves into her new apartment.

There has been a lot of fun chatter online about how Americans are different from Europeans in many ways. The most often cited differences are that Americans are incredibly friendly (to everyone), love to carry massive bottles of water with them everywhere, and have very loud voices. There are also differences when it comes to their homes. Americans love having large refrigerators, stocking up on groceries, and buying in bulk. Europeans tend to favor regular trips to the store and have a small fridge.

Author Willow Heath of Scotland recently added another thing to the list in her viral TikTok. She explains the confusion she experienced when moving into an apartment where an American couple previously lived. “Question for all the Americans out there. I have just moved into a new place here in Scotland, and previously, this flat was lived in by an American couple,” Health said. “I showed my friend who now lives in L.A. a curious thing about this flat, and they said, ‘Oh yeah, yeah, it's an American thing.' And the thing I'm talking about is hooks.”

Heath then shared all of the hooks she found in the apartment that were not removed after the couple left.

@willowtalksbooks

Do Americans love hooks? #usa #uk

Heath also noted there was a lazy Susan in the refrigerator that she had never seen before. “I've never seen this before. It's actually really cool,” she said, playing with the rotating plastic tray… “It turns around so you can get at things that are at the back so you don't have to reach all the way to the back … my friend said this is also an American thing,” she added.

Some Americans returned fire at Heath by asking why people in the UK don’t have hooks throughout their homes. “Is everything on the floor in Scotland?” one asked. “That couple was so nice to leave all their hooks for you,” another added. One American stood strong on their hook use: “American living in England, their lack of home organizing is astounding to me.”

Another American referenced the current UK versus U.S. realization that Robbie Williams, the subject of the critically acclaimed movie “Better Man” about a rockstar chimp, is massively popular across the pond and virtually unknown in America. “Are British people spending so much time listening to Robbie Williams they don’t know what hooks are?” a commenter joked.



One commenter, most likely in the UK, blamed the excessive number of hooks on American consumer culture. “We don't buy random stuff, so no need to hang everything, Americans hoard everything,” they noted.

At the end of the video, Heath shared that she wasn’t putting Americans down; she just never realized how much they like hanging things from hooks. “I'm not saying they're not useful, and I spent time in the States. I lived in upstate New York for a few months,” Heath said. “I like the U.S., I like Americans, I'm not attacking you … I just think this is an interesting cultural difference, hooks everywhere.” The good news for Heath is that nobody took the hooks down, so she may learn why Americans love them so much. As for Robbie Williams, not so much.

Representative photo credit: Canva

A baby's first steps are an exciting milestone for parents and caregivers alike.

Parenthood has changed a lot over the past century, as more and more moms have entered the workforce full-time. In the U.S. in particular, where parental leave is a fraction of what other countries get, childcare providers abound, meeting for a vital need for working parents and their children.

Finding someone you trust to care for your child with the love and attention you want for them isn't always easy, so when you find them, it's worth celebrating. That's why a video from mom Lauren Pontiff showing her baby's daycare provider's wholesome reaction to her child's first steps has people cheering.

In the video, daycare provider Shikira is playing with another baby on the floor while Pontiff's child stands holding onto the leg of a table. Soon, Pontiff's child steps away from the table, tottering on two feet towards her. And when she looks up and sees what's happening, she immediately responds by clapping, arms outstretched, rocking and motioning the baby to walk towards her, clearly filled with joy. Then she swoops the baby into her arms in triumphant celebration.

Watch:

@laurenpontiff

The best feeling is seeing the excitement and how happy someone else can be for your child’s first steps!! 🥹🥰

Isn't this exactly what working parents want? Someone who cares for their child as if they were their own, giving them adult interactions that lift them up and let them know they are cherished?

As Pontiff wrote in the caption, "The best feeling is seeing the excitement and how happy someone else can be for your child's first steps." In a comment on the video, she wrote, "She’s loved all of our babies with ALL of her heart!! So glad to have Shikira in our babies lives!! 💗"

Naturally, parents want to be there for their children's big milestones, but that's not always possible. Even without daycare, a parent could miss their child's first steps if they were with a grandparent or a babysitter at the time. Some daycare providers have a policy of not telling parents when a child takes their first steps so that the parent can experience that rush themselves, but having a camera monitor offers some peace of mind that outweighs that desire for many parents.

Most people in the comments understood the joy of this moment being captured on video, not just because of the first steps but because of Shikira's response.

"The type of day care worker all places need!!"

"Imagine leaving for work knowing this is the type of love your kid is getting 😢😩❤️❤️❤️❤️"

"The way she slowly scooted forward like she couldn’t wait to love on your baby 😭"

"That’s how you know you picked the right daycare! She loves your baby like she’s hers 🖤"

"I love the fact they had cameras so you could see it but I loved the worker even more. She was her biggest cheerleader."

"Your little one knew exactly where she wanted to walk to, straight to someone that loves her big when mama can't be there. ❤️ I know it had to break your heart not being there but seeing it is amazing."

Of course, the internet is going to internet, and some people felt the need to say that babies should be home with their mothers. But that ignores the economic reality of our time, which often necessitates two working parents. It also ignores the fact that being a stay-at-home parent isn't ideal for every person, so it's silly to make sweeping judgments. If people truly believe that babies at first steps age should be home with a parent, they should be petitioning the government to match other developed nations' paid parental leave policies.

Since the average age of a baby's first steps is around a year old, Norway's 49 weeks of parental leave at full pay or 59 weeks at 80% pay would fit the bill. Bulgaria's 410 days of 90% paid leave wouldn't be too shabby, either. Sweden gets you past a year at 390 days at 80% pay—see where we're going here? Could the fact that the U.S. is the only wealthy nation with zero guaranteed paid parental leave be stopping many moms or dads from staying home with their babies during that first year? Perhaps.

Since daycare is a necessity here for so many families, let's celebrate the people who take on those childcare roles with genuine love for kids and interest in their well-being. The Shikiras of the world provide parents with so much peace of mind and deserve to be lifted up as a vital part of our collective village.