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A letter to the woman who told me to stay in my daughter's life after seeing my skin.

'I'm not a shiny unicorn. There are plenty of black men like me who love fatherhood.'

Doyin Richards

Dad and daughters take a walk through Disneyland.

True
Fathers Everywhere

To a stranger I met at a coffee shop a few years ago who introduced me to what my life as a parent would be like:

My "welcome to black fatherhood moment" happened five years ago, and I remember it like it happened yesterday.

I doubt you'll remember it, though — so let me refresh your memory.



It was a beautiful Saturday morning in Los Angeles in 2011, and I decided to walk my then 3-month-old daughter to the corner Starbucks. That's when I met you — a stylish older white woman who happened to be ahead of me in line.

You were very friendly and offered up many compliments about how cute my daughter was, and I agreed wholeheartedly with you. She's cute.

But after you picked up your drink, you delivered this parting shot:

"No offense, but it's not often that I see black guys out with their kids, but it's such a wonderful thing," she said. "No matter what happens, I hope you stay involved in her life."

And then you put on your designer sunglasses and left.

Meanwhile, I was like...

celebrity, racism, challenges, stigmas

That was unexpected.

GIF from "Live with Kelly and Michael."

Here's the thing: I'm not angry with you, but I want you to understand the impact you had on my life.

Do I think you're a mean-spirited racist? No, I don't. Actually, I bet you're a really nice lady.

But let's be real for a second: Your view on black dads was tough for me to stomach, and I want you to know a few things about what it's really like to be me.

1. I want you to know that we have challenges that other dads don't experience.

I know what you're thinking: "Oh boy — let me brace myself while he 'blacksplains' how hard his life is while shaming me for ignoring my white privilege."

But that would be missing the point. We all have our challenges in life, and I'm not about to bring a big bottle of whine to a pity party.

Instead, as you probably know, today's dads are trying to shed the stigma of being clueless buffoons.

nurture, unicorn, mainstream media

Kid, you're gonna love this! Wheeeee ... uh oh.

Image from Giphy.

But black dads have an additional obstacle to hurdle in that we're often seen as completely disinterested in fatherhood. Trust me, it gets old when people automatically assume you're not good at something because of the color of your skin.

Our encounter was the first of many examples of this that I've witnessed, directly or indirectly, in my five and a half years of fatherhood, and I'm sure there will be more to come.

2. I want you to know that I'm not a shiny unicorn. There are plenty of black men just like me who love fatherhood.

During the months that followed our brief meeting, I felt a need to prove that you — a complete stranger — were wrong. I needed to prove there were plenty of black men just like me who loved being dads.

I knew a lot of these great men personally: My dad, my two brothers, and many others embraced fatherhood. But could any data back up how much black dads embraced fatherhood? Because the examples in mainstream media were few and far between.

Thankfully, the answer is yes.

A few years after I met you, a study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that 70% of black dads are likely to engage in common child-rearing activities such as diaper changing, bathing, toilet training, etc., on a daily basis. That's a higher percentage than white or Hispanic fathers.

Full stop.

This isn't about black dads being "the best" because parenthood isn't a competition. It's about showing that we're not even remotely as bad as society makes us out to be.

And outside of the CDC study, I saw firsthand how hands-on black dads are when I was thrust into the public eye, too, because a lot of them reached out to me to tell their stories.

We nurture our kids.

dads, social norms, ethnicity, privilege

Getting close to the twins.

Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed and used with permission.

We're affectionate with our kids.

fatherhood, children, family, parenting

Love is universal.

Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed and used with permission.

And we do whatever our kids need us to do.

equality, community, gender roles

Dad takes a deserved nap.

Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed and used with permission.

And none of that should come as a surprise to anyone.

3. I want you to know that I believe you meant well when you praised me for being involved in my daughter's life, but that's what I'm programmed to do.

Disneyland, fathers, daughters, ethnicity

Princess dresses at Disneyland? You bet.

Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed and used with permission.

I will always be there for her and her baby sister.

Even though I just described how black dads are different from many dads, I hope the takeaway you have from this is that we have a lot of similarities, too.

Please don't fall into the trap of saying that you want to live in a colorblind world because it makes it harder to identify with inequality when it happens. Instead, I hope you can recognize that we have the same hopes, dreams, and fears as other parents, but the roads we travel may not be the same.

And no, I don't want an apology.

But I hope when you pick up your next latte and see a dad who looks like me that you'll smile knowing he's the rule rather than the exception.


This article originally appeared on 06.15.16

LukeEpplin/X

This is one epic birth story

One dad is delighting readers on X with an epic tale of nearly missing his daughter’s birth after fainting. His story of rushing to make it in time feels like something straight out of a movie—complete with a happy ending.

Luke Epplin’s wife had gone into labor on a Friday. Most of that night, and all of Saturday, Epplin stayed awake, waiting. Finally, on Sunday, he began to doze off. That’s when he got word that his wife had gone into active labor.

And this is where our hilarious saga begins.


“I got on my feet, threw on my clothes, and then was thrust in the middle of the action. Whether because of exhaustion, lack of food, or having just gotten up, I don't remember anything else. I fainted,” he wrote.

When he finally woke up, blood was “oozing” from his head and he was whisked away to the emergency room. EMT’s told him he might need a CT scan, "which would make me miss the birth of my daughter."

Thankfully, all that Epplin ended up needing was staples. Which meant it was all smooth sailing from here on out, right? Guess again.

There was still a “massive” hospital to navigate, the nurse guiding him through the multiple hallways was called away on an emergency. Leaving him to make it through the labyrinth to the opposite side, with nothing but some verbal directions the nurse had given him. Which somehow got him to the bone marrow center.

“Granted, I'm in the clothes I slept in, with a massive white bandage wrapped around my head, like something you'd see in a World War I movie,” he wrote. As he frantically tried to tell another nurse that his was was in labor, she said, “I think you need to see security.”

Cut to Epplin saying the same thing to a security guard, who asks to see some discharge papers. That’s when Epplin realizes he has nothing on him. No papers, no ID, no visitors badge. Not even a cellphone.

Pulling a Hail Mary, Epplin told the guard the truth: that he had fainted while his wife was in labor, cut a gash into his head, got that treated, and then got himself lost. That must have done the trick, because the guard let him out.

Epplin had to sprint down two blocks (in slippers, mind you) and get past a parking valet and yet another security guard before making it up to the 10th floor of the correct building and into the maternity ward. By this time, he had somehow become famous.

“The attendant looked at me, and said, ‘Oh, you're the guy everyone's talking about,” he recalled.

Epplin’s determination ultimately paid off. He had made it before his daughter Ava had been born. Below is their first photo together, head bandages and all.

“Every picture of me during Ava's first day on Earth looks like this. I hope that she has a good sense of humor about it some day.”

It’s not completely uncommon for soon-to-be dads to faint in the delivery room. Often, as it seemed to be in Epplin’s case, the cause is low blood sugar. So it might be wise to pack snacks, drinks and meals in a cooler, according to Father Resource. Of course, packing snacks might be the last thing that’s on a father’s mind when the time comes.

But the point is: the situation is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it can make for a great birth story. Just ask Epplin!

A father tries on a shirt that his 9-year-old son sewed for him.

There's always something very touching about receiving a gift from your child, especially when you know it's something that they really put their heart into creating. A video posted to TikTok by Aaron Gouveia shows that sometimes a child can give a gift that’s so surprising it’s almost too much to handle.

Gouveia, 43, is a Massachusetts father of three who posts videos as “Daddy Files” on TikTok about the joys and challenges of family life. On March 26, he posted a video featuring his son Sam, 9, that was so heartwarming it has received over 12.4 million views.


According to Today.com, Sam is a neurodivergent fourth-grader who's been teased by classmates for wearing nail polish. His father believes he struggles to get along with kids his age because they "don't understand him or his interests."

A year ago, Sam began taking a sewing class at school, and in the video, he showed his dad the blue patterned shirt he made for him.

“I got a shirt that I made at sewing class,” Sam said, holding the shirt in his hands.

“You made that?” his dad asked, astonished.

@daddyfiles

Sam made me a shirt! Wow. #sewing #sewingtiktok #samsewgood #boyswhosew #parenting #raisingboys

“I did the buttons, and I did the button holes,” Sam continued. “I got some help, but I did most of it by myself.”

Gouveia then tried his son's creation on and looked at himself in the mirror. The shirt fit him perfectly. He seemed astonished that his young son was able to make something so well-crafted with so little experience. Gouveia pored over all of the details of the shirt, especially the ‘70s-style lapel.

“The collar is so unique,” he noted. He was also impressed by the box pleat on the back of the shirt that Sam admitted was “hard” to stitch together.

At the end of the video, Sam said he had his father’s style in mind while designing the shirt.

“Why did you choose this pattern?” Gouveia asked.

“Why I chose the pattern is, it just looks cool to me. It stands out to me,” Sam replied. “And it goes with jeans like you usually wear.”

The proud father then asked if he could wear the shirt out to dinner that night.

“Uh yeah,” Sam replied, beaming with pride.

In a follow-up video posted on March 27, Sam thanks people for the support he’s received and says that he’s now taking orders for shirts and dresses. The transformation in Sam is delightful because he was a little insecure when he first handed the shirt to his father. But after the overwhelming support he’s gotten in the 92,000 comments the video received on TikTok, he’s excited to share his talents with the world.

@daddyfiles

Bus stop interview with my celebrity child. 🤣 Good news: Your overwhelming support made him open to doing commissions! 🪡 Thank you for 8.5M views! #sewing #sewingtiktok #samsewgood #sewingforyoupage #parenting #fashion #fashiontiktok

“That caught me off guard,” Gouveia told Today.com. “He hasn’t wanted to make things for people. You can even see in my first video, he's nervous. He has a lot of anxiety and doesn’t want to disappoint anyone. But after reading all the positive comments, he was like, ‘Well, I can do it!’”


This article originally appeared on 3.29.23

Kids watching their parents dance to Taylor Swift is sheer delight.

We all know parenting can be tough, but if there's one thing that makes the roller coaster of emotions totally worth it, it's seeing our children's faces light up with joy.

Children's smiles are infectious, and not in the scary pandemic kind of a way. There's simply nothing better in this world than the face of a bright-eyed little human beaming with happiness, which is why a recent TikTok trend has people grinning from ear to ear themselves.

The premise is simple: The parent asks the kid to record them dancing to Taylor Swift's "Love Story" with the screen facing away from them (under the guise that the parent dancing needs to see themselves). So instead of recording the parent dancing, it's actually recording the kid's face watching them.

And oh, the love and joy on these kids' faces is so, so sweet to witness. Watch:

@thechavezfamilyy

The end 😭😭 why am I bawling at this trend?! He’s SO CUTE #momsoftiktok #momtok #toddlersoftiktok

That face. OMG.

And check out the encouragement from this little fella:

@themarshhfamily

The end did it for me 🥹😭I birthed such a sweet, loving and encouraging little boy!! #momtok #toddlersoftiktok #taylorswiftchallenge #lovestorychallenge #boymom #toddlermom

Seriously, seeing close-ups of kids' joy should be a daily thing.

@makingthemoffitts

#nationaladoptionmonth #adoptionawareness #thisisadoption #thisisfostercare #adoption #fostercare #makingthemoffitts #lovestorychallenge #taylorswift

Some dads have gotten in on the trend as well. Look at the way this little girl beams at her daddy.

@durbanofamily

Had to jump on the trend! Love this beautiful girl!

Of course, part of the beauty of having kids is you simply never know what they're going to do. While some youngsters gaze lovingly at their parents while they dance, others have a … well … different reaction. Check out this girl's facial expressions:

@haleigh.booth

It’s the side eye at the end for me 😆😂😂😂😂

Hilarious. And because this is the internet, naturally someone had to do the TikTok trend with their dog. Gotta admit, Ellie's toothy grin is pretty darn cute as well.

@elliegoldenlife

This is why I don’t dance 😂

TikTok trends can sometimes be strange, annoying or problematic, but once in a while one comes along that brings people together in surprisingly delightful ways. Seeing people's kids' pure enjoyment watching their parents being silly is simply the best.


This article originally appeared on 11.15.22