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Watch a rock band's hilarious response to the senseless ramblings of a Supreme Court justice.

Justice Antonin Scalia has never sounded better in his life.

In a single week in June 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court stuffed two hot-potato issues with judicial deliciousness.

Not only were the rulings signals of progress, they also stirred the perfect storm for timely, hilarious, musical delight, which you'll be awash with in but a moment.

First, there was King v. Burwell, a ruling that would make or break President Obama's chronically debated health care law. Justice John Roberts delivered the decision.

Photo by Brendan Smialowski/Getty Images.

The court may have spared President Obama a trip to the ER with their decision to uphold the constitutionality of the tax subsidies needed for the Affordable Care Act to work. Ironically, the people who benefit most from the ruling live more in places controlled by politicians who opposed Obamacare.

Then there was Obergefell v. Hodges, the landmark same-sex marriage ruling. Justice Anthony Kennedy read the decision.

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

LEGAL. Across. The. Entire. Country. The ruling ended a battle for marriage equality that has been righteously waged for 45 years. And in an interesting tie to health care, researchers believe the ruling on same-sex marriage may be a boon to public health.

But the rulings left some folks feeling like burnt toast. Namely, the justices who voted in dissent.

Especially Justice Antonin Scalia. He was so flabbergasted by the outcomes that he could neither contain his opinion nor cogently deliver his opinion. Here are a few of his attempts.

On the Affordable Care Act:

  • "The Court's next bit of interpretive jiggery-pokery involves other parts of the Act that purportedly presuppose the availability of tax credits on both federal and state Exchanges."
  • "Pure applesauce. Imagine that a university sends around a bulletin reminding every professor to take the 'interests of graduate students' into account when setting office hours, but that some professors teach only undergraduates. Would anybody reason that the bulletin implicitly presupposes that every professor has 'graduate students,' so that 'graduate students' must really mean 'graduate or undergraduate students'? Surely not."
  • "We should start calling this law SCOTUScare."

On marriage equality:

  • "Who ever thought that intimacy andspirituality (whatever that means) were freedoms? And ifintimacy is, one would think Freedom of Intimacy isabridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask thenearest hippie."
  • "Buried beneath the mummeries and straining-to-be-memorable passages of the opinion is a candid and startling assertion."
  • "The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie."

So rock band Coheed and Cambria did the grumpy justice a solid.

They turned his wordy babbling into something more worth your attention with this lovely but still senseless-as-Scalia ballad on Funny or Die:

<span class="redactor-invisible-space"></span>

We hear you, Justice Scalia. But we still don't get you.

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Joy

5 things that made us smile this week

The animal edition!

True

Been stressed this week? Who hasn’t. That’s why we’re bringing you the latest in good news—five animal-themed stories we guarantee will put a smile on your face.

This week, we’re celebrating:

The most entertaining animal photos you've ever seen

Jason Moore/Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023 and © Tzahi Finkelstein /Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023

Need a laugh? How about a dozen laughs? Look no further than the 2023 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards, a competition started in 2015 that focuses on the lighter side of wildlife photography. More than 1,800 photographers from around the world submitted photos, and the finalists—from a kangaroo playing air guitar to an arguing set of greenfinches—will absolutely make your day.

Healthier, happier, rescued pets

Hundreds of thousands of pets are relinquished to shelters each year, and many vulnerable pet populations—such as disabled and elderly dogs—can be hard to place in loving homes. Fortunately, Subaru has sponsored the rescue, rehabilitation, and adoption of more than 134,000 of these pets through the Subaru Share the Love® Event. As the largest corporate donor to the ASPCA® (The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals®), Subaru and its retailers are donating a minimum of $300 to charities like the ASPCA for every new Subaru purchase or lease during the 2024 Subaru Share the Love Event, happening now through January 2, 2025.

This animal-centric (and adorable) creative writing assignment 

Amy McKinney, a third-grade teacher in Pennsylvania, recently had a genius idea for teaching her class persuasive writing: Rather than have them formulate an argument for an imagined audience (boring!), McKinney partnered with a local animal shelter and had her class write persuasive descriptions of each animal to help them get adopted. Each student chose a pet to write about and sent their essays to the shelter to display and post to the shelter’s social media channels. Student engagement was “tremendous,” said McKinney, and there’s no doubt these persuasive paragraphs made a huge difference in these shelter pet’s lives. Adorable.

The dog who saved his owner with CPR (yes, really)

Dogs have made the news for saving humans before, but have you ever heard of a dog performing CPR? That’s exactly what Bear, a Siberian Husky-Golden Retriever mix, did in 2022 when he found his owner unconscious on the floor after suffering a major heart attack. Not only was Bear able to quickly call for help, he even jumped on his owner’s chest repeatedly while someone else called the paramedics. Thanks to Bear, the owner survived what should have been a fatal heart attack. Now that deserves some head scritches.

Bee populations have reached a record high

macro shot photography of beePhoto by Jenna Lee on Unsplash

Honeybees are essential to the planet, as they pollinate over 130 types of fruits, vegetables, and nuts. For years, honeybee numbers have been in decline—but happily, that’s starting to change. The US has added almost a million bee colonies in the past five years, with more than 3.8 million honeybees in total.

For more ways to smile, check out how Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season.

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Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

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Health

Hospice nurse reassures people worried by recent footage of Jimmy Carter at 100

Carter has been in hospice care for nearly 2 years.

via Hospice Nurse Julie and Commonwealth Club/Wikimedia Commons

Julie McFadden and former President Jimmy Carter.

Former President Jimmy Carter is known for being one of the most beloved former presidents in American history for his resolve to use his talents to help others, whether it was eradicating the Guinea worm or his work with Habitat for Humanity into his late 90s. Carter says that his faith is the big reason for his resilience. “I have one life and one chance to make it count for something,” he said. “My faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference.”

The man who held the presidency from 1977 to 1981 went into hospice in February 2023 but has lived much longer than most expected. Carter has made 2 public appearances in that time, the first in November 2023 for the funeral of his wife of 77 years, Rosalynn and on October 1, 2024 for his 100th birthday. When Carter was wheeled into his wife’s funeral, some family members expressed shock and worry about Cartter’s appearance.

Since beginning hospice care, Carter has appeared frail and gaunt without expression and mouth agape. It shouldn’t be shocking for a person who has reached the age of 100 to appear so fragile, but it’s right to be concerned that he may be uncomfortable in such a state. However, Julie McFadden, also known as Hospice Nurse Julie, settled a lot of people’s fears in a TikTok video where she explained Carter’s appearance and why he’s most likely comfortable during his transition.

McFadden has assisted over a hundred people in their final days and is the author of the bestseller, "Nothing to Fear."

@hospicenursejulie

#greenscreenvideo #greenscreen Jimmy Carters 100th birthday! #hospicenursejulie #hospicenurse #jimmycarter #education

What is Jimmy Carter's condition?

“I have been tagged in this Jimmy Carter turns 100 years old today video,” she begins her viral TikTok with over 600,00 views. “So many times people asking me, why does he look like this? Is he okay? Does this mean anything? As a hospice nurse, this video was not alarming to me. Jimmy Carter, to me, looks just like someone who was 100 years old on hospice and getting towards the end of their life.”

She then speculated on what his life is like at age 100. “Jimmy Carter is likely sleeping 20 to 22 hours a day. He is likely not really eating and drinking, which is all normal and to be expected at the end of life. So that's why he looks so thin. He looks cachectic. His body is slowly shutting down and the more we just let his body be the guide, the better he will be.”

A lot of people are concerned about the way that Carter’s mouth seems to be permanently open. McFadden says that is due to muscle wasting. “His mouth is hanging open because it takes muscles to keep your mouth shut. And at the end of life, those muscles relax. So he is likely so relaxed that when he's sleeping, which is most of the time, even when he's in a wheelchair, he's asleep, and his muscles relax, so his mouth hangs open.”



McFadden also addressed many people's concerns: Should Carter have been brought outside to celebrate his birthday with his family in such an advanced state? Should he have been in front of the cameras?

“In my opinion, it's up to the family. The family knows that person best,” McFadden said. “From what we know of Jimmy Carter, he was a family man who loved being around his family. So why not be around him and celebrate his one hundred? One-hundredth birthday and bring family around, bring him outside. They know his personality. They must think he would love this. So let's do it. We don't have to keep dying people hidden away.”

McFadden is such an incredible gift because we tend to lock away the dying and talking about death and hospice is a very uncomfortable topic for most. This lack of information leads us to believe that someone in Carter’s position suffers. But, according to McFadden, he’s probably comfortable and relaxed. McFadden knows that when people better understand Carter’s condition, they will probably feel better about their final days as well.


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Comedian's viral video perfectly nails how each generation arrives at someone's house

"Millennials will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower."

Samuel Peter/Pexels

Boomers knock. Millennials and Gen Z text "here."

Playing with the contrasts between generations has become a modern pastime, as baby boomers, Gen X, millennials and Gen Z see and experience the world quite differently. Generation gaps have always existed, of course, but the tech age has widened those gaps in big ways, sometimes creating challenges, but often resulting in hilarity.

For instance, watching a Gen Zer try to figure out how to use a rotary phone is pure entertainment. The way emojis are used and interpreted varies vastly by age, making for some chuckle-worthy communication mishaps. Slang terms can be hard to keep up with the older you get, but they can also be manipulated by savvy elders to great comedic effect.

And now, comedian Jake Lambert has compared how the different generations arrive at someone's house in a viral video that's been viewed more than 12 million times.

"You've basically got boomers who will turn up completely unannounced any time from about 7:00 in the morning and they will knock on your door just slightly louder than the police using a battering ram carrying out a house raid," Lambert begins.

"And then you've got Gen X. They would have made the plans well in advance, and they would've also checked in a couple of days before just to make sure the plans are definitely still happening," he went on. "You see, Gen X is the forgotten generation and they're so scarred by this title they would've assumed that you'd forgotten not only about the plans but about their very existence."

"Millennials will have hoped that the plans would've been canceled. There's no reason that a millennial will ever actually want to come to your house," he continued. "They will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower. And a millennial will never knock on your door. You'll just get a text either saying 'here' or 'outside,' and that's your cue to go and let them in."

"Similarly, Gen Z will never actually knock," he concluded. "But the chances are they won't have to, as they would have been documenting the entire journey from their house to yours, maybe even on Facetime using this angle [camera facing directly up at the chin] as they go along for some reason. Either that or they'll just send a picture of your front door or a selfie of them outside it. And again, just like the millennial, that's your cue to go and rescue them from the outside world."

People felt alternately seen, attacked and validated by Lambert's assessments, with the most common response being "accurate."

"I‘m a millennial, my husband GenX. Scarily accurate! 😂"

"Described this millennial to a T."

"This is surprisingly accurate 😂 I laughed slightly louder than the police using a battering ram…"

"Sooo accurate…guilty of the lateness and ‘here’ text 🙃"

"I must admit I'm a millennial. But knocking on the door feels so aggressive, uknow? 😅😇"

"Millennial texting to say almost there but just started getting dressed to go out. Why do we do this? It's not intentional, at least not for me."

"Honestly your observations are just brilliant! GenX-er here!"

"The Gen Z angle omg 😂😂"

Some people didn't resonate with their generation's description, but there are exceptions to every rule and some people will never fit a stereotype. However, judging by the wave of affirmative responses, Lambert nailed the generational generalities across the board—and did so in a way that allows us all to laugh at ourselves.

You can follow Jake Lambert on Instagram.


This article originally appeared in July.

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Family finds surprise gift on mom's memorial bench after leaving balls of yarn as a tribute

"I just hope this is a reminder to everyone that the simplest act of kindness from you can completely brighten a stranger’s day."

Photo credit: Canva

Family finds surprise gift on mom's grave after leaving yarn tribute

Losing a loved one is difficult. It feels exceptionally more difficult when the person you've lost is your parent but you do what you can to keep their memory alive. Everyone has their own way of doing this. It could be that they've planted a tree to put their ashes around or they wear their loved one's favorite sweater on rough days.

There's no right or wrong way of paying tribute to someone that has passed as it's usually a personal decision. When Robin Epley, a writer for the Sacramento Bee lost her mother Cynthia in 2019, she and her father went with a bench design for her grave marker so they could sit with her. The bench is made of stone with her mother's picture emblazoned on the front.

On a more recent visit to the memorial bench, the pair decided to leave balls of yarn as a tribute since the mom was an avid crocheter, teaching Robin the craft at just six years old. The small act of remembrance was just that, a tiny gesture that meant something that a passerby may not understand. After leaving, the pair didn't think much of it until they returned for another visit only to find a surprise waiting for them on that very bench.

pink and green flower bouquet on brown concrete wall Photo by Caroline Attwood on Unsplash

Someone had taken the yarn and knitted a scarf out of it, draping it over the area of the bench that displayed Cynthia's name. There was no note left with the handmade gift. Just a scarf created by someone that decided to turn a family's tribute into a piece of wearable love and a couple of bouquets of flowers.

Robin shared a photo of the bench with the knitted scarf visible on X, explaining how the scarf got there, writing, "im sobbing: My mom was a big crocheter, so on her bench at East Lawn, my dad and I left one of her balls of yarn as a tribute. He just went back today after a few weeks to tend to the site, and someone had used the yarn to knit mom a scarf."


People were moved by the act of kindness by a stranger with some even suggesting possible culprits to the artistic endeavor, one of which caught Robin's attention. In a follow up comment, the grieving daughter writes, "I don’t know who did it, though someone has suggested it was the wonderful staff or volunteers at @EastLawnSac, a group which my mom was a part of. I just hope this is a reminder to everyone that the simplest act of kindness from you can completely brighten a stranger’s day."

Others chimed in to share their own stories of loss and ways of coping, while also admiring what this anonymous knitter did for the family of Cynthia.


One person writes, "Oh that is so special. I wear the joggers my mom wore the last time I saw her. I remember she had them on backwards because I could see the pockets. She laughed her familiar laugh for me one last time. That was two years ago. It's getting easier. Thanks for sharing."

Someone else gives their guess on who might have done such a kind gesture, "This is so sweet. I know there are a lot of regular visitors and volunteers who like to care for the memorials, but my money is on a staff member having done this. The staff and leadership at East Lawn are very special people."

Cry Hug GIF by HollyoaksGiphy

Robin and her dad may never find out who made the scarf using the yarn they left behind, but that act of kindness will stay with them both for years to come, and Cynthia would approve.

"Knowing someone out there who didn’t even know my mom cared enough to do this has me in total shambles. honestly, it’s totally something my mom would have done for someone else, karma is real," Robin says in response to another commenter.

It doesn't always take a lot to be kind to others but it can turn someone's day around. Sometimes people just need a reminder that someone out there cares, even if it doesn't always feel that way. Acts of kindness can go a long way.

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Woman stands for entire 7-hour flight and sparks massive debate on airplane etiquette

Passengers were annoyed, but commenters had some empathetic theories.

envisionaries/TikTok & Leo McLaren/Unsplash

People just can't stop finding new ways to drive each other crazy on airplanes. Whether it's using kids as an excuse to try to switch seats, eating smelly food, standing and block the aisles immediately after landing, or having phone calls on speakerphone, airplanes have become hotbeds of bad behavior. The unique cocktail of travel stress, cramped spaces, alcohol, and altitude seems to have a big effect on our judgment for some reason.

One passenger recently went viral for some interesting behavior during a long flight. And let's just say, her fellow passengers couldn't stand it.

Richard Duong posted a video on TikTok of a passenger several rows ahead of him on a flight. The caption: "Lady stood on my flight the ENTIRE 7 hour duration watching her movie."

Although the video is short, it definitely backs up his claim. Through several clips stitched together, we see a blonde woman standing in the aisle staring at her back-of-seat screen. Lights on? She's standing there. Lights go off? Still standing there.

Duong mentioned in a comment that she did return to her seat when the pilot turned on the seatbelt light, but otherwise, she was standing the entire time.

He also mentioned that passengers on the flight were definitely annoyed. People asking to squeeze by to get to the bathroom, and even the flight attendants trying to serve drinks, were less than thrilled that she was blocking the aisle for so long.

I can imagine it made the passengers around her uneasy, too. Have you ever sensed someone standing over you and felt a sort of unexplainable anxiety? It must have driven the people seated near this woman absolutely bonkers!

We've heard of people having too much to drink or taking their socks off during a flight, but standing the entire time has to be a new one.

@envisionaries

#onthisday


Commenters on the video — unlike some passengers on the flight — had a lot of empathy for the mysterious standing woman.

Apparently, there are a lot of reasons someone might want to stand for *checks notes* seven hours straight.

Some people suggested the woman had a clotting disorder and couldn't sit down for long.

Others speculated about back issues like sciatica, a broken tailbone, severe motion sickness, a herniated disc, or fibromyalgia. Someone said the woman probably had restless leg syndrome.

interior of an airplane with seats and movie screensAlev Takil/Unsplash

The theories just kept coming — to date, the video has racked up nearly a million views and 800 comments.

Duong, who posted the video, probably had the most likely explanation: "I thought she was standing just to stand."

It's true — some people just like to stand! Maybe they read an article about the dangers of sitting and leading a sedentary lifestyle, or maybe it just feels good and relaxes them. The mystery woman could very well have restless legs or a back injury, but maybe she just felt like standing except when she was specifically told not to.

What I loved about the response to Duong's video was the outpouring of empathy. People were really willing, and even eager, to excuse the woman's admittedly pretty obnoxious behavior by justifying it with a medical reason.

It was honestly really refreshing to read the incredibly laundry list of possible medical conditions that could make someone want to stand for an entire flight. We're often so quick to assume the worst in people — that mom trying to switch seats with her kid is just trying to take advantage, people who stand up right away after landing are just being jerks, etc. It's rare that we stop to think and realize that we don't know their story, their medical history, what happened to them earlier that day, what they're really like as a person.

In a follow up video, Duong clarified: "Yes she would get out of the way (for passengers and crew), she was very polite, no fuss or anything, but it did impact the flight."

"The video was not meant to be mean or judgmental. The video was never about her as a person. It was a funny, unexpected event. A woman standing on a flight for seven hours, you don't see that every day."

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