She won the #CleanTok controversy.
"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."
The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in.
For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, essentially.
Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready.
“I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.
“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”
Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”
@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey
That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her.,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”
Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”
She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”
Down in the comments, we see that Audreynis certainly not alone in her thinking.
“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.
“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.
Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.
“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared
Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”
As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.
If you've ever wished you could give it all up and hit the road, Abigail Martin has some tips for you.
Do you ever fantasize about quitting your job, moving out of your place, and living life on the road? Seems impossible, right? How do you make money? How do you stay safe? How do you survive without all of the creature comforts you're accustomed to?
Abigail Martin, a 20-year-old photographer and social media influencer, has taken that giant leap into the unknown by buying a conversion van and taking it on the road. On her TikTok page, she shows people what nomadic life is like and how anyone can join her.
It all started when she was in high school and started watching #VanLife videos online. By the time she graduated, she had no interest in going to college or joining the rat race.
So she worked four jobs until she saved up $18,000 to purchase a 2017 Ford Transit with 54,000 miles on it. It cost an extra $10,000 to install a bed, a kitchen, and to set up the electrical.
"In the morning, I would work at a coffee shop from 6 a.m. to noon, then I would walk across the street to a boutique from noon to 6 p.m," she told The New York Times. "Then I'd go waitress at a restaurant from 6 p.m. until closing. On off-days, I was running my own photography business."
Abigail purchased her van during the height of lockdowns and used her TikTok page to engage with people when we were all forced to be apart. Now, her page has over 730,000 followers and her videos have 18.3 million likes.
If you've ever dreamed of dropping out and living life on the road, here are a few videos we've selected from Abigail's page to get you started.
How does the electricity work?
@abigailmartiin How i have electricity in my van!! #vanlife #fyp #climber #washingtoncheck #vanconversion #foryoupage #vanbuild #outdoors #travel #hiking
How does she use the restroom?
@abigailmartiin How i go potty 🕺🏼 #vanlife #vanconversion #fyp #adventure #travel #toilet #camping #foryou
How does she shower?
@abigailmartiin see i’m not a dirtbag 100% of the time ;) #vanlife #fyp #caravanning #vanbuild #solofemaletraveler #camping #adventure #travel
How does she make money?
@abigailmartiin Reply to @ihave.6babydaddies i do work & heres how! #vanlife #buslife #travel #fyp #solofemaletravler #photographer #adventure #camping
How does she stay safe?
@abigailmartiin Reply to @whyamisigningupforthis How i stay safe! #vanlife #vanbuild #solofemaletraveler #solofemalevanlife #outdoors #travel #fyp
How to identify a sketchy campsite.
@abigailmartiin fun times as a solo female :))) #vanlife #solofemalevanlife #adventuredog #fyp #travel #pnw
What's her morning routine like?
@abigailmartiin a morning in a van. #vanlife #fyp #travel #camping #vanconversion #solofemaletraveler #adventure #foryou #morningroutine #breakfast #coffee
Abigail shares her greatest realization.
@abigailmartiin here’s your daily existential crisis :) go live yo life #motivational #fyp #vanlife #travel #adventure #inspirational #solofemaletraveler
This article originally appeared on 8.26.21
"You can understand both sides of an issue and still think one is wrong."
Steve Jobs shows off iPhone 4 at the 2010 Worldwide Developers Conference.
There is a big difference in how highly intelligent people communicate versus those with smaller IQs. A Redditor named Occyz wanted to know how people tell the difference by asking them to share the “subtle” signs that someone is very intelligent.
The question was a big hit on the forum, receiving over 3,700 responses.
A big takeaway is people think highly intelligent people are mentally flexible. They are always interested in learning more about a topic, open to changing their minds when they learn new information and acutely aware of what they don’t know.
In fact, according to the psychological principle known as the Dunning-Krueger effect, there is a big confidence chasm between highly intelligent people and those who are not. Low-IQ people often overestimate what they know about topics they need to familiarize themselves with. Conversely, people with high IQs underestimate their knowledge of subjects in which they are well-versed.
Here are 15 “subtle” signs that someone is highly intelligent.
1. They admit their mistakes
"When someone can admit a mistake and they know they don’t know everything."
2. Great problem-solvers
"They're very good at problem-solving. Even if it's something they have no experience with they always approach the problem from the right angle."
3. They appreciate nuance
"'I can hold two opposing ideas in my head at the same time.' Anyone who is willing to do that is intriguing to me. Especially with polarizing issues. They might actually be interesting to talk to."
4. They say 'I don't know'
"I like to call it being smart enough to know how stupid you are."
"100% this. I have a good friend who is a teaching professor at Cambridge. He is acutely aware of how ‘little’ he knows about areas outside his specialization."
5. They have self-doubt
"They struggle with imposter syndrome. Dumb people always think they’re [great]."
"It can happen but I’ve met plenty who don’t really doubt themselves. Instead, they take not knowing or not having any experience as an opportunity, just like people go down interesting internet rabbit holes. Really smart people can view mistakes as opportunities for growth and inexperience as an opportunity to gather new experiences."
The great American poet Charles Bukowski once wrote, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts and the stupid ones are full of confidence,” and according to science, he’s correct.
“Ignorance is associated with exaggerated confidence in one’s abilities, whereas experts are unduly tentative about their performance,” Stephan Lewandowsky Chair of Cognitive Psychology, University of Bristol, writes for the World Economic Forum. “This basic finding has been replicated numerous times in many different circumstances. There is very little doubt about its status as a fundamental aspect of human behavior.”
6. They ask questions
"They are ok with being perceived as 'stupid' by asking questions — if we hold back in fear, we'll never truly learn. Plus, it's a good way to show others it's ok to question things if you don't understand — better off if we're on the same page instead of hoping things work out without being informed."
7. They love a challenge
"They feel challenged rather than threatened by new things, problems, ideas..."
"'I don't know' is the beginning of a puzzle, not the conclusion."
8. They know their audience
"They can adapt their communication style — vocabulary, tone, content, etc — to fit the situation and people they’re talking to, and it seems completely natural."
"It's a bit past code-switching, though code-switching is a part of it. Being able to explain complex thoughts in simpler terms based on audience demonstrates your understanding. If the only people who can understand you are fellow people with the same educational exposure as you, you just have knowledge, not intelligence."
9. They can simplify big ideas
"I consider someone intelligent if they're able to explain something incredibly complicated in simpler and more readily understood terms."
"Fantastic teachers can make learning nearly effortless."
10. They listen to people they disagree with
"Someone who can understand someone’s opposing view without having to agree with it or get angry over it."
11. They're humble
"They don't continually need to tell people how intelligent they are."
"At a certain point, they realize they are smarter at certain things than other people, but they understand the importance of being humble."
12. They take a moment
"They pause to think about a novel question instead of instantly blurting out an answer. Sometimes people think it means they've been 'stumped' and claim victory. No, they're thinking, analyzing, and formulating a reply."
This idea is backed up by science. A study published by IFL Science found that people who score high on intelligence tests answer easy questions quickly. However, they spend more time on questions complex questions than their less intelligent peers. They have the intelligence to wait until their entire brain has grappled with a problem before answering.
"In more challenging tasks, you have to store previous progress in working memory while you explore other solution paths and then integrate these into each other,” said lead author Professor Michael Schirner. “This gathering of evidence for a particular solution may sometimes take longer, but it also leads to better results.”
13. They're well-spoken
"I usually find that creativity, humor, and verbal acuity are good signs of intelligence. I generally see lack of empathy, low openness, and seeing the world in absolutes as signs of low intelligence."
14. Dry sense of humor
"Pulling it off requires an observant, quick wit with a nonchalant delivery that almost downplays its own cleverness. Like it means their immediate passing thoughts are often profound enough to be very funny without any real effort."
15. They are great storytellers
"They craft narratives for themselves and for others that are compelling, that make the world make sense, that invigorate and install a goal, a mission."
This article originally appeared on 7.15.24
"I'm just trying to make people smile... That's all."
An unsuspecting guy at a shopping mall Zales got the surprise of his life back in 2021 while trying to pay off part of his engagement ring.
As the young man talked with the clerk at the jewelry store counter about how much he still owed for his ring and when he'd be able to pay it off, an extraordinarily large hand handed the clerk a credit card. Shaquille O'Neal, the 7' 1'' basketball legend known colloquially as "Shaq," overheard their conversation and decided to take care of the bill himself. No big announcement. No fanfare. He just handed over his credit card, shook the stunned customer's hand and patted him on the back, and that was that.
Someone caught the moment on video and shared it, which prompted Shaq's co-hosts on NBA on TNT to ask him about it the next day.
One of the first questions was, "You went to the mall, and went to Zales?!?" Not exactly where one would expect a person with a $400 million net worth to be hanging out on a Monday, but Shaq pointed out that he has a jewelry line at Zales. He went in to get some hoop earrings. Alrighty.
The young man at the checkout counter was so shy, Shaq said, and when he heard him talking about paying for his engagement ring, Shaq asked him how much it was and offered to pay for it.
At first, the guy refused, but Shaq insisted. And apparently, he does these random acts of generosity all the time.
He said he was recently in a furniture store (seriously, do multi-millionaires not shop online?) and saw a mom with an autistic daughter buying furniture. He just took care of their bill, just because.
"I'm into making people happy," he said. "I didn't mean for that to get out because I don't do it for that...I'm just trying to make people smile, that's all."
Shaq's generosity is well-documented, despite his preference to keep much of it under wraps. In a 2015 interview with Graham Bessinger, he explained how his father's charity—despite their family not having a lot of money—influenced him.
After giving the family's bag of hamburgers to a homeless veteran, his father got into the family car and told him, "If you ever make it big time, make sure you help those in need."
Shaq remembered those words and engages in charity in a range of ways, "because of what a man who made $30,000 a year taught me," he said. "And a woman who was a secretary who probably made $20,000 a year—they taught me that."
His giving comes "from the heart," he said. He's not looking for attention or accolades—he just wants to make people happy.
"I'm doing this because this is what I was taught," he said. "I'm doing it because to walk in there and see a family, put a smile on their face for a day, that's just awesome to me."
Shaq on helping others when no one is lookingwww.youtube.com
"That's my thing. I just want to make you smile," he said.
Shaq once asked a restaurant server how much of a tip she wanted, and when she quipped "$4,000," he gave it to her. When a 12-year-old was paralyzed by a stray bullet in a shooting, Shaq donated a whole house to his family. A fan who saw Shaq in a Best Buy offered condolences to the star for the untimely death of Shaq's friend and former teammate Kobe Bryant, as well as Shaq's sister Ayesha, who had recently passed away from cancer. He was treated to a new laptop—the best one in the store.
Many of us like to daydream about what we'd do if we had more money than we know what to do with. And many of us like to picture ourselves being generous with our wealth, helping out random folks who could use some help.
Charitable giving looks like a lot of different things, from funding organizations to distributing money through a foundation to handing over a bag of burgers to someone who's hungry. It's just delightful to see wealthy people who not only support official charitable organizations with money and time (Shaq serves as a national spokesperson for the Boys & Girls Clubs of America and is a member of the national Board of Directors for Communities in Schools in addition to raising and donating millions of dollars to various causes) but who also just help out random people everywhere they go.
Kudos to Shaq's parents for teaching him so well, and kudos to him for taking their lessons to heart.
This article originally appeared on 4.7.21
Here are 20 of the best responses.
What would you tell your 13-year-old self?
The age of 13 is a turning point in a lot of people’s lives. It’s right before you enter high school and begin to be exposed to a whole new world of temptation in the form of drugs, alcohol, dating, sex, smoking and gangs, to name a few.
When you’re a kid you can make a mistake that doesn’t follow you forever. But once the teen years hit, your decisions can have lifelong repercussions.
Imagine if you could go back in time and tell your 13-year-old self what pitfalls to avoid and which decisions to make? A Reddit user by the name kiwipangolin asked the online forum an intriguing question about how they’d handle such a meeting: “You meet your 13-year-old self, but you can only tell them three words. What do you say and why?”
Three words aren’t much, but they’re easy to remember.
A lot of the people who responded wished they could tell themselves to avoid a lifetime of addiction, mostly cigarettes and drugs. Some wished they would have let loved ones who passed away know how much they cared. While others would have let their past selves know their friends or family members were in danger.
There are a lot of people in the Reddit thread who have some serious regrets. While some of their stories are tragic, they also serve as powerful reminders for the rest of us to watch out for our health, look out for those who may be in trouble and to let our loved ones know how much they matter.
Here are 20 of the best responses to the question: “You meet your 13-year-old self, but you can only tell them 3 words. What do you say and why?”
"Don’t fucking smoke." — whateverathrowaway00
"Love dad more." — RealLifeHaxor
"Yes Kimmy California. My sister wanted to move to California near where I was living. My life was really complicated at the time and I really discouraged it. My marriage was a mess and I was afraid it would make it worse. She stayed where she was. About a year later she was killed by a drunk driver. My marriage ended. I would do literally anything to still have my sister here." — purplecrazypants
"Stay off ATVs. Rolled a 4-wheeler when I was 16. Left leg has never been the same." — Cloudkicker91
A healthcare worker chimed in with more information.
"I work in a pediatric operating room in an area where ATVs are popular. Anytime the weather is nice and the kids are out of school, the number of add-on surgeries we have for atv injuries is mind-boggling. 4 year old, shattered femur, ATV rollover. 8-year-old, broken left arm, ATV roll over. 13 year old, ATV ejection, emergency crani. Shattered pelvis, degloving of the leg, brain bleeds, punctured lungs... On and on and on. So much agony. So many kids. It's easily the number one cause of emergent surgery we do.
In my book, putting a kid on an atv is about the same as giving an infant a loaded gun for a pacifier." — YamGroundbreaking953
"Keep making music." — douglas_yancie
"Stop copying others." — Kyndron
"Evie needs help. Maybe then I’ll still have my big sister." — Space GeneralAmerica
"Drugs ruined you." — GizmoTheLion
"Brush your teeth." — mynameisusama
"You are autistic. That’s my three words. That would’ve solved so many god damn problems, knowing who I am." — kelcamer
"Go to therapy." — cornygiraffe
"Stay in school." — Julie-Andrews
"Don't trade Charizard." — facepwnage
"No student loans." — TravelingGleeman87
"Wear a condom." — NicksterPro
"Treat her better." — VinFamous
"Never start gambling." — elegantBullfrog2417
"Exercise, socialize, study." — LesbianStan
"Happiness isn’t linear. Everyone needs to know this at any stage of life but I wish I was told that back at 13, so I would know earlier that life is full of ups and downs, the downs will go back up, tho the ups don’t always last long." — Evangelion-02
"You'll be ok." — Pretenderrender
This article originally appeared on 4.28.22
