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Capital One Impact Initiative

This LGBTQ health center is changing lives

This LGBTQ health center is changing lives
Callen-Lorde
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As a transgender woman, Wanda Batista has long known the pain of receiving inadequate and non-affirming medical care. "Every doctor I went to would freak out," Batista says. "They didn't know what to do with me." Sometimes, she says, doctors would quickly transfer her case to another medical provider — but her new doctor would have no more knowledge or experience working with transgender clients than the last. And so the cycle continued. Batista would ask for help and be met with question marks. She'd have to buy her hormone treatments on the black market, putting her life in danger. "You wouldn't even know what you were getting back then," she says.

Batista's experience is infuriating, but sadly by no means unique. Recent research shows that the biggest barrier transgender people face when receiving healthcare is the lack of providers who understand the unique needs this population faces. This, along with other barriers including discrimination and income inequality, makes it harder for transgender people to access quality care. It's important that all members of the LGBTQ+ community receive quality, compassionate care from providers who affirm and understand their patients' experiences.

Batista found that care at Callen-Lorde Community Health Center, a federally-qualified health center (FQHC) in New York City. Such centers are "safety nets to provide primary medical care in medically underserved areas or to medically underserved communities," explains Callen-Lorde's Executive Director, Wendy Stark. Though there are 1,000 such centers across America, Callen-Lorde is unique in that it specializes in providing clinically and culturally competent care to LGBTQ+ communities who are not bound by a geographic area, Stark says. People travel from all five of New York City's boroughs and even from other states to utilize Callen-Lorde's culturally competent services. And they get the best possible healthcare regardless of insurance status or ability to pay.

"There's still a lack of knowledge and understanding of LGBTQ+ health issues – particularly around trans health – in the medical community," Stark says. "LGBTQ+ health is not required in medical school, and there is often very little, if any, training. In many cases, it's the patient educating the provider on their health needs, whether it be hormones, or interventions like PrEP. We do our part by providing hundreds of competency and sensitivity trainings at other healthcare facilities and to clinicians-in-training, but it barely scratches the surface when you look at the country as a whole."

Photo courtesy Wanda Batista

Callen-Lorde's mission isn't just to offer medical care. "The staff at the center also work to build trust with patients who have been discriminated against or experienced stigma or trauma, especially in medical settings," Stark says. One of the biggest challenges the center faces is working with LGBTQ+ youth who have been ostracized from their families of origin and have deep mistrust of institutions, medical and otherwise. "But on the other side of that coin," Stark says, "is that Callen-Lorde builds lasting trust and community while empowering patients to invest in their health and wellness."

For Wanda Batista, the center provided more than just compassionate and empowering care. It offered her the hope and tools she needed to envision and create a new way of life for herself. During her first visit, Batista says, a doctor told her that she could be connected to a transgender provider who understood what she was going through — that she could receive services without fear of being judged or misgendered.

"It was like a breath of fresh air," Batista says. "You dealt with people that had encountered your situation. They knew about everything that you had gone through. They knew where to lead you, and if they didn't, they'd find it for you."

Callen-Lorde, Batista says, became a safe haven for her. Before, she had felt like she was all alone. "Before, I really didn't have anywhere to go, except go to a clinic, get tested. That's about all I knew," Batista says. "I didn't know I needed a liver test. Or that I needed to check my blood work. That I needed to make sure that all these hormones I'm taking are actually beneficial to me and for my body."

Today, Batista is at a point in her life that she couldn't have imagined years ago. Not only is she a successful businesswoman, but she is vice chair on the community board at Callen-Lorde. And she works to spread awareness of the center's services every day. "I let people know that we're here to help you in any shape, way or form," Batista says. "There's not a question Callen-Lorde won't find an answer to."

Batista's trajectory is emblematic of the work that Callen-Lorde does. Carl Gaines also came to Callen-Lorde as a client around 2002. He had only recently moved to New York City after being diagnosed with HIV. Like many young people who move to the city, he knew he needed healthcare as soon as possible, but he hadn't lined up a job and didn't have insurance. And he couldn't focus on other areas of his life — relationships, friendships, employment — until he knew that his health was in good hands.

Gaines knew he was in the right place the moment he walked through the door. He could tell this was a place where he'd be accepted and where staff would go above and beyond to ensure he had all the tools he needed to keep his health in top shape. "To sit in the waiting room and see the wide spectrum of other clients, that definitely helped instill a sense of community and belonging," he says. "That was really important to me, particularly in the beginning."

Today, Gaines still visits Callen-Lorde for his medical care. He also sits on the center's board of directors. As part of the communications team at Capital One, Gaines is also a driving force behind the partnership between the financial institution and the health center.

"Capital One believes in bringing your whole self to work," Gaines says, "so part of the reason that I feel comfortable talking about my experiences at Callen-Lorde is because I know that I'll be supported within my work community. We also believe in supporting our community, and access to healthcare is a key component of any thriving community."

Capital One has made donations and contributions to Callen-Lorde in honor of Pride Month and in support of the health center's important work. Capital One promotes the center's life-saving work through volunteer activities that give employees the opportunity to learn more about that work firsthand. They sponsored events like Callen-Lorde's Rainbow Run, a virtual 5k this past May that encouraged associates to get out and exercise for a good cause.

For the seventeenth consecutive year, Capital One has received a perfect score on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation's Corporate Equality Index (CEI), designating them as one of the Best Places to Work for LGBTQ+ Equality. Their "Out Front" Business Resource Group enables associates to show up for the LGTBTQ+ community in meaningful ways like through volunteer events and educational opportunities, supporting LGBTQ+ owned business and nonprofits that serve the community.

"So many patients tell us 'I don't know where I'd be without you,'" Wendy Stark, Callen-Lorde's Executive Director, says. "We need to be there for them, and people like them who have nowhere else to turn. We made a commitment to our communities to be there when they need us, where they need us."

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Couple in their 30s live permanently on cruise ships for a little over $10K a year

“I’m not a millionaire ... I just live full-time on cruise ships.”

via Matthew Barra/Pexels

A magnificent cruise ship on the ocean.

Giving it all up and retiring to live on a cruise ship at 32 seems like a lifestyle choice only available to the ultra-wealthy. However, two financially savvy retired school teachers from Tennessee have managed to do just that, spending under $10,000 for the first eight months at sea.

Monica Brzoska, 32, and Jorrell Conley, 36, met in 2015 while teaching in Memphis, Tennessee. The following year, they booked a week-long cruise to Mexico, Belize, and Grand Cayman. After that, they were hooked on cruising together.

Eight years later, in March 2023, they booked a week-long Caribbean cruise. When it was over, instead of returning home to Memphis, they had a wild idea: Why not continue to book consecutive cruises? So, they did just that.

Monica was inspired to start living the life she always wanted after her father fell ill and her mother told her: "Don't wait for retirement. Follow your dreams."



The couple crunched the numbers and found that if they chose the cheapest cabins and used the deals they’ve received from Carnival Cruises, they could book the first 8 months for just under $10,000. “It sounds mad, but the numbers made sense. Accommodation, food and entertainment would be included – we’d only need spending money,” Brzoska told The Sun. “And because we’d been on so many Carnival cruises, we’d earned access to some amazing offers.”

Hopping from ship to ship isn’t difficult for the couple because many disembark from the same ports. But they sometimes have to fly when they can’t walk to the next ocean liner.

The couple then quit their jobs, sold their possessions, and started a new life on the high seas. They rent out their 3-bedroom home in Memphis to maintain steady cash flow. The average 3-bedroom home in the area rents somewhere between $1200 to $1900 a month.



Over the first year of their new life, the couple completed 36 consecutive cruises. They have already visited countless destinations across the globe, but they can’t choose a favorite. "For a cultural experience, we loved Japan," Brzoska told a Carnival Cruise director on Instagram. The couple also loved Greece for its “history” and Iceland because it was the "closest to being on Mars."

One of the most incredible benefits of loving on a cruise ship is that so many things are taken care of for you. The couple never has to cook any meals, do any laundry or drive. Every night, there is something to do, whether it’s checking out a comedy show or enjoying drinks and dancing in the nightclub.



Plus, on cruises, just about all the costs are covered, so you rarely have to open your wallet. It’s a stress-free, all-inclusive lifestyle. Brzoska says that when you remove the everyday stresses from life, it’s great for your marriage. “Without the daily stresses of life, we rarely argued, but always told each other if we needed space or more time together,” she said.

The couple also makes sure to have one date night a week, during which they dress up and have a nice meal together.

Most people may be unable to give it all up and live their lives hopping from ocean liner to ocean liner. But there’s a great lesson in the story of Brzoska and Conley: You never know how much time you have left, so don’t wait for retirement to live the life of your dreams.

Upworthy has reached out to Brzoska for comment and is still awaiting a response.



This article originally appeared in August.

Would you remarry if your spouse died? Widows explain why they've chosen to remain single.

There are some interesting differences between men's and women's answers.

Photo credit: Canva

Most people who lose a spouse don't remarry.

Most of us don't want to imagine our spouse dying, but since couples rarely die at the same time, it's a reality many of us will eventually face. It's hard to know how we would feel about remarrying if that were to happen—some people who swear they would never remarry end up hating being alone after being widowed, and some people who are open to the idea end up being perfectly content to stay single.

Statistically, most people actually don't remarry after being widowed. A study published in The Journals of Gerontology found that "most repartnering after widowhood occurs within ten years of this event or not at all. Ten years after widowhood, about 7% of widows and 29% of widowers have formed a new union." Widows and widowers who have actually faced the reality of losing a spouse and decided not to remarry are sharing their reasoning, and it's a fascinating glimpse into how differently people view independence and relationships. It's also interesting to see some how men and women might view remarrying differently.

Here are four big reasons widowed people on Reddit's /AskOldPeople said they've chosen to stay single.

Not wanting to be a caretaker

Some people who have lost partners went through intense caretaking due to illness and don't want to go through that again. But some—particularly women—had a marriage that involved taking care of someone else for decades and they simply don't want to do that anymore.

"My grandmother lost her husband in 1983 and never even dated again until she died in 2016. I asked her about it once, and she said, 'Why would I want to take care of an old man? Are you trying to kill me?'"

"That's what my grandma told me when I asked her. She said that the old guys just want someone to take care of them, cook, do laundry, clean the house, do their bidding. She was not up for that--she was very independent."

"My grandmother said the same thing. Grandpa died in 1992 she lived till 2018. Went on trips with friends, had an active social life but never dated again because in her words 'I took care of 1 man for 47 years why would I sign up to take care of another.'"

"I have heard the phrase 'looking for a nurse and a purse' in regard to many older gents and why they want to re-marry. Likely not all older fellows but certainly some."

"As soon as my mother died my father went into full wife search mode. He was definitely looking for a nurse. Mom had been his caretaker so we needed to bring in caretakers after she died, he fell in love with almost all of them and would have married anyone that would have had him. His caretakers were primarily widows and they all were very adamant that they had zero interest in remarrying. I first heard the term 'nurse and a purse' from one of them."

Not wanting to dip in the dating pool

Young people often feel like the dating scene is rough, but it's often worse for people in their later years. Many people in that dating pool are divorced, and some of them for good reason.

"Have you seen the dating pool? Someone took a big ol pooo in it."

"This, exactly. I’m not opposed to having another partner, just haven’t found one that is worth having. In addition, the pool gets smaller as I get older. Not going to accept anything less than an actual partner."

"Have you looked at the dating scene lately?? It’s a virtual cesspool!"

"Dating seems horrifying. Having to tell someone my whole story and learn theirs seems exhausting. I'm okay on my own."

Not wanting a sexual relationship

People's desire for sex exists on a huge spectrum, and some people simply don't want the sexual expectations of a committed relationship.

"Years ago, I asked my divorced mom if she ever wanted to date again. Her response: I don't want somebody trying to have sex with me. I let it go there."

"I’m 62, divorced, and I’m of the same mind. On the one hand, I know life would be easier with a partner and two incomes, etc. but the truth is I just don’t want to be bothered with sex anymore. I have no interest whatsoever."

"I honestly can’t see myself pursuing a sexual relationship and certainly don’t need a purse or a nurse. I will someday fall into a situation where someone enters my life who may like to share my company and just enjoy good conversation. Then again I may find a way to be alone without being lonely. Time will tell."

"I got a big dog who sleeps on the bed with me. Doesn't pressure me for sex. All is good! 😂"

Enjoying the freedom of living alone

While living alone can be lonely for some, it's a whole new world of choices and freedom for others.

"So, I loved my late husband, but living with him was a constant compromise. Every decision, every choice, also had to take his needs and preferences into account. After 35 years, I didn’t even know what my own favorite color was anymore. I am busy creating the life and the household I want now, and have no desire to bend or adjust to fit somebody else’s tastes or needs.

I can watch what I like on tv.
I can set the thermostat to whatever temperature I want.
I can cook with butter. Or not cook at all.
I don’t have to ask what anyone else thinks.

I’m enjoying my self discovery."

"A friend of mine, a widow for about a decade, told me recently that she prefers the freedom of being single. Her schedule is her own. Wakes up, goes to bed, eats and travels when she wants. When her husband was alive, their marriage wasn't good so she isn't interested in taking a risk on someone again."

"My sister’s husband died unexpectedly and suddenly after 34 years of marriage. He was her first and only love. She has been approached numerous times by men, but she isn’t interested. She says 'I already had love, I don’t need it again. Besides, I like living alone with no one to tell me where or when I have to do anything.'”

"My mom died at 41, dad was 43. He never remarried. He passed last year at 76. He said he did not want to remarry (he never said never) because compromise was so hard. He said he loved my mom, and he compromised for her, but he didn’t want to compromise for anyone else. As a teenager when he told me that, I couldn’t comprehend what he meant. As an adult, I completely understand."

Undying love and knowing no one will live up to it

Finally, some don't remarry for the simple fact that they loved their spouse so much they have no desire to ever be with someone else. One perfect love was enough for one lifetime.

"I lost my husband coming up on 2 years ago suddenly and honestly have no plans of remarrying. I'm in the process of building a new life with my new normal and I don't see someone else in that new life. Once you have your soulmate, nothing else has any interest."

"My husband died 2.5 years ago. He's the only guy who ever asked me out ( I was 25). We were married 45 years. He's my first last and always. I count myself lucky. There's no place in my life for anyone else."

"I've told people that I barely survived losing my husband. I suppose I might be able to survive that kind of loss again, but I don't want to have to try. And, I'm not interested in making room in my life for anyone who wouldn't leave that kind of hole."

"Never again. My husband was absolutely perfect for me and I would constantly compare any other men to him - and that’s not fair to anyone or to my late husband’s memory. No one could hold a candle to him.

I don’t wear my wedding band anymore, but I do wear a band. It has two hearts and the words 'Forever Love' on it."

"I will always be married to my late wife."

"I already had the best."

Awww.

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Joy

Doorbell camera catches a UPS driver in a moment of contagious joy over a simple snack

Her adorable orangutan walk says it all.

@kenistoc/Reddit

Her delight at finding a snack she liked has people in stitches.

In the age of Amazon and other online retailers, delivery drivers have become an integral part of our lives. But most of us rarely interact with the people who drop packages at our door via UPS or FedEx or USPS, and if we do, it's usually only for a few seconds. We might manage a friendly "Good afternoon!" or quick "Thanks a bunch!" as they hustle to and from their vehicle, always rushing to fulfil their quota as efficiently as possible.

Delivery folks work hard. They're on their feet much of the day, traipsing up hundreds of front walks a week, through all kinds of inclement weather. Yes, it's their job and they're paid to do it, but it's always nice to have your work seen and appreciated, which is one reason a video of UPS driver discovering a sweet treat on a customer's front porch is going viral.

Another reason is that it's just hilariously adorable.

A doorbell camera caught a UPS driver wearing a holiday bauble headband walking up to the door and dropping off a package as she talks to herself. After she takes a photo of the delivery, she sees that the customer had left a little tray of drinks and snacks, and her "Oooh, do I see honey bunny?" is a sign of the hilarity to come.

Watch her reaction and the way she joyfully make her way back to the truck.

Unsurprisingly, people are in love with the driver and her giddy goofiness.

"I literally laughed out loud at her crazy walk back to the truck. I need more people like her in my life."

"I have a friend like that, he just makes my day every time we see each other. 😂"

"That is way adorable! Simple act that makes the day of a random person <3."

"I don’t know anything else about her but she’s my new fave human."

"OMG she reminds me of our mail carrier so much. We leave her cookies at Christmas and she always does a little happy dance that day."

Delivery drivers and former delivery drivers shared that these kinds of gestures really do mean a lot.

"As a former delivery driver, i want you to know that if you leave snacks and drinks out for us, we love you to the moon and back. 💜"

"Driving for Amazon paid my rent for 10 months. Not exaggerating when I say that it was a dark time in my life. Snacks made me smile. every. single. time."

"I mean... I literally took something from every house that had stuff out. I worked 10-12hrs+ during the holidays... I needed every calorie I could get walking 20-30miles a day."

"Even when I didn't take them I appreciate them. it's like seeing a sign that says we love delivery drivers."

"I'll tell you what, the people who leave food got me through my holidays as a postal carrier. Nothing slaps harder than an ice cold redbull and bag of pretzels and ice cold bottle of water that was left in a cooler. I had a lady who asked me what I liked and then had sperate bags labeled "Mail carrier USPS" and "UPS GUY" and "FED EX GUY" with our preferred snacks. She asked me what my favorite ice cream was and she knew my mile long loop and knew when I parked, I'd be done in 15mins, so, she'd be waiting at the truck every day all summer with an ice cream and a napkin.

There are some people who just f---ing make the day feel worth it, if you are one of these people, you are what makes delivering mail worth it. We do notice the nice things you do for us, THANK YOU."

"I do this during the summer. I'm in Texas so it's routinely over 100°F. I'm always trying to make sure there are cold drinks for our postal workers and delivery people."

"I do it during Australian Christmas. 40c/100f plus on a December day. Coke water and Gatorade always gone by lunch."

It's a good reminder that it doesn't take a lot to show appreciation and make someone's day. These kinds of positive interactions, even when asynchronous and not directly face-to-face, are an important part of building the kind of world we all want to live in.

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Science

Middle-schooler accidentally finds groundbreaking new anti-cancer compound in goose poop

Whoops! Now she's a published scientist.

Photo by Gary Bendig on Unsplash

Antibiotics are amazing, and one of our best tools for fighting infections and disease. They're literal lifesavers. Unfortunately, more and more bacteria have developed drug-resistance, which means scientists continue to relentlessly hunt for new antibiotics that might show promise for human applications.

Camarria Williams, a middle-schooler from Chicago, thought she was taking part in a program to help researchers identify new antibiotics — and she was. But she may have incidentally stumbled upon a much, much larger discovery.

Through a partnership between the University of Illinois at Chicago and the Boys and Girls Club, middle-school kids went out into their community to collect environmental samples. They grabbed everything from water, insects, flowers, and even bits of debris. The samples were brought to a team of researchers and grad students who helped the kids analyze their samples for potential antibiotic activity. The goal was to, quite literally, grow potential new antibiotics from natural samples.

Camarria took a... let's call it, unique approach. She chose to bring in a sample of goose poop found near a pond in Chicago's Garfield Park.


two gray-white-and-green geese on body of water at daytime Photo by Josiah Weiss on Unsplash

Not only did Camarri's stinky sample show antibiotic activity, it also produced an interesting byproduct (and no, not gas). A compound the researchers had never seen before was identified — a huge discovery!

Researchers showed in a lab setting that the new compound found in the goose feces was able to inhibit growth of human cancer cells.

The compound (named orfamide N.) was immediately put to the test, as the researchers knew other, similar compounds (orfamides) had been shown to have cytotoxic effects. Orfamides are used in things like insecticides, antifungals, and more.

Orfamie N. proved capable of slowing growth in human melanoma and ovarian cancer cells, in the laboratory setting.

The findings — a novel compound AND a promising cancer treatment — were substantial enough to be published in the journal ACS Omega. Williams, a kid, was even listed as one of the study's co-authors. What an achievement.

One minute, she's doing a science experiment with the Boys and Girls Club, the next, she's a published researcher!

Obviously, this is far from a "cure" for cancer. Much, much, much more research is needed. But orfamide N. is definitely promising and exciting.


a yellow substance with red dots in it Photo by CDC on Unsplash

The fight against cancer requires brutally slow progress over many years, but we are making strides. An experimental new drug recently cured a 13-year-old boy of brain cancer, which was a miraculous milestone. Scientists are looking in all kinds of interesting places to find promising treatments — they've tried bubbles that attack tumors, shark and cow cartilage, urine therapy...

... and now, goose poop can be added to the list.

Camarria's fascinating story may not go on to cure cancer, but it is evidence of a radical new approach to scientific research. Community-based outreach, getting regular people involved — and young people, in particular — is already yielding huge dividends.

If we want to find new antibiotics (which are extremely rare, and most of which won't ever make it to human trials), new cancer treatments, and other new lifesaving discoveries, who better to put on the case than kids? They're curious, resilient, and always manage to think up unique ideas that adults could never dream of.

Goose poop? Really? Only a middle-schooler would think of that, and thank goodness she did.

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Mom's accidental NSFW holiday photo in family chat becomes hilarious PSA for 'Live Photos'

In case you didn't know: iPhone's Live Photos feature captures audio. Just sayin'.

Photo credit: Canva

So glad it didn't happen to us.

One mom’s accidental photo faux pas is giving her family—and everyone on the internet—a hearty holiday chuckle. Not to mention it’s teaching folks about a lesser known iPhone feature.

Kimberly Barber, a mom in South Carolina, had meant to send her family a perfectly innocent photo of the impressive Christmas display of twinkling lights, lush garland and even a picture of a majestic white reindeer on the mantle in her home.

What Barber didn’t realize, however, was that when she took the photo, her camera was set to take a Live Photo, which happens to record sound. And, well, mom had been listening to a romance novel at the time.

In a totally incriminating TikTok posted by Barber’s daughter, Taylor McGuigan, we get the hilarious juxtaposition of a lovely, wholesome visual and a voice talking about, ahem, “bulges.”


@ogmommom When your mom takes a live photo while also listening to her smut book… and then sends it in the family chat 🤣🤣🤣 #funny #funnyvideos #momfail #darkromance #spicybooks #booktok #familymessagefail #bookish #humortiktok #humoroftiktok #toofunny #fyp #viral ♬ Oh No - Kreepa

Needless to say, the family had a field day. But the award for best response goes to Dad, who wrote, “Sorry girls! Your mom’s phone was reading her mind and I had just walked by! Love Daddy.” Wow wow wowwww.

“This is amazing aahahah! Your father’s response was icing on the cake,” one person said.

@ogmommom/TikTok

Judging by the flurry of astonished comments, Barber wasn’t the only one to not know that iPhone’s Live Photo captures a few seconds of sound along with movement.

"I DIDN’T REALIZE LIVE PICTURES HAVE SOUND.”

"Who else just discovered those Live Photos have sound? I’m so terrified about all the pictures I’ve ever sent."

"I was today years old when I learned that Live Photos had audio."

In an interview with Today, McGuigan shared that it was her husband Mark who first noticed the gaffe. When he played it for Taylor, they “literally hit the floor laughing,” and knew they could never let mom live this down.

They also noted that mom’s naughty read was from K.A. Tucker’s “Break Me,” the second romance novel of her spicy, bestselling “Wolf Hotel” series, which follows the forbidden romance between an innocent (yet sexy, obviously) farm girl and a lumberjack who just so happens to also be the billionaire (so sexy plus rich, what’s not to like?). Steaminess ensues.

Listen, Barber might have been caught redhanded, but she is certainly not alone in her extracurricular reading preferences. Romance novel sales have been on a steady rise, particularly titles in the newly birthed romantasy subgenre, which, as the name suggests, blends romance with fantasy. Think enemies to lovers storylines set in mystical realms with scantily clad fae folk or brutishly attractive werewolves, etc.

And of course, there’s no shame in smut. Research has shown that consuming sexually explicit content helps people feel more sexually confident with themselves and their bodies, which is a good thing. As long as it doesn’t blur the line between realistic expectations and pure fantasy too much. Clearly, what we really need to be wary of here is Live Photos—which, if we’re honest, is kind of a lame feature.

Anyway, for this unexpected PSA, we thank you, Barber. You might never be able to live this down with your own family, but we thank you for your service.

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